Never Gone (A Novella)

by J. M. Walker

  “Well…Atlas was a good guy when we were kids but who knows what the hell he’s done all this time. And why now? Why not before? Why did it take him so damn long to make his move?” Tawny raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. “Marley.”

  “I don’t know. I really don’t know but I’ve been single for so long, it wouldn’t hurt to date him and go from there.” Would it? I almost felt like I was making a deal with the devil himself. Atlas broke my heart. I was terrified he would break it again but that this time, I wouldn’t be able to recover from it. Hell, I hadn’t recovered from the first time he ripped it out of my chest.

  “I’m your best friend,” Tawny continued. “And I know you better than anyone. I know you’re not just jumping into this headfirst, but I will caution you to be careful.”

  “I know.” I let out a hard sigh. “His grandfather’s funeral is on Saturday. I have a couple of days to think about this.” Even though I knew that it wouldn’t help. A year could go by and it still wouldn’t help. At all.

  “Alright.” Tawny crossed her arms under her chest. “Did you need me to meet up with him and kick his ass? You don’t have any brothers. I could do it for you.”

  I laughed, rising from the couch and closed the distance between us. “No, I think I can kick his ass without your help. Although, I’m sure he’s doing enough of that on his own.”

  Tawny cupped my shoulders. “Are you sure? I don’t mind.”

  “I’m sure.” I pulled her in for a hug. “Thank you.”

  “I love you girl but if he hurts you again, I will ignore you and scatter his bones across this earth. And then I’ll kill him.”

  “Somehow I don’t think you’re kidding,” I murmured.

  “Nope.” She squeezed me. “I’m not.”

  We spent the rest of the day talking about everything else but Atlas and what he wanted. Even though Tawny had tried distracting me as best she could, it didn’t help, and my thoughts were still all over the place. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t go back to the city with him.

  Shefford was my home and no matter how much Atlas tried fighting it, it was his home as well.

  Either way, this sucked. This sucked a whole fucking lot.

  ***

  (Atlas)

  “Atlas.”

  I looked up from the tumbler I had raised to my lips and found my father coming toward me. “Dad.”

  He nodded once, pulled me in for an awkward one-armed hug and stepped away from me as quickly as he could without making it inappropriate. There had been a rift between us ever since he took me from Shefford. But Marley had been right. I did want out of this town. It still didn’t mean that I didn’t put some of the blame on my father as well.

  “It’s been awhile.” He pulled me into another hug, the embrace lingering a little longer than deemed necessary. Truth was, we hadn’t talked in years. Not like a father and son should anyway. Once I became old enough, we had gone our separate ways and I had made a name for myself all on my own.

  “It has. How’s mom? She decide to join you or did she stay home this time?” She never did like my grandparents. She had stayed home when my grandmother died, making up some excuse that she wasn’t feeling well.

  “She’s here.” Dad looked around the room that held people I no longer knew. “She was helping Mrs. Tate in the kitchen. It’s…”

  “What?” I took another sip of my drink when I realized the glass was empty. I frowned. Shame.

  “It’s weird being back,” he confessed.

  “It is.” But it was also a good thing just the same now that I had spent the night with Marley a couple days ago.

  “Have you seen Marley?” Dad asked, checking the Rolex on his wrist. “Her parents stopped by earlier to give their best.”

  “I’ve seen her around,” was all I told him. He never did like her. But my mom did. And I was closer with her so really, her opinion was the only one I cared about. In the beginning that is.

  “I heard she’s single.”

  I looked at him then. “I never pegged you for a gossip, father.”

  He shrugged. “I know you two were together for a while.”

  “When we were kids.” It wasn’t his business that I wanted to pick things up again with her. And it also wasn’t his business that I actually wanted to move with Marley to wherever she wanted. I just never told her that.

  Before he could add anymore to the conversation, I excused myself and left the house. We were burying my grandfather tomorrow and, as sad as it was, I just wanted to get it done and over with. I wanted to move on. This town had always been a shadow looming over me because I knew what I had left behind. I should have begged for Marley to come with me but then the rational side of me knew that I couldn’t. Her parents would never have let their sixteen-year-old daughter run off with her boyfriend. It didn’t make sense. But it didn’t mean that I wished I never tried.

  My name was called, words of sympathy were said but I couldn’t tell you who was talking to me. Friends. Family. Acquaintances. People I didn’t bother to keep in touch with over the years.

  Moving off to the side of the house, I looked out into the large yard that went off into a field. The graveyard was behind the old home. My grandparents were adamant that they be buried near the home they spent their whole marriage in. It was sweet in a way, although also morbid as well if you really thought about it.

  “Atlas?”

  My body buzzed.

  Marley slowly walked toward me. A small red purse was in her hand but other than that, she was dressed completely in black. The form fitting dress hugged her curves that I could spend hours sinking my teeth into. If it wasn’t frowned upon, I would do just that.

  “How are you doing?” she asked gently, stopping in front of me.

  “I’m not sure.” I shoved my hands in my pockets and leaned against the side of the house. “I hate funerals. Not that anyone likes them really but this…it’s just…”

  “Weird?” she offered, giving me a small smile.

  “Yeah.” I looked toward the field, wondering what my grandfather would say if he were still alive. He would probably give my dad shit for only showing up because he had died.

  “Well…” Marley placed her hand on my chest, closing the gap between us. “If you need anything, I’m here.”

  I looked back down at her, meeting her dark eyes. Eyes that had held so much lust for me only a couple nights ago. Eyes that also held so much pain from when I broke her heart when we were kids but warmed every time they saw me.

  “I need you,” I told her.

  She sighed, stepping away from me.

  “No.” I grabbed her upper arm, pulling her back against me. “I mean it. I’m not proposing, Marley. I just want you. Hell, if it has to be a long-distance relationship, I’ll do it. But I’m not leaving this town until you tell me yes.”

  She frowned. “You’re serious. Aren’t you?”

  “I don’t joke about this shit.” I released her, running a hand through my hair. “Listen, I care about you. Fuck it…I’m in love with you.”

  Her breath caught, her eyes widening at my admission.

  “I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. What I feel for you…” I pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I love you, Marley.”

  “Atlas.” She hesitated. “I…this…I can’t move just to date you.”

  “I’ll move back here,” I blurted.

  “What?” Marley pushed away from me. “You can’t do that. You have a career you have to stay in the city for.”

  “I don’t care about that.” I reached for her hand, bringing it up to my mouth and kissed her knuckles. “I will, Marley. I’ll do it. I’ll move for you.”

  “That’s the thing, Atlas.” She pulled from my grip and cupped my cheek. “I don’t want you to move for me. Because if you did that, you’d end up resenting me. And I’d rather not be with you then to end up having you hate me.” She kissed me softly on the lips. “Thank you for everyt
hing.” She kissed me one last time before turning and walking up the side of the house and disappearing into the crowd of people.

  I headed in the direction that she went. I would win her over. I would stay in this god forsaken town until that happened. But she was right. I couldn’t stay just for her. As much as I wanted to be with her, my life was no longer in Shefford.

  I didn’t know how or what to do but I refused to leave without her. No matter what it took and how long, Marley would be mine.

  For good.

  Marley

  He loved me. He actually loved me. I had been waiting years to hear him tell me those three little words. Three words that were small but held such an impact, I almost confessed my feelings for him at the same time but something stopped me.

  As soon as I pulled into the driveway of my tiny two-bedroom home, I killed the engine and slipped from the vehicle. Before I could get into the house, my phone rang.

  “Hello?” I answered, placing the phone between my ear and shoulder.

  “Did you talk to him?”

  I sighed; thankful it was Tawny calling. I was so out of sorts that I never even checked the display before answering.

  “I tried to, but it was awkward,” I grumbled, kicking the door closed and threw my bag on the kitchen table.

  “Awkward,” Tawny repeated. “How?”

  “I don’t know, Tawn. I have no idea what’s going on.” I slipped off my flats and placed the phone on the table before pressing speaker on the small screen. “He told me he loved me.”

  “He didn’t.” Tawny whistled. “Girl, this is insane.”

  I scoffed. “Tell me about it.” I went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge before pulling a glass down from the cupboard. “He also told me to move to the city with him. And then he proceeded to retract that and say that he would move here for me.” I grabbed my phone and moved to the couch before slumping onto the soft cushion. “But I don’t want that.” I took her off speaker and brought the phone to my ear. “I just want to be happy.”

  “I know,” she said gently. “Trust me, I know. Do you think he’s sincere?”

  “I…” Suddenly the front door opened with a bang. I let out a sharp scream, jumping to my feet.

  “Marley? What was that?” Tawny yelled from the phone.

  Atlas stood at the doorway, his hair unkempt and his suit disheveled. My blood burned through me at seeing him in my home.

  “It’s Atlas,” I murmured into the phone, not taking my eyes away from him. “I have to go.”

  “Geeze, go fuck and get it out of your system. You two are a mess and I’m not at all jealous.”

  I laughed. “Bye, Tawn.”

  “Love you girl. Byyyyyyye.”

  I hung up, placing the phone on the coffee table. “What are you doing here?”

  “I was going to wait.” He took a step toward me. “I was going to give you space like I know you need.” He unbuttoned his suit jacket, pulled it off his broad shoulders and placed it on the back of a dining room chair. He turned to me and started rolling up the sleeves to his black dress shirt.

  I swallowed hard, the veins in his thick forearms, twitching with each movement.

  The air crackled and fizzled between us. The chemistry we had felt as kids was nothing like it was now. It was more. It was intense. And it was damn near mind blowing just the same.

  “I can’t move to the city with you, Atlas. My life is here. And your life is there.” I backed up until I hit the wall behind me.

  He closed the distance between us, leaning his hands against the wall on either side of my head. He caged me in, his hot breath fanning over my head. “I’m not leaving here without you. And I know you said that I would end up resenting you but that won’t happen. You are more important than some job. I haven’t been happy in years, Marley. I’ve lived life through a fog. It’s like I’ve been looking through someone else’s eyes because it’s not where I want to be. I want to get married. Have kids. I want to be happy.”

  My heart stuttered that he had used the same words I just said to Tawny. “I don’t know what you’re telling me.”

  He gave me a small smile. Reaching out, he ran his finger down the length of my jaw before cupping my nape. “I love you, Marley. I should have told how I felt when we were kids, but I know I loved you then and I mean it even more now. I want you. I want to grow old with you. I want to spend the rest of my life making up for the seven years that we’ve lost. I want to give you the world. We can have a room just for your candles.”

  I laughed lightly.

  “I know you’re not happy either, but you don’t know how or what to do to find that happiness that you deserve. Let me help you find it. Let me be that man for you.”

  My breath caught, the back of my eyes pricking with unshed tears. “I won’t let you break my heart again.”

  “I don’t plan on breaking your heart, baby,” he said, his voice low. He closed the final space between us, pushing his pelvis into my mine and wrapping his arms around me. He leaned down, brushing his face into the crook of my neck and held me as tight as he could without hurting me.

  My arms reached up of their own accord, wrapping around his broad shoulders and tugged him against me. Any closer and he would be inside me. But I found I wanted him there. Always and forever. He was mine. He was finally mine. He said it. I thought it. No, I had hoped for it.

  Reaching up, I pushed my fingers through his hair and tilted my head back.

  He gave me a small smile, looking down at me through hooded eyes.

  “Can we do this?” I murmured, my heart pounding in my ears. “Can we be together even though we live worlds apart?”

  “We’re not that far apart, baby.” He kissed my forehead and then my nose before placing an even harder one on my mouth.

  When he went to pull away, I tugged him closer. Slipping my tongue into his mouth, I controlled the kiss for just a moment when a deep growl rumbled from somewhere deep inside his chest.

  Atlas ran a hand down my back, cupped my ass and lifted me in his arms.

  I wrapped my legs around his waist, broke the kiss and leaned back against the wall. “Tell me again.”

  “I love you,” he said, his voice rough. He leaned forward to kiss me when I covered his mouth.

  “I’m not committing to anything, Atlas. But I will go on a date with you. And another if that first one goes well. We’ll start slow because I need to know that you’re serious. I also don’t want you hating me.”

  He took my hand covering his mouth and gave my palm a gentle nip. “I could never hate you. No matter what you’re thinking, you are mine and I am yours, baby. I promise you that. And I also promise to make you happy. I agree to this date, but I know for a fact that you will enjoy yourself and want more.”

  “Cocky much?” I laughed lightly.

  He smirked, placing me on my feet and kissing the side of my neck. “You have no idea, Marley. You have no idea at fucking all.”

  “What do you want from me?” I asked, searching his face. For an answer. For a hint. For something. But all I found was that I couldn’t read him. I could never read him and that was one of the things that I liked even though it frustrated me at times. He was a mystery and I was the only one he would ever let solve it.

  “I want you to be mine. I want to make you happy. But what I want most of all is for you to give me a second chance.” He cupped my cheek, brushing his thumb along my bottom lip. “Can you do that? Can you give me another shot at being the man you deserve?”

  “You were gone for a long time, Atlas.” My breath hitched. “A really long time. Things have changed. I’ve changed. You’ve changed.”

  “Maybe so but we haven’t changed so much where we don’t belong together, Marley.” He grabbed my hands, holding them in his. His palms engulfed mine. “I love you. And I will spend the rest of my life earning your forgiveness. Please let me do that.”

  Much to my surprise, he dropped to his knee
s in front of me. “Atlas, stand up.”

  “No.” He circled his arms around my waist and leaned his forehead against my stomach. “I’ll stay on my knees forever. I’ll beg. I’ll fucking plead. But I’m not standing until you give me an answer. Any answer. I just want your words, baby. I want you. I want your laughs. Your smiles. Your moans. Everything. I want to learn what’s changed about you. I want to get to know you all over again. But no matter what you say, I’ll always be here. Forever.”

  My heart raced. Dropping to my knees in front of him, I cupped his face. “You mean that? You mean all of that?”

  “Yes.” His jaw ticked beneath my palm. “I mean every damn word, Marley.”

  “I can’t just up and move though. I have my business. I need time. But I’m willing to give you a second chance, Atlas.”

  A smile grew on his handsome face. “Yeah? Really, baby?”

  I laughed. “Yeah, really.”

  “Fuck I love you.” He moved to kiss me when I leaned back. “What?” He frowned. “Please don’t tell me you’re changing your mind already. It’s been less than two seconds. Marley, you’re killing me. You can’t—”

  My laugh deepened. “Will you stop. I was going to tell you that I love…that I love you too.” God it felt so good to say that finally.

  “Really? You love me?” His voice cracked.

  My chest warmed.

  Instead of answering, I covered his mouth with mine and poured everything I had felt for him, into that kiss.

  Atlas pulled me into his arms and rose to his feet. Carrying me over to the couch, he placed me on it, and only then did he break the kiss. He leaned a hand on the back of the couch and brushed his other down my cheek. “We really going to do this?”

  “Yeah. I think we are.” I smiled up at him for reassurance. I was nervous. Terrified even. But I knew that with Atlas at my side, anything was possible. Even though he had moved years ago, he was never truly gone. I realized that now. He had been with me this whole time, guiding me, supporting me. The only thing I wished was that he had kept in contact, but I would take this. I would take it and run.