Visions of Hope

by Candace Murrow

  Tanya went into the bedroom and took everything off, including her underwear, and pulled on one of Kipp's shirts with his smell all over it. She hugged it to her body. When he came into the room after his pajamas, she embraced him in desperation. "Make love to me, Kipp. You'll change your mind, and remember everything we had together. I can make you happy."

  He peeled her arms away. "I know what you want, Tanya, but do you know what I want? I want you to go back to New York, back to your life there, and leave us alone, just like before. That's what I want."

  She sat on the bed and watched him walk away. Maybe he was right. She wasn't cut out to be a mother with all the toys and the storytelling and the peanut butter sandwiches. When she grew up, she hadn't had a role model, unless a drunken mother was someone to look up to, but then she'd walked out, leaving Tanya with an indifferent stepfather. Tanya had men who adored her, fans who worshipped her, but still she wanted the one man she couldn't have. She decided to take a different approach.

  * * *

  Tanya got up early the next morning. She called a cab on her cell phone and hauled her bags into the living room.

  Kipp rolled over on the sofa and reached for his glasses. "What are you doing?"

  "What does it look like? I'm going back to New York just like you want me to. Doesn't that make you happy? Because that's all I ever wanted to do."

  "It's your call."

  "My call? I don't think so. You want me out of your life, and I'm going."

  "Aren't you going to say goodbye to your daughter?"

  "Oh, I don't think I'll have to."

  Kipp struggled to sit up.

  "When I get back to New York, I'm hiring the best lawyer I can find, and I'm going to fight you for full custody."

  "We've already been down that road, remember?"

  "Yes, but things have changed." She picked up her purse and jacket. "I think the judge will see it my way when he finds out Kelly was missing for two years, and the ex-husband won't let the poor, distraught mother spend time with her." She studied Kipp's face to see whether she'd made the impression she was aiming for. Sufficiently satisfied as she saw the pain, the worry, the fear, she opened the door and picked up her bags. "You'll hear from my attorney."

  She stepped outside and closed the door. She hated leaving on these terms, but it was the only way to get his attention. If there was even a remote chance of losing Kelly, Kipp would think about the lawsuit, come to his senses, and come back to her. She was sure of it.

  * * *

  CHAPTER 35

  Libby woke Saturday morning to the drip, drip of the downspout outside her bedroom window. The week had been sunny, even in Minneapolis, but she welcomed the rain. She snuggled under the covers and planned a leisurely morning in bed to relax from the busy week. Besides the workshop, she'd done phone readings and a healing session.

  She drifted back to sleep, and woke to the phone ringing. She vaguely heard Ellen's voice. It was now ten. She slipped on her robe, wandered into the kitchen, and asked Ellen about the call.

  Ellen poured Libby a cup of coffee. "That was Kipp."

  "Is Kelly all right?"

  "She's fine, and she wants to see you."

  Libby sat at the table, hugging her cup. "What did you tell him?"

  "I said to come on down."

  "I don't know if that's a good idea after what you told me about Tanya's visit."

  Ellen brought her cup to the table. "Not to worry. She's not in the picture anymore. And, oh, by the way, Kipp wants to see you, too."

  "Back up a minute. What about Tanya?"

  "She up and went back to New York. Kipp said he'd explain when they got here. He wants to take you out to dinner."

  "Ellen, why didn't you tell him I'd call him back?"

  "I saved you the call. I told him I'd babysit Kelly."

  "What about your date with Charlie?"

  "He'll understand. We'll both watch her."

  The full impact of being with Kipp again finally sank in. Libby hurried to the sink to deposit her cup. "When is he coming?"

  "You can relax. They won't be here until five. I told him I'd feed Kelly. So, you can just take your time. Go soak in the tub, and make yourself as sweet as pie."

  "But I hate to ruin your time with Charlie."

  Ellen joined Libby at the sink. "Charlie's not going anywhere, and neither am I."

  "What are you saying?"

  "I'm saying that I made an appointment with a young lawyer, a good-looking one, I might add, who is supposed to be topnotch on divorce and family issues. I'm going through with it."

  Libby gave Ellen a squeeze. "That's wonderful, Ellen. What turned the tide?"

  "Someone named Charlie," Ellen said. "I haven't heard from Mel since he was here last. I know I shouldn't jump into a relationship right away, but my life has been empty for a long time now. You knew that. And Charlie has given me more in the short time we've been together than I had in my whole marriage. We connect on every level, and he accepts me just the way I am." She grinned at Libby. "You knew this would happen, didn't you?"

  "I had my hunches."

  "You had more than that. You're the best psychic friend a girl could ever have. You see it, but you don't push. That's what I love about you. Plus, you've let me stay here and mooch off you for way too long now."

  "I've loved having you here. And I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't been here when Dan showed up. You saved my life."

  "I'm so glad I was here. Do you think he'll come back?"

  "I just don't know for sure."

  "That doesn't make me feel very confident."

  "I'd like to say I'll never see him again, but my gut tells me otherwise."

  "Well, you've got me and Charlie on your side. And Kipp."

  At the sound of his name she felt a fluttering in her stomach. "Kipp? What am I going to wear?"

  "Wear that slinky, black thing."

  Libby was on her way to the bathroom. "That's too dressy."

  "He said to dress up," Ellen yelled after her. "Anyway, whatever you wear will knock him over."

  * * *

  In the late afternoon Libby was putting the finishing touches on her makeup, wondering how she had managed to come to this point in her life. Had something pushed her and Kipp together, or was it just a quirk of fate? The image of Kipp's grandmother came to mind and how the persistent visions had propelled them into an adventure, leading them to Kelly and to discovering one another.

  The jittery feeling in her gut was plain, old-fashioned nerves. This felt like a first date, even though they had already spent hours together. If her psychic antenna was working at all, she sensed this evening was going to mean more to both of them than either could imagine.

  Ellen's voice rang out, "They're here."

  Libby checked her appearance one last time. The makeup concealed what was left of the bruising. Her hair swept her chin and curled around her cheeks. Her silk dress seemed too snug around the bodice but obscured what it needed to hide. Still, she tied a colorful scarf around her neck and let it hang down. She slipped on a pair of black heels.

  When Libby made her entrance, Ellen and Kipp stopped talking and both stared. Kelly let go of her daddy's hand and ran open-armed to Libby. Libby bent to embrace her.

  "Be careful of Libby's pretty dress," Kipp said.

  "She can't hurt this."

  "You look sensational."

  "You're pretty," Kelly said.

  "Thank you, sweetie." Libby glanced at Kipp, then back at Kelly. "Are you going to be okay staying here while your daddy and I go out?"

  Kelly nodded.

  "She'll be all right with Auntie Ellen. We're going to bake cookies again."

  Kelly ran to Ellen and took her hand.

  "I guess I don't have anything to worry about," Kipp said.

  "You certainly don't. In fact, Charlie will be here shortly. He's going to spend the evening with us, so we have all the protection we need."

  "Are y
ou ready to go, Libby?" Kipp helped her on with her coat.

  Kelly ran back to Kipp and flung her arms around his waist. "You'll come back, won't you, Daddy?"

  Kipp gave Kelly a hug. "You don't have to worry about that, baby bear. Libby and I will be back soon."

  "I'll put her to bed in my room," Ellen said. "You two take your time and have fun."

  When they stopped to turn left at the main road, Libby touched Kipp's arm. "We don't have to go, you know. I can feel how hard this is on you, leaving her."

  "It shows, huh? I don't like leaving her. I never will. But I can't be by her side every day of her life. Little excursions will make the bigger ones seem easier. Besides, I can't think of anyone I'd rather make this maiden voyage with than you."

  Once Kipp turned onto the freeway north, Libby asked about Tanya's departure.

  "She had to go back to work, the usual excuse."

  "Is she coming back?"

  "I thought you'd know the answer to that, being a master psychic and all."

  "I haven't had time to key in to your situation."

  "You mean you haven't thought about me day and night?"

  "I wouldn't admit it if I had."

  "So you don't really have a feeling for what Tanya is going to do?"

  "I can only imagine she is going to put up a fight."

  "What makes you say that?"

  "From what Ellen told me, she wants you back."

  "And she'll do anything."

  "Like trying to take Kelly away from you."

  "See, you did know."

  "That wasn't too hard to figure out," Libby said. "She can't do that, can she?"

  "She'll have to do it over my dead body. But I know how her mind works. She's bluffing. She thinks that will scare me enough to run back to her."

  "I wouldn't dismiss it, Kipp."

  "Is that the psychic talking?"

  "Desperate people do desperate things."

  "Can't you get a reading on this?"

  Libby stared at the cars up ahead with Kipp glancing at her from time to time. "Well, my feeling is she will try, maybe even start proceedings, cause you a few headaches, but nothing--"

  "Not tonight. I don't want to spoil our evening." He drove a while in silence as if he were pondering something.

  "How's Kelly been?"

  "I'm not sure how to answer that. It's like you said, she clings to me. She always wants to know where I am. She gets quiet. She sometimes gets her names mixed up. It's heartbreaking."

  "Didn't the three of you see a counselor?"

  Kipp didn't respond.

  "Kipp, you know what I told you, and I wouldn't say it if it wasn't important. You need to get professional help as soon as possible. Kelly needs it."

  "We've got you now. You can help her."

  "I'll do whatever I can, but you and Kelly need to see someone you don't know personally. I hate shoulds, but in this case I feel it's tremendously important. You should both go. There are support groups, too. I can give you the name of a counselor."

  "I know you're right, Libby. She is having problems. It's just so hard for me to ask for help. I've always taken care of everything myself. I guess I'm stubborn that way."

  "I know how you are, Kipp. Believe me, I know."

  He glanced at her, grinning. "I'll call Monday." He turned his attention to the road and drove without saying a word.

  Libby had the feeling he wanted to talk to her about something besides Kelly because he was too quiet. She wanted to prompt him, she knew it concerned her ex-husband, but she waited. He reached over and squeezed her hand.

  "You want to know about Dan, don't you?"

  "Can you always read people's minds?"

  "I just know I haven't been open about that situation, and maybe you need to know."

  "Only if you want to talk about it."

  "Go ahead and ask me."

  Kipp made the appropriate exit toward Port Anderson and put the Jeep on cruise control. "Do you feel comfortable talking about him?"

  "He's always in the back of my mind. I always wonder when he'll come back."

  "I don't want to upset you, but how did you ever get mixed up with a guy like that? I mean, with your gift of reading people so well, couldn't you see it?"

  "I don't know how to explain it. He wasn't that way when I met him. I guess I didn't read the signs."

  "You mean there were signs?"

  "When I think back on it, I did have clues," she said. "After we were married, he started belittling me. The emotional abuse was so subtle at first, so hit-and-miss. Then it got worse, and the physical abuse gradually entered the picture and increased over time. I was in love. I got caught up in trying to keep things stable. I lost my own compass for a while. By that time, he had an emotional grip on me. I didn't know who I was. I thought I could change him back to the person he was when we met. Believe it or not, Kipp, I'm like everyone else. I have issues to work through like every other person on this planet, or I wouldn't be here."

  "I'm so sorry that happened to you. You don't deserve it."

  "No one does."

  Kipp motored on toward the Narrows Bridge, quiet all the way.

  Libby shifted, looking at him. "You have something else on your mind, don't you? What is it?"

  Kipp started to speak, then hesitated.

  "Please. Just say it."

  "Okay, but if I'm out of line, just tell me." He reached for Libby's hand. "Charlie told me you had cancer."

  "Breast cancer, yes. Five years ago."

  "He also said--"

  "The surgery didn't go well?"

  "He said they had to go in more than once."

  "Things didn't turn out as well as I would have liked." She withdrew her hand. "If you don't want to go any further with this..."

  Kipp reached for her hand again. "I'm not saying that at all."

  The exit to Port Anderson came into view. As they reached the edge of the hill leading into town, sunshine had broken through the clouds, and the sun's rays stretched far across the harbor.

  "I hope you didn't mind coming all the way back here. This restaurant serves outstanding seafood. It's quaint and intimate."

  "I'm sure it's lovely."

  "But we've got time to kill before dinner. Would you like to get a drink beforehand?"

  "I don't drink anymore, but is your house far from here?"

  "Just up the hill."

  "Why don't we wait there? I'd love to see where you and Kelly live."

  As soon as they entered his house, he locked arms around her waist. "I've wanted to do this for a long time." He kissed her cheek, her neck, and nuzzled his head against hers. "Mmm...I better stop before I forget I'm a gentleman."

  "I don't know if I want you to."

  "Come on." He took her hand and gave her a tour of the house, ending in the doorway of the master bedroom.

  Libby scanned the modest furnishings: dresser, chair, nightstand, and double bed.

  "Tanya slept in here." He lifted her chin. "If you're asking, I didn't sleep with her."

  Though Libby wouldn't have asked, she was relieved. They stood in the doorway holding hands, and Libby knew once they crossed the threshold to the bedroom, they would have to cross a threshold in their relationship. And what Kipp discovered about her might turn him away. She worried about taking that chance, but in her heart she had to overcome that barrier; she had to find out if he would still want her.

  She squeezed his hand. He looked into her eyes, and they both knew the meaning of that one small gesture.

  He removed her coat, draped it across a chair, and lit a white candle, left by Tanya on the nightstand. The flame cast a soft orange hue and quivering shadows along the wall.

  She sat anxiously on the edge of the bed while he laid his sport coat aside. Her hands were like ice. He unknotted his tie, laid it across his jacket, and unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt. He placed his cell phone on the nightstand.

  He sat beside her, cupped an arm over her sho
ulder, drawing her to him. "We can still make it to dinner."

  She shook her head. Dinner meant nothing to her, but what would happen in the next few minutes would mean everything. "Please."

  As soon as she reached for the zipper's clasp, he moved her hand away, took hold of the clasp himself, and inched it toward her waist. Taking his time, he slid the dress off her shoulders, exposing her slip and bra. She sucked a breath in. He hesitated. Fighting the panicky feeling, she nodded, giving her consent for him to go further. He edged the straps off her shoulders and down to her elbows. He removed her scarf, exposing her breasts in the golden light.

  To shield herself from his reaction, she closed her eyes. Clenching her teeth, holding her breath, she felt his fingers tracing the scars and folds of the disfigured breast, felt him move on to stroke the other. Her breath quickened, not from the panic that welled within her, but from the softness of his touch. Heady with the scent of his cologne, she nearly melted.

  "They're beautiful," he whispered.

  He kissed each breast, and the emotion flowed out of her from deep inside: first, a heaving, then the sobs. Tears washed over her cheeks.

  He unbuttoned his shirt, pulled her to her feet, and pressed her against his bare chest. "It doesn't matter, Libby. It doesn't matter at all. I'll love you, no matter what."

  She clung to him. "I love you, too, Kipp. It's been such a long time since I've felt this way."

  He handed her a wad of tissue, gathered from a box on the nightstand and slid her straps up over her shoulders. "I want to make love to you, but I know how emotional this has been, and I don't want to overload you."

  "What about dinner?" She couldn't suppress a grin.

  He laughed, as the time was such that they'd lost their reservations. "We can always go down the hill to the pub."

  Libby kicked off her shoes and let her dress fall to the floor. "I have a better idea."

  "Are you sure? I'm serious about this. We can wait." But he took her in his arms. "Maybe not." He pushed her hair aside and kissed her cheek and neck. She leaned into him and swayed with him. "Mmm...You feel so good." He leaned to the side and pulled back the bedspread and slipped off his shoes.