Harem Scare 'Em

by Tripp Greyson

  I poked through the ruins, but found nothing of value.

  Rebound:

  Like the man-whore I was, S'linkitha sold my sexual services to the centaur Coulter McBride. She would serve as our bodyguard and beast of burden until we found our new home. Slinky insisted it was just a form of barter and that it was to be expected because I was a rare treasure, but being treated like a stallion didn't make me feel any better. She didn't hit me again, but she did tell me to stop pouting and perform my duties in no uncertain terms. That included my husbandly duties to Jen and her when they needed the enzymes, and Ava and Undine whenever they felt the need.

  Somehow my body, especially my privy member, had no problem with that. Damned ferro-moans! I was rendered helpless by biology.

  Otherwise, I cared for Junior. S'linkitha didn't mind me calling the egg that when I explained that the humans of this Earth sometimes called girls Junior as well as boys (true). I didn't tell her it was short for Isaiah Junior. The egg didn't get any bigger, naturally, but I could literally feel the pulsing now, and sometimes the little golden flecks glittered like the real thing. It was too early for the baby to move yet, but in my mind's eye I could see him forming, and yes, he was a boy.

  I ate breakfast with Coulter the next day, so we could get to know each other better before I comforted her. I had turned down a roll in the hay with the centaur the night before, still angry at Slinky's treatment of me, begging off by saying I was exhausted from servicing the other girls. That was a lie, and I paid for it. I ended up comforting myself twice before I fell asleep.

  The reason Coulter had found us in the first place was that she had heard about a hyperspermic male traveling in the company of several succubae and other women from a shaman in an olbytla village, and wanted to bear another daughter before she grew too old for it. She would travel with us for a while, with me servicing her until she was sure she was with child, and then return to her herd.

  The lady was unclothed at breakfast, because I had dared her to prove she had normal woman parts to service. She pulled off the tunic with a shrug, showing me some very abundant breasts and, down below in the usual spot, a well-trimmed strip of fur. She was undeniably beautiful, but what human dimensional traveler wasn't? She was also a big woman, muscled like a woodchopper, which would make this particularly enjoyable. The other ladies I loved rogering, but they were more delicate; with this one it would be more physical, though as far as I could tell, I'd have to do it standing up.

  By the time I finished my creamed wheat, my little soldier had already surrendered and was reaching for the sky. That was, until I learned what this particular coupling would entail.

  Coulter ate a lot, shoveling down tons of fruit, nuts, grain, and grass like it was her job or something. She'd also gone through half a roast pig Ava and I had bagged yesterday. I suppose she had to eat that much, given her size and nature. I was watching her eat, more fascinated by her capacity and incredible human body than listening, but something she said caught my ear anyway. "And after the frontal mating," Coulter said happily, winking at me, "I hope you'll be up for the posterior mating." She blew a kiss at me. "I have a step ladder for you when it's time, no worries!"

  I stared at her. Then I said, "Posterior means rear end."

  "Well, yes," she smirked. "I'm a composite sentient. When we Stepped Through, Maniac and I were merged. Whatever caused it did its best, but we were different enough that I have to be fertilized twice, once in my human parts and once in my horse parts. I will give birth from my horse parts."

  "OH HELL NO!" I shouted. "You're beautiful and I'd comfort YOU in a second, but I can't do it with a hor- Oh my Goddess, I mean, it would be too much like best-, I mean, not like you're livestock! But your hind end...! Uh, oh Lord, I'm sorry! I can't! I'm sorry!" Even my eager soldier wasn't ready to enter the large puffy pink female parts that Coulter displayed so fragrantly on her hind end, and he fell down, just like that, limp as a noodle.

  I hid my face in my hands and waited for the shouting to begin.

  Rewind:

  By the end of Day Three of my exile, I hated the wilderness. I felt like I was carrying a world's worth of stuff on my shoulders, I hated having to live off the land, the hand-bow was good for nothing but rabbits and squirrels, and I thought my feet might fall off. And then there were the mosquitoes, some of which could have comforted a crottle flat-footed. I had heard that there were such things as vampires, but I expected them to be beautiful, naked, and humanoid.

  But I digress.

  On Day Four I saw a tiny female form watching me from the crotch of a sassafras tree. She had pretty butterfly wings and was completely unclothed, which I thought was quite interesting. In fact, in memory, she was exquisite, with swirls and loops of color from her wings extending across her pretty button breasts. I smiled and said, "Hello, pretty lady." I guessed she was fully mature from her curves.

  "Hello, young man," she replied, eyes hooded and lazy.

  "I have some rabbit meat if you would like some," I told her politely. "Fresh from last night."

  She fluttered down to hover in front of me, looking me over. She had intense little green eyes and was very cute, and for some reason my eyes had a hard time leaving her breasts and the little patch of reddish hair between her legs. I felt confused.

  "Thank you, no," she replied. "I'm a vegan. You're not quite adult yet, are you?" she demanded, sounding disappointed.

  "No ma'am," I admitted. "Well, legally I am. I'm 25 as of yesterday. But no, I haven't reached puberty yet for some reason."

  "Dang! You're so tall, I thought I got lucky."

  "Well, I can help. I've been taught how to comfort a woman with hands, tongue, and toys," I said, feeling a stir of interest. "I can adapt those techniques for you if you would like, miss. I have some wax I can carve into, uh, the right shape."

  She looked at me almost sadly, with a faint grin. "Normally I'd take you up on it, but I need to get pregnant." She flew up to me and patted me on my head. "Maybe come back next month, or the month after...? It smells like you'll be ready then. Ask for Dewberry."

  My mouth fell open. She thought I would be a man in only a month or two?! I gasped, "Are, are you serious? Honest and for true, Dewberry?" But by then she had zipped away, and I didn't see her again for a long time.

  She was right, though. By the time that month was up, I'd become a fully-functioning man, and had many wives... and one other, the Divine Mother of Little Magic.

  But I didn't know that yet. And if the Goddess hadn't interceded, Dewb's prediction might not have come true, at least for a while.

  Rebound:

  To my great relief, Coulter didn't yell at me for calling her back half "livestock" and categorically refusing to service her properly. Instead, she laughed and said, "Don't sweat it, kid, this ain't my first rodeo. I have three daughters. The fathers tell me it's not that bad. I'm not really livestock, though it's true my back end was once part of a famous racehorse. These days I'm just a special woman with really nice tits." Then she muttered, "I still can't believe that's true, even after all these years."

  I asked hesitantly, "You, um, said you used to be a man on your Earth?"

  "Yup. Both parts of me were male, but the Step Through changed that when it went wrong. Hell, I even had a few kids back on my world, from fuckin' around when I was in the military. And I really loved screwing women with tits like the ones I got now. Guess that's karma. And I had a really big dick, too," she said sadly. She glanced at my soldier. "Even bigger'n yours, no offense."

  "None taken! I like talking about comforting. Now, these ladies with the huge tracts of land, did you do the breast comforting thing with them? I want to do that with you."

  "Do the what now?" she asked, clearly confused.

  Jenny, who had heard us talking, butted in. "Um, Coulter, he calls sex 'comforting.' That's what his village called it. And," she said with a blush, "he's talking about doing it, uh, up here." She gestured at her breasts.

&nbs
p; "Yes! It's the first thing my Jenny and I did when we first mated! Then we did lots of other things for the rest of the two hours."

  Coulter face-palmed. "Holy cow, kid. I guess you really are a stud. And yeah, I did that and we can do that. But we still need to do the posterior fertilization, as fucked-up as it sounds, or it won't work. We'll get your First Paramour to give you a double dose of pheromones right in the face, and I guarantee you won't mind." She sighed. "It's not like it's all that fun for me; you have a nice fellow there, but my rear vag's kinda big for obvious reasons. Not so huge you won't feel it, though, so you'll have some fun. And meanwhile, I'll be thanking the Goddess that every time I go into heat, I don't have to go find a horse for that end." She shivered in disgust, which did nice things to her breasts, which made my soldier lift his head again.

  Several days before, Ava had volunteered to find my travois cache and bring back as much stuff as she could. One of those things was a nice tent. So my new Paramour and I slipped off into the tent and did just about everything a boy and his soldier can do with the front half of a beautiful woman, including making love to her hair. It was just so incredible I had to wrap it around my member and play. Luckily, Coulter thought it was funny and let me do it without interference. After that, with her using her mouth and boobs on my member, and me suckling her and using my tongue on her womanly center, the actual penetration was almost an afterthought. She seemed to like it, though, and I'm pretty sure she felt electrified a time or two.

  The next day, I asked my S'linkitha to bathe me in her ferro-moans, and I went in and did my posterior duty. It was actually something of a romp and we both enjoyed it, though her tail got in the way. Then I went around front and we played some more until I passed out. The ferro-moans had kept me going longer than my body could last. "Magic Viagra," the centaur called it.

  The next two days in a row we did it all again, and by the next morning, Coulter told me she was with child. Her child would take about 10 months to deliver. By then, we were within a few days' journey of Scarborough Faire, so she said she would accompany us and perhaps help make it livable before she headed back to her herd.

  In the end, she never left. Her herd, driven by an army sweeping east from Tejarkanye, joined us instead. By then, Scarborough Faire was gaining notoriety, though it wasn't called that anymore, and it wasn't long after that we took the fight to the Waykans and the Tejarkán.

  Rewind:

  Day Six found me within spitting distance of the little town that held the Dawn Goddess's stone temple, but I was so sick I didn't care and couldn't make much distance. I wondered if the crottle-buggering mosquitoes had made me anemic.

  It took me until Day Seven to find the eyeway that led me straight to the ghost town of Ivy, Tejas. Of course, all that was left of that great road was a wide corridor through the trees of the Great Trinidad Forest. Pavement, metal, and anything else that had made it easy for the motor wagons to take themselves across the world were all gone. I did find a wooden building with peeling paint that read "Ivy Tires," so I knew I was in the right place. But I had no idea how this little town could make you tired. (This should give you some idea of my degraded thought processes at the time.) Maybe that was why I felt like hammered owl shit as I approached the town, I reasoned. Old-Father Trent, who grew up in a place called Dridder in Luisianne, said that they used to say that when he was a kid. The hammered thing, I mean.

  All I knew was that I wanted to reach the Goddess's and crawl into bed, if She had one. Maybe even Her bed. That sounded rather intriguing to me by that point.

  Because I was really, really sick. I had experienced some very odd physical dreams the night before, including one from the little glowing magic boy where he smiled and said, "Welcome, Father, and congratulations to you. The Goddess awaits."

  The rest of the dream was a confused welter of images, mostly from last Bundling Day, in which I took great interest in all the girls, to the point where a spear (complete with an iron head) sprouted between my legs. That was odd. Then there were the naked lady pictures, and the Forums letters that triggered mental imagery such that I finally understood, at least in dream logic, what it was all about. Last was an image from back when I was a boy and had innocently caught Young-Father Trent comforting one of Mother's friends in the hay-loft, apparently at Mother's suggestion. They never saw me.

  My brain was in the middle of processing that when there was a pain as sharp as an icepick at the base of my scrotum that woke me up panting. There was wetness on my draws, and I was afraid I had peed my pants, but the wetness was thick and a bit sticky, like snot. I had had many runny noses and knew my eyes could sometimes make snot, but I didn't know I could make snot down there. Obviously, I was very ill. I had to get to the Dawn Goddess before I just plain died.

  Luckily, I had another pair of draws hidden in my pack, so I put them on quickly, grabbed my things, pissed out the fire, and moved on. I was desperate to meet my Goddess, and I wanted to know who in tarnation the glowing boy was and why he called me Father. I was still very much a virgin. But he awaited me in the Goddess's temple, I just knew it.

  After learning that Ivy tires, I found an intact stone sign that proudly told me Ivy had a superb market, though there was no evidence of it. Oh, and the B was gone from superb. It must have gone with the bitty-swarms for some reason, like the market. There was a little wooden building nearby that claimed, "Ivy Drugs," but shouldn't it have been "Ivy Drags"? Some of the messages on the buildings were just silly and obvious, like "Ivy Flowers." Yes, that tended to be the case with most plants. There was one stern brick building that ordered, "Ivy Police Department", but which department was to be policed I had no clue, nor did I know if I was supposed to do it. Perhaps there was no department now, since another stone building with huge, wide-open bays advised, "Ivy Fire Department," and I knew that "fire" sometimes meant to terminate someone from a job.

  Never had I wished for proper punctuation more.

  Rebound:

  About a week before we reached the Faire, we passed through some ruins called Hexawachie, according to Coulter. By then, she was sleeping on her own, and I was back under the stars, skyclad that night because it was so damned hot. I kind of hoped Jenny or Ava would come visit, even though I had already serviced my paramours for the evening.

  Somebody did come. I must have kicked the blanket off, because I woke up lying on my back, spread-eagled, to the feel of something nice rubbing on my privy member. It felt like soft lady skin with a couple of little rubbery points and a damp, hairy bit. Whatever it was wasn't large, but it was way bigger than a hand.

  The full moon was out, bright enough to read by. When I slitted open my eyes, I saw that there was a perfect doll a little over a foot tall rubbing herself all over my erect member. She was actually hugging it and humping it for everything she was worth, but I didn't figure she was ever going to get it to fit inside her. I giggled softly, thinking I was dreaming, and saw the blur of her wings buzzing way faster than I pumped when trying to seed one of the ladies, even when I was really in need.

  It felt excellent, especially when she rubbed a testicle with her foot, and suddenly, my soldier became a veritable fountain. The tiny lady was covered in my seed, which she scooped up and rubbed frantically into her crotch and onto the living jewels of her breasts with those teeny tiny nipples. Haha, that was so funny...

  I woke up sticky, like I hadn't properly cleaned myself after comforting, so I figured I'd had one of those wet dream things again. But when I told Slinky about my dream over breakfast, she became furious. "That sneaky little bitch!" she screamed. "I'm gonna eat her sorry ass and shit her into a troll's den!" Yes, she had definitely been in the military.

  It was then that I realized, as I rubbed the half-healed puncture on my hand, that Kait the pixie had visited me in the night. It wasn't a dream. That fact made the experience all the more erotic in my memory. The sleek little sweetie, perfectly proportioned in every way, humping herself on me until I exploded
... that was enough that I had to stop the ladies a couple of times for extra servicing that day. I even extended the full service to my lovely friend Coulter, whom I was sure by now would stay with me.

  I remember Young-Father Trent once saying a horny boy would stick his dick into anything. That's when I started looking around for evidence of it, and figured out that my bullies and some others had found girlfriends among the sheeps and greeps. I thought, Oh well, as long as they kiss them first and feed them dinner. But it made a suitable sword to cut them with during my Final Words.

  Coulter was very much not a greep, as she was sentient and playful, and she had certain frontal aspects that rather intrigued me and were fun to handle.

  But my experience with Kait was to have lifelong consequences.

  We got a rude shock a day and a half after Kait assaulted me when we came upon a squealing, struggling pig trussed up against a tree. Its loud and obvious distress had guided us to it; otherwise we could have easily missed it. In the 24 years since the Day of Ruin, the Rio Trinidad forest had become lovely, dark, and deep. Slinky stopped us all when the pig's squeals became obvious, and she said, "That animal is in horrible pain and deep distress. If nothing else, we should put it out of its misery."