One Enchanted Evening (Marriage by Fairytale Book 2)

by Ruth Ann Nordin

  “You don’t have to be specific,” he said, his tone soothing. “Most people aren’t. God knows the details, and really, it’s between you and Him anyway. All I do is give people a face to talk to.”

  “Do you keep everything in confidence?”

  He nodded. “I do. When I became a vicar, I swore that I wouldn’t tell anyone’s secrets.”

  She had a feeling he knew some things that would scandalize the Ton, but she doubted anything came close to the burden of the sin she was carrying around. She couldn’t bring herself to give him details. There was no way she wanted him to know what she’d actually done. But perhaps it might be good to talk to someone who had given an oath of secrecy.

  She cleared her throat and let her gaze fall to the handkerchief in her hands. “I did something terrible. This was a long time ago. As much as I want to, I can’t do anything about it. I can’t change anything. What I’ve done is something that was permanent. I don’t know how I can go on as if I never did it.”

  After a moment, he said, “It sounds like you need to forgive yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you go on as if the thing you did never happened. Forgiveness is about letting go of the burden you’re carrying. I don’t know what you did, but judging by the way you look, I can tell you feel intense guilt over it.”

  “I do. And I should. I don’t want to tell you what I did, but if you knew, you’d understand that I deserve the guilt I bear.”

  “Usually, I would advise the person who feels guilt to make things right, but you just told me you can’t do that.”

  She dabbed fresh tears from her eyes. “I can’t. It’s impossible.”

  “In that case, the only thing you can do is forgive yourself and never repeat the thing you did.”

  “I don’t think I can forgive myself.”

  “Are you going to keep doing the thing you’ve done?”

  “No, of course not! I can barely live with myself as it is.”

  “Then all you can do is make a new start. That’s what forgiveness is all about. It’s about putting the past behind you so that you can move on. I understand it can be difficult to do that, but I want you to consider something. If God can forgive you no matter what you’ve done, then why can’t you do it?”

  Because there’s someone in my past who hasn’t forgiven me, and I can’t blame her for still being angry with me. Marcy bit her tongue so she wouldn’t say the words aloud. As long as Pandora was out there, she had to deal with this. She couldn’t go on with her life. She couldn’t pretend it’d never happened. But the last thing she wanted to do was tell Julian that.

  Probably sensing that there was nothing else he could say to help her, Julian offered her a smile. “I know this is easier said than done, but if you seek His help, it is possible.”

  Perhaps she should confront Pandora. If she could apologize for killing her mother…if she could offer a way to make amends for what she’d done…

  What can you possibly do to make amends for what you did? If you had stolen something, you could return it. If you had started a rumor, you could tell other people the truth. But your sin was far worse. You killed Pandora’s mother. And there’s nothing you can do to bring her back from the grave.

  How could she expect Pandora to be satisfied with an apology? If Pandora’s mother had apologized for killing Marcy’s father, Marcy wouldn’t find any comfort in that. It would come out as a meaningless gesture. It wouldn’t heal the wound. But Marcy had to do something. Maybe she could apologize and ask what she might do to make it up to Pandora.

  And if she demands you take your life to atone for your sin, then what? Will you give her what she wants? A life for a life? It was the same thing you had demanded when your father died.

  While the vicar’s words were appropriate for others, she didn’t feel they were that way for her. Her situation was far more complicated, far darker, than anything he’d come across. There was no way he could be thinking she was talking about murder.

  But, since he was watching her expectantly, she said, “Thank you, Vicar. I’ll consider everything you’ve told me.”

  He offered her a nod and patted her hand. “I know you are truly sorry for what you’ve done. Hopefully, in time, you’ll learn to forgive yourself and let the past go.”

  As he left the gazebo, she let out a shaky breath. The only way she was going to be able to let the past go was by talking to Pandora. She had to make things right. The only question was, how was she going to do it?

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Are you sure you trust him to hold her?” Stephen asked as Patricia set Susanna in Lewis’ lap.

  “He’ll be fine,” Patricia assured him.

  Despite Patricia’s words, Lewis couldn’t help but notice that Stephen sat next to him so he could catch Susanna if he had to.

  Susanna wiggled in Lewis’ arms and babbled in contentment.

  “Good news, Lewis,” Stephen said. “She likes you.”

  Susanna waved her arms, which made it even harder for Lewis to keep a firm grip on her. “She’s stronger than she looks.”

  “That’s why you don’t have to be afraid of holding her,” Patricia said. “She’s not going to break.”

  If that was true, then why was Stephen leaning toward him as if he expected Lewis to drop her at any moment? Keeping the thought to himself, Lewis focused on his niece. She was happy. Whatever had caused her to cry earlier wasn’t bothering her now. Lewis supposed this wasn’t so scary. Happy babies were all right. At least, he knew she wasn’t upset because he was holding her.

  If Marcy was going to have a baby, then the best thing he could do was get used to it. The sooner he did, the easier things would be for her.

  “Marcy knows how to change diapers and feed babies, doesn’t she?” Lewis asked. Those were two things he wasn’t going to be able to do, no matter how much either Stephen or Patricia might expect it. Holding a baby without hurting the poor thing was the best he could offer.

  “She knows how to do those things,” Patricia replied. “She used to do that for Susanna from time to time.”

  That was good. Lewis didn’t bother hiding his relief.

  “Some ladies breastfeed their babies,” Stephen said. “Patricia does that from time to time. If Marcy does it all the time, then you won’t ever have to worry about feeding your child, though I do think you’ll be missing out on a great experience if you don’t. It’s nice to hold your child when you’re feeding her.”

  “You can feed a baby with a bottle,” Patricia hurried to explain. “They can drink milk as soon as they’re born.”

  There was so much to learn about taking care of a baby. Lewis didn’t know if he’d ever remember everything they were telling him. “Does Marcy know this?”

  Patricia laughed. “Of course, she does.”

  Good. That meant he didn’t have to try to keep track of everything required for having a baby. Lewis used to think the hardest part of having an heir was finding a lady to have his children. Now he realized there was much more involved in it than he could have ever imagined.

  “At least we finally got you to hold your niece,” Stephen said. “I was beginning to think you’d never do it.”

  “I like my niece,” Lewis replied. “I always did. I was just afraid I’d hurt her.” She waved her arms, and her body went forward, which required him to pull her back so she didn’t end up falling on the floor. Noting the way Stephen lurched forward in an attempt to catch her, Lewis added, “So I’m not the only one who’s afraid I might hurt her.”

  Though Stephen protested that he hadn’t been afraid he was going to drop Susanna, Lewis knew better. Lewis was awkward with children. There was no denying it. He was just glad that Marcy was better with them than he was. One of them had to be if this whole thing of her having a baby was going to work.

  The footman came into the room, followed by the vicar, and Patricia went over to welcome him. Lewis glanced out the window. He didn’t see Marcy. She must still be taking
that walk. He wondered if she was worried about telling him she was expecting a child. Like Stephen and Patricia, she knew Lewis was squeamish around children. Maybe she was afraid he wasn’t going to be happy about the news.

  “I want to talk to Marcy,” Lewis told Stephen as Patricia was talking to the vicar. “Would you take Susanna from me?”

  Stephen took Susanna. “Are you going to let her know you’re happy about the baby? Ladies need to know their husbands are looking forward to something this important.”

  “I’ll let her know I’m happy about it,” he promised then rose to his feet.

  Lewis offered the vicar a greeting as he passed him on the way to the drawing room doors.

  “Where are you going?” Patricia asked.

  “I’m going to find Marcy,” Lewis replied. “I’m going to tell her I’m happy about the baby.”

  Patricia nodded. “The sooner you get used to the idea of having the baby, the better.” She turned back to the vicar and waved for him to sit in one of the chairs.

  Taking that as his cue to go, Lewis left the manor. He took a moment to scan the area so he knew which direction to go. When he saw Marcy walking toward the maze, he called out to her.

  She looked over at him then headed over in his direction. His heart warmed. She was the mother of his child. He couldn’t think of anyone who would be a better mother than her. From the moment he’d met her, she’d always been mindful of what others needed. That was a good quality for a mother to have.

  She was probably afraid to tell him she was expecting since he was so awkward around babies. Once he assured her that he was happy about the baby, she could relax.

  As soon as she was within reaching distance, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. She clung to him and returned his kiss in a way that let him know just how much she loved him. Not that he had any reason to believe she didn’t, but there was something almost desperate in the way she was holding onto him that notified him just how much she worried he wasn’t going to be happy about the baby.

  Ending the kiss, he smiled at her. “Stephen and Patricia told me the good news, and I want you to know I’m happy.”

  Her eyebrows furrowed. “Good news?”

  He nodded and gave her waist a gentle squeeze. “About the baby. I had no idea you were expecting a child, but I can understand why you hesitated to say anything. You were afraid I wasn’t going to be happy about it. Given the way I’ve been with Susanna, I don’t blame you. I admit that I am nervous about my ability to handle a baby correctly, but I’m determined to overcome that. I love you, Marcy. This baby will be a blessing for the both of us.”

  “I’m not expecting a child.”

  Now he was confused. “You’re not?”

  She shook her head. “And I never told Stephen or Patricia I was.”

  “But you’ve had trouble sleeping, you’ve been distracted lately, and you haven’t been eating much. Patricia was sure that those things mean you were going to have a child.”

  “Oh, well, maybe those are things an expectant lady experiences, but I’m not going to have a baby. I told you I had my lady’s time last week.”

  Yes, he remembered her saying that, but he had no idea what it meant. Did he dare admit it? By the way she was looking at him, it was obvious she expected him to know what the term meant.

  Deciding he’d rather not come across as a fool, he gave her another kiss then said, “I forgot.” So she would let the embarrassing matter go, he slipped his arm around her waist and guided her into a stroll along the property. “Did you have a nice walk out here?”

  She slipped her arm around his waist and leaned into him. “It was nice.”

  “Good. I think getting outside for a while is refreshing. I always feel better afterwards. And it’s a great day for it. You have to take advantage of the warm weather while it’s here.”

  “Winters aren’t bad as long as a person wears enough layers to keep warm. Besides, I find the brisk air soothing.”

  “Soothing?”

  “I’m not sure how else to describe it. Sometimes cooler air can take your focus off of other things.” After a moment, she asked, “Lewis, is the Duke of Philton in London?”

  “The Duke of Philton?”

  She nodded.

  He thought of all the gentlemen he’d either met or had heard about. After a minute, he asked, “Do you mean the Duke of Forton?”

  “No. This particular gentleman would be Philton.”

  “I don’t recall hearing of any gentleman by that title. I do know there’s a Forton. Are you sure that’s not the one you’re thinking of?”

  “It’s not.”

  Noting her disappointment, he asked, “Do you need to speak with this gentleman?”

  She hesitated then shook her head. “No. It doesn’t matter if I speak with him or not.”

  Now she had his curiosity piqued. “Who is he?”

  “Just someone I met a long time ago.” When he raised an eyebrow in interest, she added, “It was before I started working for Stephen.” She shrugged. “It doesn’t even matter. The last I heard, he wasn’t planning to live in London. I suppose he did leave the country after all.”

  “You’re not harboring feelings for this gentleman, are you?” he teased.

  She giggled. “Of course not. I was only fifteen when I met him, and even then, he reminded me more of a rat than a person. His nose was pointed, and he has an unsettling smirk when he smiled.”

  He blinked in surprise. He didn’t know why, but it just occurred to him that he didn’t know anything about her life before she became a maid. “Where were you when you met him? Were you living with your parents at the time?”

  She didn’t answer right away, and he couldn’t help but wonder why. It was a simple question. He glanced at her and saw that she seemed uncomfortable.

  Before he could ask her about it, she answered, “I was living with my father. My father knew the duke.” She cleared her throat. “My mother wasn’t alive by the time I met him.

  So that was it. She’d hesitated because she didn’t feel like talking about her parents. It was probably painful for her to think about them. “Am I right to assume your father is no longer alive?”

  “You’d be right to assume that,” she whispered.

  So that was it. She didn’t talk about her past because it was painful. Ladies were delicate. Things that wouldn’t bother a gentleman often bothered them. He’d also lost his parents early, but since he was a gentleman, he could handle such things better. His father had warned him it was best not to push a lady into talking about anything that could be potentially upsetting. It was best to stick to pleasant topics. And he certainly didn’t want Marcy to feel sad.

  He squeezed her waist then kissed her cheek. “I’m sorry. I won’t make you talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable. I want us to have a pleasant day.”

  His words must have been exactly what she’d needed because he noticed the relief on her face. Good. He’d made the right decision. “Are you ready to go inside, or did you want to keep walking?”

  “Can we walk for a little while longer? I enjoy being alone with you.”

  “Sure, we can. I enjoy being alone with you, too.” He gave her another kiss then led her down the path that went away from the manor.

  ***

  “I wish you were with child,” Patricia said that evening as she and Marcy were helping Susanna get ready for bed. “Earlier today, I had dreams of our children playing together. I just know they would love the maze and gazebo.”

  “When the time is right, I’ll have a child,” Marcy replied.

  The voice in the back of Marcy’s mind said she wasn’t fit to have a child. How could she be when she was a murderer? She shouldn’t even be married to someone as wonderful as Lewis.

  Was that why Pandora was back in her life at this point in time? Was she a reminder that Marcy didn’t deserve good things? As long as she was serving her time here as a maid, she was atoning for her si
ns. Only then was the scale of justice balanced. Her marriage had unsettled things.

  Pandora was angry with her. She had every right to be angry with her. But how could Marcy even begin to speak with Pandora if she couldn’t find her? Obviously, Pandora hadn’t married the Duke of Philton. If she had, then he would be in London. Then Marcy could go to Pandora and… And…

  And what? Plead for forgiveness? Plead for mercy? Beg Pandora to release her from the wages of her sin?

  Would Marcy have extended mercy if her step-mother had come and asked for it? Marcy had been in so much pain back then. Could Marcy have looked past that pain in order to do the difficult part of forgiving her?

  Pandora didn’t have the weight of murder to hold her down. She didn’t need to atone for any sins. How could Marcy possibly hope for absolution?

  “Well, I’m glad you and Lewis came for a visit,” Patricia said once Susanna’s nightgown was on. “But I do miss having you to talk to. The lady’s maid I have now is nice, but she’s not a friend.”

  Marcy smiled at her. If Patricia knew what kind of person she was, Marcy doubted she’d call her a friend, much less let her in the same room with her daughter. Marcy forced back the thought. She didn’t want to keep dwelling on the past, but it seemed like it couldn’t be helped.

  Is there anything more terrifying than a person’s conscience when that conscience has the right to condemn them?

  “I want to come visit you,” Patricia continued as she carried Susanna to the rocking chair. “I know Stephen won’t go to London, but there’s no reason why I can’t. Would you mind if Susanna and I came to stay with you for a couple of days?”

  “No, I wouldn’t mind, but you should be warned we have no servants. Lewis and I do everything ourselves.”

  “I don’t mind. I grew up doing other people’s laundry and sleeping in a room with other people who were just as poor as me and my mother.”

  It was then that Marcy realized she didn’t know much about Patricia’s upbringing. How ironic it was that Marcy, who’d been the daughter of a wealthy duke, should end up being a lady’s maid to someone who’d grown up in poverty. That was the way justice worked. It was how the scales were balanced.