It's Saturday night and we are each laying on a sofa in my living room eating pizza. The first movie in our marathon just finished, and we are about to start the second one.
"Who even told you about this party?" I say as I undo the top button on my shorts.
Once again, I ate way too much, but I'm not even sorry. What's the point of pizza if you can't enjoy it?
"Some guy in my calc class, I think his name was Taylor?" she shrugs, faking innocent, but I see right through it. "Black hair, kind of sleek looking with matching dark eyes. Super hot.” She swoons, disappearing into her own daydream.
She's crushing hard. Our school is small enough for me to know exactly who she is talking about.
"Tyler." I correct, rolling my eyes.
Tyler West is on the football team with him and Mason. I've never really had much to do with Tyler in the past. While on the team, he never came to parties or sat with the team at lunch. Not that it was a requirement, but thinking back now I realize it as a little odd. I wouldn't call him 'super-hot' but he is cute in that brooding quiet kind of way.
"So, should we go?" She presses. "I have a change of clothes in my car.”
I laugh. "Do you always have a change of clothes in your car? Or is this just a special occasion?"
"I like to be prepared." She winks back.
"I don't know, Issy." I groan, throwing myself back on the leather sofa.
Yesterday, she politely but firmly advised me that since we are now officially friends, I must call her Issy.
"I don't think I'm really welcome at those parties anymore.”
"Is this because of your psycho patient moment with the QB?” she teases before growing a little more serious. "What exactly happened?"
"Well, I said a lot of things but in summary, it went something like 'I hate you.', 'You're a fucking coward.', 'I wish it was you instead.', 'This is all your fault.', and I actually threw my drink at Nick too. It's all a little blurry, I think I subconsciously blocked most of it out."
I cringe hard just thinking about that night. It definitely was not one of my finest moments.
The night in question was exactly fourteen days after the accident, and I don't even know why I went to the party. Mason and I had already broken up, my arm was in a sling for my torn shoulder and I still had stitches in my forehead. Talk about a pathetic train wreck.
"No way!" She mouths in surprise. "I got the impression he was top of your 'Do not dare fuck with me' list, but I didn't realize it was that extreme."
"Yeah, so along with that and me disappearing for the summer is why people think I am crazy and was committed. But Nick knows my actions were completely justified and I certainly don't regret them.”
"Did he cheat on you?" she asks hesitantly
"No, not me," I say, packing the pizza boxes away.
Issy, thankfully takes the hint that I'm done talking about it and leans back on her sofa scrolling through her phone with the vibrant pink happy face emoji case. Arghh it was nauseating, all that cheerfulness.
"Ok, so don't hate me," she squeaks after a few minutes of silence. "But… I think we should still go"
I raise my brows giving her a 'did you hear anything I just said look'
"Wait! Just hear me out. He's a dick, I get that, but it's not his house and it's not his party. You can't just stop doing things in case he might be there. Hate on him all you want, you'll get no judgment from me, but don't let yourself miss out on shit because of it."
Damn Issy, have you been taking inspirational lecture lessons from my dad?
I insist on driving to the party at Tank's, mainly because in my mind that meant I could bail whenever I wanted – which was the idea before I even got there, but I promised Issy I'd give it a chance.
Her little speech was the reason I finally caved and said yes to the party. She was right. She knew it, and I knew it. I can just be stubborn at times. Okay, maybe a lot of the time, but who's counting.
As we walk into the party, we or should I say 'I', only get a few stares and whispers. Maybe the good students of Sanctuary Cove High have finally decided my apparent mental state isn't all that exciting after all.
It's a rager by the looks of it, and Tank's gone all out with someone DJing on a proper deck and everything. His house is enormous, with three levels in total. I've been here too many times to count, not just for parties but for game viewing nights and pool parties out the back. Tank's place has always been the main go to for the team, as it's huge and his parents are never home.
After we grab a drink from the coolers in the kitchen, we start on a lap around the party. The living room with the DJ is huge, with sofas pushed against the wall to create a dancefloor. It then opens up to the kitchen with double glass doors that lead to a massive deck and pool area.
People are already crossing the invisible drunk line and it shows in the way they are dancing and hanging off each other like they are strippers or extras in a music video. I forgot how awful house parties could be sober.
Letting Issy lead the way, we venture down the first set of stairs and it brings us straight into the games room. It's a typical man cave with a large fifty-inch flat screen hung on the wall and a very comfortable looking U-shaped fabric couch in prime position. The walls are lined with sports jerseys in frames and there's also a pinball machine, a pool table and a mini kitchenette tucked away in the corner.
"Hey, Hails!"
I spin around at the sound of an all too familiar voice of Mason. He's dressed in his usual uniform of chinos, polo and boat shoes that make him look like he belongs at one of those preppy New York schools. Yet while he looks out of place, he also fits in perfectly with the constant waves and high fives from the surrounding people.
"I didn't know you were coming. You look nice."
He leans in and gives me a half hug and a kiss on the cheek. I internally cringe. Why can't I just be normal and love the guy back? Which to be clear I did, well do, but just not in the way he deserves.
I mean he's the traditional sweet, golden boy, you know, the real genuine ones that they portray in the romance books and movies. He's also gorgeous with his precisely trimmed naturally blond hair, that only enhances those ocean blue eyes of his. They are what pulled me in originally. I used to think I could get lost in them forever.
"Yeah, I convinced her to come." Issy pipes up and saves me since I have still yet to open my mouth and speak.
"Oh, hey. I'm Mason." He nods to Issy politely.
"Issy." She returns.
Hope used to tease that we would get married by the time we turned twenty-one and have four kids by the time we were thirty. We'd have a big house in the gated estates with a pool and terrace. Mason would become a successful lawyer and take over his Dad's firm, and I'd be the cherished town doctor.
The thought used to make me smile. I loved the idea of having my future mapped out like that. At some point though, I'm not sure when but things changed. While he was still planning our future, I was planning my escape.
'Liar,' my inner voice pipes up. 'You know exactly when or should I say who changed it.'
"You want a drink?" He offers as he opens the large cooler that's sitting near the mini kitchen, shaking me from my internal conversation.
I really do. This is awkward enough, and having a buzz would make this party so much better. I however, don't trust myself. I'm the very definition of a lightweight. You know how they say girls can be categorized when drunk. Well, let's just say I'm not the happy-go-lucky drunk girl, or even the shy girl turned stripper girl. I'm the confess all my deepest inner feelings and thoughts type of girl.
Hence, why I cannot be trusted and a good chance I would do something I would regret right now. Especially in a house that holds so many memories.
"Uh, maybe later Mase," I splutter and hightail it out the room so fast that I would impress the roadrunner.
Issy is right behind me, thankfully.
"You good?" Issy grabs my arm once we are back upstairs,
safe among the crowd.
"Yeah, I'm just going to find a bathroom are you coming?" I lean in yelling over the dance remix playing.
"Actually, I might see if I can find Tyler and say hi." She gives me a wink. That girl has got confidence, I'll give her that.
"Find me after you're done," she adds before disappearing into the sea of people.
Thankfully, there's no bathroom line and I lock myself in before turning to the large mirror that covers the wall above the vanity.
I re-apply my lipstick for something to do and stare at my reflection, wondering how I could have changed so much.
I look the same on the outside, yet inside I feel like a stranger. I don't want to be. I don't want to be the girl who survived, but I don't want to be dead either.
I just want to go back to the fun, carefree girl that everyone knew. The one who never turned down a dare and was always up for an adventure.
The girl who hadn't lost her best friend in a tragic car crash while she lived.
Chapter 6
Leaving my self-pity in the bathroom, I steel myself and re-enter the party.
"Hails!" I turn towards the voice I recognize as Maddy from the cheer squad and instantly I'm pulled into a drunken hug, her long auburn hair whipping me in the face.
"Come dance with us!" she squeals and drags me through the crowd to the dancefloor.
Just dance and imagine you're the fun Hails again. It can't be that hard, right? And so I do.
I dance with the girls who I used to spend countless hours on the field with cheering. I laugh and giggle over the guy who is already passed out on the sofa with a penis drawn on his face and I forget everything for a while. It's nice. It's normal. I’m the old Hailee, if only for a while.
"We miss you on the squad," Maddy says, turning as serious as she can blind drunk. "It's not the same, right girls?" She turns to the others for confirmation.
"You should totally come back!" Chelsea squeals. "We haven't replaced you yet!"
"Yes!" Maddy jumps up and down clapping her hands and the others join in making me laugh. They aren't cheerleaders for their lack of enthusiasm, that's for sure.
The hostility from one squad member doesn't escape my notice though, I mean I can practically feel the death rays radiating towards me.
Natalie isn’t even attempting to hide her scowl. Resident mean girl and new captain of the squad, she was never a fan of Hope’s. Or mine now, it seems.
We never knew for sure, but I always assumed it was jealousy. Jealous of Hope with her captaincy, popularity and quarterback boyfriend. Some girls are just so transparent like that, and it pisses me off. She is, however, a great gymnast, and we needed her on the squad, so we ignored her bitterness as best we could.
Technically, I was next in line for captain but after I left it went to Natalie. Which makes it no surprise she is looking like she's ready to squash me like a bug. I do miss them, and it would go a long way to getting my life back to 'normal'. I mean normal is the goal, right?
"I'll think about it." I smile back, not wanting to give them hope or shut them down outright either.
We dance for a little while longer and some girls have ventured off to either dance with a guy or get another drink. I don't think they need anymore but hey I'm not one to judge. Not so long ago that used to be me nearly every weekend.
"Ewww," Chelsea suddenly squeals with disgust. Now Chelsea is one of the nicest people I know, but she can also be a bit of a snob.
I follow her line of sight expecting to see an out-of-place sophomore looking unworthy but am quickly mistaken. Just off to the side of the room, perched on Nick's lap, is the fakest girl I've ever seen.
I don't know her, and I don't want to. I glare as she throws her fake hideous unmatched blonde extensions over her shoulder while snorting a fake body cringing laugh. Completing her not so runway look is an awful fake orange tan.
That jerk!
Does he have no tact at all? In his defense, he does look slightly uncomfortable, but still no fucking excuse. So many emotions come surfacing. Anger at him for moving on so quickly, rage at myself for thinking I once might have meant something to him and then intense guilt for even having that very thought.
That's it, I'm done.
I need out of this party. I need to find Issy and tell her I'm leaving. My anger is rising and I'm afraid I'll lose it at him again and that will not help my 'crazy psycho' reputation.
Slightly frenzied, I search the downstairs area, kitchen and the games room - nothing. I check the upstairs area before trying out the back. I get to the top of the stairs only to realize it's just a long hallway, which I assume are bedrooms because of the 'NO ENTRY' signs handwritten and tacked on. I've never been up here before, I've never had a reason to.
I go to turn around but notice the first door on the right is open even though it has a no entry sign. Silently I hope she is in there but also that she isn't and I'm not about to walk in on something I don't want to see.
"Issy?" I hesitate before taking a small step forward "Issy, you up here?"
Silence.
I can't hear anything, but then again, the music from the DJ is still loud even up here. I push the door open fully, sending light in from the hall. It looks like a guest room and it's empty.
Phew! I walk over to the large window that takes up most of the opposite wall.
Wow, what a view. The house looks out onto a massive infinity pool that drops off to the town and lights of Sanctuary Cove below.
I'm so lost in the view I don't notice that someone is behind me until they speak, making me jump out of my skin.
"It's just me, Hails," the voice speaks softly as if to calm me.
Seriously Universe, why do you hate me so much. Why?
"Wait!" Nick moves to close the door and block my exit. "Just five minutes? Please?" he begs.
"No!" I spit out. I desperately need to get out of here.
I push past him to the door, and I turn the handle, but nothing happens. It's like it's locked. What the hell!
"Did you lock the door?" I growl, whipping back around to face him.
"What? No!"
"It's locked!" I shriek, throwing my arms up while the hysteria creeps in.
"I didn't lock it," he snaps walking over to try the door. "It's jammed or something," Nick rattles the handle, but it doesn't budge.
I reach for my phone in my shorts pocket before realizing it's in my bag. Which is inconveniently where I left it near the dancefloor.
"Call someone, I don't have my phone!" I shout at Nick.
"I can't, mine is dead." He waves his blank screened phone in the air. "That's why I was up here. I was getting a charger when I saw you in here.”
Oh, fuck, please tell me this isn't happening. I cannot be locked in a room with him.
Breath, just breath, I chant to myself as I slide down to the floor, my back against the door.
"Hailee..."
"Nick…" my voice cracking with so many emotions. "Just stop."
My head falls into my hands, resting against my knees.
"I can't keep doing this," I whisper, surprising myself. For once, opening my mouth before thinking is a blessing. I am so emotionally exhausted. Hate is not an easy emotion to hold on to.
"Then don't!" He throws his hands up in frustration. "I know you blame me for that night and what happened to Hope."
"No shit Sherlock.” I mutter bitterly “But you need to know the truth," he continues.
"I told you I don't need-"
"Then I need you to know the truth," he corrects.
"I already know the truth! You cheated on her and she found out!"
I stand up again, pointing my finger at him accusingly.
"It wasn't-"
"She told me, Nick! She told me you were in love with someone else!"
He freezes and a look of distress and panic crosses the part of his face I can see from the moonlight. Probably at realizing that I know the real story.
&nbs
p; "You're the reason she was so upset in the car and you're the reason she missed that corner." I scream like a banshee.
"YOU ARE THE REASON SHE IS DEAD!"
Chapter 7
I let out a long breath, one I didn't even realize I was holding and sink down once again to the floor against the bed.
I pull my knees to my chest and interlock my hands together to try and stop them from shaking. There's something calming about being on the floor. Maybe it's the fact that you're already at your lowest and can't possibly fall any further? Or maybe it's a throwback from when I was little, and my mom would always coax me to the floor and would just hold me until I felt better.
Nick looks like I have slapped him, but eventually recovers and comes to sit opposite me on the floor, legs crossed. He reaches his hands out to grab mine, but thinks better of it, stopping midway before pulling them back.
"I-" He holds up his hand to stop me interrupting him.
"Damn Hailee, will you just get off your hypocritical high horse for one minute and let me talk!" Nick demands with an authoritative edge, making me recoil slightly.
Whoa, uncalled for.
I can feel the fight draining from me at a rapid pace, so I let it go as he continues.
"I loved her, and she was my best friend too, you know."
He runs his hand through his hair, and I notice for the first time the dark circles under his eyes and his out of place weary expression.
"Yes, we had a fight that night, but we were good and had made up before she left."
"Then why would she say you were in love with someone else?"
"I don't know.” he looks down fiddling with the laces on his black vans.
He is holding something back, I can sense it. I'm not letting it slide this time.
"You do know! You said I need to know the truth, so stop lying and just tell me!" The fight returning with vengeance.
“It was fake!” he bursts out before releasing a long-held breath.
"Oh, no you can't tell me some bullshit about your relationship not being real just to justify cheating on her!"
Just a Little Complicated: A Highschool Sports Romance (SANCTUARY COVE Book 1) Page 3