So, That Got Weird

by Amelia Kingston

  His lips tease the sweet spot on my neck. I can’t see his face, nuzzled against me. His body covers mine completely. What minutes ago felt safe suddenly seems dangerous. We lie here for a time, our wills warring in the silence.

  “It was”—he takes a deep breath and holds it, as if steeling himself for his next word—“exceptional. It’s never felt like that before.” His voice drops to just above a whisper. “It was weird because that wasn’t just sex. It was…” Even this close, I strain to hear him. “It was something…more.” His words are labored and hesitant. I relax my body a fraction, resisting the urge to wrap my arms around him. To soothe him.

  I’m desperate for him to keep going.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry.”

  There’s a pregnant pause. There is more he wants to say, but he doesn’t. He lets out a heavy sigh. It doesn’t matter. He’s said enough.

  With his final apology, I relent, turning my face back toward him. I can’t see his eyes, but we’re now cheek to cheek. He trails kisses along my jaw and I wrap my arms around his neck. When he kisses me sweetly, I taste his atonement. I wrap my legs around his hips so he can feel my forgiveness. We spend the rest of the lazy morning kissing, touching. Making love.

  * * * *

  “Holy shit, she lives!” Jackie taunts me when I answer her video chat. I guess I had that coming. The past few days have flown by in a sex-filled haze. The sexual floodgates have been thrown open and I can’t control the torrent from washing away everything that isn’t Austin.

  “Sorry. I know I’ve been kind of MIA this week.”

  “Ah, the demands of a wanton sex goddess,” she jeers. I blush. “Where is your sexy man meat this evening, anyway? Thought you two were practically sewn together at this point.”

  “He has a curfew tonight. Big game tomorrow.”

  “Good. Finally get some rest for that poor vajayjay.”

  She’s right, I’m a little sore. But I’m so not going there with her. I lie instead.

  “It’s nice to have the house to myself again.” I miss Austin. I don’t know how or when it happened, but suddenly he’s become a part of my life. All week, when we weren’t in class or he wasn’t at practice, we were together. We make dinner together. We study. We cuddle on the couch watching movies. We even play Rule Them All. I’ve gotten used to waking up in Austin’s arms. I’m comfortable there, with him. He fits into my life flawlessly. He drives me crazy, makes my heart race, but he’s safe.

  He’s home.

  “Fucking liar.” Jackie calls me on my bullshit with a devious smile. “You miss that big dumb animal, don’t you?”

  The blush on my cheeks gives me away before I even answer.

  “Maybe. Just a little. He’s a good cook.” I try—and fail—to sound detached.

  “Something tells me you enjoy what he’s eating more than what he’s cooking.” She gives me an exaggerated wink. “You know what I’m sayin’?”

  “You’re equal parts clever and disgusting, as always.” I try to change the subject. “So, I got a package this morning without a return address. Is that from you?”

  The way she lights up tells me that’s a yes.

  “Oh Em Gee, yes. I almost forgot. Open it. Open it!” she screeches at me with that mischievous glint in her eyes again.

  “Please tell me this isn’t some weird sex thing.”

  “Nah, I don’t think you need any more help in that department. Although, I guess if you’re into role playing, it might be useful.”

  I pause halfway through opening the box, skeptical if I want to open it at all.

  “Oh, come on. Just open it.”

  I pull out a big red shirt with JACOBS printed in big block letters on the back. I stare at Jackie blankly.

  “It’s a jersey. You know, a football jersey. Austin’s jersey.”

  “Yeah, I gathered that, what with the name and all. What exactly am I supposed to do with it?” I hold up the jersey like it’s a dirty dish rag.

  “Wear it. To the game tomorrow. Duh.”

  “No way. I’m trying to avoid the creepy fangirl vibe, remember?” The last thing I need is for Austin to think I’m reading too much into being invited to his game. It isn’t a sentimental gesture—it’s just to get his teammates off his back.

  “Where the hell is your school spirit?” she mocks. “There’s more.”

  There is more. A lot more. I now have enough school swag to open my own gift shop. In addition to the jersey, I’ve got sweatpants, beer koozies, stickers, a hat, a blanket and pom-poms.

  “You don’t think this is a little over the top?” I deadpan.

  “It’s probably the only college sporting event you’ll ever go to. You should do it right.”

  I roll my eyes at her.

  Why bother arguing? We both know how this is going to end.

  * * * *

  I’m wearing every damn piece of school swag Jackie sent me, including the idiotic stickers under my eyes. I’m a poser, but no one seems to notice. I blend right into the sea of red that is our grandstands. The place is packed, hardly an empty seat in the house. Except for the ones Austin reserved for me. In his family section. My heart flutters.

  A woman in her sixties smiles at me and points to one of the empty seats next to me with a paper sign that reads “Reserved for Jacobs family.”

  “Is this seat taken?” she asks. “Mark said he could only reserve ten seats and we’re busting at the seams over here.” She seems sweet, so I let her take the seat. There aren’t any Jacobses to fill them anyway.

  I look around me at the stands full of big, happy families, ready to cheer on their sons, and my heart breaks for Austin. He deserves so much more than this. So much more than just me.

  The general buzz of the stadium turns into full-volume cheering as the team comes charging onto the field. I can’t help but get swept up in it all and scream along with the horde.

  I’m able to pick Austin out of the rest of the crowd of uniforms as he jogs out onto the field. He’s imposing in general, but in all those pads, he is positively god-like.

  Yep, I’ve tapped that.

  Oh, God. I’ve been friends with Jackie too long.

  I haven’t seen him since he left my apartment Friday morning about thirty-seven hours ago.

  Yes, I might be counting.

  And suffering from withdrawal.

  I bite my lip and try to push aside the memories of what’s under those pads. It’s pointless. I’ve got a stupid, goofy grin on my face when Austin glances up into the stands. His eyes are scanning the crowd.

  Is he looking for me?

  Before I can think better of it, I lift my arms up and wave stupidly to get his attention. And to my horrifying embarrassment, it works. A wide smile spreads across his handsome face as he takes in my ridiculous outfit. His eyes widen and he makes an up-and-down gesture. Even without words I know he’s asking, “What’s with the getup?”

  I treat him to a shake of my pom-poms—not a euphemism, my actual red-and-white pom-poms. With a shoulder shrug and a smile, I don’t need words to give him my response, “When in Rome.” He gives me a wink before turning his attention back to the field. I can’t wait to get him home tonight.

  It’s a ways into the game and I’m almost relaxed when I get a tap on my shoulder. I look up, up, up, into the dark eyes of a giant. This guy’s huge, bigger and broader even than Austin. His size is intimidating. Plus, he’s scowling down at me. What’d I ever do to you, dude? I stand up and lean back against the seats, thinking he’s trying to get by me. He doesn’t budge. Even now that I’m standing, this guy towers over me. His eyes are a deep brown, almost as black as his hair, and they are studying me intently.

  “Elizabeth,” he declares, as if he decided that’s what my name will be. It isn’t a question.

  “Yes?” How does he know who I am? Am I in some sort of trouble? Has someone hired this guy to come rough me up for some offense I didn’t know I committed?

&
nbsp; “Devin.” He holds out his hand. When I just stare at it, he adds, “I’m a friend of Austin’s.”

  There’s a slight sting at the knowledge that I wasn’t the only person Austin invited to sit in his family section.

  Told you, you aren’t special.

  I shake his hand and we take our seats in silence. We’re both happy to watch the game and ignore each other. I can tell Devin’s glancing over at me occasionally, observing me like an animal in the zoo.

  And here we have the awkward gamer girl. As she is outside of her natural habitat, you will see she has adopted the native colors in an attempt to camouflage with the environment and improve her chance of survival.

  It grates on my nerves. I peek over at him, catching him staring. He doesn’t look away. A few weeks ago, I would’ve ignored him, tried to make myself as small and invisible as possible. Now, I want to give him a piece of my mind.

  “Can I help you?”

  “Nope.” He takes his time returning his gaze to the field.

  “How did you meet Austin?”

  “Same place, same time.” Well, that’s about as noncommittal as you can get with an answer. He keeps his eyes on the field, dismissing me with his body language as much as his words.

  “How long have you known each other?”

  “A while.”

  You don’t say, how informative.

  I decide to turn up the heat, knowing he’ll react if he knows Austin at all.

  “Did you ever meet his mother?”

  Devin turns his large body toward me, reading me with those charcoal eyes. I’m proud I don’t flinch under the scrutiny.

  “Once,” he finally answers before turning back to the field. It’s enough for me to know that he isn’t family, but he must’ve known Austin since they were both kids. Maybe from foster care.

  Outwardly, they’re complete opposites. Austin has a bright smile, beautiful blue eyes and sandy-blond hair. He’s always joking, teasing, up for a good time. Devin is dark, black hair, olive skin. He’s brooding and menacing. Inside, there’s something similar between them. A certain level of detachedness. They’re both used to being on guard.

  Despite how off-putting Devin’s demeanor is, there’s something familiar about him too. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m comfortable sitting next to him, but I’m not as uncomfortable as I would be sitting next to a stranger.

  Practically the entire school is up here in the stands. It shouldn’t surprise me when I catch a glimpse of Jessica a few rows in front of me, but it does. Remembering my drunken ridiculousness makes me ashamed. I owe her an apology. Before I have a chance to chicken out, I hop out of my seat and make my way to her.

  “Ahhh, hi,” is my awkward introduction.

  “Hey,” is her cool reply.

  “I’m Elizabeth. I’m not sure if you remember me. We met at a party about two weeks ago. At the football house.” I’m fidgeting, dragging my hands through the strings of the pom-pom, trying to avoid eye contact.

  “Oh, I remember you.”

  Yep, she’s not a fan.

  “Okay. Yeah, so I wanted to come over and say sorry.” I chance a look up at her to see surprise flash across her face. “I was really drunk and super obnoxious. I didn’t mean to be rude. With the whole Barbie thing.”

  She cocks her head at me quizzically. Since I don’t know when to leave well enough alone, I let the word-vomit spew out, unhindered by good sense.

  “It’s just that you’re so pretty. You know, tall. Blonde. Beautiful. You reminded me of a Barbie.” Her eyes narrow on me.

  Shut up, Elizabeth. Quit while you’re behind.

  “Not in a bad way. You’re not stupid or anything. I’m sure you’re super smart. Beautiful and smart. The whole package.”

  Great, now she thinks you’re hitting on her.

  “Okay, well. Anyway, sorry.” I turn to walk away, but only get a few steps before I find myself turning back to clarify, “Just so you know, I’m not hitting on you. I’m not gay.” Now people around us are staring.

  Walk away, Elizabeth. Just walk away.

  “Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, I’m just not. I just think you’re pretty. And smart. And—”

  “Elizabeth,” she cuts me off, holding up her hand. “You really don’t know when to quit, do you?” she asks with a smile. I nod, shrugging my shoulders in acknowledgment of my awkwardness. “Apology accepted.”

  “Thanks, Jessie.” I give her a wide smile in return, genuinely relieved.

  I finally listen to my brain and turn to walk away. I get a few more steps before she calls out to me one more time.

  “Hey, nice shirt,” she adds with a nod.

  “Thanks,” I reply, my cheeks burning.

  I saunter back to my seat.

  “Who’s that?” Devin asks as I sit back down, nodding to Jessie, who’s watching us with a smile.

  Who’s a curious little cat now?

  I can’t hide my surprise, knowing there’s only one reason he’d be asking. Not that I would blame him, Jessie’s stunning.

  Yep, definitely have a girl crush.

  “Just someone I owed an apology,” I answer dismissively, happy to be the one to withhold information this time. Devin stares at me for a few minutes, waiting for me to say more. When he realizes I’m not going to, he scoffs and turns his attention back to the field without a word. I don’t even bother containing my smug smile.

  Devin and Jessie sittin’ in a tree…

  The game is close to being over, a victory within our grasp. I can’t say I understand much of the rules, but I can read the scoreboard and the game clock. I keep my eyes focused on Austin, regardless of where he is on the field. I’ll admit, I do a fair share of ogling. I can’t help it. He is a sexy, sexy man.

  I watch him sprint down the field and block a pass effortlessly. The home crowd cheers as he dashes our opponents’ last hope of victory. Out of nowhere, another player hits him at full speed, the most vicious tackle of the night. There are yellow flags flying everywhere and both sidelines clear. It’s pandemonium, but all I focus on is Austin.

  He doesn’t get up. He isn’t moving. My heart stops. My mind goes blank. My body goes rigid. I reach out and grab Devin’s forearm in a panic, squeezing with everything I have. I can’t breathe. Tears are forming at the corners of my eyes. The crowd is buzzing at a near-deafening roar and the announcer is rambling about something, but I can’t focus on any of that. My vision tunnels and all I can see is Austin’s body laid out on the field. I shoot out of my seat, the need to get to him the only thought I’m capable of processing.

  I can’t move. Something’s holding me back, pulling me back down. I drag my eyes away from Austin to find out what’s stopping me. It’s Devin. He has a tight grip on my arm. I meet his eyes, pleading.

  Let me go. I need to get to him. Please.

  “You can’t go down there. It’s practically a brawl.” The words don’t register. I try to tug my arm away to no avail. “He’s all right. Look.” Devin nods to the field where Austin has gotten up and is already jogging back to the sideline, albeit a bit gingerly. I’m able to breathe again.

  The surge of adrenaline is wearing off, but my hands are shaking. I sink back down into my seat and try to slow my racing heart. Devin eyes me nervously. It’s his job to make sure I don’t do anything too embarrassing for Austin. I try to ignore him and his judgmental gaze.

  Austin gives the crowd a smile and a wave when he makes it to the bench, earning him a round of applause. His stare lingers on me and, before I can catch myself, I stupidly give him a wave back. He gives me that sexy smirk and my heart flutters.

  “He cares about you.” Devin’s voice breaks me out of my reverie.

  You wouldn’t say that if you knew I was paying him to be with me.

  A dismissive laugh dies in my throat when I see the honesty in Devin’s eyes.

  “It’s not… We’re not…” I swallow hard, unable to find the words.

&nb
sp; Devin doesn’t wait for my explanation. “Be careful.”

  “Careful?” Oh, great. What did I do wrong now?

  “Austin’s going to let you get close, then he’s going to pull some bullshit.” Devin’s eyes are on the field, on Austin.

  “What do you mean?”

  “It’s what he does. When someone gets too close, he fucks it up. It’s a test, pushing you away to see when you’ll break. So, when you leave, he can say he was right. There’s no such thing as love and everyone’s an asshole.” Those few sentences are more words than Devin’s said to me the entire rest of the night combined. I’m trying to take them in, to really understand them. Austin pushes people away because he’s scared. I know that feeling.

  “He’s going to make it hard, but don’t give up on him too fast.”

  Give up on Austin?

  Not possible.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Austin

  My body aches and I’ll have some nasty bruises in the morning, but seeing Elizabeth waiting for me after the game makes me forget the pain and smile like a fucking idiot. She’s standing across the field wearing a sweet smile and my jersey. I haven’t touched her in a day and a half and my body is screaming that it’s been too long.

  When I’m about fifteen feet away, I charge at her. She squeals when I pick her up, wrapping her arms around my neck. I set her down but don’t let her go. First, I lean down and kiss her, slipping my tongue into her open mouth. My little Goose missed me too. I pull back and take a moment to appreciate the flush on her cheeks.

  “Austin,” she admonishes me, glancing over at Devin with embarrassment. I was so focused on Elizabeth, I didn’t even see him. He’s missing out on some much-needed work hours to be here. It means a lot to me, it really does. But right now, all I can think about is Elizabeth.

  “Afraid of a little PDA, Goose?” I tease. Devin doesn’t give a fuck about a kiss, as the usual indifferent scowl on his face can attest. “Nice school spirit.” I put my hands on her hips and push her away to get a good look.

  “Jackie,” she offers by way of explanation. Bless Jackie and her influence over Elizabeth’s wardrobe. I’m not sure which I appreciate more, that black dress or my jersey.