Hell and Back: The Protector Guild Book 4

by Holborn, Gray

  “Ah right,” he said, as he grabbed up his supplies and surveyed the dead wolves. Looks like he’d managed to kill two before taking down the one that charged me. “That’s what happened to Alpha Asshole.”

  I arched a brow at his nickname for Atlas. Did he have one for all of us? Still, I loved Atlas and all, but that nickname wasn’t exactly far off or unreasonable. His personality wasn’t for everyone.

  I nodded and picked up my bag as my throat clogged up at the memory of that night. It was one of the worst moments of my life. Watching Atlas and Wade come back without Sarah was like being stabbed in the chest and losing my ability to suck in a full breath all in one go. We were all so consumed with grief that Atlas was able to hide the bite from us at first. Our focus was on other things—my aunt, debriefing Seamus on the turn of events. It was a lot. And everyone just thought he was ignoring us because of the particularly acute pain of losing a bondmate, but really his body was being ravaged as the disease coursed through him.

  And then when Wade finally noticed the telltale wound on his arm that wasn’t disappearing as the days went by, we decided to keep it from everyone at The Guild on the off chance that he was one of the few to turn into a wolf. Protectors who were bitten and survived with no ill effects were pushed back into their normal lives, lauded as heroes who’d fought against death and won.

  But those who died or transformed were quietly swept away into the recesses of the lab—or worse. We weren’t really certain what happened to our fallen soldiers. It was a topic no one discussed in The Guild.

  None of us were ready to lose another member of our family so soon, not if we could help it and keep a close eye on him. Atlas was a stubborn ass—if anyone could keep the monster locked down, it was him. And when we learned that he was able to keep his affliction under control, that he had enough power over his own mind to keep from hurting anyone, our stance on the matter solidified. It bound us together with even deeper ties. Secrets had a way of doing that. We became a team so tightly connected that our bond stood against the rules of The Guild.

  The vamp had already started walking again, so I hobbled after him, downing a few gulps of water from his water bottle he’d left next to me in the process. If he wasn’t going to make use of the hydration, I was.

  After what felt like an hour of unbearable silence, in which the heat of the sun, or whatever was in the hell-sky, beat down against my back, baking my neck, I started to get bored.

  “Why did you leave hell anyway? And why do the creatures here hate it so much? Why risk dealing with protectors just to mingle around some humans?” I asked, staring at the vamp’s back. He hadn’t made any more attempts at conversation since the ambush, both of us too preoccupied with looking out for new attackers and keeping our eyes peeled for the rest of our team.

  My team.

  His back stiffened, almost as if he’d forgotten I was behind him. With a quick look back, he shrugged and then started moving again, this time his pace faster.

  I exhaled sharply, my breath puffing the few stray strands of hair away from my face. I was caked in sweat, dried blood, and desperate for a bath. “Is there food and water in this realm that won’t kill the rest of us?” I tried again.

  “Yes,” he said, his answer drawn out like he was only half paying attention to me.

  “Do you know how we can find where Wade’s being kept? Do you have like a map of hell memorized in that warped brain of yours?” I narrowed my eyes at him, getting frustrated with the fact that he suddenly seemed uninterested in bickering with me. From what I knew of the dick, he desperately loved to hear himself talk.

  He stopped walking before slowly spinning around on his heel. The movement was so smooth and sudden, and I was so focused on not upsetting any rocks as I walked, that I bumped into his chest and dropped his water bottle on his foot.

  “Sorry,” I said as I bent down to pick it up. When I stood, his brow was arched and he was staring at me like he’d never seen one of my kind before. “What?”

  “Nothing,” he said, shaking his head, “I’m just not used to you talking to me, let alone apologizing. Trying to figure out if your brains got liquified in the portal or if the werewolf slapped some friendly into your personality.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him and shoved his shoulder as I continued walking. It wasn’t what he said that had my mouth tasting like metal, it was the fact that he was right. I was warming up to him and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Which made me even angrier because I should have felt damn devastated at the realization and corrected course immediately. It was hard hating someone who literally saved your life.

  But honestly, the bottom line was that this asswipe was going to be connected to one of my best friends until he died. So maybe it was better to just find a way to stomach his presence.

  But then again, maybe not. “You know—”

  He cut off my snarky retort as he rushed past me. At first I thought he was just being a douche about me changing up our follow-the-leader game and the fact that I was taking my own stab at directing us, but after a second I realized that it was something else altogether.

  I took off at a run, trying to keep us as best as I could, but I wasn’t nearly as fast as a vampire on my best day, let alone after taking on some werewolves.

  “Slow down,” I whisper-yelled at his back, too worried about who might hear us to turn up the volume. He was a vamp though, so I had no doubt that he heard me just fine if he was listening.

  But he sped up, so clearly he wasn’t. Or he just didn’t give a fuck, which was much more likely.

  After a few minutes, I lost him entirely and pumped my legs so fast that they started to feel like jelly. I paused, catching a quick breath and pressed lightly against the claw marks on my side. The exertion opened them back up again, which was frustrating. They’d been healing just fine until I pushed too hard.

  Bending at the knee, I took a steady breath in and out. My chest felt tight all of a sudden and while I wanted to think that it was because I was in pain or dying or something, I realized with a sinking frustration that it was because I was alone. I was anxious because a vampire went and ditched me.

  What the fuck was wrong with me? I shook my head, ready to chase after him in the direction I’d seen him moving so that I could give him a good dick punch once I found him—sorry, Eli—when I stopped breathing altogether.

  My eyes caught sight of the now-familiar white-blond hair, but it was what I saw standing next to him that had me falling to my knees with a relief so sharp it almost hurt.

  Max and Atlas.

  They were alive.

  And I hated that I was going to have to thank the fanghole for finding them just like he said he would.

  12

  Max

  The moment I saw Declan and Darius, I physically felt the weight lift off my shoulders. Atlas and I had been wandering for what felt like an hour, with no one sight, and I was starting to fear the worst.

  He didn’t help alleviate any of my anxiety either, as we moved at what felt like a snail’s pace so that he could check around every corner to make sure no one was lying in wait, ready to feast or capture us or whatever.

  Not to mention that he’d been on the edge of a shift since the moment we dropped down in the middle of a small valley. His wolf was so present that I half expected he couldn’t speak to me even if he wanted to. Seeing him so on edge just amplified my own anxiety and it wasn’t until I caught sight of Darius that I realized my hand was still gripped in Atlas’s.

  A realization that was made only more shocking by the fact that he was holding onto my hand just as tightly as I was holding onto his. As if he noticed it at the exact moment I did, he relaxed his fingers and mine fell away.

  “Are you both okay? Where’s E—umph.” My face burrowed into Declan’s chest as she barreled into me and wrapped her arms first around me, and then around Atlas. Her squeeze was so tight that it was difficult to breathe, but I didn’t even care.

&nbs
p; She was alive. They were both alive.

  Slowly, she peeled away from me and she and Atlas stared at each other with that peculiar focus that only genuine companionship could bring. He was slowly coming back to himself, so he listened with rapt attention to every detail she gave about her experience in hell so far.

  My heart raced against my chest as she recounted the attack in vivid detail—it was so at odds with our own experience here. I hadn’t so much as seen a single thing move or breathe. It was like we’d been dropped into a wasteland.

  Just as I opened my mouth to ask her more about the wolf attack, my blood coursing furiously underneath my skin, Darius gripped my face in both of his hands and studied me with more focus than I’d ever seen him show.

  His eyebrows were bent, creating a small line between them, and I could tell from his rigid stillness that he wasn’t so much as breathing as he tilted my face first from one side, then to the other.

  “You’re okay?” he asked, as his eyes and hands swept from my head, to my torso.

  His perusal was objective, calculating, but I couldn’t hide the shiver that rolled through my body as his hands caressed with a gentle familiarity. Each time his fingers lightly brushed along my skin, I could feel my blush deepening, my breath quickening.

  I took a step back, so that I was a full arm’s length away, and glanced up at him, trying desperately to ignore the fact that while my brain wanted distance between us, my body most certainly did not. In fact, it was downright screaming in protest. The traitor didn’t seem to care that the creature standing before me was a fucking vampire, the very thing I was built to destroy.

  Either not sensing my need for space, or simply not caring, he closed the distance between us again, so that he could continue his assessment.

  “I—” the word came out as a squeak so I nodded instead, using the extra few seconds to force my body to behave itself. “You are? I mean, you’re okay? Are you okay?”

  He was crouched down now examining a few cuts and scrapes along my legs, his head near my lady bits. He looked up at me and arched an eyebrow, his lips lifting in a cocky grin. Something about that sight did wild things to my stomach. “I’m perfectly fine, little protector.” He glanced over at Declan, as she and Atlas glared back at him. “We both are.”

  I took a quick step back again, like we were doing little more than a dance now, my skin burning as Declan and Atlas studied the space between Darius and me. “What about Eli?”

  I craned my neck, like he was merely hiding between a boulder, ready to pounce at us in surprise. Letting me worry for an elongated second was exactly the sort of thing he would find hilarious, all while leaving him an excellent opening for a dramatic appearance. It was quintessential Eli, and right now, I desperately wanted that to be the reason he wasn’t standing here with us.

  Declan’s face fell and she shook her head as she shared a knowing look with Atlas. My chest tightened with worry, but I glanced back at Darius.

  “But you’re okay?” I asked again, my eyes sweeping over Darius now just as thoroughly and thoughtfully as his had swept over me.

  “Pretty sure he’s made it clear he’s fine,” Atlas bit out, his voice filled with venom. It was the longest sentence he’d uttered since we’d gotten here. I wasn’t sure why his rage was directed at me, but I was getting used to it. Enough at least, that I didn’t even bother acknowledging it.

  “Yes,” I said slowly, trying to swallow my frustration, “which means that Eli is too.”

  “You’ve got to hand it to her, wolfie,” Darius stood up and stretched, his long limbs reaching high as the tension evaporated away, “she’s a lot quicker than you are.”

  Atlas took a step forward and squared off with Darius, his eyes a flash of pure yellow.

  I thought Darius might back away, give him some space, but the laziness that had suddenly crept over his body, disappeared just as quickly. His spine straightened and he narrowed his eyes before he used both of his hands to shove Atlas back.

  A low growl built up in Atlas’s chest and Declan and I stood still, both of us afraid of doing something that might escalate things even further. If the showdown between Darius and Claude taught us anything—it was that the two of us didn’t stand a chance at coming between a disagreement between beasts.

  Darius let out a sharp, humorless laugh before shoving Atlas again, like he’d found a new toy and was pleased as pie.

  “You need to get that wolf of yours under control before you get yourself or someone else killed,” his gaze swept briefly in my direction and I was taken aback by the steel in his eyes. The usual shit-eating grin was absent from his face, and I could tell that the demons that lingered beneath his skin were surfacing once more. “Embrace your monster while you have the chance. Pretty soon it’ll be too late and you’ll be nothing more than one of the countless late bloomers driven wild as the wolf takes over. When that happens, your wolf won’t be so discerning about who it deems an enemy.”

  Fur sprouted along Atlas’s skin, lining his forearms like magic, and I could tell that he was losing his hold on the monster, no matter how hard he tried to hold it back. As much as we all liked to pretend that he was different, that he was in control, we all knew deep down that it wasn’t true. The wolf was no less a part of him than it was of any other werewolf.

  “Atlas,” I said as I took a step towards him. Declan tried to pull me back but I stepped around her before she could grab hold of me and reached for Atlas’s hand. “Just breathe. In and out.”

  I mimicked the breath for him, my lungs expanding and deflating with exaggerated movements. Darius grabbed my shoulders and tried to pull me away but I leveled a glare at him, stopping him cold. We all knew that sudden movements right now would not be received well by the wolf, no matter how well-intended they were.

  Atlas helped me through the portal, let me cling to him like Saran Wrap until I calmed down. It was only fair that I do the same for him. If we were going to work together, it was time we all stopped pretending like he wasn’t a werewolf. We needed to learn how to work with the beast, just as we needed to learn to work with the man.

  His head turned towards mine, yellow eyes studying me with an intelligent, but unfamiliar focus. For the first time, it felt like I was actually seeing his wolf, separate from him in some ways, but not in all.

  He tilted his head in an almost cat-like gesture and the hand I clasped jerked back, pulling me until I was pressed against Atlas’s chest, our bodies glued together as I stared up at him. With a gentle precision, I felt fingers caress the side of my face before sliding back behind my neck and gripping the hair at the base of my skull. His hold was firm, but gentle all the same—just enough to let me know that I wasn’t in control of this situation.

  My stomach lurched as he tilted my face towards his and I didn’t dare so much as breathe. His face inched slowly towards mine as the yellow started to swirl and bleed back to brown. With lips so close that they ghosted on mine, I closed my eyes.

  The glance of his lips against mine sent a ripple of tingles down my body and I felt a low, buried need stir to life in my belly. It was like something in me was waking up, responding to the wolf.

  Instead of meeting the expected pressure, I felt Atlas push away from me until I stumbled back, knees still weak from whatever was coursing through my body. Darius gripped my arms and steadied me before I fell down on my ass, embarrassing myself even further.

  My heart beat furiously against my ribs as I turned towards Atlas. He was back to himself again, the wolf hidden once more beneath the surface, his dark eyes just as guarded and unreadable as ever. Shame and regret filled my chest as he refused to look in my direction, his jaw tensed and pulsing. I could almost taste the rage radiating from him, it was so strong.

  What the hell was happening between us and why did I try to get close to him when the monster was in control? And why did I get the feeling that the monster tolerated my presence far more than Atlas did?

  “I—”
I started, unsure what to say or do, when a harsh inhale distracted me and Darius let me go.

  I slammed my lips closed and spun around, only to find a deep gash running down Darius’s cheek.

  Where the hell had that come from?

  He buckled over and held his stomach. When he lifted the edge of his shirt up I saw another deep, angry line carving down his side. Blood flowed down his lined abdomen.

  The world spun for a long moment, as my brain caught up to the situation.

  “Eli,” I said as I watched the similar realization fall on Declan’s face. I looked up at Darius, every muscle in his body seemed tense, like he was perpetually waiting for the next strike to come. It had to be a strangely disarming feeling, but I didn’t have time to linger on it now. “Can you run?”

  Without a word, he nodded before wrapping my hand in his. He took off with a speed I struggled to keep up with at first but, to my surprise, I fell into step with him as we blew past rocks and, eventually, entered into a dark, sparse forest.

  We ran for what felt like miles, both of us weaving effortlessly around the brambles and tree roots. I’d grown up running through the woods back home, scaling the mountain on morning runs with Ro. Darius was just as adept at handling the terrain as I was, even though he was battling the added difficulty of getting attacked by some phantom creature.

  He let me lead. I wasn’t sure how I knew where to run, but I didn’t question it. Hell was a place literally filled with magic. If my instincts were pointing me in the direction of Eli, I would follow them.

  My breath came out in harsh clouds as the trees opened up into what looked like an abandoned street. The terrain in this realm was all over the place, from what felt like a bumpy Burning Man land, to an enchanted forest, and now this. There were a few scattered buildings around, with concrete sidewalks and buildings that were being reclaimed by plant life.