Silent Music

by Aisling Magic

  Killing the engine, I get out of the car and move toward Greg’s house. I knock and wait. A few seconds later, the door opens and Sophia, Greg’s girlfriend, greets me. “Hi, how are you?”

  “Great.” I kiss her on the cheek and follow her inside. “And you?” I ask.

  “Amazing.” She smiles radiantly, but I note a tinge of nervousness there as she bites her lips.

  “Where’s Greg?” I drop my bag on the couch and place Phoenix’s guitar carefully next to the bag.

  “He’s in the kitchen. Come.” She motions for me to follow her.

  I’ve never seen Greg in the kitchen, not at home and not when he was living with his other girlfriends. The only thing I think Greg knows about a kitchen is how it is spelled. Seeing him in his apron, trying to make breakfast … the man is definitely in love. “Hey, man.” He slaps my shoulder and gathers me in a bear hug. “Sorry, but I needed you urgently. After that, you can go and meet your girl.”

  “That’s cool. What’s the matter?” I ask.

  He places a plate of pancakes in front of me and removes his apron. He gulps a few times before taking Sophia’s hands in his. Trying to communicate telepathically, Sophia raises her eyebrows and Greg responds by pinching his lips. Finally, Greg releases a deep breath and announces, “We’re getting married.”

  It takes me a few seconds to process this news. Wow. Lack of words keeps me still on the chair, and I note Sophia and Greg looking at me with intense stares under their knitted brows.

  “That’s great.” I utter my words carefully.

  Greg’s smile freezes on his lips, and his eyes widen. “You’re not happy,” he says in horror, and Sophia’s smile withers.

  “What? No! Why’d you say that?” I ask incredulously.

  “You didn’t sound thrilled,” Sophia explains.

  My eyes roll. “That’s because you were acting like you’re seeking approval from her father,” I admit.

  Greg laughs. “But you’re happy, right?”

  Is he asking this because of Phoenix? Does he think that I’ll feel bad he’s getting married when there’s a possibility that I may not? “You’re such an asshole sometimes.” I stand up and smack his back. “Congrats, man.” Turning to Sophia, I ask, “Are you sure about this? Because if not, I can throw you on my shoulder and run like a caveman.”

  Sophia throws her head back and lets out a laugh. “Ohh …” She throws herself at me, and I hug her. “I’m happy, truly.” Sophia untangles herself and wipes away the mist beneath her lashes. “Your approval means a lot to Greg and me.”

  “Anytime. So when do you plan to share the news with Mom and Dad?” I ask, sitting down, getting to the pancake. I cut a piece and put it in my mouth. “Jesus Christ, are you trying to poison me?” I shout as the salty taste explodes in my mouth.

  Greg’s eyes widen. “Why, what happened?”

  I slice a piece of the pancake and stuff it in his mouth. It takes him a few seconds before he scrunches his nose, spitting the thing out. “Holy cow, that tastes like shit.”

  Sophia’s laughter hits our ears.

  “You! You did this?” Greg barks, pointing a finger at her.

  She shrugs. “You shouldn’t have called my chicken casserole salty the other day. And worse, you shouldn’t have refused to eat it.” She blows at her non-varnished nails. “I just replaced salt in the sugar box and vice versa. You were supposed to be the victim.” She turns toward me. “Sorry, Kai, you got burned in our war.”

  “This isn’t over,” Greg warns her and turns toward me. “Remind me again why I’m marrying her?”

  I raise my hands. “Don’t get me involved in this. I’m looking forward to your bachelor party, not your funeral.”

  Sophia grins.

  •••

  “They’re getting married, can you believe it?” I ask, removing my shoes. “This is crazy. It feels like I met Sophia just yesterday, and now they’re getting married.”

  Cautiously, I climb on the bed and drop a light kiss on her lower lip. I take Phoenix’s hand into mine. “You know, I went for dinner at your place last week, and Eric said that you had a seizure.” I graze my fingers on her cheeks. “I hope you didn’t feel any pain.”

  I keep touching her cheeks as memories of her smiling and giggling come to my mind. “Just wake up, babe. I want to be able to kiss you with you kissing me back. I want you to touch me back when I touch you. I want to ask questions that you’re going to answer. I want to tell a joke and hear your laughter afterward. God, Phoenix, there’re so many things that we need to do when you’re up. Please don’t give me another shock after this seizure.”

  My lips kiss her sleeping face. “You’re as beautiful as the first time I saw you in the park, and your silence reminds me of that day. Our eyes shared a thousand words which touched my soul to the very core.”

  Tucking her hair behind her ear, an idea enters my mind. “Instead of reading from the diary, let me tell you what my heart remembers when I saw you for the first time in the park. How you stumbled into my life with your craziness and brought life to my music.”

  MY FUTURE IN THE PARK

  KAI, 17 years old

  28 August 2013

  I just punched a guy—the dick fuck was looking for it. Fist clenched, I remember the pain and pleasure it brought me to deliver that punch. I was walking to my next class when Greg stopped me.

  “What the hell, man? You can’t do stuff like that. You’ll get a detention.”

  My angry-self ignored his words as I continued to walk toward my class.

  “Owen is going to be pissed, Kai.”

  I stopped, and he knocked into my back. I couldn’t care less about what Dad would think. “Do I look like I give a fuck?” I knew I looked murderous right now. Hell, I felt murderous.

  Running a frustrated hand over his face, Greg asked, “But what’d Amberson do to deserve that punch? What the hell did he say?”

  My jaw clenched, remembering Amberson’s words—bastard. He had this way of saying things that just made you want to rearrange his bone structure.

  I walked away because I didn’t want to give him this answer. Greg moved in front of me, and my steps halted. “What the hell?” I shouted.

  “Answer my fucking question.”

  I gripped my hair between my fingers. “He called you a bastard, and don’t give me that shitty saint version of how people will speak, and you don’t care and all that shit because I fucking care and nobody—no-fucking-body—gets to call you a bastard,” I fumed.

  Greg took a step back and looked at me. I saw the hurt in his eyes, and then he surprised me by pulling me into a tight hug. I fucking love my brother. Greg is the son of my unmarried aunt Barbara. She died of cancer when Greg was a child, and she left him with us.

  “Thanks, man, but it’s a pretty pathetic thing to tease me about.”

  I shook my head, chuckling. “If any fucker gets to call you bastard, scumbag, or piece of shit, it’s me.”

  Throwing his head back, Greg roared with laughter. “Noted.”

  “Glad we established that. Now I need some fresh air to calm myself down before rehearsals. I’ll go to the park. Call if you need me.”

  “And class?”

  “Not now.”

  •••

  I got out of the car after I grabbed my phone and earbuds. I just needed some peace and good music to relax. My gaze landed on a bench, and I started to walk toward it when I saw a girl sitting on the grass, the breeze caressing her hair. She brushed away a strand colored like a summer sunset.

  And my world halted.

  Happiness fleeted in my heart, and the idiot forgot how to beat steadily. Without realizing what I was doing, my feet moved toward her. She was so lost in her own world that she didn’t see me approaching. With her back to me, I noticed that she was bent over her notepad and trying to complete a sentence—a poem? She let out a frustrated groan and threw the paper away. I picked the discarded paper up and read the words she
wrote.

  I’m music.

  I’m the music.

  I’m a song.

  You’re my music.

  Well, maybe not!

  Then who are you? An idiot maybe!

  She was writing a song. Was she a singer? I chuckled at what she wrote, and her head swung toward me.

  Gorgeous.

  Her small nose crunched and her green eyes behind those glasses trailed lazily over my body. Damn, she was cute. After her perusal, she licked her lips. I believed in lust a first sight, not love, but right now, looking at her, I just knew that—maybe—it was that blasted you-and-I-are-meant-to-be-with-each-other-at-first-sight thing. There was a little voice inside that whispered, “It’s her.”

  Somehow my anger regarding Amberson evaporated. Filling the spot next to her, I slid the pen from her fingers and waited to see if she’d protest. Her gaze remained on me, but I saw no signs of protest in her eyes. Instead, thousands of questions danced there, along with curiosity. I guess it’s all the permission I’ll get.

  So I completed her line.

  You’re my lyrics.

  Her eyes swept over what I wrote again and again until she finally landed those greens on me. Confusion, hesitance, and a glimpse of admiration lurked there, but she didn't say anything, and I refused to tarnish this moment by speaking. I placed the paper—and my heart—into the hands of a green-eyed girl whom I didn’t know and left.

  The silence between us was the sweetest music this universe has ever heard.

  CHAPTER 7

  KAI

  Two hours later, my notebook is filled with scribbles and some cutout phrases, but there are no actual changes made to Kylie’s song. My fingers continue to work on the chords, but I’m not getting the feel, so I place the guitar carefully on the floor and take a sip of whiskey.

  “Any luck with that song?” Dad walks onto the balcony wearing his knitted earflap cap and mittens and carrying a cup of hot chocolate between his palms.

  I’m spending the night at Mom and Dad’s because I couldn’t concentrate inside that lonely house of mine. I take another sip, letting it burn down my throat. “No, but it’ll come.”

  Dad nods and looks ahead. “How’s Phoenix?” he asks, still not looking at me.

  “She’s well,” I mumble, flipping the page of the notebook and start scribbling something else.

  “Your mother said she talked to you the other day. And that you told her you were going to keep on waiting.” Dad’s always careful when he chooses his words, unlike Mom. He understands why I’m still waiting for Phoenix to wake up. He understands because he always puts himself in other people’s shoe. And this is why, despite him wanting me to find another girl, he respects my decision.

  “Yeah, I’m waiting. For her.” I stop the pen and take another sip of that whiskey.

  He remains silent for a moment. “You care too much, Kai.”

  It comes naturally. Part of being a musician means getting an abundance of emotions for free. Phoenix is the same way, but she’s what we call an extremist. When she loves, she loves with her whole being. And when she hates, she hates with deadly vehemence. She doesn’t do halfway.

  “I can’t help it,” I speak sincerely and get back to the piece in my notebook.

  “Your mother and I want what’s best for you.” He takes a deep breath and grips the cup firmly in his hands.

  “I know you do, but I can’t be with someone else.”

  And it’s true.

  It’s not like I haven’t tried. I have. But I always feel like I’m betraying Phoenix. Brian once set me up on a date with Amanda, a receptionist at some bank. She was fun, easy to be with. We saw each other for two weeks until she wanted to have sex. At first, I was shocked that she had her lips on my body, but then, while she seemed to be lost in turning me on, I was making a conscious effort not to push her away from me. I tried so hard to convince myself that this is what people do every day—have no-strings-attached sex. Then why was it different for me? Why couldn’t I do the same? But the moment she took her bra off, I bolted—like a freaking coward. After that day, I never saw her again. Not even to apologize.

  “You have to move on someday, Kai,” Dad says and I look up. We share a moment of silence, where I know he understands that that someday won’t be soon. And with that, he leaves me with my scattered words on the paper.

  It’s been a hundred years of daylight for me,

  A hundred years of darkness for you,

  And another hundred since I’ve met you

  So I lie on my pillow, closing my eyes tonight,

  Trying to reach you to make things all right

  Come home tonight, come home tonight,

  As my arms lie open, waiting

  My lips smiling, my heart relaxing,

  Come home tonight, come home tonight … to me

  I see you standing there in that red dress,

  Your smile dazzling my sensitive eyes,

  That laughter traveling to my heart,

  I move to catch you as you run to me,

  And when you hit my chest, I catch your scent ...

  CHAPTER 8

  KAI

  Water bottle in hand, I make my way to the cashier. It’s busy for a Saturday morning, and there’s already a line.

  “Well, he deserved what he got,” a woman speaks behind me. “The idiot was speaking on the phone while driving. He had it coming.”

  My body stiffens and, as I suppress the guilt, anger crawls up my neck. I try averting my mind, but I can’t help listening to the woman.

  “You said it, he deserved it,” replies another woman. “No morals, these people. Selfish is what they are.”

  Every cell in my body wants to turn around and shout at these women. We all make mistakes, but no one should have to pay for their mistake with injury or death.

  “Oh yes, they don’t care for their lives, we understand that. But at least they should care for other people.”

  “Youngsters, no care for others.”

  That’s all I can take.

  With anger brewing inside me, I throw the money without taking the change and get out of there. I slam the door shut and start the car, my mind reeling with anger as I speed to the hospital. Once there, I get out of the car with my bag and guitar and make it to Phoenix. Kelly greets me as I step into the room, and we chat about Phoenix’s overall progress, which isn’t much, but thankfully, she hasn’t had any more seizures.

  “Hi, babes.” I place my things down and walk toward her. I gently touch my lips on hers and caress her cheeks. She still looks beautiful. “I hope you’ve missed me because I’ve missed you so much,” I say, removing my shoes. The minute I’m on the bed, I get the diary out.

  “Something got me angry, so I’m not in the mood to talk a lot today. Let’s read something from here,” I say pointing at the diary, aware that she can’t see what I’m pointing at, but doing this makes all my one-sided chatter seem less crazy.

  I let the pages flip and stop. “An ‘oops’ meeting. I haven’t read this before.”

  AN ‘OOPS’ MEETING

  PHOENIX, 17 years old

  08 May 2014

  It was Sunday—a lazy one. And since I was left alone for the night, I tossed my bra into the basket, gathered my ponytail, and then sat down to complete some homework. Not that it’s been fruitful. All I’ve successfully accomplished in the past hour was checking my phone eighteen times. I adjusted my glasses and checked my phone again—no messages from Kai. Kai’s aunt Penelope celebrated her birthday this weekend, but it was Sunday night and tomorrow was a school day, so he should have been back by now. Plus, the jerk hadn’t called or texted all weekend.

  Knock, knock, knock.

  What the hell?

  Someone was knocking at my window. Getting my ass up, I gently pulled the curtains open to find Kai sporting a huge grin. I crossed my arms and glared at him. The idiot disappeared on me for the weekend, with no trace, and now he was grinning like nothing hap
pened?

  Since I was making no move to open the window, he threw his hands in the air and gloated, “If you don’t open this freaking window, I’m going to get my best frog voice out and sing and dance Gangnam style and wake up everyone, and it’s not going to be pretty.” He wiggled his eyebrows, waiting for me to open the window.

  I let out a loud huff and slid open the window. He jumped inside and closed the window quietly while I walked back to my place and sat down. Footsteps approached me, but I ignored him. I felt his lips on the side of my neck, and my throat blocked the moan threatening to burst out. He started kissing my neck with an open mouth, and I gripped the table hard, leaving Shakespeare incomplete on paper. He slowed down and let his heavy breath hit my neck. God, I may die soon.

  “I can feel the moan inside you, babe, let me hear it,” Kai said in a husky voice. Is it possible to come just from the sound of his voice? I feel like I could.

  He continued to lay kisses on my neck with an occasional suck and gentle bite. His hand disappeared beneath my pink top, finding my breast. His fingers twirled, working their magic. His breathing increased.

  “Babe, I bet you’re wet right now.”

  I bit my lips hard, nearly drawing blood, trying not to make a sound.

  “Okay, that’s how we’re going to play it then,” he said with fake humor. “I’m making you moan in less than a minute. Otherwise, I’ll stop bothering you and drag my ass home.”

  With that, he sucked and bit with more determination. And when that didn’t work, he removed his hand from my top and moved it to my pants. His fingers snuck inside my panties, and he touched me. Someone, please get the fire extinguisher.

  My head was thrown back, and a lusty moan erupted from my throat. “Yeah, that’s it. Moan for me,” Kai said, pumping his fingers in and out of me.

  A heat started building, and my hand gripped the back of his head as he continued to suck my neck. My eyes rolled back, and I gripped his wrist. All the stars of the galaxy danced behind my lids, spinning the axis of my world.