Chain Reactions

by Lynn Ames

  She squared her shoulders. “I’m flattered that you would consider those enhancements, sir, but I didn’t come here to work out a better deal for myself. This wasn’t a negotiating ploy. This is my sincere desire to take what I feel in my heart is the right step to honor Aunt Nora and her legacy.”

  “It’s an emotional time for you, Diana, as it would be for anyone in your position. The death of someone so significant is bound to rock your world. Perhaps you should let this sit for a while before acting. Later, if you still feel as you do now, you could approach Harvard.”

  “No, sir. I know exactly what I’m doing, and I’m positive that this would be the right move for me.”

  Dean Montrose pushed back in his chair. He glanced out the window and then down at a metal item on his desk. He picked it up and handed it to her.

  “What’s this?”

  “It’s a spare part from a Calutron machine. Your great-aunt gave it to me as a present when I successfully defended my dissertation. With it was a note that read: ‘Congratulations, Dr. Montrose. Always remember that the individual components of your work mean nothing without consideration of the totality. Never one without the other. Be mindful, and let your conscience be your North Star.’ I’ve never forgotten that advice.”

  She examined the piece and handed it back, as yet another wave of sadness and regret washed over her. If Grandpa Bill and her parents hadn’t driven Aunt Nora out of her life, she no doubt would’ve been the recipient of such sage counsel on a regular basis.

  “Your Aunt Nora answered my questions and gave of her time and expertise to me when she didn’t need to do so. She led by example and taught others to do the same. She was more than a great scientist. She was a remarkable human being.”

  Diana felt a surge of pride. “I wish I’d had more time with her. But somehow, I feel like she’s still here with me, guiding me. I’m sure that sounds crazy.”

  “Actually, that sounds exactly right.” He nodded to himself. “I can’t believe I’m going to say what I’m about to say. I told you that Dean Ballinger at Harvard is a friend of mine. He too was mentored by Dr. Lindstrom as a young professor, before he ascended up the career ladder. I know they had a special relationship. If you’re serious about this move and committed to see it through, I will talk to Dr. Ballinger on your behalf.”

  “You’ll…” She couldn’t speak around the lump in her throat. She swallowed and paused to regain her composure.

  “I told you. Your great-aunt changed and guided my professional life. It’s only right that I pay her back in the most meaningful way possible. To the extent that I’m able, I will help you transfer your grant to Harvard and make sure that the terms of your employment there are equal to—or better—than they are here.”

  “You’d do that for me, sir?”

  “Sid Farber believed in your Aunt Nora and gave her a chance to thrive at a time when few women were taken seriously in the field of science. As a result, her work changed the world for the better. I have that same confidence in you and your work. You’re a gifted teacher, Diana, and I believe your research project has the potential to change the outcome for thousands of patients. It’s an honor to be in a position to facilitate your success, even if that success won’t happen here at Columbia.”

  “I-I don’t know what to say, sir. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. That was a bold and brave move, coming to me first. I appreciate your integrity. Looks like you inherited your great-aunt’s strong moral sense. I do believe she’d be proud.”

  “I certainly hope so, sir. I hope so.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Brooke stood up and waved as Daniel entered the restaurant. He was a half hour late for their dinner at Moby Dick’s in Wellfleet, but that was to be expected given his patient load and the fact that he drove from Boston. She caught his attention and sat back down.

  At the table, he pulled her up, hugged her hello, and then held her at arm’s length. “You look like hell.”

  “Good to see you too.”

  “I mean it, Brooke. Have you slept at all?”

  “It’s Wednesday. It’s not my day to sleep.”

  “Don’t be glib.”

  “Don’t be over-protective. I’m fine.”

  He shed his coat and they sat. “I’m sorry I’m late.”

  She shrugged. “It’s not as if I had anyplace urgent to be.”

  “What can I get you to drink?” The server fished his pen out of his apron and held it poised over his pad.

  “What are you having?” Daniel asked Brooke.

  “Perrier.”

  “I’ll have what she’s having.”

  When the server returned with the sparkling water, they ordered their entrees.

  “So, tell me what’s going on.” Daniel sipped his drink and broke off a piece of sourdough bread from the loaf in the middle of the table. He dipped it in the olive oil and balsamic vinegar and moaned in delight with the first bite.

  “Nothing.”

  “Well then, this is going to be a short conversation.” He took another bite. “When’s the last time you heard from Diana?”

  Brooke fiddled with the salt and pepper shakers.

  “Brooke? Talk to me.”

  “A little over a week ago via e-mail. She thanked me for getting the letter out to Nora’s colleagues and asked me to line up one speaker each from Harvard and DFCI. She also asked for the name of the officiant so she could contact him directly. I did as she asked, lined everyone up, and replied to her e-mail. I haven’t heard a word since.”

  “I’d ask how that makes you feel, but it’s written all over your face.” He reached out and took her hand. “I’m sorry.”

  “Me too.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to soften your position? You know, compromise a little?”

  She withdrew her hand. “How would you like me to bend? You want me to say that I’m content to take a back seat to Diana’s career? That at fifty years old I don’t mind being a weekend girlfriend who gets maybe eight days a month with her partner and otherwise is a long-distance text and call buddy? Or would you have me agree to move to a big city that would eat me alive where I can be an afterthought she comes home to when she’s done burning the midnight oil in the lab?”

  “Tell me how you really feel.” He polished off the last of the bread. “Everything you’ve mentioned was known to you before you got involved. You were aware that she worked at Columbia and you knew about the grant. How did you think this was all going to work out?”

  She shook her head in exasperation. “I don’t know. I guess I wasn’t thinking very clearly, was I? I made a poor decision.”

  “Or maybe you followed your heart.”

  “Yeah, well, we can see how that’s working out for me.” She glanced down as her phone vibrated against the dinner table. “Oh.” Her pulse pounded a tattoo against the side of her neck and her heart fluttered.

  “What is it?” He half-stood. “Brooke? Are you okay?”

  She nodded. It was several seconds before she trusted herself to read Diana’s text out loud.

  “Hi. I hope I’m not intruding. Is there any chance I could see you tomorrow? If the answer is yes, and I pray that it is, I would have to know where you’re going to be tomorrow. Are you back in Provincetown?”

  “Well?” he asked. “What’s your answer?”

  Her fingers tingled, a sure sign she was hyperventilating. She rotated her shoulders back and consciously drew in a deep breath. What did Diana want?

  “Brooke? Drink some water. Your pallor is awful and you’re having a panic attack.” He handed her the glass of water.

  She dutifully drank. “I don’t have panic attacks.”

  “Could’ve fooled me.” He smirked.

  “This is not funny.”

  “You’re right. It’s not. So, what are you going to do?”

  “What do you think she wants?”

  He raised an eyebrow. “How should I know? I suggest
you either ask her what she wants, or be brave, say yes, and find out what it’s all about when she gets here.”

  She rocked her head from side to side to relieve the tension in her neck.

  “Whatever you’re going to say, I wouldn’t keep her waiting too much longer. It took guts for her to reach out. Be compassionate.”

  She closed her eyes. Be compassionate. What was the worst that could happen? Could things between them be any more broken than they already were?

  “Hey,” he said softly, “with great risk comes great reward, right?”

  “Or, conversely, with great risk comes greater heartache.”

  “Since when did you become such a pessimist? What happened to my always Zen, always sunny, Brooke?”

  She smiled sadly. “She fell in love and got her heart ripped out, all in short order.”

  “You haven’t asked my advice yet, but I think you should let her come and see what she has to say. Give her a chance. If you don’t like it, tell her to go pound salt, see her at the funeral on Saturday, and be done with her. You’d be no worse off than you are right now.”

  She bit her lip. Maybe he was right. What was she afraid of? You’re afraid she’ll yank your heart the rest of the way out of your chest and step on it for good measure. Was that true? Was that really the issue? Or was she afraid Diana would sacrifice things that were important to her, including her self-esteem, to be with the woman she loved? Surely that was a recipe for failure.

  Brooke raised trembling fingers and tapped out, “Yes, you can come. I’m in Provincetown. Staying at the rented house. What time should I expect you?”

  Diana checked herself in the visor mirror. She ran her fingers through her hair once more to settle it, readjusted her shirt collar, and put her hand in front of her mouth to check her breath. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this nervous.

  Breathe. The worst that can happen is that she tells you it doesn’t make a difference and you’ve turned your life upside down for nothing.

  “Please, God, don’t let this all have been for nothing.” She cracked open the window to counteract the hot flash that threatened to drench her. She was glad she’d freshened her perfume.

  With five miles to go, she rehearsed once more what she wanted to say and envisioned a successful outcome. That was the final piece of guidance she’d absorbed from the self-help book.

  “Focus on the desired outcome and visualize it as though it already has come to pass.”

  She was so preoccupied she nearly drove past the address. She parked the car, cut the engine, and got out. When she glanced up at the house, Brooke was standing on the front steps.

  She had her hands jammed in the pockets of her jeans. As Diana approached, she idly noted that the forest green sweater set off her hair and eyes. She seemed somehow more fragile than Diana remembered, but also more beautiful.

  “Hi.”

  “Hi, yourself,” Diana responded. Her heart pounded so hard she thought it might burst out of her chest. “Thanks for letting me come.”

  “You’re welcome. Want to come inside?”

  “Yes, please.” She followed Brooke into the living room.

  “Sit down. Do you want anything to drink? I can make a pot of coffee if you like.”

  “No, thank you.” They were like polite strangers, warily circling each other, feeling their way, careful not to give away too much.

  She sat on the edge of the couch while Brooke chose the chair opposite her.

  “So…” They both said at once.

  “You go first,” Diana said.

  “I was just going to ask you how you’ve been.”

  I’ve been a mess without you. “Fine. Okay. You?”

  “Fine.”

  She wanted to tell her that she didn’t look fine. She looked vulnerable and scared, and Diana would’ve done anything right then to change that. “Thanks again for doing all of the leg work for the funeral.”

  “You’re welcome. I had the contacts. It wasn’t hard.”

  “Well, I appreciate it.”

  “Sure.” Brooke stared at a spot over Diana’s left shoulder. The seconds ticked on. “I’m confident you didn’t come all the way out here to tell me that. You could’ve called or texted me and done the same.”

  She licked her lips. “You’re right. That’s not why I’m here.”

  Brooke sat back and crossed her arms. Obviously, she wasn’t going to make this easy.

  “I-I’ve missed you.”

  Brooke nodded imperceptibly.

  “I’ve done a lot of soul searching since you walked out. I need you to know I understand why you left. You were right to take care of yourself. You deserve someone who puts you first, and you have every right to expect that. I didn’t give you any reason to believe I was that person.” Shame stained her cheeks red.

  Brooke continued to sit stoically, so she plowed onward. “Instead of focusing only on the ways in which this couldn’t work, I should’ve spent my energy figuring out solutions. That’s what I’ve been doing since you left.”

  Brooke’s scrutiny made her too nervous to sit still any longer. She jumped up and began to pace. “I realize I may be too late. You might not be willing to hit the restart button. Perhaps I’ve already blown my chance, but I hope not.” She came to stand in front of her.

  “I’m rambling, I know. That’s because I’m scared. It terrifies me to think I might have to walk through the rest of my life without you by my side. So, here goes.” She sucked in a deep breath and blew it out.

  “Yesterday, I went to Harvard and met with Henry Ballinger, the Dean of the Faculty of Medicine, and Roberta Dubnick, Dean for Faculty and Research Integrity. With the blessing of my dean at Columbia, we agreed in principle on a deal that will transfer my research and my tenure to Harvard and release me from my contract at Columbia.”

  Brooke gasped and covered her mouth with a trembling hand. Diana knelt in front of her.

  “Brooke Sheldon, I know you may not be able to forgive me for my myopia and stupidity, but I want you to know that I would do anything for you, including relocate to a place you call home, just to have a chance…” Her voice cracked and she took a moment to gather herself. “…just to have a chance to call you mine and spend the rest of my life with you. I love you, and I can’t imagine my world without you in it.”

  Brooke shook her head slowly. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.

  Diana sat back on her heels and bowed her head. She’d done her best and she had no regrets. She’d known there was no guarantee that Brooke would forgive her and open her heart again. Still, she was proud that she’d tried.

  Soft hands caressed her face and raised her chin. “Diana Lindstrom, I can’t believe you did that. I-I don’t know what to say.”

  She smiled tentatively. “You could start by saying I have a shot with you.”

  “Yes. Yes, a thousand times yes.” Brooke kissed Diana’s eyelids, her nose, and finally her mouth.

  Diana pulled Brooke to her as they tumbled to the floor in a heap. She brushed Brooke’s hair back. “I couldn’t imagine not waking up to this face every day. I had to do what I could.”

  “You really quit Columbia for Harvard?”

  “I did. Well, it’s not officially official yet. It will take time to get all the paperwork and details in order. But, yes, I did. Technically, Cambridge isn’t Boston, and Aunt Nora’s house is on a nice, quiet street with lots of trails and green spaces. I thought maybe it would be on your ‘acceptable places to live’ list. And we could spend every chance we get in Truro at the cottage.”

  Brooke laughed. “You’ve lost your mind.” She kissed her again. “Harvard will give you tenure?”

  “Yes. And a kick ass research team, an amazing lab, and classes that I’m really jazzed to teach. Also, Massachusetts General Hospital has a tie-in with my research and will contribute to funding my position.”

  “Wow. Just…wow!”

  Diana pulled bac
k so that Brooke’s face was in focus. “I know I’d still be working hard on my research and teaching, but I promise those things will never supersede us in importance. You have my solemn word.”

  “You worked all this out yourself?”

  “It helped that both deans were Aunt Nora’s mentees.”

  “I’m sure there’s a story there, but right now, I don’t want to hear it.” Brooke leaned in and claimed her lips again.

  Diana ran her fingers underneath Brooke’s sweater seeking the soft skin of her abdomen. She was quickly losing any ability to hold herself back. She brushed her thumbs across Brooke’s erect nipples and moaned.

  “Can I…? Is this okay…? Please…?” She recognized that she wasn’t able to complete a coherent thought.

  “Yes. Yes. And absolutely.” Brooke arched backward to give Diana better access.

  “Should we…?”

  “Yes.”

  They separated only long enough to stumble to the bedroom.

  “I love you, Brooke.”

  “I love you, Diana. Make love to me, please.”

  Brooke stretched and shifted onto her side. She skimmed her fingers over Diana’s shoulder, along her collarbone, and dipped downward. Diana groaned and rolled toward her.

  “Anyone who says women are washed up after forty-five has never met us.”

  “Who says that?” she asked as she bent to taste the soft skin at the base of Diana’s throat.

  “Those ‘they’ people.” Diana squirmed under her ministrations. “Oh, my God. You have to stop now or I won’t be able to walk for a week.”

  “I thought you said…”

  “I know what I said. Pace yourself. I’m not going anywhere.”

  She stilled her motion. Her heart paused and resumed its normal rhythm. “Are you sure? Sure you’re not going anywhere, I mean? Sure that you made the right choice? Sure that I’m worth that sacrifice?”

  Diana scrambled to a sitting position and fluffed a pillow behind her back. “I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.”

  “Diana, you’re giving up everything you’ve worked for. I never would’ve asked—”