To Face The Past

by Karen Abbott

  So, why was there a little niggle of doubt?

  She shook her head.

  There wasn’t!

  Or, at least, there hadn’t been—until Matt’s devastating smile had once more cast its warmth upon her frozen heart.

  No! It must end right here!

  She deliberately turned away, welcoming the sharp stab of ice in her heart. A little pain now would prevent a lot of pain later.

  The first couple of weeks sped by. They had a sprinkling of visitors, drawn to the hotel by their attractive ‘winter break’ offer. It gave everyone a chance to settle into routine without being under the pressure that would inevitably come once the season was under way.

  Eva made a point of breakfasting in the staff dining room partway through the first week and found the food on offer to be much poorer in quality than that served in the main dining room: very fatty streaky bacon, tiny fried eggs, cheap sausages, scrambled eggs made from egg powder and poor quality instant coffee.

  Burt spread wide his hands. “I ordered better quality ... but this is what came. I never know what to expect since we stopped using local suppliers. All to do with costing and making profit, Mr. Crawleigh says. You had better take it up with him. I do my best. Better it going to the staff dining room than out to the guests.”

  Eva raised the issue with Phil Crawleigh.

  “Someone been complaining?” he asked. “Tell them to come straight to me if they have any complaints. There’s no need to hide behind anyone’s skirts.” He smirked, adding, “ ... however attractive the skirt might be.”

  Eva bristled. She hated innuendoes like that.

  “No-one is hiding behind me,” she snapped. “It’s part of my job to look after our personnel. I went to the staff canteen to see what is served there ... and was extremely disappointed in the quality.”

  He raised an eyebrow at her sharp reply, making her feel her reaction was a bit over the top.

  “You do realise that your eating in the staff dining room will have deprived someone of their rightful choice from the menu?” Mr. Crawleigh remarked.

  “That’s not the point. Besides, from the amount of fatty sausages and bacon left congealing in the cooking tray, few people were choosing that option.”

  “Hmm. We can’t have waste like that. I’d better have a word with Burt about it. If food is being left, he will have to think of another way of using it, maybe in a quiche or something. Keeping the costs low isn’t easy, you know, Eva. We’re all trying our best to pull the hotel’s finances around. Time to tighten our belts ... not expanding the staff menu. That’s the reason Matt has been called in ... I thought you knew that? ”

  “Oh.”

  Had it been Matt’s suggestion to cut costs in that way? She knew that was what he did ... turning struggling businesses around. Maybe she should have asked him about it first? Except, she thought wryly, she had been keeping her interaction with Matt to a minimum. Not very professional of her, if it meant she wasn’t doing her job properly.

  Before she could comment further, the office door opened and Matt came in with an open ledger in his hand.

  “Phil, I was just ...” He paused abruptly. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t know Eva was with you. Shall I ...?” He half turned, indicating he would wait outside.

  “No need to go, Matt. Eva was just leaving, weren’t you, my dear? And don’t concern yourself over this little matter. Just leave it with me. I think we will find it was just a one-off blip in the new system. Now, if you don’t mind, Matt and I need to get on.”

  Eva excused herself and left them to it, feeling rather like a recalcitrant schoolgirl who had interfered where it wasn’t necessary. Maybe she was too idealistic? And the hotel did have to make a profit, didn’t it? Income had to exceed expenditure.

  The question of how close an eye had to be kept on profit and costing arose again a few days later. This time, the issue was over the number of guests not balancing with the number of meals served.

  Burt’s kitchen records showed that there had been twenty-four resident guests to cater for over the past two days but, when the accounts were being rationalised, only twenty-two people were accounted for.

  It happened just before hand-over time, when Eva was due to finish for the day. She had planned to go into Cardigan and visit the local Tourist Information Office to discover all she could about local amenities, places of historical interest and any local walks that they could advertise in their new brochure. That would have to be postponed. This matter needed to be sorted.

  “Huh! It’s a case of friend like friend!” Leanne snorted, glaring at Bethan’s red face. “Just look at her! Guilt is written all over her!”

  “That’s not true!” Bethan protested. “I don’t remember booking anyone else in! They must have arrived when I was off duty!”

  “Meaning what?” Leanne challenged.

  “That someone else booked them in!”

  “Accusing the rest of us, now, are you? Trying to cover your tracks, eh?”

  “Now, girls!” Meriel intervened. “Maybe Tricia will be able to throw some light on it? She’s new here and might have forgotten to write the booking in the register. Can you recall anything, Eva?”

  Eva carefully examined the register. Nothing had been erased or altered. “I can’t, I’m sorry. What about these two rooms booked as single occupancy? Could they have slipped in a guest?” she suggested. “Gwyneth might know.”

  The housekeeper didn’t like to have her records questioned. Her cheeks bore red highlights as she consulted her duty roster. “They are booked here as single occupancy,” she declared, snapping shut the book. “Carys Jones and Nesta Morgan saw to those rooms. They are both on duty again today. They will bear me out, I’m sure.”

  Nesta shrugged when questioned. “Can’t say that I remember, really. I just tidied what was there and replaced any items that had been used.”

  Carys glanced at Gwyneth nervously. “I’m sure there were two people in all the rooms that week-end, Mrs. Oliver. Both the beds in both rooms had been slept in.”

  “Nonsense! How can you be so sure?”

  “’Cos I had to remake them, see. And there was an electric shaver in the bathroom and some stockings drying over the radiator in one of the rooms. I remember moving them whilst I cleaned. They were those nice ‘stay-ups’ with lacy tops. I remember thinking how pretty they were.”

  “Hmph! Well, I think you are mistaken, Carys. Those items were probably in one of the other rooms,” Gwyneth objected. “After all, you’re still not fully used to the layout of the hotel yet.”

  Carys looked uncomfortable with everybody’s eyes upon her. Her face turned red and she looked down at the floor.

  “Maybe we had two extras for meals only,” Eva suggested next, casting back her mind, trying to visualise all the guests of the last few days. She felt she could do so, helped by the list, but couldn’t reliably place all the faces to the names in front of her. Only four ‘singles’ came to mind. The rest had been in pairs. But six rooms had been booked as singles and eight doubles. Twenty-two guests.

  “Shouldn’t the singles have paid a supplement for single occupancy of a double room?” she asked.

  “In high season, they do ... but not as part of our ‘winter break’ special offer,” Meriel explained. “We get a few extra bookings that way.”

  Dilys Challender, the restaurant manager, was brought into the discussion but she, too, was unable to shed any light upon the mystery. Her records clearly showed twenty-four guests’ meals and nine non-residents’ over the relevant period, matching the total meals prepared according to the kitchen records.

  “So, where is the money that’s due to go to the food accounts?” Burt demanded. “The meals have been ordered and eaten … but no record of them being paid for. Which leaves my accounts in deficit! And it’s not the first time!”

  Phil joined the group at this point, it being the start of his duty period.

  “Leave it with me!” he advised. “I
’ll sort it out!”

  “Checking Bethan’s bank account would be the quick way!” Leanne muttered.

  “Stop that, Leanne!” Eva commanded. “There is nothing to suggest Bethan’s complicity!”

  “Only that she’s continuing where her friend left off!”

  “That’s not true!” Bethan said quietly.

  “What’s this about?” Eva asked, glancing round the group.

  “A recent employee, who … er … left last year,” Phil supplied somewhat hesitantly.

  “Her thief-friend, Lowri!” Leanne added scornfully.

  “Bethan?” Eva smiled encouragingly.

  Bethan faced her squarely. “My friend, Lowri … I told you about her, remember? That’s why she left. She was sacked, accused of dishonest dealings … but she hadn’t! She was set-up by someone!”

  “Now, Bethan! We’ve gone through all this before,” Phil remonstrated. “It was pretty well proved conclusively and Miss Evans resigned to avoid police involvement, if you recall.”

  Bethan was clearly upset but she stood her ground. “She still claimed to be innocent … and I believe her!”

  “I admire your loyalty, but I fear it is misplaced on this occasion,” Phil tersely commented. “All of this is getting us nowhere. Why don’t those of us who are going off duty go … and the rest of us will try to sort something out? I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

  Eva reluctantly did as he suggested. She felt perturbed by the incident, hating any underhand dealings. She found it difficult to believe it had happened by chance and that the people involved had simply seized the opportunity for a free week-end, yet, to think otherwise suggested deliberate involvement by a member of Reception.

  Thankful to leave the problem behind her for a few hours, she followed her plan to visit the Tourist Information Office. There, she found the staff agreeably enthusiastic about her query and gathered together a number of relevant leaflets, including information on local industries, a historical town walk, local inland walks and maps of sections of the Pembrokeshire Coastal Path, the northern end of which started in the area.

  Eva seized hold of them with enthusiasm. “Oh, lovely! I knew the Coastal Path started around here. Where exactly is the beginning?”

  “At St. Dogmaels,” a male voice spoke softly in her ear. “Though many choose to begin at Poppit Sands, nearer the headland.”

  Eva whirled around.

  It was Matt.

  He nodded down at leaflets in his own hands and then grinned at her. “Great minds think alike! Getting some of those was the purpose of my visit, too.”

  Once again Eva felt thrown by his unexpected presence. “Oh,” was all she could think to say. They were standing too close together for her comfort. She made the mistake of raising her eyes to lock with his. Eyes she could drown in, she remembered. They still had the same effect. She felt powerless to move. Her treacherous body wanted to lean in towards him. Her lips tingled with longing. If only ...

  “Have you brought your walking boots?” Matt queried.

  The question startled her back to reality. “Y..yes,” she stammered. Pull yourself together, girl! “But I don’t see what business that is …!”

  “Good! We’ll walk a few of the northern sections of the coastal path whilst we are here, shall we? I haven’t been for a good walk since …” His voice tailed off. A muscle n his left cheek jumped slightly. Eva knew that happened when Matt felt emotional about something ... and he was thinking of their divorce!

  It came as a shock to her. She had convinced herself that he had been untouched by the events leading up to their divorce … that he hadn’t cared. But she now realised how ridiculous that was. Of course he had cared! He just hadn’t let it show.

  She wanted to reach out her hand and touch his cheek. She wanted to rise up on tip-toe and offer her lips to him. She wanted him to take her in his arms and hold her close and murmur words of comfort.

  For the first time in three years, she began to have doubts as to the legitimacy of her final quarrel with him … a quarrel that had never reached its conclusion because she had run away. Lawyers acting on her behalf had accomplished the remainder of their separation and divorce.

  Had he cared? He must have done—but, why hadn’t he told her so? Why had he let her think he was unmoved by it? She remembered longing for him to take her in his arms three years ago ... but he hadn’t.

  She felt confused.

  She recalled her mother’s scathing voice. “He doesn’t care, Eva. He sees it as the answer to the problem. He probably wanted it to happen. It releases him, don’t you see? Let him go. It’ll be for the best. I’ve always said you could do better than Matt.”

  But Eva had never wanted to do better than Matt. She loved him ... and he had loved her. It was just that he had mapped out his career plan and was sticking to it.

  “We’ll get there, Eva,” he had promised. “Things will get easier, you’ll see ... and all this ...” He had swept his hand around their tiny apartment. “... all this will be a thing of the past. We’ll show your mother! With a love like ours, we can conquer the world!”

  And they had both climbed up their career ladders ... but when success came, they were no longer together.

  And now, her mother was gone ... and Matt was a high-flying business consultant

  What a pity he hadn’t done as well in their marriage—or maybe that was part of his plan. He had diagnosed its problem and liquidised it!

  Her thoughts raced wildly in her head. Surely, that wasn’t what had happened? Maybe she should ask him? But not here. Not right now. She needed time ... time on her own ... not with Matt standing so closely she could almost hear the beating of his heart. Or was it her own heart she could hear? It certainly did strange things whenever Matt was near.

  How would she cope with his nearness if they were to walk sections of the coastal path together! It would be an accident waiting to happen!

  She backed away a step and forced a cool smile to her lips. “I don’t think that would be a very wise thing to do, would it?”

  Matt raised an eyebrow slightly. The light in his eyes had dulled. “Why not, Eva?” he asked coolly. “Are you still refusing to face up to what happened? I was hoping that time would have brought you into a more amenable state of mind by now.”

  The truth of Matt’s accusation had the opposite effect to that which he had intended. Put on the spot like that, she acted in the only way that seemed possible to her! Attack!

  “Me?” she retorted indignantly. “Why should I carry all the blame? It wasn’t me that went running off to America without saying a word and then buried myself in London! You made your feelings on the matter very clear! I knew you blamed me … and mother said …”

  “Ah, yes! Your mother! I knew she would have lost no time in poisoning your mind against me! Fate landed us right into her hands, didn’t it! It was a pity you forgot you were married to me!”

  “I didn’t forget! I was all too aware of it!”

  “And couldn’t wait to get out of it!”

  The misery of those months, waiting in vain to hear from him seemed to swamp over her, crushing her spirit. His early accusation was true. She couldn’t face up to it … not yet. Maybe, not ever. She dropped her glance and began to turn away, suddenly aware of the embarrassment on the face of the woman behind the counter.

  “I’m sorry! This is neither the time nor the place! If you’ll excuse me …?”

  Clutching the leaflets to her chest, she hurried away. She had meant to stay in town and follow the guided town walk but now she just wanted to get away … anywhere. Somewhere where she could let her tears fall and try to soothe the newly-opened wounds.

  Back at her car, she threw the leaflets onto the passenger seat and started the engine. She decided to drive south of the town. Within twenty minutes she was on the outskirts of Newport. She followed sign-posted directions to a car park and found herself on a deserted square of tarmac, facing the sea over a low stone wall
. She sat for a while, staring blankly through the windscreen. The weather had turned cold again and a fresh breeze was blowing sharply inland.

  On an impulse, she got out of her car, opened the boot and found a pair of trainers she always kept in there. She was already dressed in casual trousers and, once wrapped in her waterproofs, she felt fit to tackle the wild scene. She wouldn’t go far … just up the track a short way in a northerly direction.

  It wasn’t long before she had reached the first height and squatted on a large rock overlooking the lashing waves. She felt in tune with the rugged coastline. It was wild and unfettered, unchanged through the centuries except by natural forces. The force of the wind cleared her head as she sat in silence.

  Her confrontation with Matt had taken her completely unawares … though why, she was unable to say. She should have been prepared for him to bring up their past.

  From the desperation of her reaction, she knew she would have to face up to what had happened sooner or later. Otherwise, it would blight her whole life. But, was she ready to face it now? There would never be an ideal time. She was only fooling herself if she thought there would be.

  She walked further, enjoying the challenge of the steep up and down sections of the path and the breath-taking beauty of the rocks, tenacious plants and the ceaseless pounding of the waves. The natural elements survived because they were tested by the force of nature, made stronger by the struggle to endure.

  Yes, she would face the past. It would be painful, of that there was no doubt … but unless she faced it and overcame it, she would remain crippled by it … and that she refused to contemplate.

  But, not today. She needed time to prepare herself … and to wait for the right moment.

  Chapter Four

  Matt watched Eva’s flight from the Tourist Information Office in a mixture of stirred anger and regret for his own reaction. He hadn’t meant to challenge her … especially not in so public a place … but his own discomfort at recalling his pain at their break-up had over-ridden his better judgement.