First Mates

by Cecelia Dowdy

  She entered the car and he strolled to the driver’s side. Driving to his aunt Gladys’s house, he drove slowly, savoring each minute of this wonderful evening. He opened his sunroof again, glancing at the stars at every stoplight. He glimpsed at Rainy as she ran her fingers through her long dark hair. He watched her chew her lower lip as she anxiously checked her watch. Their journey finally came to a close as he pulled into the driveway, the car crunching pebbles of gravel. He pulled her hand into his as they entered the house.

  Aunt Gladys pushed her glasses on her nose as she looked up from her needlepoint. “My, don’t you two look like you had a good time. Winston, I’m glad to see you smiling so much.”

  Rainy squeezed his hand. “How’s Amber?”

  Gladys placed her needlepoint into a tan wicker basket. “The Little Miss is fast asleep. I put her in the spare bedroom.”

  The rich scent of chocolate filled the living room. He sniffed as he buried his hand in his pocket. “It sure smells good in here. Don’t tell me you were showing Amber your secret brownie recipe.” He turned to Rainy. “I ate so many of those once that I got sick.”

  Heavy footsteps pounded on the hardwood floor. Uncle Greg stepped into the room, embracing Rainy in his large arms. “I’m so glad to finally meet you, young lady.” Rainy returned his hug.

  “It’s nice to meet you, too. I’ve heard some nice things about you.”

  When he released her, he turned to Winston. “Why don’t you come back into my office? I just got some new additions to my stamp collection.”

  Winston rolled his eyes. “Uncle Greg, I’d love to see them, but Rainy has to take Amber home.”

  Gladys folded her arms. “You two don’t need to worry about that! That child’s sleeping so hard that it won’t matter what time you take her home. Go on back there and look at your uncle’s collection.”

  Winston sighed and squeezed Rainy’s hand before he followed his uncle out of the room.

  Rainy smiled at Winston’s aunt. “I really appreciate your keeping Amber for us tonight. Winston had a special night planned.”

  Gladys served coffee in the living room. Rainy sniffed the fragrant brew before she took a sip. “I hope I’ll be able to sleep tonight. It’s after twelve o’clock, and I’ve had a full dinner, ice cream for dessert, and now this coffee.”

  “Oh, I’m sure you’ll be okay. Both of you deserved a night of romance.”

  Gladys sipped her coffee and offered Rainy a brownie. She declined as she continued to enjoy her drink.

  “It was no trouble at all keeping Amber. I know how hard it can be to take care of a young one. So you and Winston had a good time?”

  She nodded. “We sure did. I was so surprised that he planned such a special evening.”

  “I can tell you’re special to him. You’re a good Christian woman and that’s what he needs. You know, I was so touched when he told me about his decision to live his life according to God’s laws. That was one good thing that came out of his twin sister’s death.”

  Rainy wrinkled her brow as she placed her cup back onto the china saucer. “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

  “Oh, you know what I mean.” Gladys’s eyes softened with respect. “I know his sister’s death hit him pretty hard. It was hard on the whole family. But at least Winston cleaned his life up.”

  “Cleaned his life up?”

  “Why, yes. I’m sure he told you he got baptized shortly after his sister’s death. He hasn’t had a drink since. His parents raised him in the church, and he’s always believed in God, but he never took the big step and got baptized until she died.” She paused and stared at the picture of Jesus adorning her wall, her voice wavering as she continued. “He’d turned to drinking again while she had breast cancer, and we were all so worried about him. But we’re proud of the way he’s gotten his act together. I’m sure you’ve realized just how deep his faith has become since she died.”

  Rainy sighed as she stared at the wall. Disbelief, shock and apprehension coursed through her veins as she digested this piece of news. How deep could Winston’s faith be if he was baptized so recently? Why hadn’t he mentioned this before?

  “Rainy, you’re frowning. Is something wrong?”

  She shook her head. “Are you sure Amber’s okay? I wonder how much longer Winston will be.” She glanced at her watch. “I want to get Amber to bed.”

  “Oh, let me go and see what’s taking them so long. You know how talkative some men can be when they get together. My husband babbles on forever about his stamp collection.” She left the room, her light steps fading down the darkened hallway.

  Rainy squeezed her hands as she waited for Winston to return. Why hadn’t he told her about this? Minutes later, he walked into the living room, carrying the slumbering Amber in his arms. Gladys and Greg followed close behind.

  Rainy clenched her teeth, wondering how she would make the trip home and not lose her reserve. She said a brief farewell to Gladys and Greg, while still trying to digest this newfound information.

  Winston pulled onto the highway as Amber’s soft snores filled the silent car. “Why are you so quiet?”

  “I’ll tell you once we’re home and we’ve put Amber to bed.” She twisted the leather strap on her purse so hard it almost snapped.

  When they arrived at her house, Winston deposited Amber into her room. Rainy removed Amber’s socks and shoes and changed her into her pajamas. Minutes later, they returned to the living room.

  Winston shoved his hands into his pockets. “Did my aunt scare you away?”

  “Something like that,” she murmured.

  His smile faded as he touched her face. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

  “Why didn’t you tell me you’d just been baptized fairly recently?”

  He dropped his hand and stepped away. “Fairly recently?”

  She nodded. “You were an alcoholic when your sister had cancer. You didn’t dedicate your life to Christ until she died. Yet you led me to believe you’d been saved a long time ago.”

  “Whoa, back up a minute.” He sat on the couch. “I never really told you when I was baptized.”

  She sighed as she sat down. “Well, when you told me about your battle with alcoholism that night on the cruise, you led me to believe you were saved when you admitted you had a problem and you started going back to church. I thought you ended your battle with alcoholism sometime after college, after you broke up with your girlfriend.”

  “I tried to tell you tonight, the battle with alcoholism never ends. It’ll always be there. And, frankly, I’m puzzled about your reaction to my aunt’s news. I know I didn’t tell you when I’d been baptized while we were on the cruise, but the only thing that’s important is that I did declare Christ as my Lord and Savior and I’m saved now. Why should it matter if I did it ten days ago or ten years ago? I did it and in the Lord’s eyes that’s good enough.”

  She sighed as she rested her forehead into her hand. “It does matter. I’ve noticed that new converts sometimes revert back to their old ways. I’m just worried about your turning toward alcohol for solace again.”

  “I haven’t had a drink since I was baptized. I was baptized a week after my sister died. When Pam died, I didn’t know what to do to deal with the grief. I’d never lost someone who was so close to me before.”

  His voice wavered as he continued. “When Pam was sick on chemotherapy, I wished I could take some of that pain away from her. She was hospitalized near the end of her life, and when I visited her, she told me how her faith in Christ was seeing her through this ordeal. I’d always admired my sister’s deep faith, and I often wondered if I had it in me to follow her example. She told me if she died, she wanted to make sure she left her Bible with someone who would take care of it.”

  His jaw tensed as he continued his story, and his eyes glistened with unshed tears. “She told me to give the Lord a chance and see what I thought. So after her death, I decided to give Him a chance. So far, I’m glad t
hat I have. I’m finding it hard to do God’s will all the time, but I think I’m a better person for making such a big step in my life.”

  She moved to the couch and touched his arm. “I’m glad you shared this with me. I know we agreed not to keep secrets from each other and I need to tell you how I’m feeling.” She paused. “I still question your faith. I don’t mean this to be an attack against you personally, but you dedicated your life to Jesus after your sister’s death. You were still hurting, and you wanted to do something that Pam wanted you to do. I still wonder if you might have been baptized just to please her, not because you sincerely wanted to.”

  “I’m not a child, and I have a mind of my own. Pam might have pushed me in the right direction, but I would have eventually taken the right road to Jesus.”

  “This is just so much information that I need to think about it.”

  “Do you mean this changes things between us? You’re holding my date of baptism against me? Rainy, that hurts.”

  She continued to rest her hand on his shoulder. “I don’t mean to hurt you. But you can’t question my decision. You got baptized to please your sister’s wishes, just as Jordan pretended to be a Christian to please me. What would happen if you were to have another tragedy? Would you turn to the bottle, or would you lean on Jesus?”

  His intake of breath was so hard, he sounded physically injured. “I think it’s time for me to leave now. I don’t want to say anything that I’ll regret. Perhaps we can continue this discussion later.” He closed the door and she heard him start his engine before driving away.

  Tears dampened her face upon his exit. “Lord, what will I do now? Is Winston really serious about his faith in You, or is this just something he’s doing to please the wishes of his sister? Have I offended him by implying he got baptized for the wrong reasons? Have I offended You, dear Lord, by questioning his faith, which could be just as strong as that of an old and seasoned Christian?” Her tears continued to run freely, and she wondered if they would ever stop.

  His confession was confusing. Why had he not told her this while they were on the cruise? Was he trying to hide this fact about his Christianity? Was she making an issue out of nothing?

  When she went to bed that night, she curled into a ball beneath her blue comforter. Her salty tears continued to fall as she prayed herself to sleep.

  Rainy moved through the next few days as if in a trance. She dropped Amber off at day care before she went to work each morning. The only thing she was pleased about was that Amber’s behavior problems seemed to diminish. Every evening, she made a new habit of sitting with Amber before bed, reading one of the Bible stories used in her church’s Sunday school primer.

  The following Saturday, she finally found some time to relax in spite of the bad weather. Rain pounded on the roof as she flipped through the latest issue of Essence magazine. Thunder clapped, and she barely paid attention to the words printed on the page. The television was tuned to a popular movie channel, but she couldn’t concentrate on the show.

  Her living room was littered with crayons, coloring books and toys. She smiled, relishing the silent house. I’m so glad Amber is at Sister Mary’s grandchild’s birthday party!

  She dropped the magazine on the floor and piled her pillows on the couch. She lay back and closed her eyes.

  She missed Winston.

  Their recent separation had been draining on her. His face popped into her mind at the most inopportune times. She was grateful that she was keeping Amber, because the diversion helped with her grief. She sighed as she pressed her hand against her head. Should she call him and apologize?

  The loud rap at the door resounded in the room. Her eyes fluttered open, and she shuffled to the door. “Sarah!”

  Sarah breezed into the living room, her companion right behind her. Large drops of rain splattered the carpet. Sarah giggled, closing her umbrella. The stranger gracing Sarah’s arm was about six feet tall and as bulky as a football player. He wore a pair of dark shades, and he carried a folded red-tipped white cane in his hand.

  Rainy swallowed and stared. She finally managed to greet her surprise guests. Sarah’s dark skin glowed, and she grinned as she carefully stepped around the toys on the floor and led her friend to the couch. The subtle floral scent of her perfume pleasantly filled the room.

  “Me and Carl were going to the outdoor festival but it was rained out. Since we were in the neighborhood, I thought we’d stop by and say hello. Carl, this is my friend, Rainy.”

  Rainy shook his hand and he turned his sightless eyes toward her. “I’m glad to finally meet you, Rainy. Sarah’s always talking about you.” His grin produced two dimples on his cheeks.

  “Where’s Amber?” Sarah glanced around the empty house. She told her about the birthday party Amber was attending.

  “Oh, well, I’m kind of sorry we stopped by then. You don’t get much free time to yourself nowadays, so I’m sure you’re enjoying this time alone.” Suddenly, Sarah’s face was a few inches from hers. “Rainy, what’s wrong?”

  “It’s Winston.” She glanced at Carl, unsure of how to proceed.

  “Carl, me and Rainy are going into her bedroom to talk.”

  Rainy hesitated, staring at Carl. “I don’t want to interrupt your date.”

  Carl grinned. “I’ll be all right. Where’s your remote? The game’s on and I wanted to watch it. By the way, do you have anything to drink?”

  She entered her kitchen and returned minutes later with a cola and a bag of chips for Carl. She changed the channel to his desired station and led Sarah into her bedroom.

  “Rainy, this room looks awful!”

  Rainy gave her room a thorough scrutiny. Her bed was mussed, and a vase of dead flowers rested on her dresser. “You know, Amber’s been draining all my energy. She won’t sleep on the pullout couch in the living room. She always climbs in bed with me, claiming she’s scared. Then she tosses and turns all night. I love her, but I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to adjust to this life.”

  “So that’s why you look so drained? Amber’s been keeping you up?” Sarah touched her arm as they sat on the bed.

  Rainy rested her forehead on her hand. “No, not really. Something terrible happened last week, and I feel so ashamed that I didn’t want to tell you and Rachel.”

  “Oh? What happened?”

  She finally found the courage to tell her about her confrontation with Winston. When she was finished, she felt tears streaming down her cheeks. Sarah gave her a tissue and she wiped her eyes and blew her nose. “Do you think I was wrong?”

  “Hmph, I’m surprised you would even ask me that. I can tell by your reaction that you know your actions were wrong.” There was a chill to Sarah’s voice that was not softened by Rainy’s tears.

  Rainy toyed with the fringe of her blue silk comforter. “But don’t you see? How can I trust that Winston is really a Christian? He’s only doing this in memory of his deceased sister, not because he feels it in his heart.”

  “Weren’t you listening to the reverend at church last Sunday?”

  She tried to reach into the inner recesses of her cluttered brain. She vaguely recalled Amber being restless during the service, and they had to make several trips to the rest room. “You know how Amber was acting up last Sunday.”

  “Well, the subject was baptism. And he read Luke chapter three, verse three. When you’re baptized, you’re repenting for the remission of sins. Winston used to be an alcoholic. I’ve gotten to know him since you guys started working together in the church. I don’t think he’s had a drink since his sister died. If he told you this, then I’d believe him. Winston is no saint, but he’s not a liar.”

  Thunder rolled through the sky and the rain continued to pelt against the window. Fatigue settled into her bones, and Rainy longed to settle into the comforter and fall asleep. “I’m not doubting that.”

  “Then what’s the problem?” Sarah threw her hands up in the air. “Who cares if his sister’s deat
h made him see the light? It doesn’t matter why he got baptized, as long as he is trying to live his life according to God’s rules the best that he can. That’s all God asks of us. You know we’re all sinners.” Her voice was tinged with impatience.

  “I don’t know. There’s just so much I have to sort through. I’ve already been burned once by false Christianity.”

  “Oh, so that’s what this is all about? You’re still upset about being duped by Jordan. Well, Jordan is a liar, and you shouldn’t trust him. But you shouldn’t punish Winston for Jordan’s mistake. Rainy, that’s just plain wrong.”

  “But don’t you see? My experience with Jordan made me learn my lesson. I shouldn’t trust men so easily.”

  Sarah stood and paced around the messy room. “Hmm. Trust? As far as I can remember, trust should be earned, and Winston has earned your trust, don’t you think? He’s never lied to you. He told you about his battle with alcoholism, and his apprehensions about turning back to the bottle for solace. I think you can trust Winston.” She sat on the bed and took Rainy’s hand. “You’re one of my best friends, and I’d hate to see you lose out on a good man just because you don’t see things as they are.” She smiled and squeezed her hand.

  Sarah tilted her head toward the living room. “Speaking of seeing…what do you think about Carl?” The noise from the TV sports game blared into the room. “He’s kind of cute, isn’t he?”

  Rainy smiled, pleased with the diversion in conversation. “Yes. He talks like a sighted person, though. Watching a game? He can’t see.”

  Sarah shrugged. “I know. But he still enjoys the same things that sighted people do. He told me that through sound and touch, he sees things in his mind, and that’s good enough for him. He also said that was God’s unique way of allowing him to see.”

  Sarah giggled and hugged herself.

  “I’m glad that you’re so happy.” Rainy squeezed her hand. “Do you think that he’s the one? Maybe you guys could get married someday.”

  “Whoa, hold on. We’ve only been going out for a few months, so it’s hard to tell if he’s the one. But I like him. He’s stable, too. He’s got a good job with the government and he has his own house.”