by Ella Fields
“You and Cal …” he started.
Ugh. I shook my head, swallowing and setting the empty cup down. “No.”
“Oh,” he said. “I thought …”
“I know.” I nodded, drawing in a long breath and setting it free. “I tried, right?” I looked up at him, smiling sadly.
His expression stayed blank but softened. “You made a mistake, and I’m sorry that I was part of that. I don’t know if I’ve said that, but … I should have. I’m sorry.”
“Me too,” I said. “I mean, you’d been friends for years. One night, one stupid night, and it’s all ruined.”
Quiet fell between us as we stared, the music and voices filling the void like white noise. “Would you consider something for me?”
I raised a brow. “Maybe.”
“Go out with me.” When my mouth fell open, he hurried to add, “Just once. Just one time to see if this wasn’t actually such a big mistake, and maybe, just maybe, it happened for a reason.”
I barked out a very unladylike laugh, imagining my mother’s face souring as I did. “Or maybe, I got black-out drunk and we both did something stupid as a result of it.”
Mike tilted a shoulder. “At least think about it.”
I stared down at the counter a long moment, thinking of a way to shut this crazy idea down when a laugh I’d know as well as my own traveled over to me.
Glancing up, I saw Callum giving some girl a piggyback ride through the herd of people outside the kitchen, her dark brown hair streaming behind her as she clung to his neck.
He didn’t even see me, which hurt a thousand times worse than having him simply ignore me.
Pain rattled through my chest, making my next breath, my next thought, and my next seconds, hard to bear. How long could I keep doing this?
Mike took my chin, turning me to face him, his thumb brushing over my bottom lip.
Mike. I could go out with him. Just once. There was nothing else for me to use, no other tools left, anyway. A thought that made me feel horrible, but not enough not to say, “Okay. One date.”
His smile lit up his whole face, and for a brief second, I couldn’t look away. Leaning down, he kissed my forehead. “I’ve gotta jet, but I’ll text you.”
I watched him go, feeling oddly alone while surrounded by friends. “Come to the bathroom with me, Renee.”
Feeling like I was floating outside of myself, I nodded and followed Hannah upstairs, then stared at the wall as we waited in line and she typed a text to someone on her phone.
Hannah’s turn came, and one look inside had me thinking I’d rather go home early than get anywhere near that germ-fest.
I leaned against the wall, pondering Mike’s words, his touch, Callum’s sincerity about wanting to forget me, and startled when a door slammed closed.
I turned, seeing Pippa, who I shared a class with. I also might have interrogated her not too long ago during said class. But in doing so, I’d seen something I didn’t expect to.
Loyalty, and a fierce one at that, for her friend Daisy.
Priceless. Having a friend like that would be priceless. And I was all about collecting priceless things.
Unfortunately for me, some things couldn’t be collected. Or were better left alone so that you didn’t have to face the dilemma of having someone let you down by killing your expectations.
She and Daisy were the girls Callum had stared at the last time we were together at the frat party.
If it wasn’t obvious before, the shocked look on Pippa’s face made it obvious that she didn’t frequent parties all that often. I held back a laugh. “See something interesting?”
She swallowed, meeting my gaze. “I guess you could say that.”
I did laugh then, but it shattered into fragments on the ground as I looked away. This girl, what I wouldn’t give to be that naïve.
“Callum’s here,” she stated, and she would, after I’d made it obvious by interrogating her in class that I was still in love with him.
“I know,” I said.
Quiet. Then she asked, “Is there a bathroom up here?”
It clicked then, what she was doing. Searching for her boyfriend, the troubled wide receiver and Callum’s friend. I knew where she’d likely find him. Although I could’ve probably kept it to myself to save her from getting upset, I didn’t think that was what she would’ve wanted. “If you’re looking for Toby, try the den downstairs.”
Heat infused her cheeks. “Thanks. I do need to use the bathroom, though.”
The door opened and out walked Hannah, looking pale as she said, “God, it’s a mess in there. Like, I legit think some asshole peed all over the wall.”
That made me smirk. “It’s all yours,” I said to Pippa.
“On second thought, I’m fine.”
I looked from her to Hannah. “I’ll meet you downstairs.”
Hannah lifted her shoulders, tugging at her tiny skirt as she walked down the hall to the stairs.
“Is that the one who blew your ex?” Pippa asked.
Shocked, I tried to think about how the hell she’d know that. Then I remembered at the start of last semester, talking about it none too quietly with Hannah in the dorm bathrooms.
“I knew someone was listening.” I smiled because I did on account of seeing the closed stall door behind me in the mirror. “So I turned up the volume, so to speak.”
Pippa raised a brow. “Not true then?”
Opening my clutch, I said, “Oh no, very much true.” I shoved a stick of gum into my mouth, chewing as I searched for my lip gloss. “I’ve got some great friends.”
“Why are you still friends with her?”
I swiped some gloss on, rubbing my lips together as I pondered how to answer that. I figured honesty would work best. “No one wants to be alone.” Though I didn’t know if I could get anymore alone, really. “And at least I know what to expect from her.”
“That’s sad, dude.”
Maybe, but it was important to me. I tucked my gloss away and closed my clutch. “Life is sad. Better to know your enemy well than not know a friend at all.”
Pippa seemed to hesitate, then said carefully, “You should hang out with me and Daisy some time.”
I scrunched my nose. Even if Daisy wasn’t interested in Callum, it seemed a little crazy to me. Especially after I’d seen her as a threat. “With the girl who kissed what’s mine?”
“She didn’t know you or anything about you. She wasn’t your friend and didn’t owe you a damn thing.”
All true. Never mind that Hannah had wrapped her lips around his dick, Pippa was talking about something more real than what Hannah and I had. I wasn’t entirely sure that’d work.
That was if they even decided they liked me after spending more than five minutes in my company.
Yeah, probably better not to get my hopes up. “Thanks, but I don’t know if that’s such a great idea.”
“Suit yourself.” Pippa eyed the bathroom with a crinkle in her nose, then made a move for the stairs.
My hand clenched around my clutch, something akin to regret making my limbs tense. I had nothing left to lose. Nothing that mattered. Of that I was certain. “Pippa.” She turned her head to look at me over her shoulder, and words, ideas, everything—failed me. I shook my head, feeling ridiculous. “Never mind.”
How was it that I was forced to fake it through luncheons, dinners, numerous events, and plays, yet when it really mattered, I couldn’t choke out the right thing to say?
With a longing sigh, I made my way downstairs.
“Off,” I said to the chick who was making an abysmal effort to rouse my sleeping cock.
“What’s the matter?” she asked, swiping a finger below her bottom lip. “I can keep trying.”
“Not to sound like a moron, but really, it’s not you, sweetheart. It’s me.”
Her eyes grew. “Oh.” A smile tilted her lips. “You like guys? Because I know someone who’d be down to—”
“A guy wo
n’t fix it, but thanks for the offer,” I said dryly, doing up my pants and checking to make sure my phone was in there.
“Whatever.” She shifted her top into place and slipped her feet back into her heels.
Sitting up, I watched her go, then wiped a hand down my face in exasperation. I was starting to worry that soon I wouldn’t even be able to rub one out at this point.
I went downstairs, finding Quinn in the living area with Daisy and Robbo. “Hey,” I said, slumping into a chair by the window.
Quinn looked over at Tina, who was still fidgeting with her top as she came downstairs. “I hate to say it, but—”
“Then don’t,” I said, snatching the remote and flicking through the sport channels.
Quinn and Robbo got up to help Burrows with a load of pizza boxes, and Daisy leaned forward. “You okay?”
I quirked a brow, tossing the remote down and reclining back in the chair. “Fine, why?”
Her brown eyes slid over me. “You just seem … tense.”
I was. It was fucking February for Christ’s sake, and still, no signed papers had reached my lawyer’s office. The one I had to pay double in cash to keep this quiet from my family and Renee’s.
“Wanna give me a massage?” I bit my lip.
Daisy laughed. “Shut up. I’m being serious.”
“I know,” I said. “But I don’t feel like being serious right now.” I swung my gaze behind me to the kitchen, then back again. “Where’s Toby and Pippa?”
Daisy started fiddling with her hands, crossing her legs on the couch. “At the townhouse, I guess.”
Bad day. More like bad weeks. Ever since Toby got kicked off the team at the start of the season, he’d been doing his best to avoid us. I understood that it would suck in a way I couldn’t even fathom, but with the way he could be … it was concerning.
“He’s doing okay?”
Daisy hesitated, then shut her mouth as the guys moved into the room with the pizza. “Where have all the chicks gone?” Burrows asked, shoving a slice of pepperoni into his mouth. “With the exception of Daisy, it’s a damn sausage fest now.”
“They heard you were here and joined me upstairs,” came Paul’s response as he walked into the room with two girls following him, their hair and clothing mussed. “I’m fucking starving.” He took a box and both girls into the kitchen.
Burrows’ jaw was hanging open, eyes blinking over and over. “How?”
“He’s charming,” Daisy supplied, and Quinn gave her a look. “What?” She shrugged, taking a slice of cheese pizza. “He is.”
“True. He could charm the hair off a gorilla,” I agreed.
Daisy laughed, and Quinn rolled his eyes. Things had gotten better between Quinn and me, especially since he and Daisy had finally gotten back together before Christmas. It made sense, them being together. In a way that made me feel kind of bad for trying to mess with it. Kind of.
I grinned at Daisy, who shook her head and reached up to adjust her glasses.
“Fuck off already,” Quinn finally snapped, tossing a gaming controller at me. I caught it and set it down beside me.
“You’re a dirty dog, Welsh,” Burrows said as he chewed, chuckling.
I shrugged. “If he didn’t get so riled up, I might consider stopping.”
Quinn gave me a look that said he called bullshit.
I had no interest in Daisy, nothing outside of friendship, but he deserved to be kept on his toes after what he’d done to her. Call it obvious, but I wasn’t a big fan of betrayal.
“Get your guitar out, Robbo. I wanna learn a tune or two.”
Robbo, a freshman on the team, paused mid bite of pizza. “What?” he mumbled around it, then chewed and swallowed. “You can’t be serious.”
Burrows looked affronted. “Oh, I’m dead serious.”
I pulled out my phone, checking my email while they chatted.
“But … why?”
There was one from my dad. An application to intern at their company this summer.
“Why do you think? For the ladies. Duh.”
“It won’t make a difference,” I muttered, scrolling through the email. Why the hell would I have to apply? And if I would be saddled with the company, I didn’t want to waste my remaining freedom there in the meantime.
“Shut up, cock face. We aren’t all loaded like you.”
I exited out of the app, leaning forward to pocket my phone as the door opened.
“Or him,” Burrows said, throwing his thumb over his shoulder at Mike.
Mike hesitated for only a minute before taking a seat on the floor and grabbing some pizza.
“Going to chip in, rich boy?” Burrows asked.
“Huh?” Mike asked, a slice of pizza dangling from his traitorous fingers.
“You can eat, but it’ll cost ya,” Burrows said, flinging himself back into the couch. “Just saying.”
“On that note,” I said while pulling a fifty from my wallet. I tossed it on the table as I stood. “I’m out. Later, assholes.”
“See?” Burrows’ voice followed me as I left the room. “It’s only cool having friends with money if they pay up.”
February bled into March.
News of what happened to Pippa’s boyfriend and Callum’s friend, Toby, circulated campus, dying down in recent weeks.
Mike texted me weekly. Either sending an emoji or funny picture. I suppose that was his way of letting me know he was still waiting. And me … I didn’t quite know what I was waiting for anymore. I no longer had the desire to use him, but I could sure do with the distraction.
So one Friday morning, in the middle of English lit, I texted him back a place and time.
Which was how we came to be seated in a cozy Italian restaurant just outside of campus.
“Where are you staying?” I asked Mike. I knew he’d leased a house nearby, but I wasn’t sure where.
He twirled some spaghetti around his fork. “Mom got me a place about five minutes’ drive away. Her idea of trying to keep me out of trouble.” He smirked. “She didn’t realize it was a mistake until the cab charges showed on my credit card bill.”
I smiled as he shoved his fork into his mouth. “At least you’re being responsible, you know, not driving home while you’re … drunk.” God, just saying the word around him pulled fractured memories to the surface, ones I’d tried so hard to keep smothered.
Leaning over me, breath hot on my neck as his hands opened my thighs.
It would seem that even after he’d gotten what he wanted, he still hadn’t lost interest. I realized then that maybe he was serious about this after all. About me.
I returned my attention to my carbonara. “How is your mom?”
“Better,” he said, sounding relieved. “Her and my dad are discussing reconciling. For the sake of the business, of course.”
“Of course,” I said.
“You look beautiful,” he said after a few minutes of quiet eating had passed. His soft voice had me looking up at him beneath my lashes as I patted my chin with a napkin.
I was wearing baby pink jeans and a cream peasant blouse, cream heels with satin ribbon that looped around my ankles to match. My hair was down, flowing in natural waves down my back, and I’d kept my makeup light, paying the most attention to my lashes.
“Thank you,” I murmured, sliding my eyes over his blue button-down and noticing the way he’d left the top few buttons undone to display a glimpse of his tan skin. “Blue suits you.”
He smiled. “You don’t need to compliment me.”
“No,” I said. “I mean it.” I lifted my fork, swirling it in the air a little for emphasis. “It makes those blue eyes hard to ignore.”
Said eyes seemed to hood at my words, and his hand reached over the table, carefully removing the fork from my fingers and setting it down.
Frozen, I watched as he turned my hand over, dissecting how small it looked compared to his large one. His skin was warm and smooth with only a few rough calluses on his
fingertips. “You and Callum, you’re definitely over?”
Drawing in a deep breath, I let it carry my words as I exhaled, scared I wouldn’t be able to force them out otherwise. But it was time. “Definitely over.”
His hand closed around mine, squeezing it gently. “Took a while to let go?”
“You could say that.” I laughed, feeling slightly embarrassed as I looked back on all the time I’d spent not letting go. If I was being honest, I still hadn’t completely. But as I said, it was time.
After staring at the strawberry cheesecake on the dessert menu, I went along with Mike’s suggestion to share a large piece of rich mud cake. He tried to feed me and laughed good naturedly when I shot him down.
“Will you do this with me again?” he asked, helping me into my pink cardigan as we rose from our small booth by the window. I looked outside, the moon a misshapen semi-circle drowned out by the glow of the stars. When my eyes dropped to the street with words about to leave my mouth, I saw him.
Standing by his car, talking on his phone, Callum looked over before I could move. His eyes narrowed as if he wasn’t sure it was me with the distance and window between us. When realization set in, he grinned, shaking his head as he got inside his car.
Mike returned from paying the bill, and I knew he was waiting for an answer. But as I watched Callum’s Lexus speed off down Main Street into the night, all I could do was nod.
I didn’t think Mike even saw him, something I found myself feeling grateful for, and I wasn’t exactly sure why.
Mike drove, pinging questions at me about my parents, music, and classes. For once, I got sick of talking about myself and was relieved when he pulled up outside my dorm building.
He helped me out, ever the gentleman, and pressed his lips to mine before I could process that he was even moving. They were soft, rubbing against mine and trying to pry them open. I laughed, pulling away. “You sneaky shit.”
Mike’s cheeks tinged a little beneath the glow of the streetlight. “I had to.”
“Uh-huh,” I said, smiling up at him. “Next time, let a girl get a breath mint in beforehand, especially after dinner.”
“It doesn’t matter, you taste …” He looked down at the ground, rubbing the back of his head.