I’m not only going to fuck this agent’s shit up for having it in for my woman, but also for causing me to hurt her. He knew that I’d suspect her, but how could he know how I’d respond? And what about the trouble she was in with the agency?
I couldn’t wait for them to leave so I could think. I finally let Adrien believe he’d convinced me to leave this Ross guy alone so he’d get off my back since I knew that was the only way to get rid of him. He can believe whatever he likes, that asshole’s days are numbered in single digits.
After they left, I went to my secure computer and dug up everything I could on this Ross person. I studied the man on the screen as if I could see into his head. It didn’t take me long to figure out his game. “Turned you down, did she?” Weak son of a bitch set my woman up and used me to hurt her. I looked at him one last time before turning it off.
I leaned back in my chair and emptied my mind as I sat waiting for it to become full dark outside the windows. I thought of the last thing I’d said to her, the way I’d treated her in that elevator and was ashamed of myself.
The one time since my youth I led with anger and it had to be against her. I didn’t think, hadn’t let her explain; just lashed out like a wounded animal. I clenched my fists and squeezed my eyes shut at the memory of the hurt in hers.
I threw myself out of the chair I’d been sitting in stewing for the last half hour and headed for the door. The mood I’m in I should probably have the driver take me to her, but just like the last time this was best done alone.
In the garage, I at least kept a cool enough head to choose one of the only cars of mine I was sure my shadows knew nothing of. If I didn’t like playing with their heads so much they’d never know when I was coming or going; but where was the fun in that for one of the world’ most wanted men?
I put all thoughts of being hunted and everything else from my mind, and went after her. I knew where she was of course. Even when I thought we were through I still knew where she was and what she was doing. Not sure why it mattered since I’d convinced myself that I wanted nothing to do with her ever again, but there you have it.
I parked and made my way to her place the same way I had the first night I took her. It felt almost like starting over from the beginning, almost ritualistic. I scaled the wall and made short work of gaining access.
Once through the window I stood out of range of the light that came through from outside and stood still. Hidden behind the gossamer lightness of the curtains that blew in the slight breeze afforded by the open window.
A slow perusing gaze around the street below showed that the coast was clear. I moved from the shelter of the curtains and made my way slowly to the bed. Later I’ll revisit the absolute sense of peace and rightness I felt now that I was here. Something I hadn’t felt since I was a kid under my parents’ protection.
I used the moonlight coming through the windows to study her. Only now realizing how starved I was for the sight of her. I’d done a good job of holding my feelings in check these last few days, but as I stood there looking down at her I realized I’d only been fooling myself. That somewhere deep inside I always knew that we’d be here again.
She’d fallen asleep with tears drying on her face, the tracks were still plain to see; that too was on me. “I’m so sorry baby.” I ran my finger gently down her cheek and she turned into my palm, whispering my name in her sleep.
My heart clenched painfully as I sat next to her on the bed. As her eyes begun to flutter, I lowered my head, covering her lips with mine and easing my tongue inside before she came fully awake. Instead of plundering I went soft and slow, until she sucked at my tongue. Only then did I let myself breathe.
“Hank.” My name was a soft sigh as her hand came up to cup my head and I knew she was still dreaming. I knew the second she came awake. I felt the change in her body, her kiss. She stiffened and tried to fight her way out of my embrace.
“Shh, it’s me.” I nibbled at her lips and held her close before deepening the kiss again. I felt the wetness of her tears touch my lip and pulled back. I don’t think I’d ever seen anything more heartbreaking that the shine of her tears in moonlight.
“Please don’t cry sweetheart. I’m sorry, so sorry I caused you pain. It won’t happen again, not ever again in this life.” I held her head back to study her eyes and they told a story of their own.
I bit back the cry of pain at what I saw there and it took me a good second to process. I felt sick to my gut, sick, and disgusted with myself. There was no life in her. The beauty I’d once admired was ravaged, lost. The stories hadn’t come close to the reality, and this was my doing.
“What the fuck have I done?” I pulled her back into my arms hard and held her precious head against my chest. For as long as I live I will never forget what I’d just seen in her. It will haunt me for the rest of my days. Her eyes were lifeless, desolate. I’ve only ever seen that look on the faces of some of the poor kids I’d saved over the years, children who had given up on life, on ever being happy again.
I felt like crying my damn self at her heart wrenching sobs that seemed to accuse me even as she clung. “Baby, don’t, please, fuck.” My brothers were right. I am out of my depth. Had she been guilty none of this would matter. But she was innocent and I’d thrown her away like nothing, like she meant nothing.
What had I expected? Certainly not this! She’s so self-assured, so poised. I never would’ve expected her to break. It looks like I’d taken a misstep. I’d confused the agent with the woman. I’d forgotten that the woman was the complete opposite of the agent. That she was not her job.
14
Mancini
She didn’t stop crying and no amount of reassurance seemed to work. Seeing as I had no experience with calming a woman’s tears or ever giving a fuck before, I was at a loss as to what to do. It didn’t help that her tears had an even worst affect on me than my mother’s did. I was gutted.
I held her close, speaking to her softly, apologizing, begging, pleading, and promising. It all fell on deaf ears.
“Baby, you’ve got to stop.” When she didn’t, I knew there was only one thing left to do. I didn’t take the time to undress, just laid over her, reached beneath her shirt and tore her panties in half before fishing out my cock and easing into her.
“Let me in.” Her pussy was keeping me out somehow, like she had closed herself off with her inner muscles. There was a look of defiance in her eyes this time, which I preferred, but she wasn’t keeping me out of her. “Open!” If looks could kill I’d be a goner. I’ll pacify her later, but now, I was sure there was only one way to resolve my monumental fuck up.
I took her throat in my hand and squeezed, as I drove my cock into her. My tongue teased her lips until they opened and accepted me. My heart gave a little blip at her acceptance. I hadn’t lost her completely. I can work with that.
I pulled out and fucked back in again trying to get deeper inside her. It appears she had one of those pussies that close up without use. She was almost as tight as the first time I took her. It took a few tries but eventually I was seated to the root of my cock inside her.
I stopped all movement and just rested there buried deep inside her, enjoying the feeling of being in her again. Her pussy flexed around the length of my cock even as her sobs tore at me like gnawing teeth. I could feel the beat of her heart beneath me and hoped that her new tears were those of relief.
“It’s okay, I’m here.” I dried her tears with my fingertips as I laid my head on her chest listening to the beat of her heart.
I’m no doctor and I sure as fuck never did this before, yet somehow I knew that her heart was sick and I’d done that. I was the reason for her tears and that broken look in her eyes. How do I fix this? How do I make it right? Words didn’t seem to cut it. I had a fuck load of groveling to do. Not my style.
“Okay, that’s enough.” I held her head in my hands and looked down at her precious face. I moved in her as I held her eyes with mine, hoping
she could read what was written there, what I was in no way ready to utter with my lips. She probably wouldn’t believe me anyway.
Instead of clearing, her eyes filled with more tears making me feel like the lowest scum. I took her mouth because I couldn’t bear what was in her eyes any longer. Her lips were soft and pliant under mine as I suckled on her tongue before feeding her mine. At least she wasn’t fighting me anymore. I didn’t kid myself that the battle had been so easily won though.
Her response was purely physical I knew, but it was more than I’d hoped for. I prayed that once I reclaimed her this way, the rest would be easy. All else aside, it was fucking amazing to be inside her again. Had I really believed I could live without this, without her? I’d only been lying to myself. I know that now. Even if she’d been guilty, what I felt for her would never have let me walk away forever.
“Fuck Cierra, I missed you.” I buried my face in her neck and rode high in her pussy until my balls slapped against the bottom of her ass cheeks. Her pussy opened and closed around my meat like a sucking mouth, compelling me to move faster.
“Hold on baby, don’t let me hurt you.” I grabbed fistfuls of her hair and held her head back so I could look down into her eyes as I stroked in and out of her, nice and slow. “You’re beautiful.” She started that crying shit again.
“Shh, baby stop crying. Look at me Cierra. I’m sorry; I’m sorry I hurt you; sorry I accused you wrongfully. I will make this up to you but you’ve got to stop crying it’s killing me.” Fuck if she cared, my words only seemed to make her cry harder. Whatever made me think I could fuck the hurt away? Fucking female was trying to bring me low. Next, she’ll have me dragging behind her with my ass in hand trying to make it up to her.
I stopped fucking her and held still so that I could dry the tears from her eyes. I was amazed at the feelings her tears invoked in me. The fact, that I was the cause of her distress fucked with my head. “Tell me you forgive me or I’ll stop fucking you.” Well shit, her look said ‘fuck if I care’. What the fuck!
I refused to believe I’d lost her; that she wouldn’t forgive me. Granted it was a dick move on my part, but if she felt half of what I felt for her, then she’d give us a second chance. I decided to test her even though it would kill me to pull out of her. My dick wasn’t on board either, but I needed to shake her the fuck out of it.
I started to pull out of her but her hands on my ass stopped me. Thank fuck! I held still with my dick halfway out of her and waited.
“No, don’t leave me.”
“Say it.” Stubborn ‘til the end! She folded her lips and tried looking away from me.
“Fine.” I made good on my threat and started to pull the rest of the way out of her but once again she stopped me, this time with her legs wrapped around me. “Do you forgive me?” She nodded her head but it wasn’t enough, I needed to hear the words. “Then say it.”
“I forgive you.” So said her lips but her eyes were spitting fire at me. That’ll have to do for now.
I took her lips roughly, tasting her blood and mine on my tongue as I surged into her over and over again until her juices coated my cock. Lifting her into my thrusts I used my cock to break down her barriers. To tear down the walls she’d obviously erected against me.
I played her body the way I remembered from the last time I had her. Touching her in all the places I knew would make her forget everything else but what I was doing to her now. She moved wildly beneath me, her nails digging deeper into me as she lifted her hips to meet my thrusts.
“Don’t be afraid.” I gave her fair warning before wrapping my hand around her throat. Her mouth opened in a silent scream and I licked her bottom lip and squeezed her throat until her pussy tightened around my cock. Then I started pounding into her.
My balls drew up and I knew it wasn’t long before I’d cum but I wanted her with me. A finger on her clit did the trick and I felt her tighten in response. “That’s it baby, cum for me. That’s my girl.” She let go and we flew together, our bodies moving as one until we were both spent.
Soft kisses and reassuring whispers followed as I waited for our hearts to slow and our breathing to come back to normal. Now that it was over, now that I’d reclaimed what was mine, what I’d thought was lost forever, I could breathe again.
We’d only been apart a short while but it felt like years. “Never again, I promise.” I didn’t have to explain, she knew what I meant, that I’d never doubt her again. “I’ll never let you go again; not for any reason.” Shit would probably kill me.
I was still inside her and she wasn’t saying a damn word. Her eyes were less lifeless but still not where I wanted them to be. I wanted to see that light, wanted to see her smile. I’ll work on it. Right now I was thirsty as fuck, her pussy had taken everything out of me.
I pulled out and rolled away from her, leaving her on the bed to get us both something to drink. My throat was parched so I was sure hers must be as well. I hit the light on the way out and happened to look back at her as she was reaching for the covers to pull over her self.
What I saw left me cold with fear. “Cierra what the fuck did you do to yourself?” I saw her spine protruding through her skin. I’d felt the difference in her when I was over her, in her. But my mind hadn’t registered anything past being inside her again when I thought it would never be. I rushed back to the bed and dragged the sheet from her tightly clenched fists.
It was only now with the lights on that I saw the destruction on her face. She was gaunt, with a hollow look in her eyes. Her eyes were sunken in and her cheekbones stood out. Even with the devastation, she was still beautiful. But anyone who knew her, especially the man whose heart she owned, would see that she was a mere shell of the woman she was a few short weeks ago.
“Baby, how…why...what the fuck?” I pulled her into my arms and for the first time in my life tasted real fear. I stared over her head as her body shook in my arms, not seeing anything, but feeling the worst pain my gut had ever endured.
I did this to her. She was like a block of ice in my arms. Now that we weren’t making love and her mind was clear she’d gone back into her shell, hiding herself away from me. Where she’d clung to me in the throes of passion, she now looked and acted the way I’m sure she has been these last few weeks.
The others had tried to warn me. After that first day when I’d threatened Star, she’d steered clear for a few days, but that shit hadn’t lasted. It wasn’t long before she was back on her shit and every day was a running commentary on what the hell was going on in Cierra’s life. And no matter how I threatened and bullied she wouldn’t let up.
When it wasn’t her it was my asshole brothers or her sidekick Sabra. I wasn’t sure ma wasn’t in on it too, because her conversations of late have been dipped in honey. There was no more of her usual nagging. Her new tactic was that maybe it wasn’t in the cards for me to find someone and settle down. That maybe I was just one of those people who were destined to live their life alone. Like fuck! Not as long as Cierra Stone was on this earth.
I’d think that and then I’d remember that she was gone, that I’d sent her away. At least I had my anger and my certainty that she was guilty to keep me company. But had I known she was like this I would’ve come sooner.
I got my phone and made a few calls before cleaning her up and getting her dressed. That’s when I saw it, tucked away under her pillow. The shirt. I looked at her in surprise and gave it to her when she held her hand out for it. When she took it to her nose and smelt it I closed my eyes in pain.
The tears rolling down her cheeks didn’t help and the next words out of her mouth made my eyes water. “It’s almost gone, I can’t smell you anymore.” Her voice was small and lost. The words tore at my heart and made me bleed. I snatched her up from the bed and headed for the door.
She didn’t ask where we were going, didn’t do anything but put her head on my shoulder and her arms around my neck. I could feel the wetness of her tears as they fell against m
y skin and walked faster to my car, that I’d parked so carelessly.
I folded her into the seat and buckled her in before heading to the driver’s side. I got in next to her having no idea where the hell I was going. What was I supposed to do, how do I make this right? I took her cold hand in mine as I drove. I changed direction and headed to the pier, the infamous boat.
She tensed up as soon as she saw the water but I reassured her quickly. “It’s okay love, it’s all over now.” I lifted her hand to my lips as we pulled into the parking lot. I always left the boat stocked and well prepared just in case, but this was the first time it would be needed.
I helped her on and got her settled before making sure everything was as it should be. I ran her a bath since she’d missed the one I had planned at her place. “Come.” I held out my hand for her. Her eyes when they looked at me still had that lost hollow look and I squeezed her hand when I took it.
In the bathroom, I stripped her down completely and saw the extent of what she’d done to herself. I pulled her into my arms roughly and gritted my teeth against the searing agony. Guilt ran in my blood like a fire as I ran my hands up and down her back.
She was nothing but skin and bone. How could such a thing happen in just a little over two weeks? What kind of hell had she endured while I was away from her? I kissed her hair and put her away from me before lifting her into the tub.
I wordlessly picked up the washcloth and soap and started to wash her body. She hadn’t said anything since we left her place, in fact the only words she’d said to me since I broke into her place was when she begged me not to leave her. “You’re angry with me. You have every right to be. What I did is unforgivable, but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you I promise.” Nothing.
Hold Me If You Can (Mancini Way 2) Page 9