12
Mancini
“And you let ‘er go…”
“Star, turn that shit off.” Every time I come into my place she’s blasting that shit.
“It’s the radio big brother, I have no control.”
“My ass. What do you do? Look out the window for me and hit play the fuck?”
Of course she ignored me. I hate this fucking song though every word is now stuck in my head. She and her husband and their brother and sister in law, my former family, have been riding my ass for the better part of a week.
I’d skipped Sunday dinner, incurring the wrath of my mother but I hadn’t been in the mood to play twenty questions. Instead, I’d sat alone in my place contemplating the mess I’d made of my life. I should’ve stuck to my principles, should never have let her in. I guess the bureau had won after all. They couldn’t put me away for life so they sent her to destroy me from the inside out.
My lawyer was making minced meat out of their asses and they were all scrambling. But that wasn’t enough to give me back what I’d lost. She hurt my pride more than she’d ever know. She also killed something inside me I didn’t know I had until she destroyed it. It had done one good thing for me though. Now my heart was really and truly locked away safe. No one was ever getting near that shit again.
I reined myself in and concentrated on breathing the way I was now in the habit of doing to save myself from falling over the edge I’ve been balanced on since that day. I felt like I was hanging on by a thread and each day I wondered how she’d come to mean so much so soon. Surely I shouldn’t feel this strongly even if I thought I was in love with her. It hadn’t been long enough to have this kind of affect.
Of course my brothers and their meddling wives have been assuring me all week that I was suffering from a broken heart. Like I’m a fucking twelve year old who has time for that shit. Love my ass. If love felt like this nobody in their right mind would go anywhere near that shit.
“So, did you go see Cierra? She’s not looking so good. I think she needs to see the doctor.” What the fuck!
“When did you see Cierra?” I can’t believe my heart was racing just at the mention of her name, fucking sap. But what did she mean she didn’t look so good? Why the fuck do you care? Leave that poison alone Mancini, you’ve moved on. I told myself that, but fool that I am, I still wanted to know.
“We had lunch the other day. Sabra and I took her out to cheer her up.” She said that shit all casual like-like it was natural. “Traitor.” “Who me? Why would I be a traitor for having lunch with my future sister? She’s too adorable anyway so if you don’t come to your senses, Sabra and I would at least have a new friend.”
I’m going to strangle her and call her husband to come clean up the body. She kept nattering away as she moved around my office. “Was there something you needed?” She gave me one of her conniving smiles, like I don’t know every last one of them and their wiles.
I guess the other three had set her on me. They were taking turns with this shit. When one wasn’t in my ear about what an ass I was being, the other was telling me all about what I should be doing. ‘We know the perfect guy…’
“What did you say?” I’d wandered off but she’d kept talking and I only just caught the end of her last diatribe. I should’ve known from the look on her face that she was up to some shit, but my reflexes were off, everything was off.
“I said Sabra and I know the perfect guy for her.” She pretended an interest in the one half dead plant I had sitting on the window’s ledge.
“For who?” I clenched my fists and waited, knowing what she was going to say next, and not quite prepared for it.
“Cierra of course, who have I been talking about for the last ten minutes? Anyway, he’s perfect. He works with Jaxx and Adrien so he’d fit right in. He’s almost like family. Maybe we can have them over for dinner sometime.”
“You take anyone near her and I’ll make your husband a widower.” I had to keep myself seated so I didn’t cross the room and wrap my hand around her neck. I had to remind myself that she was my sister, my brother’s wife. Even though I knew she was playing me, the words fucked with my head.
Imagining them setting my woman up with someone else made me want to do very grave bodily harm. My woman. Damn. She turned to me with the most sincere look of innocence. Should’ve been an actress.
“But what’s it to do with you brother? I thought you two were through? Besides, I think it’s just what she needs, someone who’s going to appreciate all that beauty. It shouldn’t go to waste.” She watered the plant and played with the leaves as she pretended that we were just shooting the breeze. Like her words weren’t burning a hole in my gut.
I couldn’t play around with this and didn’t ask myself why.
“Star, if you want to see your kids ever again get out of this room now.” She heard the danger in my tone and the smile dropped from her face.
“Hank, I didn’t…” I held up my hand to stem the flow of words.
“Do not take anyone near Cierra.” I gave her one last look before turning my back and going back to reading the file on the computer screen. That damn song cut off midstream as she left the room and I got some blessed peace.
CIERRA
“Come on Cierra, you’ve got to get out of here for a while. This can’t be good for you, cooped up here all day.” I pulled the covers higher around my shoulders and ignored Star as she moved around the room picking up stuff off the floor.
Sabra had parked her fine rear end on the chair in the corner with a magazine in her hand. For the past few days it’s been like this. The Bureau had put me on leave until the whole bug thing was sorted out. Even though Hank believed that I was the one responsible, that it had been that easy for me to deceive him, he had no idea the hell that had caused me with the agency.
The bureau would never have sanctioned it in the first place, because whether he knew it or not, they were under strict orders from someone somewhere not to go near him. That was the reason for the director having such a hard on for him. It was as if there were two battles going on, on either side of him. One man was protecting him at all cost, while another was trying to bring him down.
So not only was I dead to him as has been made obvious in the past almost two weeks. I am now under suspicion for committing a crime that could land me in jail for a long lone time. I have the reassurance of Durant that he believes me, but that’s not enough. If someone like Hank Mancini could be so easily fooled, then what chance did the men who couldn’t bring him down have of finding out the truth and clearing my name?
And why was that? Shouldn’t someone with his skills, his reputation, have better ways of getting to the truth? Even if on the surface it looked like I was guilty, which it does because of that stupid t-shirt; shouldn’t he know the truth? Didn’t he trust himself? Or did he think I was good enough to fool the great Mancini?
“Your brother in law is an egomaniacal asshole. I hope he rots.” Sabra stopped reading and lowered her magazine, and Star stopped picking up the clothes and junk food wrappers from the floor. The laughter started slow as the two of them threw their heads back and let it rip.
My own lips twitched a little before I too gave in and laughed along with them. But my gaiety didn’t last long. I’d spent the last few days in bed, ignoring the world around me. A few days after the elevator scene, I’d let these two talk me into meeting them for lunch.
I’d got to meet them when Hank was gone, but it had only been the one time. So when Star called me up out of the blue I found it strange, but wanting to hear any news about him I’d accepted the strange invite. After that there were phone calls and texts and somehow although I knew it was hopeless, each time I heard from one of them it was like balm to my soul. I hadn’t even seen a newspaper clipping of the great Mancini. It was as if he’d disappeared. But they were always more than happy to share.
I knew he was still in town because the girls always let some little tidbit d
rop. But it was never enough to feed the hunger that was growing inside me. Some days I felt I would go mad with the want. It was worst at night, alone in my cold bed, or worse yet when he came to me in my dreams. That was the only peace I had, until I woke to find that it wasn’t real and the dreadful rollercoaster ride would start all over again.
Now my laughter turned into the tears I’d been holding at bay for so long. The pain was visceral, like a knife ripping into my heart with deep harsh gashes. I never knew there could be this much pain inside. I think I screamed and that’s what brought both women rushing to my side. They seemed scared as they patted me down, asking me where the pain was, what hurt?
I pounded my chest because I couldn’t say the words, I was crying too hard. “Why did I let him do this to me? Why?” I cried harder as Sabra wrapped her arms around me and rocked me like a child. “I know sweetie, it’s okay; it’s going to be okay, I promise. The guys are working really hard to get to the truth. I have no doubt any day now they’ll find out.”
I pulled away from her arms and wiped my face only to have more tears fall where the others had been. “And then what? Am I supposed to forgive him? How could he think that I could do such a thing? What kind of person does he think I am?” The question made me sick to my stomach. Obviously he didn’t think that much of me, and it hurt like hell that I had been relegated to one of those people he held such contempt for.
He never made any secret of what he thought about the agency I work for and all the others like it. Even though it had been my job to bring him down, to gather enough evidence to destroy him and put him away for the rest of his life, just like all the others before me, I hadn’t found a thing.
He was into something; of that I was sure. But the more I got to know him, the more convinced I was that we were on the wrong track. He had a lot of good points about the agency too, but I needed it. There was no other way for me to find and exact vengeance against the monster that had terminated my family.
But I was very well aware of what Hank Mancini thought of my kind. Only I’d come to believe that he didn’t see me that way. How could he when he held me the way he did? When his touch made me feel like I was something special in his world. Now it seems he saw me in the same light as he did the other agents. I was even less in his eyes than the other women he’d discarded. At least them he didn’t shun and leave for dead.
I cried myself out on Sabra’s shoulder until they bullied me into the bath to take a shower; I stank. When I came out with a towel around my head and a robe covering my freshly scoured body, there was a knock at the door. My heart sped up with hope until Star reached for her wallet on her way to the door.
The smell of Chinese food wafted into the room when she came back. “We thought we’d eat in just this once so you’re off the hook.” I smiled wanly as I threw myself into the nearest chair. “I’m not hungry.” When was the last time I’d eaten? I couldn’t remember, but I had no taste for food, in fact the very thought made me ill.
“You have to eat Cierra you’ve already lost too much weight. Don’t make us worry about you. Come have some of this soup at least.” Star held a spoon to my lips and I glared at her before opening wide enough to take a sip. I wanted to throw up.
“Just put it there, I’ll heat it up later and have some I promise.” The two of them looked at each other and shook their heads before carrying on with their meal. I got lost in my head again and wished that I’d never come to New York, that I’d never heard the name Hank Mancini. I wanted to die.
I was barely aware of their leaving a few hours later as I dragged myself back to bed. It was only here that I found any peace. Once sleep claimed me and the dreams begun, I was back in his arms again and all was right with the world. I willed myself to sleep, hurrying the dreams that would take me away from the heartache and pain.
Maybe tomorrow would be different. Maybe by some miracle he would see the truth and come begging for my forgiveness. The thought gave me solace as I slipped into slumber, leaving the hurt and pain behind.
13
Mancini
I pushed myself on the treadmill until my calves burned and my lungs threatened to collapse. No matter how far or how fast I ran there was no escaping the thoughts in my head. It has been weeks and still she haunts me. I’ve done everything I can to prove her innocence with no results. All roads lead back to her.
The girl I knew didn’t seem capable, and that too is one of the reasons I’ve taken this so hard. The thought that she’d fooled me leaves me cold. My family seems to think that I’m in the wrong, that I should give her the benefit of the doubt, but how can I? It’s not so much that she had done this thing, it’s that I had trusted. That I can never forgive.
The doorbell rang and I saw my brothers on the monitor. “What the fuck now?” I’m worn to the bone listening to them and their shit. Ever since the day they left here promising to get to the bottom of things, they haven’t given me a minute’s peace. Their latest scheme is that I’m insulting them as well seeing as how I’m accusing her of doing that shit on their watch. They swear up and down that she’s innocent, but that’s only because they knew how I once felt for her.
The door wasn’t closed behind them before they started in with their shit. Adrien led the charge, but today they had a new refrain.
“It wasn’t her bro she didn’t set you up.”
“I don’t want to hear it.” I walked away and back to the windows overlooking the city.
“Listen you hardheaded son of a bitch, we knew you wouldn’t look so we did it for you. They set her up, she refused to turn and they made it look like she did.” I turned to look at him as his words registered. This wasn’t their usual spiel and I know my brothers would never lie to me.
“How do you know this?”
“We have our ways. The guy who set her up has a hard on for her since their days at Quantico. Apparently he couldn’t handle a female always beating him. She was always coming out ahead of him and he took it personally.” Where had I seen something like that? When I was digging into her background before she came. The words rung true and I felt anger mixed with hope.
“Name.”
“Ross.” I didn’t move for the longest time. There was too much going on in my fucking head, not least of all that I’d blamed her for something someone else had done; had I really been that wrong? Somehow I believed them this time and not because I desperately wanted to, but because somewhere deep in my gut I’d known that it couldn’t be my girl. What the fuck have I done?
I remembered every word my sisters had said to me over the past two weeks. About how she wasn’t doing so well, how she was suffering because of my treatment of her. I remembered most of all the day she’d called and I’d hung up on her without a word. The fault was mine. I failed her, the one woman I should’ve protected above all else.
It’s not easy accepting that I had been so wrong, or that I had wronged her the way I had. This wasn’t about my job, but about me the man. The thought that I had caused her harm hurt worst than when I thought she’d betrayed me. I closed my eyes and wished I could go back, take it all back. But I knew that was wishful thinking. I have to make it right, and I will. But first I needed to know.
“Tell me all of it.” I listened to their report of what had happened. How this Ross person had got the go ahead from the New York head to plant the devices on my boat while I was away. “What do you mean they tried to turn her?” I looked at them as they shared a look with one another.
“Uh, stay cool Hank or I won’t tell you shit.” I shrugged my acceptance but Jaxx still didn’t seem sure. “Adrien!”
“Alright, I’ll tell you but don’t go doing anything stupid.” Jaxx hemmed and hawed before getting to it.
“It seems that right after you left, they hinted that she should go to bed with you if it would get her closer to finding the dirt on you.” I didn’t betray my inner thoughts, just nodded for him to go on. I knew the head of the New York branch very well, but he
was small change. When I move I’m going straight to fucking Quantico, where the real leaders hid out while sending innocents to do their dirty work.
“Go on.” I paced the room now as my mind worked. What to do first?
“Well obviously she didn’t agree. We don’t know what was said, but they called Ross in that same day and he’s the one who planted the listening devices. I don’t think Archer meant for him to set her up to take the fall, but that’s the way it played out. He followed her to the boat the night she went after the shirt, that’s how they knew it existed.”
He had a lot more to say and I listened, not questioning how he knew these things. I believed every word. My anger grew with each new revelation and I wondered to myself if they knew they were signing this asshole’s death warrant.
Adrien stopped in the middle of his recitation as if he’d only just realized that I wasn’t speaking. “Hank, don’t do anything stupid. Your lawyers are already on it right. So you don’t…” I gave him a look that I knew he understood well and went back to my contemplation.
“Fuck that, if someone did that shit to Sabra I would end his ass. Just say the word brother and I’ve got your back.” Jaxx is a fucking savage. I didn’t want anyone else in on this one though; this was mine to do.
“I’ll call ma on both your asses. I’m serious. No one touches that asshole, he’ll get his soon enough.” Adrien tried to put out the flame but it was too late. I still tried putting his mind at ease; he always was a bit over protective.
“You always were a damn snitch.” I smiled to show him that all was good.
“Yeah, but unlike when we were kids you two won’t be beating my ass for telling. Your word Hank that you’ll leave this alone or I’m on the phone right now.” I didn’t answer him and was sure he wasn’t really expecting me to. The look I sent his way had him sighing long and hard before he spent the next ten minutes trying to talk me out of what he knew was already a foregone conclusion.
Hold Me If You Can (Mancini Way 2) Page 8