by Indiana Wake
“As a friend, yes. But I went and ruined it all.”
“Are you really sure?” Grace asked tentatively.
“I am. There was no mistaking it. He was just as angry as he had been so long ago when he first came home from the war. The look on his face, Mama. I should have kept quiet.”
“You can’t just stay quiet about something like that. You have to say what’s in your heart, whatever happens.”
“No, I shouldn’t have. I was just like Todd Garner and now Arlen thinks I’m no better. But he doesn’t have to worry, I won’t say anything like that again. I won’t persist like Todd does. I know when somebody doesn’t want me, and I listen. Oh, I can never go back there again,” she said, and her tears fell afresh when she realized that she was, once again, alone.
Only now it wouldn’t be the contented sort of solitude as it had been before. Her heart was aching, truly aching for the first time in her life, and now she knew she would only feel that solitude as the deepest loneliness.
“Maybe in a day or two this will all blow over,” her ma said hopefully.
“I don’t think so,” Katie said miserably, her skin raw from crying.
She felt her daddy take his hand off her shoulder as he got to his feet and quietly made his way across the kitchen to look out of the window.
“Thought I heard something,” he said in an absent-minded sort of way.
“Josh?” Grace said inquisitively.
“Katie, I don’t think you can rule Arlen out of your life just yet,” he went on.
“What?” Katie said, sadness and exhaustion making her feel like she was made of lead.
“You’ve got a visitor, honey. One who looks like he might need a little help getting out of the saddle.” Josh chuckled under his breath and Katie felt more confused than ever.
“Daddy?”
“Come here and see for yourself.” He turned and held his hand out to her, beckoning her across the kitchen.
She got to her feet and wandered to his side, peering out of the window to see what her daddy was looking at.
Her mouth fell open when she looked out towards the back of the lumberyard to see none other than Arlen sitting on a horse. She rubbed her eyes hard, looking again, just in case she’d somehow been mistaken.
But no, there he was, looking all around the lumberyard for any sign of her. She continued to watch, her heart pounding as she wondered what it all meant.
Finally, not finding her anywhere, he turned the horse a little clumsily and headed for the house. When he reached the gate, he drew the horse to a halt and looked around in a kind of helpless way and Katie realized that he really couldn’t get down.
“I think you’d better go out and see him, don’t you? Before he slides right off that horse and impales himself on the fence,” her daddy said and gently pushed her toward the door.
Katie set off slowly out of the house, feeling as if she was trying to walk through treacle to get to him. She wanted to see him again, to apologize for blurting out the secrets of her heart, but she was afraid at the same time to see that look in his eyes again, that same rejection.
“Katie?” he said as his horse began to dance back and forth just a little.
“Why are you here?” she asked, sniffing and scrubbing at her tearstained face with her hands.
“Oh God, I am so sorry,” he said and swung his good leg over the saddle in a way which made his horse dance even more.
“Wait!” she said and broke into a run, tearing through the garden and reaching him just in time to take a hold of the horse’s bridle. “Settle down,” she whispered to the horse. “That’s right. Settle down.”
“Well, I haven’t done this before, so I guess I’m just going to have to jump down and hope for the best,” he said as she continued to hold the bridal.
Without another word, he slid off the saddle and landed somewhat better than she was expecting him to, stumbling only a little as he let his weight fall fully on his good leg.
“You rode all the way here,” she said in an exhausted, confused voice.
“Well, you did say I should give it a try today, didn’t you?” He grinned at her, but sheepishly.
“Arlen, I don’t understand.”
“I know, I’m so sorry,” he said and leaned heavily against the fence. “And the thing is, I didn’t understand either. I thought I knew everything, but I didn’t.”
“I see,” she said with uncertainty.
“Do you?” He raised his eyebrows hopefully.
“Well, no,” she said, and Arlen laughed nervously.
“Katie, I’m so sorry for the way I acted. I really did think you were asking me to take you out to the barn dance out of pity for me.”
“But why would you think that? After everything, why?”
“Because I couldn’t imagine that you’d want me to be the one to take you out.”
“Why not?”
“Because I thought you’d prefer to go with Todd Garner,” he said and looked away from her, clearly embarrassed.
“Todd Garner?” she said incredulously. “Todd Garner?” Her voice was getting louder. “Why on earth would you think I would prefer to go anywhere with Todd Garner? I can’t stand him!”
“I know that now,” he said and shrugged.
“And how do you know that now? When you were so convinced before, how do you now know better?”
“Because Mary told me.”
“And why did you think I gave a hoot about Todd in the first place?” Katie hardly knew how she felt now.
Everything seemed so overwhelming. His arriving on horseback was something that would have brought her to tears, she was sure, if she hadn’t already been crying. But she couldn’t enjoy his success, not while everything felt so up in the air. She was confused, she was hurt, she was hopeful, and yes, she was just a little bit angry.
“Because I saw you in town with him the other day and I thought you’d gone to the diner together.”
“He followed me! He never takes no for an answer, however much I try to get rid of him!” she said, feeling suddenly as if she had to defend herself.
“I know, I know. Mary just told me all of it. How Connie chased him out and told him to leave you alone.”
“And that’s why you were so angry with me?”
“I wasn’t angry with you.”
“Yes, you were. I know angry when I see it, and you were angry. Just like you were when we first met.” Her voice was louder still.
“I guess I was just hurting. I didn’t want to see you with somebody else.”
“But I wasn’t with somebody else. And you’d have known that if you’d just asked me.”
“Asked you?” He looked surprised.
“Yes.”
“I suppose I didn’t want to know the truth. And I guess I didn’t want to risk you being angry with me.” He looked down again.
“The way I risk you being angry with me every time I ask you something? Like if your leg hurts, or if it’s too far to walk? Or if maybe it would be easier if you walked with a stick?” she said and shook her head vigorously. “Because I know how much I risk upsetting you every time, but I ask anyway, because I care.”
“Maybe you’re just braver than me,” he said and gave her a chagrined smile.
“You’ve been to war, Arlen. As far as I’m concerned, there is nobody braver than you,” she said and felt her eyes filling with tears again as she angrily swiped them away.
“I just didn’t think you’d ever be interested in me. If you want the truth of it, Katie, I love you. I love you more than I ever loved anybody my whole life, and I just didn’t believe that you’d ever be able to love me back. Not like I am.” He paused for a moment and looked down at his leg before looking back at her, his beautiful blue eyes staring right into hers. “I guess I just didn’t believe in myself.”
“No, it was me you didn’t believe in.”
“Katie, that’s not true.”
“Yes, it is. You looke
d at me the same way other men do. Like I’m nothing more than a pretty face, someone who couldn’t see beyond your injuries and into your heart. If you think you’ve had enough of people looking at you in a certain way, just imagine for a moment that I might feel the same.”
“I’ve just been too wrapped up in my own world, haven’t I? Just thinking about my own feelings all the time, my own life. You know, Mary just said to me that you never roll around in the things which upset you the way I do, and she was right. You don’t let it get a hold of you, you just keep moving forward in your own way. And I don’t just admire you for it, although God knows I do. I love you for it, Katie. I love you so much I don’t know how to say it any better,” he said and suddenly looked lost, just as he had done so long ago when she’d first seen him on the riverbank.
“I love you too, Arlen. I’ve loved you for so long and I could just kick you for not seeing it,” she said and took a step towards him, walking into his arms.
“If you kick me now, I’d probably topple over,” he said and laughed with relief as he mumbled the words into her hair.
He wrapped his arms around her tightly, both of them leaning a little awkwardly against the fence as he did so.
But Katie didn’t care, it didn’t matter if they leaned against the fence forever.
“Just give me another chance, Katie. You’re the only one who makes the world right. I’m never going to be happy unless you’re with me, just don’t walk away.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” She said, her face buried deep in his chest and her arms wrapped around his waist, clinging on tightly. “You’re the only one who makes my world right too. You’re the only one who ever could.”
“I love you so much, Katie.”
“And I love you, Arlen.”
“I want to take you to the dance to have you in my arms and I love you so much I want to marry you. I just know you deserve a better man.”
“No... no,” she said as she kissed his lips and then looked into his eyes. “I mean yes... yes, I want to marry you. You are the best man; the only man and I love you so much. I can’t imagine a braver and kinder man than you... there is no one I could love more. Hold me in your arms for you are my better man.”
Standing on her tiptoes she reached up and kissed his lips and melted into his arms.
Epilogue
“You’re in a world of your own, aren’t you?” Mary said as she wandered out into the large garden to find Katie kneeling on the ground gently tugging little weeds from around the edge of a cluster of gerberas. “Don’t forget you’ve got that lovely big family dinner at your ma’s house.”
“Oh yes,” Katie said and finally got to her feet. “I lost track of time.”
“You always do when you’re in the garden.” Mary said. “Not that I’m complaining, it never looked so good.”
And it was true, the garden of the Bryant ranch house had never been so well tended as it was now. Katie had begun work on it almost as soon as she had married Arlen and moved to her new home.
And the garden, as large as it was, had seemed like a wonderful, huge blank canvas to Katie, a place for her to grow all the things she didn’t have room for back at her ma and daddy’s house.
By the first summer of her new life there, she’d already made so many changes to the garden that it was hardly recognizable as the same place.
“I just love it here,” Katie said with her customary honesty.
“And I love having you here.” Mary smiled at her. “Just to see you and Arlen so happy, I can’t tell you what it means to me.”
“And we really are happy,” Katie said with a bright smile in return.
And it was true, Arlen and Katie Bryant were just about the happiest couple in all of Oregon.
She’d been sad to leave her ma and daddy, very sad, but she still saw them most days. Every morning, she set off on her horse to make her way down to the lumberyard to work with her daddy just as she had always done.
Marriage hadn’t changed that one little bit, and she was still intent on taking over the family business one day, just as she had always promised her daddy she would.
And Arlen hadn’t done anything to stand in her way, happy to have his own working life returned to him now that he was mastering horse-riding again, finding it easier and easier every day.
“Oh look, here comes another one who’s going to need to have a good wash,” Mary said with an amused sigh. “Really, look at the pair of you. You can’t go to your ma’s house like that.”
Katie looked across to the stables where her husband, just down from the ranch, slid out of the saddle and jumped from his horse, landing easily before turning to unfasten the saddle.
She watched him with love and pride as he worked, quickly removing the saddle and carrying it into the stable to hang it up.
He walked out, still limping, but nowhere near as badly as he had once done. With her constant support, Arlen did the full run of exercises every day. Katie had lost count of how many books she had read to him now, keeping him motivated; entertained enough to get through everything he needed to without his attention wandering once.
It wasn’t a chore to him anymore, but something that they both enjoyed. Their own little tradition, one of the first they’d ever made between them. It was a slice of special time together every day, appreciating one another more than either one of them could have truly said.
With his horse finally set free in the little paddock, Arlen made his way over to his wife and sister-in-law. He smiled as he went, no outward sign of the pain which had plagued him for so long. The working and the exercising were finally winning, and his leg was as close to being mended as it was ever going to get.
As he’d said to her more than once, it was never going to be a pretty sight, but at least now it worked. His life hadn’t come to an end on account of his injury. He was mastering his injury, and his life was really only just beginning.
“Come on, the pair of you. You need to get cleaned up. You need to get moving,” Mary said as soon as Arlen reached them.
“You just love the idea that you now have an extra person to boss around, don’t you?” Arlen chuckled and reached out to take his wife’s hand. “Don’t put up with it, Katie. Don’t suffer in silence the way I’ve done all these years.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever once known you to suffer in silence, Arlen,” Mary said in a mock scolding tone. “And I don’t boss you around, I’m just keeping an eye on you.”
“Which anybody else might tell you is exactly the same thing.”
“Arlen, behave,” Katie said, giggling appreciatively.
He took her hand and led her into the house so that they could both get ready for the family meal they’d so been looking forward to. Grace Lacey was cooking up something special and getting her whole family around her.
“So, are we going to tell them all today?” Arlen asked the moment they were alone in their bedroom.
He stood behind her, his arms encircling her waist, his large hands resting lightly on her still somewhat flat belly.
“I think it’s time. I’m sure now,” Katie said and wriggled in his arms, turning to face him.
“I never realized life could be like this. Even before I went to war, I’d never imagined a man really could be this happy,” he said, his deep voice low and tinged with emotion. “And then, when the worst happened, I thought I’d just be content that I’d survived when so many others didn’t. I never expected love would come into my life. Not this kind of love.” He kissed her, holding her face in his hands. “The wonderful kind.”
“I think we’ll have to have more babies if this is how it makes you,” Katie said and smiled up at him lovingly.
“The more the merrier.” He laughed. “I think.”
“Well, we’ll just have to see about that. Poor Jason will have enough to cope with when he finds out he’s got a baby niece or nephew coming for one thing.”
“He’ll be just fine, you’ll see. Shoc
ked, but fine.”
“And I reckon little Kyle and Jane will be excited too,” she said, thinking of her nephew and niece, their constant chatter; they were so like their mother.
“But not as excited as Janet and your ma, huh? I won’t be surprised if my eardrums burst this afternoon when you tell them.” Arlen chuckled and kissed the top of her head. “I might wander over to the lumberyard and leave you to it.”
“Don’t you dare,” Katie said and squeezed him tightly.
“Come on then, let’s get ready.”
When they arrived at the Lacey homestead, it was to find Katie’s father in the garden standing over the most enormous wooden table she’d ever seen.
“Daddy?” she said inquisitively.
“I know,” he said with a sigh.
“Is that what you’ve been working on out the back all these weeks?” Katie asked, remembering how her daddy had disappeared into the lumber store for hour upon hour.
“It all comes apart,” he said, pointing proudly at his handiwork. “Your ma wanted it. A table big enough to have the whole family around it. I guess she’s missing her girls these days.”
“Daddy, I’m here every day. Well, almost,” she said and smiled as she finally kissed his cheek.
“That sure is a fine table, Josh,” Arlen said, and Katie was certain he’d be struggling to hold back his amusement.
“Thank you.” Her daddy didn’t seem to notice. “Good job it’s a warm day and we can eat outside. I’m not sure this thing would fit in our kitchen. I work with lumber all day long, but I’m no carpenter.” He shrugged.
“Oh, you’re here, finally!” came the unmistakable voice of Janet as she strode out through the kitchen door and into the garden. “Where all the work is done, I see.” She smiled broadly, embracing her little sister tightly.
“Oh yes, Janet?” Grace appeared too, her hands on her hips. “Not that you’d know anything about that since you’ve just sat gossiping at my table and watched me doing all the work.”
“Well, you were getting on just fine,” Janet said, and everybody laughed. “And you know I’ve never been much good in the kitchen.”