Commitment

by Forrester, Nia

  “Then maybe you can write about that,” he said. “That not just men use rape as a weapon.”

  She seemed to think about it for a moment. “You read some of my papers?”

  “Yeah.”

  He’d found several of her articles in Feminist Theory, and read them all, just as he’d read Riley’s stuff. At the time, he couldn’t have dreamt that any of it would be germane to his own life.

  “You’re right,” Lorna said finally. “I’ll admit that we sometimes neglect that fact in discussions of rape, academic or otherwise.”

  “So have you thought about what I asked you? About working on the jury selection?”

  “Assuming I can take the time off, I’d be happy to do it.”

  “Thank you,” Shawn said. He stubbed out his cigarette after taking a couple more puffs.

  They sat in silence for a few moments, but it was a comfortable silence. He could hear Lorna taking occasional drags from her cigarette and exhaling slowly. She didn’t seem to need to fill the silence any more than he did.

  In this way, she was not at all like Riley. He smiled, thinking about his wife’s tendency to want to constantly engage. If he was quiet for more than five minutes, she almost invariably asked him what he was thinking.

  “What time is it?” Lorna asked after a few minutes had passed.

  “A little after eleven, I think,” Shawn said.

  “How do you feel about pool?” she asked.

  The Spotted Pig an old-fashioned English style pub on the edge of campus. Its décor was standard pub fare—dark wood paneling and heavy oak furniture with lamplight sconces on the walls. Almost all of the tables were occupied, and most of the booths that were in the rear, next to the pool room. College students played at the three tables and socialized between sips of beer.

  When Shawn walked in with Lorna, heads turned in their direction and he could hear his name being spoken in whispers. Several students waved in their direction and Lorna returned their greeting. She led Shawn to a booth and opened the menu already on the table.

  “They have a great New York strip here, if you can stomach something that heavy at this hour,” she suggested.

  “I’ll be up at least long enough to digest it,” Shawn said, pushing aside his own menu.

  The waitress was college-age, probably a student. She had red hair with a blue streak down the center where her hair was parted. Her clothes were pure Goth; all black and buckles and chains. She had a nose-ring like Riley’s though the effect on her was completely different. She greeted Lorna by name and asked whether she wanted her regular order.

  “Nope. I think I’ll try the chili tonight,” Lorna said. “And a Sam Adams from the tap, please.”

  “And you?” The waitress looked at Shawn and her eyes became hard.

  “The New York strip, well-done with steak fries. And I’ll take a Sam as well.”

  “Thank you.” She took their menus and with a brief approximation of a smile walked away.

  “She was in my class last semester,” Lorna said. “I gave her an ‘A’. She’s a little spitfire, that one. My guess is she isn’t too crazy about you.”

  “You think so, huh?”

  Lorna laughed. “I’m sure you’re not expecting universal adulation.”

  “I don’t expect any,” Shawn said.

  “Good. Because the best thing that could be said about you under the present circumstances is that all you did was cheat on your wife.”

  It was the first time she had directly alluded to it and Shawn searched her tone for some sign of judgment but could find none. She was an interesting woman. He was surprised to realize that he wanted to get to know her better. And that he liked what he knew so far.

  “Let’s get next on one of those tables,” she said indicating the pool room. “I want to see what you’re made of.”

  Shawn grinned. “Oh you don’t want none of this,” he assured her. “Prepare to get spanked.”

  Not surprisingly, Lorna was a fierce competitor and beat Shawn two out of three rounds before their food came. They reserved a spot to play doubles against a couple of seniors after their meal and sat down. By now the pub was crowded and much louder. No one paid attention to him, though many noticed him as they walked by. Everyone seemed to think it natural that he would be out enjoying a late dinner with his mother-in-law, despite his legal troubles.

  Lorna was right, the steak was very good, and Shawn ate with gusto, glad he’d accepted her invitation. Just as he was finishing up, his cell phone vibrated, dancing on the table between them. He tensed involuntarily, until he saw Riley’s phone number flash across the display.

  “Where the hell are you?” she asked without greeting, and then before he could answer. “Let me speak to Lorna.”

  Shawn passed the phone across the table and took a sip of his beer, watching as Lorna made a face into the phone.

  “Yes, of course,” she said wearily. “Stop being such an old lady. Fine. Next time we’ll leave a note on your pillow. Does that make you feel better? And you can tell Vernon he doesn’t have to call in the cavalry.” She hung up and handed the phone back to Shawn.

  “Vernon?”

  “That’s your bodyguard’s name,” she said. “For future reference.”

  When they finally got back to the house around three-thirty a.m., Riley was still awake, having not gone back to sleep since her call. She was sitting in the kitchen as they entered, nursing a mug of coffee and picking at a cinnamon bun.

  “Don’t tell me you waited up,” Lorna said, exasperated.

  “Well, when you take off like that without telling me, who knows what else to expect?’ Riley demanded. “Given what’s going on with Shawn, you never know what people . . .”

  “Riley, please. Who’s the parent here?”

  “Sometimes, that’s not entirely clear, Lorna. That’s my point.”

  “Baby . . .” Shawn began.

  “Shawn, stay out of it,” Riley snapped.

  “Okay,” he winked at Lorna and headed up to bed, only too happy to leave someone else to absorb her wrath.

  g

  Predictably, Riley was not crazy about the idea of being left behind when Shawn suggested it. But she looked exhausted, and he knew that though she wouldn’t admit it, sitting through the meetings about his trial took a lot out of her emotionally. Fortunately, Lorna’s insistence seemed to hold some sway and she eventually let them go to meet with the legal team about jury selection without her.

  Shawn drove and Lorna sat next to him with her bare feet on the dashboard. If she were anyone else, this might have been annoying but his mother-in-law was not like other mothers. For one thing, she had a toe-ring. It was sterling silver and designed to look like a snake, curled about her toe. Between that and the distressed jeans she wore, she seemed about ten years younger than she was, and completely carefree. Her long braids hung like a curtain, partially obscuring her face as she looked out the window. Not at all what someone would expect when meeting a renowned feminist theorist. Shawn was looking forward to seeing Brendan’s face when he introduced her.

  “There is one thing I’m curious about,” she said to him just as they got on the parkway.

  Shawn tensed, waiting.

  “What’s it like to have more money than you’ll ever possibly need? I read somewhere that the number one most common fantasy is being able to fly, and number two is being super-wealthy.”

  Shawn thought for a moment. This was a part of his life that most people were probably curious about, but had never asked him directly. It didn’t surprise him at all that Lorna would be the one to break new ground.

  “It’s,” he thought for a moment, choosing his words carefully. “Scary, sometimes. But mostly it’s a freeing type of thing. Liberating.”

  “Liberating I understand. Scary, how so?”

  “Because if you can buy just about anything, and you’re still not satisfied, then what does that mean, y’know?”

  “What indeed.” Lor
na nodded. “So did the money satisfy you?”

  Shawn shrugged. “I just know I wasn’t as interested in it as I thought I would be. Once I knew I could, there wasn’t much I wanted to buy.”

  “Jewelry, cars, houses, yachts?”

  “Not so much.”

  Lorna laughed. “Very interesting. I see.”

  “See what?”

  “Some of what Riley sees in you.”

  “But now it’s different though,” Shawn admitted. “I can think of lots of stuff I’d like to get now. Now that . . .” he stopped himself.

  He was about to say ‘now that I have someone to share it with.’ But it sounded so much like a corny love song he couldn’t make himself finish the sentence. Lorna laughed and looked out the passenger side window. She seemed to know instinctively what he’d been about to say.

  “She is pretty remarkable. And believe me, I’d like to take full credit for that, but I really think that’s how she came out. All I had to do was stay out of her way.”

  “She would say you had a lot to do with it.”

  “I know she would. She gives me more credit than I deserve. In a lot of ways, I was a shitty mother. But you’ll see when—if— you have babies. They pretty much make their own way, and your main responsibility is to make sure they don’t crack their skulls falling out of the crib.”

  Shawn laughed. “I’ll try to remember that.”

  “You didn’t take the bait,” Lorna said after a few moments of silence.

  “What bait?”

  “About babies. Wanting them.”

  “Of course I want them.”

  She nodded. “And Riley?”

  “She doesn’t talk to you about this stuff? You sure seem to talk about everything else.”

  “I have my sense of what she wants, but to be perfectly frank, I didn’t anticipate talking to her about starting a family for many years.”

  “What’s your sense of what she wants?” Shawn pressed.

  “To be perfectly honest Shawn, she wants to give you whatever will make you happy. And if it’s babies you want, then she’ll do her darndest to make sure it happens.”

  He tried not to show how relieved he was with that assessment and nodded. “I feel the same way about her.”

  “Good to hear it.”

  But in her tone he thought he heard the unspoken question: if she means that much to you how could you have betrayed her? He waited, half-expecting her to ask it but she didn’t and he was grateful. Still, he felt she deserved an answer.

  “What happened,” he began. “With me and that girl—with Keisha—it’ll never happen again. It shouldn’t have . . .”

  “How do you know?”

  The question was asked breezily. Not as a challenge, but more out of frank curiosity.

  When he hesitated, she turned in her seat a little so that she was looking directly at him rather than ahead.

  “I’ll confess something to you, Shawn. I’ve never been what they call ‘faithful’ in a relationship. Never.” She paused as though to allow that to sink in. “But that’s because I was always clear about the rules of engagement with people I was involved with. They knew not to expect that from me. And even then it was . . . difficult when I strayed.”

  Shawn nodded. “Riley and I don’t have those kinds of rules,” he said. “I was just wrong. And if the situation was reversed . . .”

  He surprised even himself when he was unable to finish the sentence. Even the very idea was too painful to think about and caused a golf ball sized lump to form in the back of his throat. For not the first time it hit him full on just how she must have felt. After he’d practically pressured her into getting married . . .

  “But how do you know?” Lorna repeated. “That it won’t happen again.”

  Shawn gave a harsh laugh. “Because even without a rape charge hanging over my head, it wasn’t worth it. Not by a long shot. I almost lost her.”

  Lorna nodded her agreement. “Yes, Shawn, you almost did.”

  As expected, Brendan seemed befuddled by Lorna’s appearance. As they walked up to him in the lobby of Doug’s building, Shawn could almost see the wheels whirring in his mind, and the realization gradually emerge as to who this person might be. He smiled and came toward them hand outstretched. He introduced himself and seemed unable to let go of Lorna’s hand once he shook it.

  “Down, boy,” Shawn said under his breath.

  “I’ve heard a lot about you, Brendan,” Lorna said.

  “All good things, of course.”

  “Of course,” she confirmed.

  “Let’s go do this,” Shawn said, putting a hand on his mother-in-law’s back and ushering her toward the elevators.

  Doug and Robyn seemed to want to interview Lorna before agreeing that she would assist with jury selection, although they tried to do so in a way that made it seem like casual conversation. And of course they wanted to make sure she didn’t have any information that would make her a potential witness. Shawn watched as Lorna confidently transformed the meeting from one that furthered his attorneys’ agenda to one that advanced her own. As he listened to her questions, he gradually realized what she was doing. She was dissecting their strategy, and trying to figure out how he would be portrayed.

  He stood and excused himself, going out into the lobby, dialing the number at the house as he went. It was clear he didn’t need to do any babysitting. Brendan was in the lobby, having been banned from strategy meetings, so he hung up.

  “How’s it going in there?” he asked.

  Shawn laughed. “She could’ve been a lawyer herself. Hell, maybe I should get rid of the paid help and let her take over.”

  Brendan nodded. “Not surprised. But damn, she’s cute too. I glimpsed her that time she came to take you upstate but I didn’t know she was . . . How old is she anyway?”

  Shawn looked at him warningly.

  “I’m just sayin’,” Brendan shrugged. “If the opportunity presented itself, I can’t make no promises.”

  “So what’s been going on?”

  “I got a call from one of Riley’s co-workers. She said you spoke to her one time. A photographer. Dawn somebody?”

  Shawn shook his head, drawing a blank.

  “Well she said she wanted to do a photo spread. She thought you might be interested in doing it now, something with Riley?”

  Shawn was already shaking his head. “She ain’t going for that.”

  “This chick might be on to something though man. Seeing you right now in a family setting couldn’t hurt.”

  “But I can’t talk to press though.”

  “No interview. That would be the offer. A photo spread, but with everything else off the record. And maybe Riley could do the interview.”

  “But who could we trust to write the right story? Especially with no interview.”

  “Darnell,” Brendan said.

  Shawn nodded. “Maybe.”

  “Look. He said he wanted something exclusive and I think he might want to kiss up after that dumb shit he wrote about you losing street cred.”

  “Riley would have to be on board and right now, man, I’m not crazy about getting her more involved in this mess.”

  “Shawn. You can’t prevent that from happening. That’s the bottom line. So the only other option is for you to control how she gets involved.”

  “I think I remember Dawn. I did talk to her one time. She’s a pretty good friend of Riley’s.”

  “Wonder why she didn’t just go to Riley directly then.”

  “She did, I think, but at the time she wasn’t into it. Don’t know what would make her change her mind considering all the crap that’s going on.”

  “If she thinks it’ll help you, she’ll do it,” Brendan said.

  Shawn shrugged. “Okay, we’ll see. And you’ll line up Darnell’s punk ass?”

  “Yup. Done.” Brendan was already dialing as he walked away.

  When he reached her, Riley was watching MTV which he’d expressly w
arned her against doing. But of course, that should have been reason enough for him to expect that she’d do it.

  “Cameron’s on,” she said, her voice flat. Riley listened for awhile and Shawn could hear the muffled sound of the television in the background. Then Riley was back.

  “You’re not going to believe this,” she said finally.

  “What?”

  “I missed the first part while I was talking to you, but you want the part I heard?” She sounded oddly amused.

  “Lemme hear it.”

  “He said, ‘The worst I can say about K Smooth is that he hits like a girl. All this mess about him raping somebody is some . . .” and then they bleeped him. But I’m pretty sure he said ‘bullshit’.”

  Shawn said nothing. All Cameron was thinking about was whether it would be open season on guys like him if K Smooth went down.

  “You there?” Riley asked after a moment.

  “Yeah, I’m here.”

  “So . . . anyway, how’s the meeting going? With Lorna and Doug?”

  “She’s keeping them in line,” Shawn said with a laugh.

  “Of course,” Riley said. “So we should expect you guys back for lunch?”

  “Sure.”

  “I’ll run out and pick something up.”

  “Take Tiny with you,” Shawn said.

  “I will,” she said.

  “Oh, and your friend Dawn called Brendan about setting up a photo spread. You know about this?”

  “Yeah, but that was a long time ago. I may have given her his number, I don’t remember. I’ll call her back. I don’t know what she’s thinking, that right now we would want to . . .”

  “Well Brendan was thinking it might be a good idea. Because of what’s going on.”

  There was silence for a few moments while Riley considered the idea.

  “I see,” she said finally. “Do you want to do it?”

  “We can talk about it when I get back.”

  “Okay.”

  Before he could ask whether she was lukewarm or completely cold on the idea, he heard Lorna’s voice over his shoulder. She was done interrogating Doug and Robyn and was calling him back into the conference room. He reluctantly ended the call and turned to face the unpleasant task ahead.