From Within

by J. M. Walker

  “It’s so nice to meet you both,” the tiny woman said softly, holding out a hand. “I’m Beatrice but you can call me Bee.”

  Hope and I greeted her, shaking her hand in turns.

  “It’s nice to meet you, too,” Hope said, remaining standing beside me.

  Caiden rose to his feet and cupped Bee’s nape. He whispered something to her and she nodded.

  “How long have you been seeing each other?” I asked, sitting on the coffee table across from them.

  Caiden and Bee looked at each other before glancing back at us. “Her brother is a friend of Lee’s,” Caiden explained. “We met one night at a club and have been talking ever since.” Caiden shrugged like it was no big deal.

  I guessed it wasn’t but seeing Caiden with a woman was a little weird for me, especially when he told me how he had felt for me a couple of days ago. Did he still feel the same? Could he turn on and off his feelings like that? God, I was starting to sound like a woman.

  “Caiden hasn’t told us much about you but I know you must be something special,” Hope said, sitting beside me.

  Bee’s cheeks reddened. “I try. Caiden is something special himself.”

  Caiden grinned and cupped her cheek, brushing his thumb along her bottom lip. “You are special. And you know why, kitten.”

  She nodded. “What have you told them about us?”

  “Not much.” Caiden looked back at us. “Bee has been working with me on my Kinbaku. Although I have trained Hope to help you, Xander, Bee is my new apprentice, so to speak.”

  “What does that mean?” I asked, frowning when a slight twinge of unease swam in my gut. I had never seen Caiden so loving and caring with someone. It was always fuck ‘em and leave ‘em, for both of us. Especially with Embree.

  “It means I will make Bee fly until my time has come,” Caiden said, his voice gentle but strong.

  “Your time has come? Caid, what is going on?” I demanded, rising to my feet.

  Caiden looked down at his joined hands linked with Bee’s. “There are some things that are going to be changing rather quickly. I don’t know when. But I do know you have to be ready for them. Promise me.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, shaking my head. “Please tell me what’s going on.”

  Hope gripped my inner thigh, squeezing with reassurance.

  “Do you know what he’s talking about?” I asked her, desperation in my voice.

  She looked away. “I…I don’t know enough.”

  I stood up abruptly, pacing back and forth. Gripping the collar of my shirt, I pulled and tugged at it. My chest constricted, my lungs aching with the need to breathe.

  “Xander…” Caiden came up behind me and cupped my nape.

  “Something’s wrong.” I spun on him. “But you won’t tell me. Am I not strong enough? Do you think I’m going to lose it? Because, Caiden, I’m already fucking losing it.”

  His eyes softened. “You are strong but I don’t want to do anything to set you back. Look at what you’ve been through already. Have you fought your demons yet? Have you forgiven Hope yet? No, you haven’t.”

  “You don’t know what I’ve done, Caiden. You don’t know all and see all. Stop acting like you do.”

  “I don’t know all.” He chuckled. “God, Xander. If I did, I would have built this house years ago.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?” I asked, my brows narrowing.

  He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Yes, it does!” I shouted. “You’ve accused me of shutting you out. Well stop doing the same to me. Tell me what the hell is going on. We’ve been friends for years and I just find out you have fucking cancer. All this time, I thought you were gay and then I find out you don’t have a preference. Why don’t you talk to me?”

  “I do talk to you! But you don’t fucking listen.” He took a step towards me, forcing me back. “If you would listen, you would know I’ve been sick. You would know I’ve been in love with you for years. You would also know I only fucked Embree because it was the closest thing I could get to fucking you!”

  My eyes widened at his confession.

  Several gasps sounded from the living room but he ignored them and continued. “I know you love me like a man should love his brother. I get that, but I realized it’s not enough for me. Am I in love with Bee? I’ve given everything I can to her that I’ve wanted to give to you. She understands this but…” He stopped, his body mere inches from mine.

  My mouth opened and closed, my heart jumping. “Caid…I’m sorry,” was all I said. I couldn’t wrap my head around what he was telling me. I knew how he felt about me but I also knew it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t give him what he needed. I couldn’t force myself to love someone the way they deserved.

  “Sorry doesn’t stop me from loving you,” Caiden said, leaning against the wall opposite me.

  “So what do we do?” I asked, my voice small.

  Caiden brushed a hand through his hair, not meeting my gaze. “I’m leaving.”

  “What?” My eyes widened. “You can’t leave.”

  “I’m going to stay with Bee for a couple of days,” he said, ignoring me and pushed from his spot at the wall.

  “Caiden.” I grabbed his arm. “Please. We can work through this.”

  He looked down at my hand gripping his bicep and took a deep breath. “Let me go.”

  “No. Please. I will do anything,” I pleaded.

  “You can’t do anything because you can’t love me like you love Hope. I tried ignoring the way you are with her. I’ve tried. But it fucking hurts!” he snapped, shoving from my grip.

  “That’s not my fault!” I yelled, pushing him. “You can’t make me feel guilty over giving my heart to someone. If I could give it to you, I would. You can’t force me.”

  “I know it’s not your fault.” He pushed me back, shoving me up against the wall. “But it’s not my fault you fucking stole my heart.”

  “I never asked for your heart,” I growled, punching his shoulder.

  “Doesn’t fucking matter.” In a quick move, he wrapped his hand around my throat and crashed his lips to mine.

  I swallowed a gasp at the rough impact, my body stiffening and then relaxing into his touch. His warm mouth moved fluidly over mine, his velvet tongue slipping into my mouth. The scratchiness of the scruff on his jaw brushed against mine.

  His fingers tightened around my neck, tilting my head back as he deepened the kiss.

  Never in all of my life would I thought Caiden would ever kiss me. My heart jumped hard against my rib cage, my palms becoming sweaty. A tingle trembled down my spine. I loved the man who had his mouth on mine but I only loved him like a brother. I realized it now more than anything.

  Caiden released me. His eyes dilated, desire swimming in the dark depths. “Xander,” he breathed.

  Licking my lips, I took a breath and shook my head. Before I could stop myself, before I could even think twice about what I was doing, I punched him.

  Caiden

  I HAD done something that I had wanted to do for years. Ever since I realized that I felt more for Xander Brant then just friendship. When I kissed him, I wasn’t thinking of what his reaction would be. I wasn’t thinking of how it affected him, Bee or Hope. I was thinking about myself. I was selfish and for that, I paid the price when he punched me.

  The pain shot through the side of my face like I had been hit by a brick. Xander was bigger than me and he packed one hell of a hit.

  I knew right then that everything would change. It would become weird between us no matter how hard we tried to stop it.

  But I never expected him to hit me. Yell and scream at me maybe but punch me in the fucking face? God, I was naïve to think he would react any less.

  As we continued our stare down, my heart beat hard against the confines of my ribs. I loved him. More than life itself. And without him, I would break. But without me? The cancer would surely destroy us both.<
br />
  Seeing him with her, ate at me until I had enough. I shouldn’t have let it go on for as long as I did. I would never want Xander and Hope to break up but I couldn’t handle seeing them together. I wasn’t sure if it was because the cancer was back and it was messing with my head or my feelings were growing for Bee. Either way, I found myself wanting to be alone. But I couldn’t kick Xander out of my house. Even though it was mine, I had built it with him in mind. He needed a place to stay after I was gone. I knew he could take care of himself. I got that. But he needed more. Hope had told me that he would always need me no matter what happened so I liked to think that when I was gone, a part of me would still remain with him. In this house. It would be hard, but he would make it work.

  “Hit me back, fucker,” Xander growled, his voice low so that only I could hear.

  A slow grin spread on my face. “I love you, man, but you are being a dick,” I said through clenched teeth.

  These next couple of minutes would be a test. Of our friendship. Our brotherhood that he liked to remind me of constantly. But I didn’t want to be his brother. I didn’t want to be just his friend. But I would take it. Because if something happened where we couldn’t be friends anymore? It would kill me faster than the cancer seeping through my body.

  ***

  (Hope)

  When I saw the impact of the kiss, I knew it was in a desperation of love and want. I had been there, so I knew how Caiden felt. He wanted to let Xander know his feelings for him weren’t bullshit. I got that. But did Xander?

  I was not expecting Xander’s fist to fly at Caiden’s face. The pain behind his eyes broke my heart but it soon flashed into something else. Pure hard rage and that scared me even more.

  Everything next happened fast.

  “Hit me again,” Caiden bit out through clenched teeth, a dark bruise forming on his jaw already.

  I rose to my feet as Xander geared up to hit him again but this time, Caiden charged at him, throwing him to the ground.

  I screamed, begging them to stop. Bee and I rushed over, careful not to get mixed in their fight but tried our hardest to separate them.

  The sound of fists hitting bone caused bile to rise to my throat but I pushed forth, pulling Xander off of Caiden. “Stop. Please, both of you. Stop!” I fell back on my ass with Xander shaking in my arms. His cheeks were mottled pink, his nostrils flaring. He was seething mad but he didn’t try and escape my grip.

  “Leave, you fucking asshole.” Xander laughed. It was cold and maniacal. “Run. Run like you’ve done your whole damn life.”

  “I never ran!” Caiden shouted. “I told you exactly how I felt. I helped you through your shit. I brought you and Hope back together and this is how you repay me? I should fucking kick you out but I can’t because you have no place to go.”

  “I could find a place,” Xander yelled.

  Caiden threw his head back and laughed. “You almost burnt down our apartment. You have no job. You’re a bum, living off of me because you’re too damn scared to be out on your own. Well guess what, Xander? You’re going to have to be on your own faster than you would like.” He spun on his heel, storming to the door. He threw it open, paused and looked back at us. His eyes saddened. “You need to learn to take care of yourself.”

  “I can take care of myself,” Xander growled.

  “Can you? You don’t like being alone,” Caiden said, his voice coming out hoarse.

  “That’s because my head is too loud!” Xander snapped.

  Caiden nodded once and left the house with Bee following after him. She stopped briefly to smile at us with sympathy and closed the door behind her.

  “Caiden,” Xander whispered. With shaky hands, he scrubbed them down his face.

  “I’m so sorry.” I kissed his cheek, wrapping my arms around his waist.

  He turned in my arms abruptly, forcing me back. A look of pure unadulterated lust filled his gaze as his eyes traveled down the length of my body. “I want you to run,” he said roughly.

  “What?” I gasped, the small hairs on my skin tingling. “Let’s have a bath, relax or watch a movie.”

  “No!” He shoved out of my grip. “I will fuck you right here if I have to. I don’t fucking care but I will spend the night buried balls deep inside of your delicious body.”

  I rose to my knees and cupped his cheeks. “Xander…”

  A wicked grin spread on his face when he pushed me face first onto the carpet.

  My eyes widened, the nerve endings on my body exploding with delight.

  “Tell me how much you want me.” He ripped down my pants, landing a hard swat on my ass. “Tell me.”

  “I want you. God, I always want you,” I cried, digging my fingers into the carpet.

  Xander knelt between my spread thighs, fisted my hair and towered over me. “I love you. But right now, this is pure fucking. You got me?”

  I nodded, understanding completely.

  “I didn’t ask for him to kiss me,” he breathed hard against my neck. His voice was panged, like he was apologizing for the moment he and Caiden had shared.

  “I know you didn’t,” I whispered. As much as it probably should have bothered me, it didn’t. I was jealous of their friendship but seeing how that kiss played out and the aftereffects of it, I would never want that for me and Xander. It broke my heart that because Caiden had reacted first, it could in the end destroy their friendship.

  “I’m yours, baby.” A zipper lowered, a hard grunt filling my ears. “I need to show you who I belong to.”

  “I know… you…Oh, shit,” I cried out when he thrust into me hard.

  “Let me remind you,” he growled, pumping slow and deep.

  Whimpering, I spread my legs wider, opening myself to him. I gave him a part of me that no man ever had. He reached inside of me, pulled forth this undying want. It was so strong, I could feel it.

  Xander was ferocious in the feral way he took me. He forced me over the edge of pure and utter bliss, taking me to new heights I never thought I would get from him.

  Pulling my head back, he placed a hard kiss on my mouth. His tongue tasted of spicy smoke. He pushed deeper, claiming me and owning me with the demanding strokes of his cock. “Can you taste him?” he ground out, his voice rough.

  I gasped into his mouth. My hips tilted, taking him deeper.

  Xander growled, released my mouth with a hard smack and fisted his hand tighter in my hair. “I need you to coat my dick with your orgasm, beautiful girl.” He tugged my sweater higher up my torso, inching his hand under my breast. His fingers pushed under the cup of my bra and twisted and teased my nipple into a sharp peak.

  All I could do was moan and hold onto his free hand beside my head while he made use of my body. He took what he needed. Gave me what I wanted and left the rest for both of us to consume. I realized at that point I would never get enough of the man seated deep inside of my body. It was never like this before. Never like the love we once shared. This was carnal. Desperate with the need to mate and mark each other like property.

  “Please,” he whispered into the crook of my neck. That once broken man reared its ugly head as his hips slowed down. But I didn’t want that. I needed him, the new him. Even though he was still broken, I wanted to show him we could get through this battle inside of him together. I wanted to help him. I craved his touch like I needed it to live. I loved him so much it hurt. It was a physical ache inside of my chest and every time I wasn’t near him, that ache grew. I realized this now as his desperate plea washed over me.

  Pushing to all fours, I started hammering back against him, giving him all of me.

  “Fuck,” he groaned, digging his fingers into the flesh of my ass. “Faster.”

  I did as he demanded, throwing my head back.

  Suddenly, he pushed me to the ground and thrust forth with so much strength, I screamed. An earth shattering release rocked through my core.

  “Louder. Scream my name, baby,” he snarled, slamming into me in hard mov
es.

  “Oh God.” I panted. “Xander.”

  “Your body is so fucking perfect.” His thrusts slowed. “Perfect for my thick cock.”

  I moaned. “Please.”

  “Please what?” He cupped my knee, pulling it out to the side, spreading me open for him.

  “Come for me,” I whispered.

  With his sweat coated cheek, he rubbed it along my neck, scenting me. “I want you to smell like me for the rest of your life.”

  “Our life,” I corrected, linking our fingers.

  “Damn straight. Tell me you want me. Tell me you want me like this.” His words held a hint of a warning, daring me to say yes. So I did.

  “I want you. Like this. Stripped bare for me. Giving me all of you.” I purred out a moan as he pushed into me further, picking up his speed. “I love you more than my last breath. I need you. I need you so much it hurts.” I told him how much I loved him over and over while he used my body for his pleasure.

  He roared out a release, shaking violently on top of me, his body trembling. His orgasm spurted into me in quick hard bursts, filling me with a piece of him he had never given to anyone. “You are my life,” he said softly, kissing my neck.

  Xander released me and kissed my rear before helping me to my feet.

  I kicked off the pants hanging from my ankle and pulled off the rest of my clothes.

  His eyes grazed down my body, heating my skin from a look. His nostrils flared, his beautiful grey gaze taking me in like he couldn’t control his need for me. “Bedroom,” was all he said, wrapping a hand around his semi-hard length.

  My eyes followed the movement. Licking my lips, I reached out for him when he stopped me.

  “Bedroom,” he growled.

  This time I listened.

  Caiden

  “FUCK!” I yelled, slamming a fist against the wall. A sharp pain shot up my arm, igniting my skin on fire. I paced back and forth, scrubbing a hand down my face. How could I kiss him? How could I cross that line? I was never one to let my feelings get the best of me. But with Xander, they took full control and now he probably hated me.