Ruined by Shadows

by Lola StVil

  There are so many questions and no answers. It’s all part of the torment. It was made clear to me when I arrived here that everything would be set up to torment me. I shiver as I remember the conversation I had with the creepy hooded figure when I arrived here.

  I can’t work out how I’ve drunk so many absinthes and yet feel completely sober. The only thing I wanted to do over the last few hours was get drunk enough to forget, but it seems that’s not possible. It’s like my torment started before I even got to the Land of Lost Souls. Even that one small pleasure, the last thing I would ever be able to do that might have brought me a moment of relief was denied to me. I guess that’s fitting. I don’t deserve relief.

  Coming here, to the Land of Lost Souls, was my plan from the moment I went through with killing Talon, but getting drunk first would have been nice. Instead of feeling drunk and able to forget, drinking pulled me into a deeper despair. As my despair heightened, so did the call of this place, and I soon found I couldn’t resist that call any longer.

  I’ve always been told that you have to be willing to come here, and willing I am, but I wonder briefly if that’s really all there is to it, or if it somehow senses despair in someone’s soul and pulls them in. It doesn’t matter. I wanted to be lost forever, and that’s about to happen.

  I look at the gate, and I can feel it whispering to me, pulling me towards it like a beacon.

  I push the gate open and enter. I am in a passageway lined with cold gray stone. Water runs down the walls leaving the ground wet and a little slippery. I don’t hang around. I just want to get in and get this over with. I reach the end of the passageway, pushing on before I can change my mind and go back to being the selfish prick who ruined the one person I’ve ever cared about.

  There’s a big, empty room at the end of the passageway. The walls are still stone but no water runs down them, and the floor here is dry. There is a door in front of me, and in front of it stand five hooded figures dressed in long brown robes. One of them steps forward as I approach, and I gasp as he raises his head and I see he has no face, just a shiny mask of unblemished skin.

  “Do you come here of your own free will?” the hooded figure asks me.

  His voice seems to come from the walls around me. I nod, momentarily speechless. He waits, and I realize that he’s not going to let me remain silent.

  “Yes,” I say.

  “And what brings you here?” the hooded figure asks.

  “I did something. Something I can never take back. I killed a man. A man I once thought of as a brother. He deserved it. He did something far worse than murder. But me killing him hurt the one person I love. I won’t risk darkening her, and I can’t face being rejected by her.”

  “So you come here to run from your problems?”

  “No. I come here because I have lost all hope and I want to protect the people I care about by being kept the hell away from them,” I say.

  The hooded figure nods and waves his hand, and out of nowhere, a small table appears in front of him. A single sheet of paper and an old-fashioned quill pen sit on top of it.

  “To gain access to the Land of Lost Souls, you must read this and sign it. Once you have signed it, your soul becomes ours until such time as your physical body dies and your soul moves on, either finding peace or permanent damnation.”

  “I… I have to sign a waiver?” I ask incredulously.

  “Yes. Even eternal torment must be legislated. It’s a sign of the times, I’m afraid,” the hooded figure responds. “It’s so much simpler if we’re handed people. Less paperwork than the walk-ins.”

  I can hear the slight amusement in his voice and suddenly I bark out a laugh as the surreal nature of this whole thing hits me. The hooded figure waits patiently until I get myself back under control. He nods to the document, and I pick it up.

  It doesn’t matter what it says really, I’m in this whatever happens now, but a lifetime of habit is hard to break, and it’s one of the first things that are instilled in a person: don’t sign anything until you’ve read and understood it. I guess it won’t hurt to learn a bit more about what exactly I’m getting myself into. The eternal torture thing is a bit too generic for my liking.

  I begin to read the document:

  I, Liam Kane, sign this document declaring myself to be here of my own free will and in sound mind. I understand that my signature means that I agree to the below terms and conditions and that I am agreeing to them all now and in the future.

  This document is legally and morally binding and may not be broken. Upon signing the document, my body and soul become the property of the Brotherhood of Lost Souls, or the Dark Brotherhood as they are more commonly known.

  They will then have the right to issue any form of physical and mental torture on me until such time as my body perishes.

  Terms and Conditions

  I agree that at no point will I attempt escape from the Land of Lost Souls

  I agree that at no point will I resist the punishments issued to me

  I agree that I am giving up all rights to bodily autonomy and that the Brotherhood can do as they wish to me

  In return, the Brotherhood of Lost Souls agrees to abide by the following terms:

  No punishment or torture can be carried out that could be fatal to the prisoner

  To provide spiritual guidance in the event any prisoner completes a BC56 form requesting counsel

  If a prisoner does manage a successful escape, then all of their rights will be returned to them, and the Brotherhood will relinquish all rights to their body and soul

  Keep the prisoner’s location confidential at all times and not discuss any aspect of their imprisonment or torture with anyone outside of the Brotherhood

  If there is any reason why these terms can’t be followed, then the signatory must speak up before signing the document. If there are any special circumstances that the signatory feels the Brotherhood would benefit from knowing, these may be revealed after the document is signed. The Brotherhood will act on this knowledge to ensure it has no bearing on your time in the Land of Lost Souls. Failure to reveal something which impacts this agreement may lead to additional torment.

  This agreement may be subject to change without notice.

  Declaration

  I, Liam Kane, agree to all of the above terms now and for the rest of my bodily life.

  I swallow hard. I know that people who come here are tortured in both traditional and creative ways, and I know that once you’re in, there’s no escape, but seeing it written down in black and white like that makes it feel all too real. What if I change my mind tomorrow?

  I remind myself that this is exactly why I’m doing this. I know I’m not strong enough to stay away from Atlas for long, and I know she needs me to be strong for her and not force her into the position where she has to send me away. I have to do this while my resolve is strong.

  I decide to ignore the contradictions. I am not allowed to try and escape, but if I do and manage it, I’m free. The Brotherhood will torment me, yet also offer me counseling. That’s the law I suppose, full of contradictions, so why should this place be any different?

  I pick up the quill and scrawl my name at the bottom of the document before I can talk myself out of it. The hooded figure nods in approval.

  “Do you have anything you wish to make us aware of before entering?” he asks.

  I think for a moment, and then I nod.

  “Yes. My friends, they’re not the type to let something like this go. There’s a chance they’ll show up here and try to break me out. I need you to make sure that doesn’t happen, but without hurting them.”

  “No one gets in here and leaves. They would be required to sign the document, and then they become our property. Unless they were handed over to us as part of an arrangement, and then they would still become our property, only they wouldn’t need to sign their consent to that.”

  “No, you don’t understand. They’re pretty resourceful, and they’ll fi
nd a way to get past you.”

  The hooded figure shrugs.

  “It won’t happen. I don’t care how resourceful they are. They might get in; we have had people come before on missions to see their loved ones, but they’ve never been able to stage a successful rescue. Your friends will never get Erinyes snake venom, which is just one of the things they’ll need to make the Pearl potion that could mask your soul long enough for you to escape.”

  I can’t say anything else about how that wouldn’t be a problem for them, not without giving away their identities, but I already know Sadie will know how to make a Pearl potion, Pest will know where to find the Erinyes, and Atlas and the team will get the snake venom without even breaking a sweat.

  “As further security, the gate you entered through regularly moves locations. Only those who have lost all hope and want to join us as a permanent resident will have the gate’s location revealed to them. Or, of course, those who go to the witch we have an agreement with, but assuming your friends aren’t morally corrupt, they won’t pay Marianna’s price.”

  How can I make him understand that if Atlas finds out where I am before she finds out why I’m here that nothing will stop her? I can feel myself getting angry at his calmness, and I decide to try a different tactic.

  “What happens if I break a rule from the contract?” I ask.

  “Your punishment will be increased until you can no longer stand it. Your spirit will break, and you will be made to comply.”

  I shudder at the casual way he says it.

  “And what happens if you break a rule?” I ask.

  “The brothers don’t break the rules.”

  “But what happens if you do? I understand you think you won’t, but there have to be consequences in place in case you have a rogue brother who wants to harm your system,” I insist.

  He sighs, and it’s strange to hear the walls sigh. Stranger than hearing them talk.

  “Then the brother will be excommunicated, and the prisoner whose rights were violated will be offered their chance to leave freely.”

  “Then I suggest you start the process of having yourself be excommunicated,” I say.

  “Excuse me?” the hooded figure demands.

  “The contract states that if I reveal any special circumstances, you will act on that information to ensure it doesn’t affect my time here. And you’re not doing that. You’re breaking the contract,” I point out.

  “And what exactly would you have me do other than the measures which are already in place?” he asks.

  I breathe a sigh of relief inside. If I can find a way to ensure I can’t be liberated even if the team somehow finds their way here, then I can ensure I can’t screw Atlas’s life up anymore.

  “I would suggest keeping me as far from the entrance as possible. My friends know I’m not exactly a people person, and they will expect me to seek out a space as far from others as possible, so force me to be somewhere where others are. And as a final precaution, encase me in a force field or something similar that they won’t be able to get through no matter what.”

  He doesn’t respond right away, and I hope he’s at least considering what I’ve said.

  “I will take your suggestions and apply them, but know this. If I do place you within a force field, there will be no changing your mind at a later point. You will be forced to endure your torment knowing you can’t even run away.”

  “Fine,” I say.

  My only torment is knowing I can never again be with Atlas. Nothing he can do to me could be worse than that knowledge, so what does it matter?

  “There is one other thing. Any force field must have a way to be broken. It is a law of our land. A series of three tasks can be assigned to any force field, and once it is touched by anyone on the outside of it, the tasks will be triggered. If anyone completes all three, which is almost unheard of, then the force field comes down.”

  “Then I strongly suggest you make at least one of the tasks as close to impossible as you can,” I say.

  The hooded figure nods.

  “As you wish. Now enough talk. It’s time to make your acquaintance with the land. As per your suggestions, I have the perfect place in mind for you.”

  He reaches out and touches me, and I am suddenly bathed in an agony so intense I think I will just die on the spot. Every single part of my body screams with pain, even parts I didn’t know I had, and an involuntary scream is wrenched from my throbbing lips.

  The hand pushes me forward, and I begin to walk. I know then that the pain isn’t so much physical as it is an illusion. It doesn’t make it hurt any less, but the Brotherhood has found a way to inflict the maximum pain without rendering the recipient useless.

  Fucking great.

  I force my mind back out of the memory. The last thing I want or need right now is to relive the journey to my prison, an agonizing walk that I felt would never end. Nor do I want to relive the mental and physical torment I’ve suffered, locked in my bubble, forced to just endure it because I had nowhere to run to. I had no idea just how bad it would be when I suggested this force field.

  I glance back over my shoulder at Atlas and the team. I feel a surge of anger at Atlas. How can she be so stupid as to come here and risk everything for me? I’m not worth it, I never was, and now she knows that too and yet here she is.

  The anger isn’t really at her. It’s at myself for ruining what we had, but how could I have ever looked her in the eye again knowing that Talon was still breathing after what he had done to her?

  I realize I’ve subconsciously moved closer to her, turning back to look at her properly. Every part of me craves her, and I suddenly regret the force field. Without it, I could have still sent her away, made her see that I understand why we can’t be together anymore and made her understand that without her, I am nothing, and I would rather be here than in the outside world, knowing I can’t go to her. I could maybe have held her one more time before she left.

  “I don’t get it. Why would there be some sort of force field around Kane and no one else?” Perry says.

  I don’t reply. I know why of course; I requested it, but they don’t need to know that. They probably don’t realize at this point I can hear them and that they could hear me if I chose to speak.

  “Maybe it is everyone. Maybe we just didn’t get close enough to anyone else to activate it. Or maybe it recognizes that we know each other and that’s what triggers it,” a girl I don’t recognize says.

  I squint at her. Actually, I do recognize her. She’s a Valkyrie. I spoke to her during my drinking session before I came here. But how the fuck is she with the team now? And then I spot Carla, and it clicks into place.

  I knew it was a mistake telling anyone about my plan. I didn’t come right out and say I planned on coming here to the Valkyrie—what’s her name again? Raquel? No. Rachel—but I said enough for her to have read between the lines and know. She must have told Carla, and Carla went to the team. And to top it all off, there was something strange about her. She asked too many questions.

  Fuck.

  I have to question myself even more now. Did I do that in the hope that somehow it would get back to Atlas where I was, and she would do exactly what she’s done? I don’t know, and I don’t want to probe too deeply into my subconscious and find out if it’s true. I don’t want to know just how deep my hatred of myself and my need to be punished runs.

  “Perhaps the hooded figures knew Kane was a part of something bigger than anyone else here, and they would have worked out from there that we would come here and rescue him,” Saudia says.

  “He asked for it,” Atlas says.

  It isn’t a question or a possible suggestion. It’s a statement of fact, as true to her as her own name.

  “He knew we’d come, and he wanted to make sure we couldn’t get to him.”

  She shakes her head.

  “I guess he underestimated me, because I’m not leaving until that thing is down and Kane is with us.”

&
nbsp; She knows me far too well. It’s good I know her too, and now it all comes down to a battle of stubbornness and will because the Brotherhood won’t let the force field be broken.

  The tasks will defeat them. But at least I made them promise not to hurt the team.

  “It doesn’t matter why he’s in there. It only matters that we find a way to get him out,” Regal puts in. “Before we do that, Atlas, are you certain it’s him? The other visions we’ve seen, they looked completely real as well, but they weren’t.”

  “I’m certain,” Atlas says. “It’s easy to fall for a trick that’s put together as well as the ones we’ve encountered here, but this is different. I don’t just look at Kane and know it’s him. I feel it, Regal; all over, but mostly here.”

  She touches a hand to her heart, and I feel myself break a little more. She still loves me? No. How could she love me when I’ve done the one thing I swore to her I would never do?

  She turns and looks at me again. It takes everything I have to force myself to look anywhere but at her. I don’t need to be looking at her to know the expression she’ll have on her face. Her features will be set into a mask, showing no emotion, but her eyes will swirl with torment and pain when she looks at me and sees a monster.

  I sense rather than see her coming closer and I risk a quick glance in her direction. She is moving toward me, her hand outstretched to make sure she doesn’t smash into the force field again. Her palm meets it, and she stops. My own hand starts to move up of its own accord, going to touch the inside of the force field in the same spot that hers touches the outside. Angrily, I pull it back.

  “Kane, look at me,” she says.

  I try not to, but I can’t help it. I meet her eye, and I see a flash of hope in hers, and once more, I hate myself for doing this to her.

  “We’re going to find a way to get you out of there,” she says.

  She jumps back as a loud voice booms out from nowhere.

  “You will have one chance at freeing he who is bound. You must complete a series of tasks, each harder than the one which came before it. Complete the three tasks, and the force field will break. Fail, and the consequences for you and the prisoner will be dire.”