When Mom Meets Dad

by Smith, Karen Rose

  The nerve in Alex's jaw worked, and she could see he wasn't unaffected by what she'd said, but still he didn't look at her. "Alex, please try and understand. When I got a divorce, I promised myself I would never let anyone make decisions for me again, or treat me as if I were inferior. My main goal was to teach Heather how to be an independent woman so no man could do that to her. And the only way to teach her was to show her."

  Finally Alex spoke. "I still don't see what that has to do with you not confiding in me. We're engaged, Amanda. Secrets have no place in that."

  "I didn't feel I was keeping secrets. You and I happened so fast... I found myself wanting to please you, sometimes the same way I wanted to please Jeff. And I guess without thinking about it, I didn't want your disapproval. So it seemed safer not to tell you."

  "Safer?"

  "We're getting married in two weeks, Alex. And we were so happy, I knew you wouldn't want me to see Jeff."

  "So this is my fault?"

  "I didn't say that, but I didn't want to make waves. And once Jeff told me what he wanted, I knew you wouldn't want me to take the money. But Alex, this is my decision to make. Heather is my daughter, and I have to do what is best for her, whether you approve of that or not."

  When Alex turned toward her, she could see the anger in the set of his jaw, in the deep green of his eyes. His voice was low but clear as he said, "Not only didn't you trust me enough to confide in me, but you didn't trust me enough to put Heather first. If we marry, I'll make sure she has money for a college education, the same way as I will for Kristy. And you're right--I do want you to refuse the money. I don't want your ex-husband controlling any part of your life. And with what you've told me, there's a good chance he'd want to."

  Amanda swallowed hard as her heart raced. She knew she had to say what was on her mind. "Yet you want to control the decisions I make?"

  "I don't want to control your decisions, but I want input if I'm going to be your husband. You didn't give me that chance." His tone told her he resented everything about what had happened, and he still felt betrayed. Her throat tightened, and she blinked twice to stem tears that threatened. She wouldn't cry and make him feel sorry for her. The last thing she wanted was his pity.

  Drawing on the strength she'd needed after her divorce, she pointed out, "You've used the word "if" twice now. Are we going to get married?"

  The water in the creek rushed past rocks and rippled along its banks. "I don't know the answer to that right now. I think we both have heavy thinking to do." This time, a stray cheer from the baseball game and a few birds chirping in the trees above couldn't fill the silence between them.

  When Alex broke it, he asked, "Are you going to refuse the money?"

  "Is that a condition for us getting married?" The idea that Alex wanted the same kind of control Jeff had wanted made her heart ache.

  Alex didn't answer her, but rather stood. "I don't think we have anything else to talk about. I can't understand your point of view, and you can't understand mine. Stalemate. I'll take you home, and then go get the girls. It will be easier if I just drop Heather off."

  What he meant was the pain of being together was worse than the pain of being apart. Or maybe he didn't mind being apart. That was the impression he was giving. Maybe he'd only wanted a mother for Kristy and a bed partner, and maybe love didn't enter into it at all.

  That thought made Amanda pull her pride tighter around her. She wouldn't let him see how much she hurt because she wouldn't let him see how much she loved him.

  ***

  The creek looked more like a small river on Saturday afternoon as Kristy and Heather stood by its bank, tossing stones into the water and watching them swirl away. "What are we gonna do?" Kristy asked.

  "Mom was crying last night," Heather said morosely. "She thought I couldn't hear her, but I could."

  "Dad was so quiet. He didn't even talk to me at breakfast this morning. It was weird."

  "I think they still wanna get married. They just don't know it," Heather decided.

  "Do you think if we got them into the same room together it would help?" Kristy wanted to know.

  Usually Kristy came up with all the ideas, but this time Heather had one of her own. "I can think of something even better." And she smiled at her friend and started explaining exactly what they were going to do.

  ***

  The Sunday baseball game on the TV didn't distract Alex as it was intended to. It was almost five o'clock, and he supposed he should be thinking about making the girls something for supper. Kristy had asked him if Heather could come and play for the afternoon and evening. Knowing the girls still felt responsible for what was happening between him and Amanda, he hadn't wanted to keep them apart, so he'd agreed. They'd played up in Kristy's room most of the afternoon, then gone outside. Every once in a while he heard them going in and out of the kitchen, and he wondered what they were doing. But he figured they couldn't get into any trouble in there. And the truth was--every time he looked at Heather, he saw Amanda. All he could think about were her big blue eyes and the taste of her kiss.

  Damn, he'd had a narrow escape. They hadn't cancelled the wedding yet, but he didn't see how they could go forward with it, either. What kind of marriage could they have if she didn't consult him about major decisions? What kind of marriage could they have if she thought about her daughter separate from his? What kind of marriage could they have if she went behind his back every time she thought he wouldn't approve of something she wanted to do?

  There weren't any answers to those kinds of questions. Alex switched off the baseball game and stared at the blank screen, wondering how he could have done this to himself a second time. His world seemed to be in chaos, just as it had been when Rhonda discovered that one impulsive night had caused her pregnancy.

  One impulsive night.

  Alex swore long and hard. He and Amanda hadn't used protection! They'd thought they were getting married. What if she was already pregnant?

  His mind couldn't quite wrap itself around that one, though it was easy to imagine her swollen with his child, glowing with the beauty only pregnant women could have. He could imagine her stroking her tummy, letting him feel the baby move. Damn it, he had to stop this. If she was pregnant...

  He'd deal with it if it happened.

  But as he switched on the baseball game once more, the thought of Amanda carrying his child gave him pleasure and pain until he didn't know which was worse.

  ***

  Amanda drove home from shopping in Camp Hill, not looking forward to spending Sunday evening alone. After lunch Kristy had called and asked if Heather could come up to play for the afternoon and evening. Amanda had agreed so her daughter would know she wasn't upset with her or Kristy. There was no reason the two girls should be miserable just because their parents were.

  But then maybe Alex wasn't miserable.

  She didn't know how he felt; she didn't know what to do. Her heart ached all the time and tears seemed like a fountain that wouldn't quit. She'd thought and thought and thought about the last week and everything that had happened. She'd tried to put herself in Alex's shoes to get over the hurt that he hadn't trusted her. She had never given him any reason not to trust, but then she thought about Kristy's mother walking away from both Kristy and Alex. And she realized that might be a wound that would never heal. His jealousy was a symptom. She realized now he was jealous because he didn't understand how much she loved him. If he knew that, he'd realize she'd never want to look at another man, or be with another man. It was as simple as that. The thing was--if she told him how much she loved him, she didn't think he'd believe her because he'd felt she'd betrayed his trust. He was probably wondering how she could do that if she really cared about him.

  Tears fell down her cheeks, and she swiped them away before the road became blurry. It was a vicious circle. She didn't know how to break it any more than she knew how to bridge the distance between her and Alex.

  Did he want to control her an
d make decisions for her? Or did he truly just want to be part of the process? Consulted. Like a partner. She thought back over all the time they'd spent together, and their dealings with the girls. Alex had never forced his opinion on her. He didn't always agree, but then he reasoned with her or admitted she was right as in the case of the summer camps.

  If she had trusted him...

  Trust. What an easy word to say. But what a hard leap to make. Love was easy compared to trust. She'd fallen in love with Alex but hadn't had to take the risk of trusting him, not until Jeff had called. It had been a test of sorts, and she'd failed. If she had told Alex about Jeff's call, if she'd kept him informed every step of the way, maybe he could have understood why she was considering her ex-husband's offer. Maybe he could have understood Jeff's change in attitude and his need to provide something for his daughter.

  But she'd messed up everything by trying not to make waves, by trying to avoid Alex's disapproval, by not taking the chance that he loved her. Did he love her? And if he had before, did he still? Or had she ruined everything?

  Pulling into her carport, she switched off the engine and felt such loneliness and sadness that she was immobilized for a few moments. But then she sighed and got out, gathered the school supplies she'd bought from the back seat and went around to the back door of the house. She'd left it open so if Heather needed anything, she could get it easily.

  Amanda stood inside the kitchen for a moment, packages in hand, listening to the silence. Sighing again, she took the packages to the table and set them down. She supposed she should make herself something for supper, but she wasn't hungry. Maybe she'd make lemonade for later, for when Heather came home. The idea perked her up a little, and she went to the refrigerator to see if she had enough lemons. That's when she saw the note hanging under an apple magnet in the middle of the door.

  Dear Mom,

  Kristy and I really need to talk to you. Can you meet us at the lean-to at six o'clock?

  It's very, very important.

  Love, Heather

  Amanda checked her watch. It was five-thirty. She wondered why the girls hadn't just come down here, but then she realized Alex wouldn't let them come to an empty house. And if he called to make sure she was home, he'd have to talk to her. Kristy and Heather probably figured that this was the easiest way under the circumstances. She couldn't help but worry that they were troubled about something. All she could do was try to reassure them that even if she and Alex didn't marry, they wouldn't interfere in the girls' friendship. At least she wouldn't. Would Alex?

  Had he already? Is that why they wanted this meeting?

  There was no point driving herself crazy. She'd soon find out. Making a quick trip to the bathroom to freshen up, she brushed her hair up into a ponytail. She thought briefly about reapplying lipstick, then shrugged. She wouldn't be seeing Alex. The lean-to was far enough away from the house that he couldn't see what was going on down there.

  After she'd changed from her sandals to her sneakers, she walked down her back yard to the property line and then followed it past the other yards that separated her house from Alex's. The ground was uneven along the woods that bordered all the properties. She could hear the creek, its banks full. The birds calling to each other in the early evening, the long shadows, the shaded trees overhead normally would have brought a smile to Amanda's face and given her a sense of peace and well-being. But she could only think about Alex and the wedding that might not take place.

  Two bushy-tailed squirrels raced in front of her, chasing each other up a tree. In one of the back yards, Amanda saw three children playing on the swing set, their laughter carrying as far as the woods. She remembered Alex asking her if she wanted more children. She remembered him making love to her--fervently, slowly, sweetly.

  Tears threatened again, and she told herself she had to come up with a plan. She had to prove to Alex in some way that she loved him and wanted to spend her life with him. But as the lean-to came into view, her main concern at the moment was comforting Kristy and Heather, trying to assure them that their friendship didn't have to dissolve just because their parents' engagement might.

  As she came close to the lean-to, she didn't hear the girls' voices. Maybe they weren't here yet. Checking her watch, she saw that she was five minutes early. But as she walked up to the lean-to and peeked inside, she frowned. The three-sided structure that faced the woods wasn't sheltering two nine-year-old girls, but rather what looked like a picnic. There were two place settings--two dishes, two sets of silverware, two napkins and two glasses. Back in one corner sat a plate of sandwiches wrapped in plastic wrap. A new bag of potato chips and a dish of strawberries sat in the other corner. Looking more closely, Amanda saw two candy bars sticking out from under the bag of chips. She didn't know what was going on until she spotted Alex walking toward her, looking none-to-happy now that he'd spied her.

  When he was a few feet away, he said, "I don't know what's going on. I went into the kitchen to start supper and found a note on the refrigerator from Kristy asking me to meet her and Heather down here."

  "I came home to a note, too. Heather asked me to be here at six o'clock, but now that I see what's here..." She motioned to the inside of the lean-to.

  Coming around the corner but making a wide path around her, he looked inside the wooden frame, then ran his hand through his hair. "They set us up again."

  "Don't be angry, Alex. They're just trying to--"

  "I know what they're trying to do, and I'm not angry. I'm just frustrated. I don't know how to handle Kristy any more than I know what to do about us."

  The drone of an airplane overhead was the only sound for a few moments.

  If only she and Alex could start really talking, if only he could understand. Maybe even just a short time alone together could help. "They've gone to a lot of trouble."

  "You want us to sit down and have a picnic and pretend nothing happened?"

  She shook her head. "No, of course not. But maybe their idea isn't so farfetched. Maybe if we just took some deep breaths and sat down and had the picnic..."

  He looked at her as if she were reaching for the moon.

  "Alex, they think everything is their fault. Maybe we should at least try to show them it isn't."

  Searching her face as if trying to find the woman he once cared about, he finally said, "All right. They're probably up in Kristy's room with a pair of binoculars watching us."

  "At least they can't see us if we're sitting inside," she responded, hoping the privacy of the small space might bring them closer together. But when they ducked under the low roof and sat on the blanket that the girls had folded there, their knees almost touched and the tension between them was even worse than when they'd been standing outside.

  ***

  Peeking out from behind the cover of trees, Kristy and Heather watched Alex and Amanda intently. "I can't hear what they're saying," Kristy complained.

  Heather came out from behind the tree to try to see better. "They're sitting inside. At least Mom didn't go back to the house. But I can't see them now."

  Knowing her dad and Amanda couldn't see her from within the lean-to, Kristy stepped away from her tree, too. "Let's go climb to our lookout. We can't hear or see here. Maybe up there we can see something."

  Heather nodded her agreement.

  They didn't have to go very far until they stood at the bank before the log that crossed the creek. Today with the water high, swirls of waves almost touched the fallen tree whose bark was still wet and soaked from showers last night.

  Heather had never liked crossing the makeshift bridge. She was sure the last few times she had, it had creaked and wobbled more. And today the foaming water as it swept along its path bothered her more than usual. "Do you really think we should do this?"

  Kristy took a step up onto the fallen tree and balanced herself. "Sure, we've done it a hundred times before. C'mon, we'll be fine."

  But Heather wasn't so sure as she followed behind her fri
end, imitating a high-wire act.

  Chapter Ten

  Amanda felt Alex's gaze on her as she took a bite of one of the ham and cheese sandwiches the girls had made. She thought maybe if they talked about a safe subject they could get back on a less tense footing, but she wasn't sure what a safe subject was. "At least when school starts, you'll know that Kristy isn't going to really have problems with math."

  Alex picked up half of a sandwich from the plate. "Right."

  If she was going to be the only one talking, this was going to be a quiet meal. "Alex, we don't have to go through this charade if it's going to be too much trouble for you."

  "It's not too much trouble. It's just difficult."

  "And you don't think it's difficult for me, too? That I don't want to know what's going to happen next, or what we should do about the girls? Or if you're ever going to look at me again as if you care?" She wouldn't let him see her cry. She absolutely wouldn't. Her pride was the only thing she had left.

  At least he looked a bit chagrined. "All right. Let's take the question with the highest priority. What are we going to do about the girls?"

  "All we can do is reassure them they can still be friends no matter what happens with us. I won't keep Heather from seeing Kristy."

  "And I won't keep Kristy from seeing Heather," he agreed matter-of-factly.

  "They think our problems are their fault."

  "We'll just have to keep telling them they're wrong. In time--"

  "What's time going to do, Alex? Do we just let time pass until there is no wedding? Should I tell the real estate agent not to list the house on Monday? Will time help you realize that I did what I thought was best?"