What Makes A Father (HQR Special Edition)

by Teresa Southwick

  And then she really looked into his eyes and saw the sadness. Facts were one thing; emotions were something else.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

  He laughed but there was no humor in the sound. “You know, those were the first words your sister said to me.”

  “Oh?”

  He nodded. “My divorce was just final and I went to the bar. She was already there and came over, sat down on the stool next to me.”

  “She must have thought you looked sad. Like you do now.” She moved closer to where he stood at the foot of the bed. Their bodies didn’t touch but she could feel the warmth of his. “Did you tell her what was going on?”

  “Only that my divorce became final that day but not why it happened in the first place. She heard the D word and suggested that there was a rebound activity guaranteed to take my mind off it.”

  Annie winced. It was hard to hear about her sister’s behavior. Jess was always there for her and she’d never forget it. “She wasn’t a bad person.”

  “I know. That night we both needed a way to forget the stuff that was eating away at us.”

  “What were you trying to block out?” she asked.

  “Failure. On so many levels.” He sighed. “I fell in love with Christy and that was obviously not a success. I was in town to see my family, on leave from the army, when I met her at Patrick’s Place, formerly The Pub. That’s where I ran into your sister.” He smiled. “She was beautiful and funny.”

  Annie wanted to hear about the woman he’d loved. “So, on the day your divorce was final you went back to the scene of the crime, so to speak.”

  “Yeah. I guess closure was on my mind. Coming full circle. A place to reflect on what went wrong.” He smiled sadly. “The night Christy and I met, we couldn’t stop talking. We were kicked out at closing time and sat on a bench outside for hours. Just talking.”

  “About what?” Annie asked.

  “About what we wanted. Mostly that we both very much wanted to have children.” He smiled at her. “I love kids. I’m like my mom that way. In fact, I thought about being a pediatrician for a while.”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  “I liked the adrenaline rush of emergency medicine.”

  “So what happened? With Christy, I mean.”

  “We had a long-distance relationship, but it worked, and then I proposed. We bought a house here in Huntington Hills. After all, I wouldn’t be in the army forever and this town is where we wanted to settle and raise kids. We had a church wedding with both families there. She even got pregnant on our honeymoon. Everything was perfect.”

  “Magic,” she said quietly.

  That soul-deep sadness turned his eyes as hard as blue diamonds. “Until it wasn’t.”

  “She lost the baby.” Annie was just guessing.

  He met her gaze and nodded. “We both took it hard, but she was really sucker punched. After all, she’d had a life inside her. And then it was gone. The doctor said we could try again right away, but I wanted to wait. She insisted we go for it and I gave in to make her happy.”

  Annie knew what he was going to say and just waited for him to put it into words.

  “That time she made it almost through the first trimester before the miscarriage.”

  “Oh, Mason—” She put a hand over her mouth. “I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that was for you both.”

  “And I don’t have the words to explain the devastation we felt. The first time we believed—hoped—it was a fluke. Just one of those things. And the doctor assured us that it happens and no one can explain why. No reason we couldn’t have more babies without any problems at all. Other couples did all the time.”

  “But not you.” If this had a happy ending, the two of them wouldn’t be standing there right now.

  “The second miscarriage meant there was a pattern. Made us doubt we could have what we wanted most. Christy wanted to try again, right away, but this time I held firm on waiting.” He dragged his fingers through his hair. “When a body goes through trauma like that, conventional wisdom suggests a sufficient amount of time to rest and rejuvenate.” He looked lost in memories that were bad and it seemed as if he was going to stay there, but he finally went on. “She was angry. We both knew there was an overseas deployment in my future and she wanted a baby before that. We were drifting apart emotionally and physically. I suggested date nights, brought her flowers, tried to get back the dream we’d both wanted when we first met.”

  “And?”

  “She was closed off. Until one night she came to me and was so much like the woman she’d been. I thought we were finding our way back. We had sex. She didn’t mention that she had stopped birth control.”

  “She got pregnant?”

  “Yes.” A muscle in his cheek jerked and his eyes flashed with anger. “And she lost that baby, too.”

  “I’m so sorry, Mason.”

  He sighed. “That’s when she gave up on us. I wanted to go to counseling, try to make things work. There were other ways to have the family we wanted. Surely we could be like my aunt Lillian and uncle Phil. But I couldn’t fix what was wrong all by myself. No matter how much I wanted to.”

  “That’s so sad.”

  “Yeah, sad. A small word for what I felt. I didn’t just lose my children, I lost my wife. My family. I couldn’t save anything. And I hated that house full of sad reminders.”

  “That’s why you sold it before you were deployed,” Annie said.

  He nodded. “Most guys who shipped out left behind a wife and their kids. They didn’t want to go, but sacrificed that time with loved ones in service to their country. But I couldn’t wait to get out of here. I was glad to go.”

  “To leave the bad stuff behind.”

  “Yes. And to do some good. I couldn’t help Christy, but I saved lives. To the best of my ability I stabilized the wounded, made sure soldiers who experienced traumatic injuries didn’t lose an arm or leg. They thanked me for healing them, but it was just the opposite. They healed me.” He met her gaze. “Then I got your email.”

  “About the babies possibly being yours.”

  He nodded. “I didn’t know what to feel. So many times before I’d expected and hoped to have children. I didn’t want to go all in again and get kicked in the teeth. Or was it just a cruel hoax? A miracle? A scam?”

  “You’re not the only one who thought that,” she said wryly.

  “I could have sent you a DNA sample, but I wanted to meet you—” he glanced past her, toward the room where the two babies slept side by side in a crib “—and the twins before doing it. Just being here made me feel more in control.” He shrugged and there was a sheepish expression on his face. “Stupid, really. I know better than anyone control is an illusion. Because if it was up to me, those pregnancies would have resulted in healthy babies not miscarriages.”

  “And you might still be married,” she said.

  “I’m not so sure about that. I began to wonder if we just needed to believe we were in love because of wanting children so much. Thanks to science there are more options to have a family and I tried to talk to her about that or adoption, but she couldn’t stand that everything wasn’t normal, neat and tidy. Perfect. If she couldn’t have that, she didn’t want anything. Including me. By my definition, that isn’t love.”

  It was such a devastating story of life dumping on him and love lost. And Mason looked so incredibly sad at the memories of the children who would never be. Annie couldn’t help herself. She had to touch him, offer comfort. She moved one step closer and rested her crutches against the bed then put her arms around him.

  “I’m so sorry you went through that, Mason.”

  He held completely still when her body pressed against his and didn’t react for several moments. Annie was afraid that she’d somehow made things worse and start
ed to step away.

  “No.”

  She looked up and saw the conflict in his eyes just before he pulled her against him and lowered his mouth to hers. That achingly sweet touch set off fireworks inside her. It felt as if she’d been waiting for this since the moment she’d opened her door and seen him standing there in military camouflage, looking as exhausted as she’d felt.

  Annie pressed her body closer but it wasn’t enough as heat poured through her and exploded between them. He settled his hands at her waist then slid them down to her butt and squeezed softly before cupping her breasts in his palms. The kiss turned more intense as he brushed his tongue over her lower lip. She opened to him and let him explore, let the fire burn.

  He backed up toward the bed and circled her waist with his arm, half carrying her with him. The only sound in the room was their combined breathing and it was several moments before they both heard a baby’s whimper.

  “It’s Charlie.” She pulled away and started to reach for the crutches but he stopped her.

  “Should I apologize, Annie?”

  That would mean he was sorry, and she didn’t want him to be. She just wanted him so much.

  “Annie?”

  The whimper became more insistent and she put the crutches under her arms before turning away. “He’s going to wake Sarah. You need to grab him, Mason.”

  He nodded and hurried into the other room.

  She was sorry but only because of how very much she wanted him. Giving him that information wasn’t smart. He didn’t believe in love any more than she did. So starting anything wasn’t the wisest course of action. It had just happened because they were practically living on top of each other.

  She could resist him for just a little bit longer. In a short time the cast would be off and she could go back home. And he would close escrow on the house and move into it. Either way, she wouldn’t have to go to bed at night with only a bathroom between them.

  Just to prove how spineless she was, Annie wasn’t sure whether to be sad or glad about that.

  * * *

  It had been several days since Mason had kissed Annie and his son interrupted them. The kid’s timing was bad. And she’d never answered the question about whether or not he should apologize for kissing her, touching her. Wanting her.

  Now he was in bed, alone and frustrated. It was early and quiet, so the twins were not awake yet. He was, mostly because sleep had been hard to come by ever since that kiss. Might as well get up, he thought. There was a lot of house-buying stuff to do today.

  He went in the bathroom and listened for sounds and movement on the other side of the door to the room where Annie slept with the babies. It was still quiet. That was good; she needed her sleep. After a shower and shave, he dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, then went to the kitchen.

  His mother was there. More important, she’d made coffee. Moving a little farther into the room, he saw that Annie was there, too, already having a cup.

  “Good morning,” she said.

  His mother was standing by the counter in front of a waffle iron. “Morning, Mason. Did you sleep well?”

  “Like a rock,” he lied. “Charlie and Sarah were quiet all night. I didn’t hear a peep from them.”

  “I know.” Annie sipped her coffee. “If only we could count on that every night.”

  Flo laughed. “By the time that happens, they’ll be teenagers staying out all night.”

  “It was one time, Mom,” he protested. “And I lost the car for a month. Are you ever going to let me forget that?”

  “No.” She gave him a look before turning back to watch what she was cooking. “And someone got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. You’re crabby.”

  “For being irritated that you still bring up teenage transgressions?”

  “I was joking,” she said.

  He poured himself a cup of coffee. “Soon I will have my own place and you won’t have to put up with me being crabby in the morning.”

  “Don’t remind me.”

  “It’s not like I’m going to the Middle East. The house isn’t that far away.”

  She slid a waffle onto a plate and brought it to the table. “But you’ll be gone. Everything’s changing around here too fast for my liking.”

  Annie put butter and syrup on her breakfast and cut off a bite before looking at him. “Your mom and I were just talking about this. My cast is coming off in a couple of days and I’ll be going back to my apartment with the babies.”

  “I’m going to miss all of you terribly,” his mother said.

  Mason had known this moment would eventually come but hadn’t expected the announcement to knock the air out of him. He wasn’t ready. “Annie, you need to be careful when the cast comes off and you put weight on the leg. Maybe you should think about staying here a little longer.”

  “I’ve already imposed long enough.” She looked at his mom, gratitude in her eyes. “As much as I appreciate everything you’ve done, I don’t want to take advantage of your hospitality.”

  “Please. Use us,” Flo pleaded. “Stay as long as you want. We love having you here. It will be too quiet without you. I love those babies so much.”

  “I know.” Annie smiled fondly at the other woman. “And they love you. I appreciate the offer and everything you’ve done for us more than I can tell you.”

  Mason was moving out soon and had deliberately put off thinking about being in the new house alone. After being with her and his kids, that was a lonely prospect. Because she’d helped him pick out the house, he couldn’t help picturing Annie there. And the reminder that she wouldn’t be didn’t improve his mood. For that reason, he kept his mouth shut. No point in opening it and proving what his mother had pointed out. That he was crabby. If he did, there would be questions and he wouldn’t want to answer them.

  Annie was almost finished with her breakfast and sighed with satisfaction. “That was so good.”

  “If you stay, I’ll make them every morning. I’m not above using food as a bribe,” his mother said.

  “Tempting.” Annie grinned.

  “At the risk of being pushy, since the twins are still asleep, it might be a good idea to get a shower in before they wake up,” Flo said.

  “That’s not pushy. I was thinking the same thing.” She stood and grabbed the crutches resting nearby. “Thanks for breakfast.”

  “You’re very welcome. I’ll listen for the babies and bring their bottles to you when they wake up.”

  “Thanks.” She hobbled out of the room and smiled up at him as she passed.

  Mason’s heart skipped a beat and he resisted the urge to turn and watch her limp away. He’d gotten used to watching her, seeing a smile light up her face. And when he couldn’t see it every day, there would be a significant withdrawal period.

  His mother poured more coffee into her mug and blew on the top. “You should marry that girl.”

  It took a couple of moments for the words to sink in. And he still wasn’t sure he’d heard her right. “What?”

  “You should marry Annie,” she said again, as if there was any doubt who “that girl” was.

  “I can’t believe you just said that. It’s outrageous even for you.”

  “What does that mean? Even for me.”

  “I mean you can’t just say whatever pops into your mind.”

  “I don’t.” She cradled her cup between her hands and leaned back against the counter. “That thought came to me when I saw your face. After Annie said she was moving back to her apartment. I didn’t say it then. I waited.”

  “My face? What about it?”

  “You looked as if someone just punched you in the gut,” his mother said calmly.

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “Mason—” It was the dreaded Mom voice. “I know you. And if I’m being honest—”

&nb
sp; “When are you not?” he asked wryly.

  “It’s a gift.” She smiled at him. “I’ve never seen you happier than now—since Annie moved in here with Charlie and Sarah. It gives me such joy to see you this way.”

  He wanted to tell her she was wrong but he couldn’t. It was true. He’d told Annie as much and risked her calling him silly. But from here to marriage was a big leap. “Mom, seriously—”

  “I can see how much you like each other.” At his look of irritation, she sighed. “I’m old, not dead. And I can see when two people have a connection.”

  “No one said anything about love. I respect and admire her very much but—And, in case you forgot, we were zero for three on Gabriel’s questionnaire.”

  “I’ll deny it if you ever tell him I said this, but that quiz is not helpful. I see the way you and Annie look at each other.”

  “How is that?”

  “Like you want to be alone. There were sparks, Mason, and it’s more than respect and admiration.”

  He didn’t want to discuss this. It was crazy. Although there was that really hot kiss. “You’re imagining things, Mom.”

  “I have an imagination, I’ll admit. But trust me on this, you and Annie have sparks. Successful marriages have started with less. Including me and your dad.”

  “You weren’t in love when you got married?”

  “We were young, wildly attracted to each other. And pregnant with you.”

  “What?” That was a shock. “I never knew that. You had to get married?”

  “We didn’t have to. Our parents were supportive. But doing the right thing was important to both of us.” She shrugged. “The realization of how much we loved each other came after you were born. We were tired and stressed about making ends meet, but our bond and commitment and love grew stronger every day because of how much we both loved you. Your father was the right man for me and my hormones knew it before my heart did.”

  The union his parents shared was the bar by which Mason judged success. He had no idea their deepest commitment to each other had started with him. “Still, Mom—”