The Future of Our Past (The Remembrance Trilogy)

by Kahlen Aymes

  My head fell back and I closed my eyes. She did not just say that, did she?

  “More than anything.”

  She smiled seductively at me and bit her lip as she peeled my silk pajama bottoms over my hips and down my legs.

  “Okay. Then…let me.” She pushed me back further until I was sitting on the couch and she was kneeling between my legs, her hands moving up my chest and back down again, across my naked hips and down my thighs. Her touch left a blazing trail of fire on my skin and it was all I could do not to pull her up on my lap and thrust into her body. Only the anticipation of what she was promising to do held me still and waiting. I was barely breathing as her eyes bore into mine.

  “You know how much I love you, right?” I asked her seriously. She bent to kiss the top of my thigh, her hair tumbling around her face and raining like silk on my lap.

  “Mmm, huh. I know, Ryan,” she whispered against me as her mouth moved up across my hipbone and on to the muscles of my stomach, which contracted involuntarily in response. Her breath was hot and I couldn’t help how my body throbbed and twitched toward her mouth. Her mouth opened and she sucked on the skin below my navel, her chin grazing my length.

  “God, babe,” I breathed. “You’re going to kill me. It’s such delicious torture.”

  Her fingers splayed out on my chest dragging down my body and she pressed her forehead where her mouth had just been and her hands finally raked down my thighs. Shudders went through my entire body as her tongue ran around the head of my cock and she kissed it, sucking on the tip slightly. My breath left me in a rush as I felt the pre-come seep out the tip. I wondered if she could taste it.

  “Uhgnnn, Julia. Oh, Christ,” I groaned at the delicious feeling of her hot little mouth on me.

  I’d had a lot of head in my life, probably more than I should be proud of, but this was Julia. My Julia. The one woman who I held in reverence and she was taking me into her mouth. I wanted to see the magic she was giving me, so I gathered her hair up in my hands and lifted it away from her face so that I could watch. It was the most erotic sight I’d ever seen.

  Her hands grasped me around the base of my cock and the sight of her pink lips around me, along with the sensations of her licking and sucking, were more than I could take. I felt the pressure building too quickly and I wanted this to last. For being inexperienced, she was incredibly adept and had me trembling and writhing in minutes. It was all I could do not to thrust deeper into her mouth.

  As if she read my mind, she moaned as her hand and her mouth worked together, bobbing up and down on me as she found her rhythm and taking me in as deep as she could. When I felt the back of her throat on the head, I almost came instantly. I sucked in my breath and put my hand on her shoulder to still her.

  “Julia, stop. I can’t take it, honey. Stop or I’m going to come and I don’t want to yet.” The words ripped from my chest in a guttural groan. “Uhhnnn, God. Stop!”

  Her head popped up and she looked at me, but her hands were still on me, pulling gently.

  “Honey, please, stop. I want to make love with you, to be inside your body, so stop.” It was all I could do not to spill into her hands, and I reached down, my hands finally closed around her wrists to stop her movements and pull her forward and up to me. I let go of her hands and slid mine around her body, under her legs and lifted her so that she was straddling my lap. Her perfect breasts bounced at eye level as she settled over me, her eyes languid and her hair was in wild disarray from my play in it.

  “I love it when you beg,” she teased breathlessly, a wicked smile dancing on her beautiful mouth.

  “You’re so gorgeous,” I murmured as I pushed her hair back off of her face and curled my hand around the back of her head, while my thumb caressed her jaw. Her eyes were full of desire, the lids half closed and her glistening mouth had fallen open. I itched to touch every inch of her so I let my other hand slide underneath the t-shirt she was wearing, over her hip and up the side of her ribs, to the side curve of her breast. My thumb brushed across her nipple and although it was already a hard little button, it grew even more beneath my touch. She gasped and a low moan escaped. Never had I imagined that she would be so openly abandoned to my lovemaking and so wanton.

  I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life.

  The hand around her neck gently pulled her head down toward me as I lifted my face to ghost her mouth with mine. “Ryan…” she whispered and it was my undoing.

  “Say it again, my love.”

  She leaned into me to kiss me harder, grinding her hips against mine, the delicious heat where we touched, burning us both alive. “Uh…Ryan,” she moaned into my mouth.

  I couldn’t take anymore…I wanted to see her body, to feel her skin on mine. My hands slid down to her hips again, pulling her forcefully to me. I needed her to feel how hard I was, how much she was affecting me and I showed her with my hands how I wanted her to move against me. She ground into me over and over, her hips moving in small circles as both of my hands slid up her body, underneath the shirt.

  I lifted her arms so I could slide it from her, wadded it up in a ball and threw it aside. I wrapped one arm around her waist and cupped her left breast in the other, dropping my head so I could lave the nipple and finally suck it into my mouth, flicking it over and over with my tongue, her sounds of pleasure urging me on. Her skin was hot and delicious beneath my mouth and I was starving for more. She kept moving on my body and I could tell by her reactions she wanted me as much as I wanted her. The heat pooling between her legs was so much that I felt the wetness through her panties.

  Her movements excited us both and I had to be inside her or die.

  I lifted her and hooked the edge of the lace with my thumb and pulled them down, placing open mouth kisses below her navel as I panted against her skin. She lifted her hips to help me and then my fingers found the secret place I wanted to touch. “Honey, you’re so…I want you so much.”

  I slid a knee between her thighs, my weight sinking into the cushions of the couch. Julia willingly spread them wide for me as I surged against her, easily sliding against her until I slipped inside, filling her to the hilt. Her tight heat surrounding me felt amazing, the sensation shaking me to the core. I dropped my forehead to hers as I started to move inside her, my strokes slow, long and deep. I wanted her mouth on mine…I wanted to make love to her with everything I had and have her shuddering beneath me and around me. I wanted her to feel every inch of me as my body staked its claim on hers, the desire to imprint my possession of her stronger than I’d ever felt in my life. I wanted to take this moment with me back to Boston.

  I needed her to want me, to love me; needed to hear my name on her lips. I needed Julia with me forever and the emotions welling up inside me were so consuming, I thought I’d completely lose it.

  “Julia,” I gasped against her mouth as her breathing increased and she started to make those little mewling sounds that drove me to distraction. I’d grown to need hearing them.

  “You are mine.” I kissed her mouth, and she opened to me, pulling my head down and slanting her mouth with mine so our tongues could go deep inside. We were devouring each other until we were both gasping for breath, my body taking her like she was taking me. I was drowning in her, but with no desire to save myself.

  She started to spasm around me and she ripped her mouth from mine to bite into my shoulder. It sent me over the edge and I came hard inside her body. I continued to thrust hard against her as my body poured out into hers. “Only mine,” I ground out while I bent to take her mouth again in frantic need to be closer and closer to her. I wanted to possess her body and soul, to own her like she owned me, and I kissed her like I’d never kiss her again, worshiping her mouth with my own. My heart was breaking at the prospect of leaving her and I tried to push the pain down, even as the shudders from my orgasm still racked through me.

  She was still lifting her hips to mine, her muscles squeezing around me, milking every drop and eve
ry shuddering sensation out of me. Even after I stilled, she was still working around me and it was too incredible for words.

  “Uhhh,” she sighed as I looked down upon her flushed face, her chest and cheeks rosy and glowing. Her eyes were closed, but she slowly opened them as I nuzzled her nose and brushed some kisses along the side of her face. “Ryan, you’ve completely wrecked me.” Her voice cracked as she spoke and my heart stopped. “If I wasn’t before, I am now. I didn’t believe it was possible to love you more than I already did…but I do.”

  “Julia…” her name felt like a prayer. I closed my eyes against the pain. I wasn’t sure if it hurt because I was leaving her or because of how much I loved her. “You own me. I can never be with anyone else, I never want anyone else…I only want you for the rest of my life…” My throat tightened and ached as I struggled to contain the emotions that threatened to break from my chest.

  First one, than another tear fell from her lashes, slipping out of the corners of her eyes onto the pillow beneath her head. I bent and pulled her top lip between both of mine and kissed her softly.

  I love you so much I can’t even-fucking-breathe.

  I closed my eyes against the pain I felt and knew that I would see it mirrored in hers. “Babe, don’t cry, my love. Are you okay?”

  Her arms tightened around my shoulders and she locked her legs around my waist. “I’m incredible…but I’m not okay,” she said brokenly. “I’m…too much in love and I’m scared.”

  I rolled onto my side and pulled her to me, rubbing little circles on her lower back with one hand. “I’m in love, too. So much, Julia.” She turned her face into my neck and wrapped an arm around my waist. “So why are you afraid?”

  “It’s just…this is going to hurt.”

  My chest filled with air before I spoke. “But it hurts so good, my love. So good,” I tried to make her smile.

  She nodded against my chest and I kissed the top of her head. “I missed you so much before but now…it’s going to be so much worse.”

  I sighed against her forehead. “It’s going to be hell…but let’s just concentrate on how we can get you to New York, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “How are we going to do this? I mean…what do you want?”

  “Just to be with you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, Ryan,” she said so softly that I barely heard her.

  She is so perfect. I brought my hand up and brushed my knuckles softly against her cheekbone and she raised her eyes to mine.

  “So what do we need to do to make it happen?” I asked hesitantly. I still felt guilty at the fact that she was going to sacrifice everything and move to the East Coast, but I wanted it so bad I was beyond considering any option that didn’t put us closer together.

  I felt her shrug against me. “You go back and be brilliant and I’ll talk to my boss tomorrow. It might take a little time, but I’ll work it out.”

  “What if they say no?” I asked with trepidation.

  She shrugged against me. “If they won’t help me transfer out there, I’ll just have to quit.”

  I struggled to find the right words. I wanted to say “Yes, quit.” Move to Boston and live with me, but my brain knew that wasn’t fair to Julia and I had no right to ask that of her. “I already feel like an ass for wanting to be near you without making you sacrifice your job for me.”

  “Pfft!” She rolled her eyes and I grinned. “Since when did you ever feel bad about getting me to do what you wanted, huh?” She nudged me and laughed softly. Leave it to her to put it all in perspective. Yes, I wanted her near and yes, I would let her move to accomplish that. If I had my way, I’d have a lifetime to make it up to her.

  “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I know it isn’t fair, but you’re right. I want you with me. I want it so bad I can’t stand it,” I said urgently. I felt desperate; like, if I didn’t have her with me, part of me would be suffocated or lost. As much as I had loved her all these years, the intensity of my feelings now was more than I had ever dreamed possible.

  Julia sensed my trepidation and leaned in to nuzzle against my neck and then kissed the side of my face. I held her close as her hand played with the hair on my chest and stomach.

  “It’s gonna happen, Ryan. We’ll make it happen because we have to.”

  *****

  This was the end of our weekend and I was doing my best to put on a brave face and remind myself of all that I had to be thankful for. And there he was, right in front of me, all six foot, one inch of him, his wild dark gold locks, scruffy, unshaven chin and bright blue eyes. So beautiful, but so sad, his brow crinkled and his face tense. I drew in a deep breath as I watched him put his things in his suitcase and duffle. He glanced up from what he was doing and his features softened as he looked at me.

  I got up and walked across the room, sitting on the bed beside his suitcase, beginning to rub his back. His muscles were tense as they flexed under my hands when he moved. We had both showered and his hair was still damp. I longed to run my hand through it and tug on the ends. He loved it when I did that and it would comfort him in some small way.

  I grabbed his arm and pulled him to sit next to me, curling around his back and holding him close. Ryan reached up, grabbed my hand and brought it slowly to his mouth, brushing his lips over my knuckles lightly, his lips ghosting back and forth over the skin before finally kissing it.

  I kissed his back and closed my eyes, trying to steady the trembling in my voice before I spoke. “I’m so happy you came to see me. This weekend has meant the world to me, Ryan,” I almost whispered against his black button down shirt that was stretched taut across his shoulders.

  His thumb brushed over the skin on my wrist as he held my hand. “Me, too.” He turned to me and looked into my eyes, a small smile lifting the corners of his mouth as one hand reached out to cup my left cheek. “Can I see the drawing before we go to the airport?”

  “The drawings are so personal.”

  “Drawings?” he asked, raising an eyebrow. “How many are there?”

  I smirked back at him and shrugged. “Matthews, you didn’t really think this was the first one, did you?”

  “Sometimes I’d catch you drawing when I was studying, but I felt like I’d be prying if I asked what you were doing. Your face was always so intense.”

  “Like I said…It’s very personal to me.” As intimate as we had been, I suddenly felt shy. “I poured all of my love into my sketches. I was afraid if you saw them, you’d know. Um…I was afraid you’d freak out and I didn’t want to lose you.”

  Ryan laughed softly. “Julia, I was so in love with you the entire time. Watching you, so intently working, I longed to be the thing you were thinking about that caused that look on your face. We were so stupid.”

  “Something like that, yeah.”

  “Okay, so show me already!” His eyes were excited and I scratched my fingers across his shoulders one last time before I went to retrieve the sketch pad resting between the two pieces of furniture on the floor. I went back to the bed and handed it to Ryan, slightly nervous over what his reaction might be.

  “Be nice,” I begged. Ryan just looked at me for a long moment.

  “I’ve seen your work. You’re incredibly talented, so what are you fidgeting about?” His voice was lighter, full of amusement and my heart leapt. It was better than the sadness that was there just minutes before.

  “I’m silly, I guess. You’re right. You’ve seen my work, so…” I let my voice drop off, not really sure what I wanted to say.

  Ryan’s hands quickly moved to flip open the cover of the book and he instantly froze, looking at the still unfinished drawing, his hand hovering over the image on the page.

  “Obviously, I’m not finished with it,” I began.

  Ryan stared at it for a few minutes before he looked up at me. “Julia…if this is how you see me…I’m…speechless.”

  My throat began to ache as I tried to blink away the tears, willing myself to speak. “Uhgghh…” I t
ried to clear the emotion out of my voice. “Um…I see you as perfect. The most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid eyes on,” I said honestly as I sat slowly on the edge of the bed near him.

  “If I searched a hundred years, I couldn’t find the words to tell you how you make me feel…or how much I love you. Do you know that?” he asked earnestly, his eyes burning into mine preventing me from looking away. His face blurred before my eyes until first one, and then another tear slipped down my cheeks. Ryan set the drawing to the side and put both hands to my face, wiping at the tears with his thumbs, his touch soft and so very gentle.

  “My baby. You make me so happy. Please don’t cry, honey.” His voice was like velvet as it washed over me and he placed a soft kiss on my mouth before leaning his forehead against mine. “Can I have it?”

  I looked down at my hands and immediately both of his reached out to take one of mine between them. “It’s not finished yet.”

  “It’s a masterpiece just like it is. I want it, Julia. Please?”

  I nodded because I couldn’t get any words out. Ryan gathered me close and held the back of my head, turning his face into my hair. As he breathed me in, the hardness of his chest pressed into the softness of my breasts and he felt amazing. We needed to leave for the airport or he’d miss his plane, but I never wanted to let him go.

  “Julia, this is going to hurt like a bitch! I never want to leave you,” he moaned into the curve of my neck and my hands slid up his chest to fist in the back of his hair, holding on for dear life and kissing the side of his jaw. “But…I’m so glad we’re us now. I love you.” He stood up and pulled me with him, still in his arms, pressing my hips to his and then wrapping his arms tightly around my waist and back.