by Apollo Surge
But Will couldn’t, because Thomas was dead. And even so, Will wasn’t sure if he truly believed it himself. Now that he had a child Will was beginning to realize how important the bloodlines were. He wanted to teach his child about their cultural history, fix the mistakes his own father had made with him, and replay the lessons he had learned. Will wanted his child to be proud of his culture, even though Will himself had tried to run from it so often.
Explaining that to Charlie was going to be a difficult matter, and something that would have to wait for another day. It would have to happen though, and Will was not anticipating it with excitement.
Soon enough it was time for the two of them to leave and they made their way to the bar where they had first met. The small bar was quite quiet, as it usually seemed to be, and Charlie was reminiscing about the time they had first seen each other when they walked in and a woman leaped on him. Will assumed this was Lisa, and the introductions were soon made. Her eyes were bleary and the scent of vodka was heavy on her lips. Charlie had already explained to him that she didn’t have much opportunity to get out of the house, so he assumed that she was making up for lost time.
The other two people there were Enrique and Monica. Will was familiar with Enrique, given that he was the barman, although he had taken a night off. Monica was his partner, and she looked at Will skeptically. Charlie had already explained to him that Lisa knew their secret, which had made Will uneasy at first, but after Charlie explained that he shared everything with Lisa it was clear that it was just going to have to be something that Will had to get used to. Being a private man, the thought of a stranger knowing intimate things about him made him bristle, but he tried not to let it affect his enjoyment of the evening.
Lisa greeted him with a hug as well. She was lithe and smelled of lavender. She whispered in his ear that she was going to keep his secret. Will stiffened at the mention of it, wary that someone in an intoxicated state could actually keep a secret.
They took their seats and got a couple of drinks. Enrique commented on the fact that Charlie wasn’t drinking alcohol, a fact that Charlie explained away by saying that he was on a detox. Will didn’t want to draw attention to himself, so he remained quiet for the time being, allowing Charlie to enjoy time with his friends.
“By the way Charlie, I thought I should tell you that the guy you knew has been coming in here asking after you,” Enrique said.
“Asking after me, why?” Charlie said.
“I guess you must have made a good impression on him,” Enrique said. “He keeps trying to get me to arrange a meeting between the two of you. He said that he’s sorry and that he wants another chance. The dude has it bad. I feel sorry for him really.”
Will bristled at the mention of Ian. He tried to not think about the other man Charlie had been dating when the two of them had met. Eventually the superior man had won out, but Will didn’t like to think about Charlie kissing anyone else. As far as Will was concerned you should be loyal to someone as soon as you felt the first fire of love, anything else was being dishonest.
“So, Will, we all know how you and Charlie met, but what do you do?” Monica asked. “I’m intrigued to get to know you better since you mean such a lot to Charlie, but I didn’t expect you to be so quiet, especially not given the stories I’ve heard about the night the two of you first met.”
“I may have been under the influence that night,” Will said.
“It’s okay, his father just died. I think we should make a toast,” Lisa said, raising her glass. Will was horrified, not wanting to talk about his family at all. Monica and Enrique expressed their sympathy to him, raising their glass solemnly.
“Were you two close?” Enrique asked.
“Not as close as we used to be,” Will said, clinking his glass with the others. It seemed wrong to mourn his father with strangers, especially when they were all human.
Lisa had another drink, and seemed to be in a world of her own. She swayed on her chair and was singing to herself. Her hair drooped over her face like a veil, and occasionally she would run a hand through her thick locks and push them back, only for them to fall back into position again. She flitted in an out of conversation, and seemed to be a few steps behind everyone else.
“Are you going to name your kid after your dad, if it’s a boy?” she asked, directing her question to Will and Charlie. It was completely out of context given the conversation had moved onto other territory, but it now brought everything to a halt. The color drained from Will and Charlie’s faces. Enrique and Monica looked a little confused, giving Charlie a questioning glance.
“What does she mean?” Monica asked.
“She’s just drunk. I think it must be a little joke,” Charlie stammered, but it was clear they didn’t believe him.
“It’s okay, Charlie, we can tell them,” Will said. Charlie looked shocked, but Will continued speaking. “We have applied for adoption. We just didn’t want to tell anyone because the process takes a long time and there are still a lot of loopholes we have to go through. And yes, we know that it’s pretty early, but we both wanted kids and given how long the process can take we thought it best to apply early. Plus we figure that there are plenty of kids who need help now, and if we delay they might die. This could really be a matter of life and death for some kids out there, so it seemed the right thing to do. And, well, sometimes when you’re with someone you just know it’s going to last forever. I’m not a big believer in fate, but when I saw Charlie that first night I knew that something was different.”
Will leaned in and sniffed the air. The scents of each of them were wholly unique to them. He could tell a lot from them, as much as a regular human could tell from looking at them. As he breathed in their scents he could tell that Enrique and Monica loved each other devoutly, just as strongly as he loved Charlie.
“I’m sure the two of you know something about what that is like,” he added. Monica and Enrique looked at each other, their eyes glowing, the two of them remembering times gone past.
The distraction worked enough for Will to wink and Charlie, lean in, and tell him that they needed some cover story for how a child was going to appear in their lives anyway, and adoption seemed as good as anything else.
“Well, that’s a brave step. I hope that it all works out for you. We’re going to try for children too, at some point,” Monica said.
“Once I get enough money to open my own bar,” Enrique said. The scents shifted and Will could tell that this was a point of contention for both of them, so he swiftly changed the subject, wanted to avoid any tension.
“I think Lisa might need some fresh air,” Will said, for she was now lolled over, almost falling off the chair.
“I’ll take care of her,” Charlie said, getting up and putting one of Lisa’s arms around his shoulder, before carrying her out of the bar, leaving Will alone with Enrique and Monica.
Chapter Nine
Charlie was glad that Will had had the presence of mind to come up with that story, and that Monica and Enrique hadn’t questioned them. It seemed unrealistic though. After all, what kind of people would apply for adoption papers after knowing each other for such a small amount of time?
“You really need to learn how to hold your liquor better. You’re out of practice,” he said to Lisa as he dragged her outside. She giggled, still lost in a world of her own.
“I thought these days were behind me,” he said, remembering plenty of times in the past when she had enjoyed a little too much to drink and Charlie, being the responsible one, had to escort her home. He’d hoped that being a mother would have smoothed out these rough edges, for there had been plenty of times when she would have been in trouble had Charlie not been there to keep an eye on her, although sometimes he suspected that she let herself get so loose because she knew she was safe with Charlie.
The fresh air hit Lisa hard. She staggered back and put her hand to her head.
“Whoa,” she said, moving from side to side. Charlie
kept a hand on her to ensure that she didn’t fall over.
“Take it easy, take it slow,” he said. “Let the world spin until it stops.”
Lisa was swaying so much that she almost took Charlie with her, and with his recent experiences of feeling the world sink from under his feet he didn’t want to get caught up in anything like that again. He stroked her back and talked to her, just as he did so many times before, hoping that the same tricks would work to bring her back.
It took a few deep breaths of air, but eventually she gathered some semblance of clarity and shook the grogginess away from her head.
“I thought you would have been over nights like this by now,” Charlie said dryly. He’d seen Lisa like this so many times over the years that sympathy was in short supply. Her condition was entirely self-inflicted, and more than anything she had jeopardized Will’s secret.
“Go easy on me, I’ve been away from the scene for too long. I think I may have overreached a little bit,” she said, holding her hand to her head, rubbing her temples, groaning after she spoke.
“Well, then maybe it’s time to go home.”
“What? You can’t expect me to cut my night short. It’s only just begun!”
“And it’s probably about time it’s ended, before you get yourself into any more trouble.”
“What trouble are you talking about? Why are you acting like an ass?”
“Why do you think?” Charlie said, and quickly glanced around to make sure that nobody was listening to their conversation. “You almost gave away our secret. Thanks for that, by the way. I vouched for you for Will. I told him that you could be trusted. It’s not like he goes around telling everyone. I told that to you in confidence. You have to be more careful.”
“I did that? I’m sorry Charlie, I didn’t mean to.”
“You know you get like this. I don’t know why you’d let yourself get into this situation. I should have known this was a bad idea. It’s been so long that I’d almost forgotten what it was like when we went out together.”
“What do you mean? We had fun.”
“No, you had fun. I was always too busy watching out for you to have any fun. You’re like a different person when you get some drink in you. You get so irresponsible.”
“Irresponsible? Is that what you think of me? Why, because I got knocked up by some stranger?”
“I didn’t – ” Charlie began, but before he could clarify his words Lisa was already talking over him. Evidently he had touched a nerve.
“Well I’ve got some news for you, mister, you’re just as irresponsible as me. You fell pregnant too, and sure, it might be with the guy you’re dating, but it was hardly planned was it. I don’t need your judgment, so just lay off. Let me get back in there and drink,” she said, trying to push past Charlie. Charlie grabbed her hand, not tight enough so that it would hurt, just enough so that she didn’t leave.
“Hey, I’m not judging you Lisa. I’m sorry, okay? I’m just a little pissed off, and I’m worried about you. Now what’s going on?”
“What do you think? All I want to do is get drunk and lose myself for a little while.”
“Why would you want to do that?”
“Why do you think?” she challenged, looking at him expectantly. When he didn’t respond she rolled her eyes and huffed. “All I get every day is judgment from Mom and Dad. I know they hate me for the mistake I’ve made. They think I’ve thrown my life away, and there’s nothing I can do to change their minds. They’re disappointed in me, and maybe I’m a little disappointed in myself too. I’m trying to be the best version of myself, but all I do all day and every day is be a mom. It’s the only thing I know how to do anymore. God, I can’t even come out and have a drink right. I’m just a failure.”
“No you’re not,” Charlie began.
“Yes, I am. Sure, I’ve got a beautiful little girl, but it’s only a matter of time before she grows up and realizes that her mom is just a fraud. It’s not like I’m the best role model for her, and I’ll probably never be able to afford my own place. All I do every day is potter around my parent’s house, not achieving anything except raising a child, which people have been doing for millions of years so it’s not like it’s a big achievement anyway. So sheesh, I’m sorry if I’d like one night where I can feel like I did before, where I can forget about my troubles and live like I used to live, without all these responsibilities, without this feeling that I’m just a big waste of space.”
Her words tumbled out of her mouth in a fast flurry, so fast that if Charlie wasn’t accustomed to the way she spoke when she’d had something to drink he never would have understood her, all the words blurring into one incoherent mess. A moment of silence passed between them. Lisa looked utterly pitiful, and Charlie realized that he had been blind all this time. Despite his anger at her for how loose she had been with the truth, his heart swelled with empathy.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for?”
“For not seeing what was really going on with you. All this time I thought that you had it made. Sure, it may not have been ideal, but Tara is an amazing child and the only thing I’ve thought is how lucky you’ve been. But I guess I didn’t see the toll it was taking on you. You’re right, you do deserve more nights out like this. I guess it’s hard to separate being a mom from being a person, and you should be able to have your own dreams and ambitions. I should have been a better friend to you, and I’m sorry for that. But Lisa, you’re not going to find what you’re looking for in there, or in those bottles. Life moves on, and we have to move on as well. This isn’t us anymore, and if I ‘m honest I don’t know if you really did have fun before. Besides, you don’t want to be one of those parents who goes out to relieve stress then the next day are too hung-over to look after their child properly. Tara doesn’t deserve that, and you know it.”
“That’s the most horrible thing isn’t it? She’s an innocent in all this and doesn’t deserve her mom feeling this way. I wish she had a mom who knew what she was doing.”
“Lisa, come on, don’t say things like that.”
“You don’t know how hard it is Charlie,” Lisa said, her eyes still bleary, but this time it was because of tears. “I try to tell myself that it’ll be better, but I look at her and I just see all the things I can’t be. And I feel so lonely too. I hold her and I tell her everything is going to be okay, but there are some moments when I feel like I need her more than she needs me. I just don’t know what I’m going to do, I really don’t,” she said.
Charlie took her into his arms and held her tightly.
“It’ll be okay, Lisa. We’ll sort something out, I promise, and you’re a great mom. You love Tara more than anything. She’s lucky to have you, and I’m sure that when she’s old enough she can tell you that herself. I’ve always taken care of you, haven’t I?” Charlie said.
Lisa nodded and sniffed back some tears. Charlie put a thumb under her eyes and wiped the tears away.
“Why don’t we go back inside and get Enrique to make you some coffee or something. Get warmed up and remember that the fun of a night out is being with friends, not just getting drunk, and I’m sure that Enrique and Monica would be happy to babysit Tara for you now and then. I know Monica would for sure. You have friends Lisa, use them. We’re here to help.”
“Okay,” she said, smiling softly. She sniffed again and she walked a little more steadily than she had before. They went to the door, but just before Charlie could open it Will burst out, a face like thunder. He pushed past the two of them and strode down the street. Will glanced inside at Enrique and Monica and called out to them to ask what happened, but both of them shrugged.
“We were just talking and then suddenly he got up and walked out. I don’t know what we said,” Enrique said. Charlie told them to look after Lisa and get her some coffee, and then he turned and chased after Will, who was already halfway down the street.
“Will, wait up!” Charlie aske
d, puffing as he ran to catch up with Will, worried about what had happened. He wanted Will to like his friends, of course, and if anything had happened he wanted to know. Will showed no sign of slowing down.
“Will, what’s going on?” Charlie said, panting between each word as he caught up to the father of his child. Will finally slowed his pace, allowing Charlie to catch his breath. He didn’t say anything though.
“What happened? Did they say anything wrong? Did you not like them? Enrique is usually pretty friendly, but if they said anything I can always go back and have a word with them.”
“No, don’t do that. They were perfectly fine. I got on well with them actually. They suggested that we all go out to dinner together. They said that they’ve been hoping to find another couple to hang out with. In fact it was quite a charming evening, aside from Lisa’s faux pas, but I’m guessing that was more due to her alcohol consumption than her inability to keep a secret. I’m not upset with her for that, although it was a little inconvenient.”
Charlie frowned in confusion.
“Then I don’t understand? What’s the problem? Why did you storm out if you were having a good time?”
Will stopped and turned, glaring at Charlie.
“That’s just the problem Charlie,” he hissed, his white fangs gleaming in the moonlight, his eyes shining. “I had a good time. The more time we spend together the more I get used to living like a human, the more I feel myself being pulled away from the wolf side of me.”
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
“No, Charlie, because I don’t want to lose that side of myself. I’ve been thinking long and hard about this and I know I said I’d do anything you needed, but I can’t sacrifice this part of myself to be with you. I’m sorry, but I have to be a wolf.”
“Nobody is asking you to. Will, you know that I think what you can do is amazing. I’d never want you to change, especially because our child is likely going to share that with you as well. I don’t understand where this is coming from.”