A Year to Clear

by Stephanie Bennett Vogt

  (Remember, it goes both ways: If you're attached to being in control or needed by others, that is another issue that needs addressing as well.)

  Explore

  The situations that are the hardest for me to opt out of are . . . (because . . .)

  One thing I would like to opt out of today is . . .

  DAY 231

  CHECK IN—CULTIVATING SELF-CARE

  The focus this week was on cultivating nourishing self-care. Given how we've been raised, it's no surprise to see how wired we are to serve others at the expense of ourselves.

  What would a should-free life feel like? What can you do to set clear boundaries and care deeply for yourself?

  Explore

  It is safe for me to let go of the shoulds and cultivate self-care because . . .

  An affirmation or mantra I can adopt to remind me to honor and care for myself is . . . (It could be “I choose ease,” “It's safe for me to say no,” or “Caring for myself lifts others,” for example.)

  WEEK 34

  NOURISHING SELF-WORTH

  If you show up for yourself in your life, the universe will show up for you.

  —Madisyn Taylor, “Actively Participating,” DailyOM

  DAY 232

  CHOOSE YOURSELF

  “Me, me! Pick me!”

  I love watching children raise their hands as high as they can to be called on by their teacher. I love when they scream, “Look at me, mommy! Look at me!” (Read: “Look how great I am!”)

  Where did our beautiful self-selecting exuberance go? Where did our unapologetic joy disappear to? Why is it so hard to stand up and advocate for ourselves as adults?

  It's a sad day when we retreat into our safe houses of politeness and surrender to what the collective has dictated is best. The paradigm that has made us feel bad for shining our light too brightly serves no one.

  In what ways are you still putting yourself last? What are you doing to change the paradigm of self-neglect? What can you do today to advocate for yourself?

  Explore

  I choose myself now because . . .

  What gets in the way of this is . . .

  One thing I can do today to advocate for myself is . . .

  DAY 233

  SELF-LESS VERSUS SELF-MORE

  Honoring your feelings without apology. Being willing to disappoint and be disappointed. Having it be okay to fail. Giving yourself massive amounts of slack when you screw up. Setting clear boundaries. Advocating for your soul.

  This is what it means to choose yourself.

  When you hold a space for yourself in this way, you make yourself more available, compassionate, and spacious with others.

  It's a win-win.

  Explore

  It is safe for me to put myself first because . . . (Notice the part that doesn't feel so comfortable.)

  One way I can hold a space for myself today . . .

  DAY 234

  HONOR YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT

  Yes, I know. We forget. With a monkey mind piping in at all hours, the last thing we remember to do is honor ourselves no matter what.

  Embracing the good, the bad, and the ugly sides of ourselves—all of it—is not for the faint of heart. Growing ourselves is messy business, and there is no one who illustrates it better than Anne Lamott. She nails it in this piece she wrote for O, The Oprah Magazine called “Becoming the Person You Were Meant to Be: Where to Start”:

  Here's how I became myself: mess, failure, mistakes, disappointments, and extensive reading; limbo, indecision, setbacks, addiction, public embarrassment, and endless conversations with my best women friends; the loss of people without whom I could not live, the loss of pets that left me reeling, dizzying betrayals but much greater loyalty, and overall, choosing as my motto William Blake's line that we are here to learn to endure the beams of love.

  It is not a perfect science, but if you add heaps of love and self-care to your life every day, it is going to change.

  And so will you.

  Explore

  One way that my life is already changing . . .

  One way I can honor myself today . . .

  DAY 235

  DISAPPOINT

  Today's practice might rattle your cage a bit, especially if you're attached to what people think of you.

  Here's the invitation: Do or say something today that might disappoint somebody, be misconstrued, or be hard for others to hear. You do not need to reveal a deep, dark secret about yourself; this exercise is simply an opportunity to stretch a bit more into supporting the truth of who you are.

  Okay, ready?

  B-r-e-a-t-h-e.

  The breath is always a good place to start.

  Honestly, if you really think about it, disappointing someone is not the hard part. We unintentionally do it all the time. The harder part is doing it full on—with awareness.

  Explore

  Disappointing someone feels . . .

  It is safe for me to say or do something that might disappoint because . . .

  DAY 236

  HOW ARE YOU?

  We've all done it. We've all mumbled the generic “fine” when asked how we're doing. There's never any life in it.

  What would happen if we told the truth, as Maya Angelou suggests in her book Letter to My Daughter?

  Let's tell the truth to people. When people ask, “How are you” have the nerve sometimes to answer truthfully. You must know however, that people will start avoiding you because they too have knees that pain them and heads which hurt and they don't want to know about yours. But think of it this way: if people avoid you, you will have more time to meditate and do fine research on a cure for whatever truly afflicts you.

  Next time someone asks you how you're doing, what will you say?

  Explore

  How am I doing? I'm doing . . .

  The idea of sharing exactly how I feel is easy (or not easy) for me because . . .

  DAY 237

  FEED YOUR SOUL

  Realizing our deepest yearnings is soul work, and the slow-drip clearing we've been practicing is so that we can uncover and nourish those yearnings.

  In her book Gift from the Sea, Anne Morrow Lindbergh writes,

  The problem is not entirely in finding the room of one's own, the time alone, difficult and necessary as this is. The problem is more how to still the soul in the midst of its activities. In fact, the problem is how to feed the soul.

  How are you feeding your soul?

  It's a wonder question—not something you need to answer, but instead sit with, contemplate, and live.

  Explore

  My soul needs . . .

  Ways that I feed my soul . . .

  One thing I can do today to feed my soul is . . .

  DAY 238

  CHECK IN—NOURISHING SELF-WORTH

  The focus over the past few weeks has been to fill up our tanks by validating, honoring, and supporting ourselves with care. Each small step we take to advocate for ourselves changes the paradigm from self-neglect to self-nourishment.

  In what ways do you recognize that putting yourself first makes you more available to others? That holding a space for yourself creates a space for others? That feeding your soul feeds others?

  It may not always be easy, welcomed, or well received, but when we raise our energy level, we effectively raise the energy of others.

  Explore

  When I raise my energy level, I notice . . .

  Some of the changes I'm noticing as a result of my daily practices in self-nourishment are . . .

  Right now I am feeling . . .

  WEEK 35

  STEPPING INTO STILLNESS

  We can make our minds so like still water that beings gather about us that they may see, it may be, their own images, and so live for a moment with a clearer, perhaps even with a fiercer life because of our quiet.

  —William Butler Yeats, “Earth, Fire and Water,” The Celtic Twilight

  DAY 239

  REAL QUIET />
  When was the last time you experienced a day of quiet so deep and restorative that it felt like you were floating? Or breathing in pure oxygen?

  Quiet—as in the absence of noise—should be put on the world's most endangered species list. Our world has become so noisy that we've forgotten what Real Quiet feels like.

  I can't remember a time I ever felt so deeply nourished by silence until we landed in a remote part of Italy—miles away from the nearest town—to celebrate the wedding of our nephew. As soon as I got out of the car, I could feel my entire being expand, fluff out like a pillow that had been crammed and sealed in one of those plastic storage bags for too long.

  No distant traffic sounds, no police sirens, no blaring horns, no lawn mowers, no leaf blowers, no manhole covers thwacking with each passing car, no refrigerators whirring in the next room, no WiFi, no cell service . . .

  What greeted us for three whole days was pure, delicious silence—with a touch of birdsong, rustling wind through trees, and a random cowbell.

  It was heaven.

  Imagine what it would feel like if everyone on the planet did one small thing every day to turn down the noise. (Even just turning down a TV set that no one is watching would be a step in the right direction.)

  I daresay we might be breathing more deeply, if not smiling more.

  Explore

  When things are quiet, I feel . . .

  What my life would be like if it were quiet . . .

  One thing I can do to bring more quiet to my life . . .

  DAY 240

  SLOW DOWN

  I've carried around in my head and heart a phrase that's proved beneficial over and over again: “When you are rushed, vital connections are lost.” Marianne Williamson agrees, and wrote on Facebook the following:

  Every big mistake I've made in my life was made because I was moving too fast. If Spirit whispers anything, it's “Slow down, slow down, slow down, slow down.” A flash of lightening can bring inspiration, but only depth of reflection brings wisdom.

  What happens to you when you move too fast?

  Explore

  When I move too fast, I notice . . .

  It is safe for me to slow down because . . . (Name and feel any part of you that doesn't feel so safe.)

  DAY 241

  THE RENEWING MAGIC OF GRACE

  Back in the days when I was first learning to clear spaces, I would get sick a lot. The “clearing” would show up mostly in the form of garden-variety head colds. This piece I wrote years ago reflects a turning point in how I related to the experience:

  A tickle in my throat has turned into a full-blown, unrelenting hack-a-thon. I've spent days waking up in a trash heap of sweat, cough drop wrappers, and remedies.

  Mystified that this storm system, which has settled like a squatter in my throat and chest, appears to be going nowhere fast. No change, no progress, no light at the end of this particular tunnel. Not pretty.

  I can feel the mind sitting there, just salivating to go on a field day of worst-case scenarios.

  If I let it.

  This morning appeared to be no different from all the others, except for one (significant) thing: I detached.

  I took a sip of water, laid myself back down on the heaping chaos that is my bed, and decided not to fight anymore. In an instant, there it was.

  Stillness.

  The enveloping, quieting, renewing magic . . . of grace.

  Have you ever had an experience of deep stillness? Where were you? What did it feel like? How could you cultivate more of it?

  Explore

  What stillness feels like for me . . .

  One way I can cultivate more of it . . .

  DAY 242

  FLIP THE SWITCH

  The word “labor” sounds so . . . painful. And exhausting. Yet, we spend most of our days unconsciously laboring. Laboring at the computer; laboring over what to wear; laboring over what to cook for dinner; laboring over to-do lists that never seem to get done; laboring over what people think; laboring over the state of our homes, our kids, our weight, our finances, our hair . . .

  All the while, Labor's sibling, Stillness, waits and watches in what I can only imagine is amused silence.

  What if choosing stillness over labor could be as simple as flipping a switch inside you? What if it could be an experience that you could simply call in, or step into, or rest inside of?

  Try it today: Close your eyes and imagine an invisible light switch inside your heart space. Flip it on and invite stillness to fill, lift, and illuminate you. Notice what happens to your sense of ease, peace, and wonder.

  Explore

  Inviting stillness to fill me up feels . . .

  If stillness could speak, it would tell me . . .

  DAY 243

  TEN WAYS TO CULTIVATE STILLNESS—ONE MINUTE AT A TIME

  With a monkey mind in constant motion, it's easy to forget how to ease into stillness. So I put together a list of ten practices—culled from this book—that will help you quiet the noise and feel good.

  Rest in beauty: Look up from your screen and place your attention on something beautiful. Allow your mind to rest in that.

  Take your time: Deliberately slow down for one minute when your impulse is to speed up (and allow yourself to squirm).

  Insert awareness: Release tension by observing it. See if tightness eases by being a witnessing presence.

  Be curious: Pretend you know nothing; invite wonder; accept mystery as a legitimate state of being.

  Wait and watch: Allow an answer to reveal itself through one of your senses. Don't force or overthink it.

  Do nothing: Allow things to be just as they are without doing anything to fix or change them.

  Don't personalize: Pretend that everything that does not feel good is not yours. Repeat, “It's not mine.”

  Breathe and release: Breathe deeply from your chest, down to your belly, through the soles of your feet, and into the earth.

  Wash and release: Use the simple practice of washing your hands (body, dishes) for one minute to quiet your mind and release stress.

  Sit in silence: Sit quietly for one minute with no agenda.

  What are some of your favorite ways to slow down and be still?

  Explore

  Ways that work for me to cultivate quiet stillness . . .

  What it feels like to simply read the list . . .

  DAY 244

  MAGIC IN REPETITION—A TEN-DAY PRACTICE

  One of the keys to success in clearing, as you know, is repetition. In my world, repetition means daily. No matter what your clearing challenge is, or how little time you have to devote to it, it will get easier if you make it part of a daily routine. Using the list of one-minute practices from yesterday's message you can try it for ten days and see what happens. These simple guidelines will help:

  Start at the top of the list and go down the list for ten days. Alternatively, choose the same approach and repeat it each day for ten days. Choose the same time of day if possible.

  At the end of each session, close your eyes. Take a deep breath and notice how you feel.

  Notice your breathing before and after the practice.

  Add a reminder note to your calendar to check in with yourself at the end of ten days. Notice what happens to your overall sense of ease and well-being at the end of that time.

  (PS You don't need to stop at ten days. Keep cycling through these until they become easy and effortless.)

  Explore

  After one minute of cultivating stillness, I feel . . .

  After ten days, I feel . . .

  DAY 245

  CHECK IN—STEPPING INTO STILLNESS

  While continuing on the larger theme of self-care, the focus this week was to cultivate quiet stillness and deep rest.

  How easy (or hard) is it to step into and rest in stillness? Are you finding that your one minute is growing into more minutes? If not, perhaps the mind is still not ready to dial it down as much as you'd like. Try
again with one practice that does not elicit a resisting response.

  What is one practice you can truly integrate into your life for a week or ten days that would feel really good? This is the place to start.

  Explore

  It is easy (or hard) to cultivate quiet stillness in my life because . . .

  It is safe for me to quiet the mind because . . .

  I can make more time to rest if I . . .

  WEEK 36

  HOMING IN ON JOY

  Isn't that the only way to curate a life? To live among things that make you gasp with delight?

  —Maira Kalman, My Favorite Things

  DAY 246

  A HAPPY HOME

  Sleeping in . . . on a supremely cushy bed, with soft sheets and the perfect pillow. Sipping a fabulous cup of coffee in a sunny window seat from a mug that I cradle with both hands. Taking time to do something for myself. Saying no and not feeling guilty afterward. Taking a hot bath with sea salt and baking soda.