OnlyEverYou_SDavis-eBooks

by Davis, Siobhan

  A shudder works its way through her, and her face twists in pain. I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of what she’s remembering, and I want to pound my fist into those skeezy bastards for daring to make her feel unsafe in her own home.

  Shaking the memories aside, she rests her head against my shoulder again, loosely draping her arms around my waist. She’s trembling against me, and I can almost smell her anxiety scenting the air. I run my hand up and down her back. “You don’t have to go on if it’s too painful.”

  She clings to me, and I close my eyes, savoring the feel of her body warming mine.

  “It all came to a head that night,” she whispers, pulling back and eyeballing me. “I woke in the middle of the night to a strange man running his hands up and down my bare legs.” She squeezes her eyes shut, and she’s shaking all over. I hug her to me again. “My stepdad was in the corner of the room, and he said it was time to give up my V-card. That he’d auctioned my virginity to the highest bidder, and this man was here to claim what was his.”

  A piercing sob flies out of her mouth, and I hold her closer, scarcely able to breathe for fear of what she’s going to say next.

  “He was disgusting, Ryder. At least forty, overweight and ugly, with a combover and bad breath. He was completely naked, stroking his cock and licking his lips as he tried to pull me down the bed to him. I kicked at him and screamed at the top of my lungs. Bob grabbed me by the hair and slapped me so hard in the face I almost blacked out. He ripped my clothes off and pinned my arms down. I was screaming for help, crying for my mother, begging her to rescue me, even if I knew it was futile. But then she was there, standing in the busted doorway, holding a knife, and shouting at them to leave me alone.”

  Her sobs transform to full-blown crying, and Powell comes over, alerted by her distress.

  “I’m okay,” she tells her. “I promise. I just… This is hard to relive, but I want Ryder to know.”

  She nods, silently filling a paper cup with water and handing it to her. Powell’s eyes meet mine as Zeta takes sips, and I see nothing but compassion there. She’s the only guard who has ever shown me any kindness, the only one who has looked out for me, the only one willing to look beyond my crimes and see something more. “Thank you,” I mouth at her over Zeta’s head, and she nods before returning to her seat and her iPod.

  “Your mom came through for you in the end,” I say, tucking her hair behind her ears.

  “She did, or at least she tried. I also suspect she was the reason why that hadn’t happened on my sixteenth birthday. I guess there was still some part of her trying to protect me, even if she wasn’t coherent or sober most of the time. She told the john to get off me, and I scrambled off the bed, going to her side. Bob was trying to placate her, all the while inching toward her. Her hand was shaking, and I knew she wasn’t strong enough to fight him off, but she surprised me. When Bob lunged at her, she put up an impressive struggle. I was rooted to the spot, terrorized and incapable of moving. They fought, but she held onto the knife even as he pulled at her wrist, trying to get her to drop it. The john decided now was a great time to get the fuck out of there, and he shoved them aside in his haste to get out the door.”

  Tears spill down her cheeks. “I’m not quite sure what happened, because as the asshole fled, I saw Bob’s best friend Clive lounging in the hallway, quietly watching everything go down. He’d made no secret of his desire for me, and fresh panic raced through me. His eyes were roaming my naked body with obvious intent, and I was terrified all over again. Then Mom screamed, and it was the worst sound I’d ever heard. Nothing else mattered then. I turned around and froze. Somehow, she’d lost the knife, and Bob made a grab for it as she turned toward me. I’ll never forget her screams as the knife embedded in her chest. She howled in pain, dropping to her knees, turning white in the face. Blood gushed from her chest, and I couldn’t stop screaming.”

  She pauses for a few seconds, drawing deep breaths and swiping at her tears. “I was crouched over her dead body, sobbing, a couple minutes later, when the police arrived. One of the neighbors had heard my earlier screams and called the cops so Bob hadn’t had time to get out of there. He fed the cops a pack of lies, and when he told them I did it, I didn’t refute his claims because I didn’t think they’d believe me. And I thought I’d be safer in juvie.”

  She looks down, sliding a hand across her bandaged belly. “But I’m not safe anywhere.” She looks up at me with forlorn eyes. “And now I’m trapped. That one lie is going to ruin my life, and I don’t see that I’ve any way out.”

  CHAPTER 12

  Zeta

  “You’ve got to fess up, Zeta,” he tells me. “Talk to your attorney, and tell her what you told me.”

  “She’s useless, and I have no faith that she’s on my side. She hasn’t even bothered to update me on whether she located my aunt or not, and I’m not sure she cares enough to hear the truth.”

  “What about Dr. Reynolds? Does she know the truth?”

  I shake my head. “I wanted to tell her, but I wasn’t sure I could trust her. And what if I tell the truth and he gets away with it? He’s still my guardian, and I’d be sent back to him. I’d rather rot in a jail cell for the next eight years than go back to that house.”

  He scrubs a hand over the thin layer of stubble on his jawline. “I guess that’s a risk, but if you tell them everything, surely they’ll investigate him, and I can’t imagine it would take much to verify he’s a pimp.” He gently cups my face. “I know it’s not my call to make, but I’d take the risk.”

  “And what if I tell her and it changes nothing? I don’t want to go to jail.”

  “I’m not going to let that happen.” He kisses my head again, and the gesture makes me feel so loved.

  “You won’t be able to stop it.”

  “I’m getting out in three months’ time, and I can help. I’ll find your aunt and get you a new attorney.”

  “You probably won’t even remember me once you get a taste of freedom.”

  Hurt glimmers in his eyes. “How can you say that?” He holds my face in both his hands. “Do my words mean nothing? Don’t you realize the strength of my feelings for you?”

  I place my hands over his. “I can’t ask you to wait for me. You have your whole life ahead of you, and I could be stuck in prison for years. I can’t ask you to put your life on hold for me.”

  He leans in closer, and his warm breath fans across my face. “You’re not asking. I’m telling you I’ll wait for you, because you’re my girl, Zeta. I love you, and I don’t want anyone else. I will do whatever is necessary to set you free. You can count on it.”

  “I don’t deserve you. Not after what I’ve done.” I hang my head. “I’m just like her, aren’t I? Maybe Bob knew what he was doing, forcing me to watch.” I tap my temple. “Maybe it’s ingrained in here subliminally, and there’s nothing I can do to avoid my fate.”

  “No, babe.” He shakes his head, tracing his finger across my lower lip. “You’re not your mother. It was a mistake, a bad judgment call, but your heart was in the right place. If you were just like her, you wouldn’t still be a virgin. You wouldn’t be holding out for the right person.”

  His eyes drill into mine, and I get lost in the tenderness and love there. “Our environments, and our pasts, only define us, if we let them. We choose how to deal with the consequences, and you’re a fighter, a survivor, a good person, through and through. There is greatness in your future, Zeta. I truly believe that.”

  “Ryder.” My voice is choked, my heart swollen with love for this amazing boy who has entered my world and turned it upside down. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and I’ve never had anyone believe in me the way you do.”

  “I know the feeling.” He brings my hand up to his mouth, kissing my knuckles, and I feel it all the way to the tips of my toes. In this moment, there’s no pain, only l
onging.

  “You’re the other half of my heart and soul, Zeta. We belong together. Of that, I’m sure.”

  The biggest smile spreads across my mouth at his words. “I feel the same way. From the moment I met you, I knew you were different and that you were going to be important to me.”

  “I think about you all the time,” he whispers, his eyes drifting to my lips. “I think about holding you, kissing you, touching you, loving you.” My mouth turns dry, and my eyes drift to his lips as he leans in closer until there’s barely any space between our mouths. “I think about building a life together when we’re free. You bring out the best in me, Zeta, and I don’t ever want to be without you.”

  He closes the tiny distance between us, pressing his lips against mine. His kiss is soft and tender and everything I’d dreamed it would be and more. He holds my face in his hands as I tilt my neck, allowing him to deepen the kiss. Our lips glide effortlessly against one another, and my heart is fit to burst in my chest, my body coming alive under his touch.

  “Ahem.” A throat clearing breaks us apart, and I know my face is flushed, my eyes swimming in love and lust. “I’m sorry, but it’s time for Ryder to leave.” Powell pats the top of my head. “You have one minute to say your final goodbyes, and then we’ll be on our way.”

  Ryder presses his forehead to mine. “I love you.” He kisses me sweetly. “I love you so much.”

  “I love you too.” I kiss him back, carefully circling my arms around his neck. “And I know it’s crazy, because I’m in pain, and I’m still facing years in jail, but I am so happy right now I could sing it from the rooftops.”

  A goofy smile graces his lips. “I’m right there with you. I can honestly say I’ve never been this happy in my entire life. You mean everything to me, Zeta. You’re everything.” He kisses me one last time before standing. “Hurry back to me. I’ll be counting down the days until I see you again.” Powell smiles as she fixes his leg restraints before moving to cuff his hands. “Goodbye, beautiful. See you soon.” His smile is a mix of happy and sad as he shuffles toward the door. Stopping, he casts one last glance in my direction, and I blow him a kiss, sinking back into my pillows and sighing contentedly as he’s led away.

  After another few nights in the hospital, I’m eventually released. Then I’m on bed rest for a few days with Carina checking in on me at regular intervals. I’m on pretty heavy-duty pain meds, so I spend most of my time sleeping, but I still miss Ryder and hate that I’m not allowed any visitors.

  Moments when I’m not thinking of him are spent thinking about how I almost died. There was a time when I would have welcomed that, but not now. Now, more than any other time in my life, I have something, someone, worth living for, and I’m glad Valeria didn’t succeed. Buoyed up by Ryder’s fighting talk and words of love, I’m determined to fight for my innocence and my freedom.

  Powell came to see me last night, confirming I can return to school tomorrow. She knows how serious I am about getting my high school diploma, and I have a couple of online assignments due soon that I need to work on. She explained that Valeria has been transferred to the women’s jail, and she’s being prosecuted for attempted murder. I’ll have to make a formal statement and attend trial at some point, but I’m just relieved I won’t have to watch my back so closely anymore. I wonder which one of her posse will take her place and whether they’ll still have it in for me. I guess time will tell.

  “I missed you,” Ryder whispers in my ear before slipping into the seat across from me.

  “I missed you too,” I whisper back, unable to stop a massive smile from breaking free on my face.

  He leans across his desk to me, ignoring the pointed stares of our classmates. “I’ve been fantasizing about kissing you again.”

  Strands of messy, blond hair fall across his forehead, and my fingers twitch with the craving to touch him. The brown in his eyes is more pronounced today, and I’m captivated by the little flecks of green and gold which make his eyes smolder. I could stare into his eyes all day long and completely lose sense of time and reason.

  “Babe.” Glancing quickly at the top of the room, he reaches out, sweeping his thumb along my jawline, sending a flurry of delicious tingles ricocheting all over my skin. “You doing okay there?” I hear the amusement in his tone, and he totally knows the effect he has on me.

  “You’re not the only one fantasizing,” I whisper back. “And I have a tendency to zone out whenever you’re near. It’s like you’ve cast a spell on me.”

  “If that’s the case, you’ve definitely cast one on me too.” His features soften, and the look on his face is one of pure happiness and sheer adoration. I feel a sudden, uncharacteristic, urge to jump up on my desk and scream out how much I love him.

  Yanking his hand back when the teacher calls for quiet, he settles back in his seat with a lopsided grin.

  All through class, we cast sly glances at one another, and the tension in the air is building and building until I feel like I’ll combust. I’m hyper aware of him—of every cross of his legs, every tap of his fingers off the desk, every time he rolls his head from side to side, and every time he squirms in his seat. I adore the way he casually runs his hand through his hair and the way his eyes twinkle with hidden promise when he stares straight at me.

  My eyes are glued to the clock on the wall, willing it to speed up. Eventually, after what feels like forever, it’s library time, and chairs scrape noisily as everyone gets up. Ryder is by my side in a flash, placing his arm around my back and carefully helping me out of my seat. I loop my arm through his, playing up the invalid card so the teach doesn’t reprimand us for touching. Ryder’s arm around my waist tightens, and I press myself up against him more closely, determined to take advantage of the situation. His lips ghost over the top of my head, and a happy sigh slips from my mouth. “I hate that we have no privacy,” he whispers in my ear.

  “I know, but we’ll just have to sneak moments whenever we can.”

  “I love your way of thinking,” he purrs in my ear, sending a shot of liquid lust straight to my core. I sway on my feet, and my stomach pulls a little, causing me to wince.

  “Shit, sorry.” He stops just inside the entrance to the library, turning to face me. “You shouldn’t be back at school if you’re still in pain.”

  “I’m fine. I have assignments to catch up on, and I didn’t want to be away from you any longer. I missed your ugly face,” I tease, batting my eyelashes at him.

  He grins, tweaking my nose. “Cute, but such a lie.”

  “Cocky much?” I tilt my head to the side, smirking.

  His eyes burn with lust, and I gasp when he leans down, moving his face in close to mine. “Around you? Always.”

  I practically melt into a puddle at his feet, and with the way he’s devouring my mouth on sight, I’m dying to kiss him again. I’ve never felt such intense desire before or the need to touch someone so bad my skin feels like it’s burning. “C’mon.” He offers me his arm again, grinning knowingly, and I can tell he knows every thought running through my mind right now. “I think you should hold on to me, you know, in case you faint.”

  I roll my eyes. “Wow, someone’s ego appears to have multiplied while I was gone.”

  He chuckles. “I’m just calling it like it is. You’re crazy about me, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. I am a spectacular catch.”

  “Spectacular egomaniac, more like,” I joke, looking up at him through hooded eyes. “But once you’re my egomaniac, I’m okay with that.”

  Ryder walks us over to the far corner of the small library, tucking us into the crevice, away from prying eyes and ears. His arms go around my waist as his mouth lowers to mine. “I’m yours, Zeta. I’m all yours. Now and always. You never have to doubt that.”

  CHAPTER 13

  Ryder

  For years, I wished to speed up time, and now all I want to
do is slow it down. The next few weeks with Zeta are some of the best weeks of my life. And I don’t say that lightly. Because we’re still in juvie, with nonexistent privacy and minimal opportunities to be a normal couple, but just sharing the same airspace as her has me floating on a cloud.

  I’m well aware I sound like a total pussy. But I couldn’t give a flying fuck.

  For the first time, ever, I am fucking happy. Even Dr. Blaufeld has noticed the changes. And, while he’s happy for me, especially because my nightmares and flashbacks are becoming more infrequent, he’s cautioned me about relying too heavily on my girlfriend, telling me I have to take responsibility for my own happiness, because learning to control and manage my mental health shouldn’t be based on how someone else makes me feel. I get his concern, and I know it’s coming from a good place, but no one is taking this away from me.

  Zeta and I spend as much time together as we can, and now that the threat of victimization has been removed, we’re both much freer. My mini meltdown in the yard, when I pummeled the shit out of Lopez, was enough to convince everyone to stay away from me, and now that Zeta’s my girl, that protection applies to her too. But that’s not the only reason for her newfound optimism.

  Zeta confessed to Dr. Reynolds, which proved to be a good judgment call, because the doctor always believed there was more to the story, and she didn’t hesitate to believe this new version of events. Having her support has bolstered Zeta’s confidence, especially because her attorney failed her, refusing to accept the truth and advising Zeta against appeal. With Dr. Reynold’s help, Zeta has filed new paperwork to have her attorney replaced. But, because it’s court-appointed, and there’s a ton of red tape to go through, it’s going to take time before a new attorney is assigned to her case, and there’s no guarantee he or she will be any better than the previous one, but at least it’s some progress.