OnlyEverYou_SDavis-eBooks

by Davis, Siobhan

  “You’re lucky I’m holding Zeta right now,” Ryder grits out in a clipped voice, his tone menacing and low. “Or I’d finish what I started.”

  “Ryder, go take care of Zeta.” Mike’s authoritative voice booms from behind me. “I’ve sent Marc and Danny packing. Replacements are on the way. I’ve cleared the interior and exterior, and I’ve called a cleaning crew. They’ll be here shortly. By morning, it’ll be like the party never happened.”

  “Don’t try to fucking pacify me, Mike.” Ryder holds me tighter before addressing his bandmates. “I don’t want to see either of your faces in the morning. How dare you treat my house like this. This is my sanctuary, and you know how I felt about having strangers here. Plus, you gave no consideration to Zeta’s feelings, so get the fuck on a plane back to New York.”

  “Ryder, I know you’re pissed, but the album—”

  “Pissed!” Ryder roars, and I flinch. He runs his hand up and down my back. “Sorry, baby.” He makes a deliberate effort to soften his voice. “Just get the fuck out of my face, Micah. I can’t stand to look at either of you right now.” With those parting words lingering in the air, he walks away.

  Back in his bedroom, he helps me out of my clothes and then wipes the makeup off my face. My eyes lower to his bruised knuckles, and I dip my head, brushing my lips across his damaged skin. Stripping off his own clothes, he pulls me into the shower with him, holding me upright as the warm water cascades over my frozen limbs. Steam swirls around us, but I’m still so cold. When we get out, he wraps me in a fluffy towel and carries me back into the bedroom. I perch on the edge of the bed, mentally and physically exhausted, barely holding myself together as he dries my body, helping me into my silk nightie before blow-drying my hair. He holds a mug to my lips while I take sips of hot sweet tea, and then he holds me in his arms as I sob. I’m in too much pain to speak, but he doesn’t ask anything of me; he just rocks me in his arms until I eventually drift off to sleep.

  I go through the motions the next week, but I’m not really present. Kayla called my therapist before she left Sunday afternoon and lined up an appointment for me for Friday morning. Ryder is attentive and loving, and he doesn’t push me to speak. It helps that he understands. That he’s experienced flashbacks and nightmares, and he knows not to pry, that I’ll talk when I’m ready.

  It’s Friday morning, and we’re on the private jet, heading to New York, when I finally feel like I’m human again. Perhaps it’s the physical distance that helps, and while I love Ryder’s Hamptons house, right now I’m glad to be getting away from it for the weekend. I rest my head against Ryder’s chest as the plane takes off. He twirls strands of my hair around his finger while pressing soft kisses to my temple. Tears prick my eyes as I think of all the ways he cared for me this week.

  Lifting my head, I kiss him, slowly and passionately, letting my emotions flood through every sweep of my lips. “Thank you for taking care of me and for being so patient. I love you so much.”

  “It wasn’t a chore. I was just worried about you.” He cups my cheek. “Are you okay now?”

  I nod. “I think so. It’ll be good to talk to my therapist, but I’m okay.” I peer into his beautiful eyes. They’re more green than brown today but no less stunning. “I haven’t had a flashback like that in years, and it was scary. It felt so real. Like I was back there again.” A shudder works its way through me. “The mind is a powerful, frightening organ.”

  “It is. And I’ve had vivid flashbacks like that too. I know how terrifying they can be.”

  Ryder drops me off at my therapist and leaves for his rendezvous with Micah and Gar. They’ve been licking their wounds in the city all week while Scott and Ryder worked on the album at the house. But they need to patch things up if they’re to get the album completed by the deadline, so Ryder is meeting up with them to resolve their differences. I’ve appealed to him to forgive them, explaining I don’t want him falling out with his bandmates over me. They were stupid, thoughtless jerks to have a party in Ryder’s Hamptons home, but their actions weren’t malicious or intentional. They were just bored, horny, and high—a lethal combination for any guy, especially rock stars who are used to acting on impulse without considering the consequences.

  When Ryder returns to collect me, both Micah and Gar are with him, and they seem to have patched things up. They apologize to me profusely, and I tell them all is forgiven even if it’s only partly true. I’ve zero to little time for Garrett Jones anymore. He’s a rotten egg, and it wouldn’t surprise me to hear the orgy had been his idea. But, bearing grudges is the last thing Ryder needs, so I’m letting this go, purely for his sake.

  When we make an impromptu visit to Louise, she nearly keels over at the sight of the three, gorgeous, hot, young rock stars at her door, but she recovers fast, ushering them in and fawning over them without any shame. They brought her tons of Torment stuff as well as flowers and chocolates, and I love them for putting such a big smile on her face. The guys are good sports, letting her feel them up and posing for pictures although Garrett draws the line at posing naked for her. I’m glad he has some moral compass, albeit a very flakey one.

  We only have thirty minutes to spend with her before we have to leave to attend a charity meeting. I give her a big hug, promising to call next week.

  Micah and Gar go their separate ways when we head outside while I hop into the back of the SUV beside Ryder. Mike navigates the rush hour traffic like a pro, determined to get us to the charity’s HQ in Manhattan on time. Ryder has had this meeting prearranged for months, and he didn’t want to cancel, so he asked me to come with. I was happy to oblige, and I’ve been drilling him with questions for the last few minutes.

  “Tell me about their work?” I ask, while we sit in traffic, wanting to have some background intel before we meet the director.

  “They are the nation’s leading victim assistance organization, and they’ve been in operation for over thirty years,” he explains, lacing his fingers through mine. “They provide support for victims of crime and abuse, helping children, adults, families, and communities. They have a specialist child advocacy center, a bunch of different counseling centers, and a wide variety of community programs.” He glances off into space. “They do wonderful work.”

  “I think it’s great that you support them. That you give so much to charity.” I know he donates to other charities too, but this one seems to have a special place in his heart.

  He rubs the back of his neck. “I wish I could do more than just donate, but I want to keep my involvement on the down low. If I took more of a public role, the focus would switch to me, and I’d hate that. The work these guys do is what’s most important and nothing should take away from that.”

  The director is waiting for us in the lobby, and she greets Ryder warmly, clasping his hands and kissing both his cheeks. “This is my girlfriend, Zeta,” Ryder says, introducing me, and a heady warmth floods my entire body at hearing those words leave his mouth.

  “Lovely to meet you,” she says, smiling and shaking my hand enthusiastically. “If you have time, I can give you a brief tour of the facilities after our meeting.”

  “That would be great. Ryder was telling me a bit about the work you do on the way over here, and I’d love to see it up close and personal.”

  I’m a silent bystander at the meeting, as Ryder, the director, and the charity’s chief financial officer discuss plans and budgets for some forthcoming events Ryder is funding and helping to organize behind the scenes. Ryder kisses me firmly on the lips before leaving with the VP of marketing to sign some stuff while the director gives me a quick tour, explaining the work they do in more detail as we move through the facility. “We wouldn’t be able to provide the services we do without the backing of sponsors like Ryder, but his hands-on involvement and dedication is more than most give. It’s easy to see he cares. He’s a very special young man.”

  “He i
s,” I readily agree, a surge of pride racing through me. I’ve no doubt that Ryder’s horrific childhood is driving his charitable actions, and I love him so much for trying to give back in a way that will protect other kids from leading the life he led. “And if you’re looking for more volunteers, I would love to help out when I’m back in the city.”

  She smiles warmly at me. “We’re always looking for volunteers, and that would be fantastic. If you’re sure, we could complete the paperwork now and get the ball rolling.”

  “Lead the way,” I say, returning her smile, happy to be in a position to help and to support Ryder with something that obviously means a lot to him.

  CHAPTER 32

  Zeta

  Butterflies are running riot in my tummy, and my legs are shaking so bad I’m wondering if they’ll hold me up when we step out of the limo. “Breathe, babe,” Ryder whispers in my ear, planting his hand on my thigh.

  “Maybe I should just slip in the media entrance,” I murmur, as nerves get the better of me.

  “And miss the opportunity to show the world how fucking hot you look tonight?” Ryder shakes his head. “Honey, you are drop dead gorgeous, and I want you on my arm when we walk the red carpet. I want everyone to know you’re mine.”

  I look him in the eyes. “Are you sure? What about your fans and—”

  Capturing my lips in a pulse-pounding kiss I feel all the way to the tips of my toes, he instantly mutes my nervous babbling. It’s easy to forget we’re not alone when he kisses me like this because the outside world ceases to exist, and it’s only him and I and the multitude of sensations he invokes in my body with his soft touch and his ardent kisses.

  When he finally breaks our kiss, he strokes my cheek, staring into my eyes with so much love it almost undoes me. “Better?” I can only nod. “You’ve got this, babe, and I’m going to make sure you’re looked after tonight so you’ve nothing to worry about. Just relax and enjoy it.”

  “Here,” Gar hands me a glass of champagne as his eyes rake quickly over my body, making me uncomfortable. “Have a few more of these, sexy, and you’ll be fine.” I open my mouth to call him out on his shameless sleazing but think better of it and clamp my lips shut. I don’t want to cause an argument among the guys tonight, so I keep my thoughts and my words to myself.

  “You’ve got this,” Micah says, smiling, trying to reassure me.

  “Thanks. It’s not like I haven’t been at this event before, but it’s not usually with a spotlight on me.” And I know there’s going to be a big-ass spotlight on me once I step out on Ryder’s arm. He rarely takes dates to award shows or other big industry events, so this is a big deal and the press is going to be all over us like a rash.

  “You’ll knock ’em, dead, Zeta,” Micah adds.

  “Linda used to hate coming to these events at the start,” Scott supplies, leaning back in the seat as he sips a beer. “But she got used to it. She was actually sad to be missing out on tonight, but she doesn’t want to leave Mattie with her folks so soon after he’s been ill.”

  “It would’ve been nice to have a wingwoman, but I completely understand, and she’s right to prioritize your son.”

  The limo slows down as we approach Radio City Music Hall, joining a line of limos waiting to pull up in front of the venue. I knock back my champagne, taking a deep breath, giving myself a little pep talk. I need to get used to this as it’s part of Ryder’s life, and I don’t want him worrying about me tonight. Torment is up for one of the top awards, and they’re also performing midway through the show, and that’s all Ryder should be focused on. He seemed a little distracted today, and I wonder if his nerves are at him or if any of them still get anxious before big events.

  I quickly reapply a fresh layer of lip gloss, tossing my long hair over my shoulder and smoothing a hand down over my outfit. I feel confident and sexy, and it goes a long way toward settling my frayed nerves.

  I’m wearing a fitted red leather jacket over a tight black leather and lace top with a tutu skirt and high-heeled ankle boots. My legs are tanned from weeks in the outdoors, so I didn’t bother with pantyhose. Kayla helped me choose the outfit last weekend, and then she came over to Ryder’s magnificent penthouse earlier today to help me get ready. I’m wearing heavy makeup with dark eyes, but I kept my lips neutral to balance the look. I wish Kayla was here tonight, but she couldn’t get a babysitter, so she’s only here with me in spirit.

  “Ready, babe?” Ryder asks as the limo stops, and the door is opened from outside. They’ve set up a short red carpet just for this event, and I can see the entrance doors from this distance, so I tell myself it’ll be a cakewalk. I flash him a confident smile, ignoring the jitters in my belly. “Let’s do this.”

  “Love you.” He presses a quick kiss to my lips. “I’m really happy you’re here with me tonight.”

  Flashes explode in my face as Ryder helps me out of the car. I clutch onto his arm, smiling and focusing on planting one foot in front of the other rather than directing my attention to the myriad of reporters shouting questions at us. Fans line the short walkway, screaming and crying, some of them holding up Torment posters. Micah, Gar, and Scott stop to take some quick photos, but Ryder doesn’t leave my side, just waving, smiling, and blowing kisses at some of his fans.

  A couple of reporters know who I am, and they call me by name, hoping I’ll stop and give them an exclusive, but I’ve already agreed that any talking done tonight will be done by Ryder. When we reach the main doors, the guys stop to talk to the reporter from Entertainment Tonight, and Ryder confirms my identity, including my status as his girlfriend. The questions leveled our way intensify, but we ignore them, making our way inside the auditorium and taking our seats in the second row.

  Before we know it, the MC has taken to the stage, and the ceremony begins. Midway through, the guys leave to get ready for their set. Ryder leans down, kissing me firmly on the lips. “If you need a drink or you need to go to the bathroom, go with Mike or one of the bodyguards. Don’t wander off by yourself.”

  I peck his lips. “I won’t, I promise. I’ll stick with Mike. Now go do your thing, Rock Star.”

  The guys appear onstage fifteen minutes later, and my eyes are riveted to Ryder for the whole song. This is the first time I’ve ever seen them live. I’ve always known Ryder was hugely talented, but he owns that stage like no other musician of our generation. His charisma and stage presence are off the charts, and it’s no wonder the crowd is going crazy. He locks eyes on me frequently, singing some of the words directly to me, and when he points at me, thrusting his hips and gesturing wildly, I feel the concentrated, envious stares from every female in the place.

  “What did you think?” he asks when the guys return to their seats after that knockout performance.

  “That was incredible. You were incredible.” I kiss him on the lips. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

  His eyes are slightly unfocused as he leans in to return the kiss, and I instantly know he’s taken something. Glancing down the row at the guys, I can see Micah and Gar are high too. But I don’t say anything, because this is their night, and it’s not like I haven’t smoked weed or snorted a few lines of coke in the past myself, even if I do worry about Ryder doing shit like that when he’s admitted to problems with addiction.

  The guys win the award for Best Rock Video, and by the time we’re back in the limo en route to the bar to see Gage’s band playing, everyone’s in party mode. I’m nicely relaxed thanks to a few glasses of champagne and several vodka shots and looking forward to seeing what the guys think of Kayla’s man. Ryder drinks whiskey straight from a bottle, guzzling it like its water, before passing it to Gar who then passes it to Micah. Gar produces a tray with neat lines of coke spread across it, and I watch with growing discomfort as all three of them indulge. I decline when they offer me some, and Scott shakes his head, continuing to sip from his beer while watching me with
a slight frown. Prickles of apprehension creep up my neck, but I ignore them. The guys are in celebratory mode, and it’s nothing unusual. They deserve to let loose and enjoy their win.

  There’s a bit of excitement at the door to the club when we pull up, but Gage had notified security of Torment’s impending arrival, and he’d also reserved a booth at the top of the room near the stage. The band has already started, and heavy beats reverberate around the space as we make our way through the dimly lit room.

  Mike creates a path through the heaving crowd, and there are several screams and shouts when people realize they’ve got rock gods in their midst. Ryder maneuvers me in front of his body, as grabby hands reach out, trying to grab hold of him and the guys, but Mike and the team of three other bodyguards on duty tonight skillfully navigate our way to the booth without any trouble.

  An ice bucket is already on the table, filled with a bottle of vodka, mixers, and bottles of beer. Ryder ushers me into the booth, sliding in beside me, wrapping a protective arm around my shoulder while Gar hands out beers.

  We settle back, watching the show. Gage gives the guys a shout-out from the stage, and a huge roar echoes through the room. The guys shoot their hands up, waving at the fans, and then Savage Mania begins playing their most well-known song, and the crowd starts rocking out and singing along.

  “They’re good,” Micah says across the table to Ryder, handing him another beer.

  “Really fucking good,” Gar agrees.

  “I think we could be onto a winner here,” Ryder agrees, draining half his beer in one go. “And it’s all thanks to you,” he whispers in my ear before crushing his lips to mine. He devours my mouth as his hand slips under my skirt, sliding up my thigh. His tongue plunders my mouth, and he’s kissing me like he wants to gobble me up, holding one cheek firmly in his hand as he attacks my lips with a feverish passion that both excites and frightens me.