“Ryder,” she cries, tears leaking down her face as she’s overcome with emotion. I know, because I’m feeling it too. Leaning down, I kiss her tears away, fighting my own emotions. “I love the feel of you inside me,” she adds, fisting her hands in my hair. “But I need you to move, baby. I want to feel you moving inside me.”
Holding her hands above her head, I thread my fingers in hers as I start to slowly move inside her for the first time. Our eyes are locked on one another’s, and everything I’m feeling is radiating back at me from her adoring gaze. We move gently against one another, in a way I’ve never experienced, and my mind is blown, my heart so full of love for this woman, the only woman who has ever meant anything to me. “You complete me,” I whisper against her mouth, capturing her lips in mine. “You are the other half of my heart and soul, and I want this with you forever.”
Her hands move up and down my spine, and she emits the most delicious little noises as we rock against one another. “No one else has ever made me feel the way you do,” she tells me. “I will love you every day for the rest of my life.”
We don’t speak after that, but no words are needed. I make love to her, softly and slowly, drowning in the emotions filtering between us, enjoying every thrust, every caress, feeling our bond intensifying as we stare at one another with nothing but love between us. And when we both reach a peak, crashing together, I know tonight has changed me, rebuilt something inside me that’s long been broken, and that I’ll never be the same again.
Waking up with Zeta wrapped around me, all naked and warm, is the best feeling in the world. “Morning, beautiful,” I whisper when she finally stirs a half hour later. I’m dying for a piss, but I didn’t want to wake her. Didn’t want to tear myself from her arms. If she knew I’d just been staring at her incessantly, like the lovesick fool I am, she’d definitely start reassessing her stalker theories.
We both freshen up and then retreat to bed again. My cock is already rock hard, and when I push my fingers inside her, she’s every bit as aroused as me. Crawling into my lap, she slowly lowers onto my dick, and I see stars. She starts off slow, softly moving up and down, her tits bouncing, nipples in stiff peaks, and I thrust up inside her, moaning as she rocks my world.
When she picks up her pace, grinding down on me, I grab hold of her hips, thrusting into her more aggressively before sitting up and pounding into her as she digs her fingers into my shoulders, riding me roughly. Our kissing is frenzied, and our hands frantically explore one another as we fuck, the crescendo building inside me until a familiar tingling in my spine signals I’m close. We’re both sweating and panting when we explode together, moaning and clutching onto one another as waves of ecstasy wash over us.
After, I spoon her from behind and we start making plans for the future, talking for hours about everything we want to see and do together, and when we finally wander out of the bedroom, late in the afternoon, I’m like a different man.
The weeks that follow are nothing short of blissful. Getting to spend my days and nights with the woman of my dreams is something I never thought I’d get to enjoy. We’ve missed out on a lot, and I take none of it for granted.
But we can’t avoid reality forever. The guys pack up and leave for the city once the album is a wrap. We’ve decided to stay here for the moment, neither one of us in any hurry to return to the city. Zeta is busy writing the biography, and that gives me plenty of time to think about where I go from here, but I’m struggling to draw any conclusions.
I’ve never missed a drop-off with Ren before, but I didn’t show last time. There’s no way I’m giving that monster any more of my hard-earned cash, and after what he did to Zeta, I don’t trust myself with him. Don’t trust I won’t kill the bastard with my bare hands. He’s furious, sending copious texts to the burner cell he gave me all those years ago. I’m tempted to dump it in the ocean, but I won’t, because it’s evidence. Evidence I’m hoping, one day, to be in a position to use against him.
“You look a million miles away,” Zeta says, circling her arms around me from behind as I put the finishing touches to our dinner.
Turning the heat off at the stove, I turn around, reeling her in for a long kiss. As usual, my dick gets excited, and I can’t help pressing my semi against her.
“You’re insatiable,” she says, nipping at my lower lip.
I grab her ass, giving it a firm squeeze. “Sex with you is incredible, and I can’t get enough.” I’m having more sex than I’ve ever had in my life, and we can’t keep our hands off one another. I’ve never had this level of intimacy before, and I’m addicted to this woman.
She pecks my lips. “Ditto, babe. I could happily spend every waking hour in bed with you.” Pulling back, she eyeballs me seriously. “But no deflecting. What’s on your mind?”
I begin plating our dinner, and she leans back against the counter, eyeing me with concern. “I’m trying to decide what to do about Ren.” I don’t hesitate to tell her the truth because being completely honest with one another is one of our new rules.
“It’s been on my mind a lot too.” She opens the refrigerator, removing a bottle of sparkling water and grabbing two glasses from the overhead cupboard. “Let’s discuss our options after dinner.”
We walk out to the patio area to eat. “Dinner’s up,” I tell Mike as I pass, knowing full well he will reheat his pasta later, rather than leaving Zeta and I unprotected out here. He’s a good leader, always taking care of his team before attending to his own needs.
“You can eat with us,” Zeta says, like she does every day, knowing he’ll turn her down.
“Thanks for the offer, but I’ll eat after you’re finished.”
Zeta leans in to kiss his cheek, and I swear the big guy blushes. I send him an amused smirk, and once Zeta’s back is turned, he flips me the bird. I’m still laughing as I sit down. “What’s so funny?” she asks.
“You made the big guy blush, and he hates that I noticed.”
She swats my arm. “Play nice.”
“I’m always nice.” I nip her earlobe. “Especially with you.”
“You were especially nice to me this morning,” she agrees with a twinkle in her eye. She purposely drags her lower lip between her teeth, knowing it turns me on.
And now I’m thinking about a repeat of this morning’s performance.
“I was.” I shove my tongue in her ear, and she squeals. “And I’ll be nice to you again. After we eat.” I swirl a forkful of pasta and lift it to her lips, and she dutifully opens for me, making my cock throb in my pants. “Fuck, you even make eating sexy.”
She snakes her arms around my neck. “That’s just cause we’re hot for one another all the time.”
“Damn straight, baby.” I kiss the tip of her nose. “But I didn’t spend an hour slaving over a hot stove for us to ditch the food in favor of bed, no matter how tempting you are, so eat.”
We make quick work of our pasta and then wander down to the beach for a walk like we always do after dinner. Mike hangs back at a discreet distance allowing us privacy to talk. “I’ve been thinking about the situation,” she says, “and I think you’re right. Ren’s not going to go away. He’s going to constantly hold the threat of disclosure over your head unless you take back control.”
“I agree, and that’s why I’ve decided I’m going to make a public statement. I’m going to tell the world who I really am.”
She stops walking, examining my face to see if I’m serious. Taking my hand, she pulls me down onto the sand. She’s quiet as she considers it. “If you reveal your true identity, you’re breaking the terms of your release agreement. They could send you back to jail.”
I swallow over the lump of emotion clogging the base of my throat. “I know, but it’s a risk I think I should take. If I do this, I remove the threat he’s been holding over my head for years, and he can’t blackmail me anymore. It also means
I can report him to the cops, and that’s the best way to keep him away from you, to keep you safe. I have evidence of the blackmail, and I can tell them he’s the one who’s really responsible for the death of that cashier and Cory’s death.”
She doesn’t take her eyes from mine as she offers another suggestion. “Or you could hire a hitman and put a bullet between his eyes.” I examine her face to see if she’s joking, but she’s deadly serious.
“I have thought of that over the years,” I admit. “But the one thing that always held me back is the fact that would make me a murderer, just like him, and I’m nothing like that asshole.”
“You’re not. There is no comparison.” We both stare out at sea, and I wrap my arm around her shoulder as she leans into me. “You think I’m crazy for suggesting it?”
“No. Like I said, the thought has reared its head on more than one occasion, but it’s not a viable option. Fessing up is the only solution that makes sense, even if I do get sent down for it.” Naturally, I don’t want that to happen, but I’m tired of living a lie. This is the best way to protect the woman I love, and that’s all that matters. Worrying about Ren’s retaliation is keeping me awake at night, and I’ll feel safer knowing the authorities are aware of all the facts.
“Your fans would be up in arms if they did that,” Zeta says, thinking it through. “I’m confident that won’t happen although, if we are going to do it, we’d need to get some legal advice. I think the fact you’re handing over the real culprit will negate any potential fallout for you.”
“The fans might turn on me. On us.” I’ve given this a lot of thought, and it’s a very real concern.
She straightens up, tilting my face to hers. “I honestly think they’d stick by you. They love you. And if you explain it the way you explained it to me, they’ll understand.”
“Maybe, but it’ll bring a lot of heat at a time when we’re due to release our next album, go on tour, and announce our own label. If this just impacted me, I’d do it right now, but I can’t ruin everything for the guys. I’ll have to walk away from Torment, but if it means I get to keep you safe, then it’s worth it.”
She shakes her head. “I’m not letting you do that, and I don’t think the guys would either. You need to talk to them. Tell them everything. Even if we don’t go ahead and do this, I think they should know. I think you’ll feel lighter once all the people who love you know the truth.”
I love how everything is “we,” and having her in this with me means more than I can say. “What if they hate me? What if they turn their back on me?”
“Then they aren’t really your friends. And if they do, screw them. We don’t need them.” She throws her arms around me. “We only need each other.”
“Together,” we both say at the same time and I’m smiling as I lean in to kiss her.
We take a few days to discuss it at length, debating all the pros and cons, until I finally decide it’s the right course of action. It’s the only way to get Ren out of our lives. Before I broach the subject with Rod and the guys, we visit my attorney in the city to get some legal advice. Once he has all the facts, he believes there is minimal risk of me being prosecuted, but he can’t guarantee that there won’t be some form of punishment.
We stay at the penthouse that night, talking it through, and we both agree it’s worth the risk. The next day, I call Rod and the guys over, and I tell them everything with Mike in the room, because he deserves to know the truth too.
The guys are visibly shocked, but I’m surprised at the reason for it. They’re all upset that I’ve carried this burden on my own for so long. And they’re a bit pissed that I didn’t share it with them sooner. Rod, of course, knew most of this, but he wasn’t aware of the blackmail, and he’s livid with me for not involving him from the outset.
Zeta leaves us to help Maggie with dinner, and we talk it through, particularly the potential ramifications for the band if I go ahead with my plan. The guys are unanimously behind me, and I’m a bit of an emotional mess, if truth be told. These guys are like the brothers I never had, and their unflinching loyalty means the world to me.
It’s after midnight when we call it a night, and I’m pretty drained from reliving the most traumatic parts of my life, but I also feel freer, like a giant weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
That night, after a marathon sex session that left both of us sweating and exhausted, I sleep more soundly than I have in years, and I can’t help wondering how different things might’ve been if I’d spoken up sooner.
I wake ahead of Zeta for a change, and I sit in the chair by my bed, smiling at my sleeping beauty, so grateful she came back into my life. Without a shadow of a doubt, I know she’s the only one I want by my side for eternity.
I should wait.
Plan this properly.
Make it romantic and something she can talk about to our kids.
But I’m done holding back on my life. Now that I’ve decided I’m revealing the truth to the world, and Rod’s setting the wheels in motion today, I want her with me at the press conference, standing by my side as my wife.
I flip open the little black box I’ve had in my safe for years, grinning as I gaze at the custom fit engagement ring I had created especially for her. I’d done it on a whim, never truly believing I’d be in any position to give it to her. This moment is a moment I’ve wanted for years, and I’m silently begging my sleeping girlfriend to wake the fuck up, because I can’t wait a minute longer to propose. I can’t wait to call her my fiancée.
CHAPTER 38
Zeta
“Hey, baby.” I lift my head, surveying Ryder through blurry eyes. Peeling back the covers, I pat the empty space beside me. “Come back to bed, and let me demonstrate how much I love you.”
Morning sex is a relatively new concept for both of us, and I know he’s come to love our morning quickies as much as I have. I’ve never had any of this before—a proper relationship, living with someone twenty-four seven, amazing sex on tap. But I’m loving it, and it’s as natural as breathing for us. With the exception of the Ren stuff hanging over our heads, I’ve never been this happy before.
“As tempting as that is, I thought we might do something else today,” he says, getting up and rounding my side of the bed. His eyes shine with emotion as he leans down to kiss me.
I pull back as his tongue seeks permission. “I don’t want to inflict my morning breath on you. Let me brush my teeth real quick.” I fling the covers off, and his eyes follow a path up my bare legs and over my very naked body.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful, and I don’t give a shit about morning breath. I love kissing you anytime.” Ignoring my wishes, he leans down and kisses me again, lapping at the seam of my lips until I open for him. He sits down on the floor, pulling me into his lap, and we kiss deeply and passionately while his hands roam up and down my back. “I could kiss you forever, but then I’ll want to do more, and my plans for today will be forgotten,” he says, when he finally breaks the kiss.
I circle my arms around his neck, curling my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck. He’s letting it grow out again, and I can’t wait until it’s longer so I can fist my hands in his hair when he’s fucking me. “What plans?” I ask while he practically purrs at my touch.
My fingers stall as he looks at me with emotion brimming in his eyes. Butterflies scatter in my chest as I wait for him to speak. “Let’s fly to Vegas and get married.”
I blink profusely, sure I must have heard him wrong. “What?” I splutter.
Holding onto my hips, he slides me off his lap, positioning me on the edge of the bed as he drops to one knee. My hand is shaking as I raise it to my mouth. He flips open a little black box, and tears pump out of my eyes as I stare at the exquisite ruby and diamond ring. “From the instant I laid eyes on you, that first day back in juvie, I just knew you were the one. I know it sounds craz
y, but it was like being struck by lightning, and I was never surer of anything than we were meant to belong together. We share an intense connection, and it’s only grown stronger over the years. Nothing in my life has ever felt right unless you’re in it. I love you so fucking much.”
His voice cracks a little, and the smile he gives me is tinged with nerves. “You’re the only woman for me, and I know I will love you every day for the rest of my life. We lost years, and I don’t want to waste any more time. I want to wake up beside you every morning and go to sleep with you at night. I want to navigate all the highs and lows with you by my side. I want to watch my babies growing in your belly, and I want a family, something I never thought I could aspire to, but with you, everything is possible, and I want the world for us.”
He takes the ring out of the box, holding it out to me. “I want you to be my wife. I want you to call me your husband. And I don’t want to wait another minute longer. So, please, will you fly with me to Vegas today and marry me?
“Yes. Yes. A million times yes.” I’m sobbing. Huge, big, fat monster tears roll down my face, but I’ve never been happier.
He pulls me down onto his lap, cradling me in his arms, and I nuzzle my face in his neck, crying and laughing and just living. “Thank fuck. For a minute there, I was terrified you’d say no.”
“Haven’t you noticed I have an issue saying no to you about anything?” I laugh through my tears. “Because I only ever want to say yes. I only ever want to make you happy.”
“Give me your hand, baby.” I hold my left hand out, grinning the biggest grin as he slides the ring on my finger. “I hope you like it,” he says, as we both share an awestruck expression staring at the glittering ring on my hand. It’s perfect. It’s not too big, not too small, and the teardrop-shaped ruby surrounded by a line of fine diamonds is different from the traditional engagement rings but most definitely to my taste.
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