by Ember Hollis
“Why can’t you team up with Vivette and carry out your usual hazing?” Plus, if Briley hates Alya so much, I’m not sure I want to do anything about it. It’s nice to see the harpy up in arms over someone other than myself.
“Vivette is…” Briley’s eyes suddenly tear up, in a way that makes me utterly horrified to watch. “… out of commission at the moment. She got attacked by an Abyss Worm. She only survived because she can fly. Unfortunately, she still wasn’t fast enough.”
I make a face, feeling sorry for the pink-haired harpy despite myself.I’d almost suffered the same fate myself, and I can still remember how raw the flayed skin of the Werecat had looked.
“Well, I’m sorry to hear that,” I reply. “But I know how it feels to get bullied by you, so no thanks.”
“What?” Briley shakes her head, her mouth twisting into a disgusted pout. “You’re refusing me?”
“Yup,” I say, then swiftly step away from her before she can grab me again. “I don’t want to get involved in whatever’s between you and Alya. And I’m definitely not going to stoop to your mean girl tactics. You’re on your own, Briley.”
The hall is silent aside from my hurried footsteps, until Briley collects herself.
“You’ll regret that!” she hisses as I leave. “You just wait and see. Alya will make them dance to her tune and no one, not even your precious Bane will care about you!”
Chapter 11: Heaven
Classes begin bright and early the next day. Though the teachers come to class to supervise us, we mostly have free periods instead of lessons, and are allowed to do what we like. Most of the students just sit alone or in subdued groups. Everyone behaves as if today is the day of Sanctuary instead of yesterday, which I suppose with Pandora’s new schedule, it sort of is. Everyone, that is, except for Madam Hinako. Unlike the rest of the staff, she seems determined to make sure we don’t spend our time in idleness, even though she’s probably still grieving for her sister.
“I hope that all of you can feel the increase in energy within you after Bacchadelia,” she tells us. “Just in case some of you are less attuned, I want to teach you how to manifest your energy so that it is visible not just to you but to everyone else. Once you’ve done that, I’ll come around and assess whether you ca—”
“Uh, Professor Hinako?” a boy with messy hair says, raising his hand in the air. He’d been in the middle of a card game with some friends when she arrived in our class and looks annoyed at having to stop. “Is this really necessary? It’s just that… we learned how to do that in middle school.”
“It’s Madam Hinako,” she replies in a tone that’s very sweet but at the same time, makes the hair on the back of my neck stand. It’s a different voice, and yet the exact same tone my mom used to use when we were in front of one of her men and she wanted to quell me into obedience without him knowing. “My sister was the Professor, not me. But though I didn’t attend a magic-casting university, I do have lots of practice in the field. And as I was saying, this exercise may seem very basic, but believe me, it is an essential exercise that will help those of you who’ve been chosen to help with the Sacrifice tomorrow, which I believe includes all of you currently in this class. Will you pay attention, or do you want to risk making a mistake that will jeopardize the lives of your classmates who are still waiting to be healed, as well as the safety of your school?”
The question is obviously rhetorical, and the student drops his hand down with an embarrassed apology as whispers rise above the class and people start stirring.
“Now then, I want all of you to spread your arms out and get out of each other’s personal space.”
We push our desks to the corners of the room, then stand in the middle and extend our arms. When the crowd parts, I glimpse Knox two rows ahead of me, and Malek further down my own row. Christian is on the opposite side of the classroom, but Bane isn’t here, since he’s in the Advanced Spellwork class, and neither is Amelie and Meg.
“Now, I want you to hold your hands out in front of you like so,” Madam Hinako cups her hands in front of her chest to show us, “Then, push your energy out from your palms so that its held in a ball in front of you. Keep it there and study it, or move it around yourself. Feel your power and try to understand what fuels it. Next, I want you to absorb the energy back into yourself. Allow it to course through your body, from head to toe. Then repeat it all over again. The idea is to be in tune with your own powers. To understand what gives you strength and fuels you. To be aware.”
“Now, while I want you to manipulate your energy—and don’t forget to repeat this charm to make it visible to everyone,” she points at an incantation she’s written on a board in front of the class, “I don’t want to see any magic being performed. Under no circumstances are you allowed to let your energy get in contact with anyone but yourself. Remember, we are all conserving ourselves for the Sacrifice. So just practice pushing and pulling your power out of your own body so you get used to how it feels like.”
“By Zeus, it feels like kindergarten all over again,” someone mutters in front of me.
“Shhh!”
I look sideways and see that Alya is standing beside me on my left. She smiles when she catches me looking, and I grin weakly back, noting that she’s already got a steady, pulsing orb of gold light manifested between her palms. She starts playing with it, knocking it about with her elbows and knees, then absorbing and bringing it out of the top of her head to head butt it gently, like it’s a soccer ball.
She’s so skilled, it makes everyone else look like amateurs. I glance to the Horsemen. Knox has slumped down to sit cross-legged on the floor with his back to the wall, dozing with a ball of energy surfacing and receding from his chest with every breath. Christian is winking at some girls, as he runs three balls of energy down an arm, then up another like a magician. On my other side, Malek looks bored, but he still brings his ball into being, gazes into it like we’re supposed to, then dismisses it, only to begin again.
I sigh and focus on my own power. This isn’t all that dissimilar to what I’d tried to do yesterday. I hold my fingers out in front of me and will my energy into an orb between them. At first, nothing happens. Then, a pinkish mist starts to coalesce between my fingers. I stare into it, trying to figure out what makes me tick. How I can control it and make myself stronger.
But the more I focus, the more distracted I get. Maybe it’s because the last time I brought my power out, I’d tried to use it on Bane. Either way, my thoughts are consumed with memories of him. I stare at the orb hard, trying to get back on track. But all I can think off is how it had felt when he’d finally kissed me. How his long, slender fingers had touched my back, caressing the juncture between my wings… and between my legs… and how good it had felt when he’d pressed into me—
I stifle a moan. I’m so aroused all of a sudden, that I’m afraid I’ll lose control of the ball of energy that’s swelling between my palms. I squeeze it tightly, then look down, trying to mask what I feel as intense absorption in the exercise. I stare into the ball so hard, I start to see tiny flecks of black floating within it, wriggling like little worms.
Shocked, I gasp loudly, then drop my orb. Pain throbs at the base of my spine, making me gasp again, and I press a hand to my lower back, panting.
“Are you all right?”
I look up and see Alya gazing at me in concern.
“Yeah,” I nod. “I just have a bit of back ache.”
“That sucks,” she continues. “You’re the new angel blood aren’t you? I know what you mean. I had backaches too when I was first learning how to fly. You need to train your muscles every day.” she smirks. “Maybe you and I should go for a flight together and get to know each other.
She seems friendly, but an irrational fear spikes through me. I can’t bring my wings out. What if there’s black in them? I know I’d just been dreaming the other day… but all the same… I don’t want anyone else looking at my wings until I can make sure.
“Is there a problem?”
I look up to see Madam Hinako standing right in front of us. She’s looking at me over the tops of her glasses, her eyes too knowing for comfort.
“No,” I shake my head. “There isn’t.”
“Because I thought I told you not to lose control of your magic.” She looks pointedly to the side, and I see that my ball of energy is trailing away across the floor, growing smaller as it rolls away from me. “If you’re this careless, I’ll have to recommend that you don’t take part in the Sacrifice.”
“Shit, I’ll get it back!”
I weave through students until I catch sight of the ball. It’s knocked against booted feet that move to halt it. Just as I reach it, a hand scoops it off the floor and someone holds the ball of energy out to me.
When I look up, I see that it’s none other than Malek who’s got my ball. “Thanks.”
I hold a hand out to take the energy from him. As our hands meet, I’m suddenly caught up by how large his hand is in contrast to mine, and how sexy his toned forearms look below his rolled up sleeves.
When I finally drag my eyes away from them to catch his eyes and thank him, the words dry up in my throat, and a sizzling sensation seems to pass between us. It brightens the golden blaze of his eyes and makes the muscles at the bottom of my stomach tighten.
“What a pathetic excuse for an angel,” Malek growls. For a moment, his words don’t register. They’re in such contrast to how he’s looking at me. Then he shoves the ball of energy into my chest like a cannonball, and I break out of my stupor.
The energy stings as it seeps back into my body, and I yelp in pain. It feels like someone’s just doused me in steam, and it burns as it spreads throughout my body, leaving a throbbing ache in its wake.
I glare at Malek, angry and somehow hurt. I totally hadn’t expected this sort of reaction. “It was just an accident!”
Madam Hinako makes me return to her classroom to practice immediately after school. No one else messed up the lesson the way I did, and so I have her undivided attention all to myself, which, I’m learning the hard way, is an extremely unfortunate thing.
“The problem with you is that you don’t have the hang of sensing and controlling your own energy,” she frowns at me before I even begin. “If you did, you wouldn’t have needed to run after it and cause such a scene. You could have just called your ball back to you, even if it were flying through the air!”
“Yes, Madam Hinako,” I nod enthusiastically, trying to appear like an obedient, diligent student. Madam Hinako narrows her eyes at me, unconvinced at my display.
“I want you to keep at this exercise until you can detect where your energy is and what its doing even with your eyes closed, understood?”
I nod again.
“Well, what are you waiting for?” she slaps the table, making me jump. “An invitation? You have to be able to do this even when you’re distracted. No matter what the situation is, you need to…”
I sigh and bring my hands up, summoning my energy even though she keeps talking and criticizing me throughout the exercise. It’s almost as if she wants to provoke me into making another mistake. Plus, she has a way of nagging that makes me want to just give up and yell at her.
But I know that if I do that, she’ll make sure I’m off the list of students who are to help with the Sacrifice. So I just nod whenever she gives me any useful advice, keep my mouth sealed, and try even harder.
I hope she’ll shut up when I get it right and leave me alone, but she doesn’t run out of things to say even after two hours, even though it all seems to be the same thing, just phrased in different ways: ‘Always be aware of where your energy is going’, ‘Never lose track of your power’, ‘Stay in control no matter what.’
Every time I think I’m making progress, Madam Hinako makes things harder. I keep at it until she forces me to juggle tiny balls of energy and keep them circling over my hands while she pelts me with crumpled up bits of paper. No matter how hard I try, she eventually hits every single one of the balls, knocking them out of my grasp until they dissipate into thin air.
“Ugh!” I exclaim in frustration after the fifth time this happens. I feel light-headed and dizzy, and lean back on the desk behind me. “Did I really need to keep all of them going?”
“Yes, and that’s just the beginning,” she tells me, shaking her head. “I’m sorry Miss Ramsey. But you still don’t seem to know what you’re doing. And after tonight, I’m not sure you have enough energy to safely contribute to the ritual.”
“I’ll be fine after some sleep,” I reassure her, getting to my feet. The room swims about me, but I force myself to keep standing. “You’ll see. You can rely on me.”
She sighs in frustration, her eyes sharp with irritation at me. “You certainly are a stubborn one. Why don’t you go to sleep and we will see how your energy levels are tomorrow?”
After she dismisses me, I head straight to the cafeteria, hungry as a bear after hibernation. Though dinner is long over, there’s some sandwiches left out for snacks and I eat a whole stack of them, then place my head onto my arms and doze until I feel less light-headed.
I don’t know how long I sleep, but when I wake, the sun has set and the cafeteria is deserted. I’m making my way back to the dorms, taking a shortcut through the kitchen gardens, when I remember the curfew. But just as I’m about to turn back to take a longer path through the castle, I catch sight of a familiar figure, patrolling in the distance.
Malek.
The Horseman of War is prowling the grounds like an angry tiger, his red hair like smoldering embers in the darkening twilight. I know I should just sneak away. But the things he’d said earlier… well, they’d struck just a little too close to home. Plus, I feel better after getting some food in my stomach, and the sight of him annoys me anew.
I know I’m not really as strong as I should be. Even with my wings, even though I’d struck a fatal blow to a weakened and unstable fallen angel, I’d barely navigated the perils of the Wild Hunt unscathed. When the attack had occurred, I’d only survived for a short while against the hellspawn, before I’d had to be rescued again and again. And as if that wasn’t enough, I’d succumbed to the deceptive whisperings of the Damned, jeopardizing everyone with my foolishness and ignorance. The only reason I wasn’t dead or in a cocoon right now was because of sheer dumb luck.
I’m the same person I was before, yet it feels like the brave, confident, wily girl who’d thrown caution to the winds and thumbed her nose at authority has all but disappeared. And hearing Malek say what he did to my face somehow irks me just as much as all the insults Bane had sent my way, and all the ways Christian found to torture me.
Because its true.
I constantly feel cornered, helpless, and useless. Out of my depth, and ignorant.
But then again, doesn’t everyone have to start somewhere? I’m doing the best I can to catch up. And Malek himself probably had to start from scratch at some point too. He’s just forgotten what it feels like.
Which means… that if I could just remind him of how it feels to be weak and powerless… maybe he’ll understand my situation, maybe he’ll—
Maybe he’ll get a taste of his own medicine and leave me the hell alone.
Intimacy had worked with Knox, and talking had worked with Bane. Even Christian had backed off, more or less, after I’d given away what he wanted from me. Maybe, the strategy I need to use to defeat Malek, is not to keep my head down and out of his way, but to face him head on, and show him I’m not someone to be bullied. That I’m strong enough in my own right to make a stand against him, against angels, against anyone who might try to control me.
“This will either work, or it will piss him off so much, he’ll kill me,” I whisper to myself as I throw caution to the winds, unfold my wings and launch myself up into a nearby tree.“You’re an accident,” he growls. “An accident of birth, that is.” he says, his voice raw. “I thought your kind would be dange
rous, but you’re just useless, a burden to everyone else. You can’t even take care of yourself, and nobody wants you here. You should just leave.”
I stare at him, shocked. I want to fling an insult back and make him realize how dull and stupid it is to keep saying the same old thing again and again, and how insecure he must be to be so troubled by someone as ‘useless’ as me. But before I can, Malek turns on his heels and strides out of the class.
“You’re wrong!” I yell after him, finally finding my voice. I know he hears me from how his head turns slightly. “You’re wrong, Malek! And I’ll prove it to you, just wait and see!”
“Miss Ramsey!”
I turn to meet Madam Hinako’s angry gaze.
“I told you not to let anyone come in contact with your energy. Since you can’t follow basic instructions, I’ll have to strike you off the list for the Sacrifice.”
No!
I turn to her and put on my most contrite expression. “No, please Madam Hinako,” I tell her. “It really was an accident. I truly want to help.”
I need to. For Sybil and Noah’s sake.
They’d both gotten hurt on my behalf. I had to do everything I could to help them too. “Look, I’ll practice all night if I have to. Just let me try again.”
She shakes her head at me, not convinced.
Then, Alya pipes up.
“Madam Hinako, it was actually my fault. I startled her and made her drop her energy. If you want to remove her from the Sacrifice, you should remove me too, since I disobeyed you first by intruding into her personal space. But I hope you don’t. Pandora needs all the help she can get. That’s why we’re here after all, isn’t it? To help?”
Everyone turns to look at Madam Hinako who doesn’t stop glaring at me. I have no idea what’s made the woman take such a dislike to me on sight, but I keep my expression earnest, willing her to see how much I need this.
After a long moment, Madam Hinako sighs. “Alya, you and I both know that it’s Heaven’s own fault for not having control over her energy. But I do see your point.”