Life's What You Make It: Love's Great Adventure Book 1

by Troutman, Theresa

  He scrambled to get off her and scurried to the far corner of the sofa. “I’m not going to hurt you,” he faltered. “I love you, Tess.”

  “I know,” she said quickly, deep with emotion. She moved to the opposite end of the sofa, as far from him as she could manage. “I’m just not ready to have sex with you.”

  “You’re killing me—you realize this, don’t you?” he groaned in frustration.

  “It’s not my intention,” she assured him. “Look, I know you are very experienced in this situation, but I’m not.”

  “You took off my tie. We were lying on the sofa. What was I supposed to think? I tell you I love you and you won’t say it back.” Closing his eyes, Sebastian pushed his hand through his hair. “I’m so tired of always apologizing to you.”

  After a long awkward pause, Tess spoke. “You’re right. I led you on. It was wrong of me to even let myself get into a situation like this.”

  “Stop,” he whispered, unwilling to hear the disappointment in her voice.

  “No, we have to talk this out.”

  “That’s all we do—talk!”

  “Sebastian, you turned my world upside down. My stomach does somersaults when I know I’m going to see you. When you kiss me, my brain goes fuzzy. This wasn’t a part of my plan,” Tess tried to explain.

  “Love isn’t always convenient.”

  “I feel something for you, that’s for sure. I just don’t know if it’s love yet.”

  “You need more time, then?”

  “Yes.”

  “How much longer?” At least she’d admitted having romantic feelings for him, but her lack of commitment was discouraging.

  She shot him a dirty look. “Don’t push your luck.”

  “I’m not giving up, Tess,” he simply informed her. “I will have you.”

  Tess gave him an intense look. “God, you can be an arrogant ass sometimes, you know that?”

  Sebastian stood from the couch and offered his hand. “Come on, I’ll drive you home.” He didn’t want to argue with her anymore and thought it best to remove the source of his temptation from the bedroom before he did something he would regret.

  The house was quiet when Sebastian arrived back home after dropping Tess off. The plethora of party guests had either left for the evening or were sound asleep in their guest rooms. Unfortunately, Lady Irons was still awake and Sebastian had the misfortune to bump into her.

  “Sebastian, I’d like to speak with you.”

  “I’m tired. I’m going to bed,” he said as he began to walk up the staircase.

  “Did you and Tess have a nice evening?”

  Sebastian stopped midway up the stairs and turned to face his mother. “Delightful.”

  “You said there is nothing going on between you two, yet I saw you kiss her and then you ran off together. I was looking for you. Where did you go?”

  “I drove Tess home.”

  “I wonder if you’re getting too close to Miss Hamilton. I think I should contact the school and let them know we no longer require her services.”

  “Fine,” he coolly replied. “I don’t need good marks since I have no intention of going to Oxford. Send her packing if you wish. I only kissed her because I knew you were watching and I wanted to make you angry.” He turned around and continued up the stairs. “Have a lovely flight home. I won’t be up to see you off.”

  Christmas vacation was over and the students of St. Alexander’s returned to school facing midterm exams. Jordan, Courtney, Tess, and Sebastian sat at the lunch table discussing their holiday.

  “I got some totally killer deals at the after Christmas sales,” Courtney gushed, showing off her new shoes.

  “What did you get for Christmas, Tess?” Jordan asked.

  “My mom bought me an electric typewriter.”

  “Is that all, Tess?” A sly smile crossed Sebastian’s lips.

  Tess didn’t respond. Jordan rolled her eyes, saying, “Will you two get a room already?”

  Tess grabbed her tote bag and stomped out of the cafeteria without even looking back. Sebastian sighed. “Nice, Jordan.”

  “I’m only joking. She shouldn’t be mad if it’s not true,” Jordan replied, defending her comment.

  Sebastian shook his head in disgust and went after Tess. He spied her walking into the girls’ lavatory. The hall was clear, so he ducked in behind her, not thinking who else might be in there. He found Tess clutching onto the edge of the sink, eyes closed, taking deep breaths. She sensed someone nearby and quickly turned. He was standing next to her when she opened her eyes.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Oh come on, this isn’t the first time I’ve been in the ladies’ toilet with you,” Sebastian reminded her. He pointed to the empty stalls, her eyes following his finger, and said, “We’re alone.” She looked back at him and he continued. “Jordan was only joking. If you had stayed, she would have apologized. Honestly, why can’t you just tell them we’re together? Am I that awful that you don’t want to be associated with me?” he asked in exasperation.

  “No, of course not.”

  “Then say it. Tell me you love me,” he pleaded.

  “I’m not there yet, Sebastian.”

  “Then admit you consider me your boyfriend,” he challenged her.

  She hesitated for a long moment then finally agreed. “I consider you my boyfriend,” she said, looking him straight in the eye. “I’m just not ready to tell anyone yet—especially Jordan and Courtney, okay? I’m not even used to the idea myself. I wasn’t looking for this. You were supposed to be my student, nothing more.”

  “I’m way more than that, Tess.” He looked deep into her eyes, imploring her. “I want to tell them. I don’t even understand how you became friends with those two. Jordan is boy-crazy and Courtney’s just daft. ”

  The sound of a bell ringing jarred them. Tess looked relived to end this conversation before it became any more difficult. Classes were changing and Sebastian needed to duck out of the girls’ bathroom without a teacher catching him. Wordlessly, they headed to the door. Tess stepped into the hallway and blocked Sebastian from view as he crept out.

  After the final bell, they met in the library. There was a low buzz in the quiet confines of the room as students found places to sit, pulled books off shelves, and whispered to fellow students. Tess had worked out a study schedule for their midterm exams, which would begin in just a week. She handed him the paper with its well-organized time grids and reference notes. “Ready to get started?” she asked Sebastian.

  He put the sheet down without looking at it. “No,” he replied. “I want to finish our conversation from earlier today.”

  Tess laid her head on the table and muttered, “What else is there to say? I admitted to you what you wanted to hear.”

  “Then why can’t we tell everybody? Are you ashamed of me?”

  Her head popped up from the table. “No! Why would you say that?” A few students turned in their direction as Tess raised her voice a bit too loudly. She closed her book and stood from the table. “Please, let’s get out of here,” she begged, self-conscious of the scene she was making. She didn’t wait for his reply, but gathered her books and quickstepped to the exit.

  He stood and followed her into the empty hall. “I love you. I’d shout it out to anyone who would listen,” he hissed in a low tone. Sebastian walked briskly to keep up with her, the sound of their footfalls echoing off the metal lockers.

  She flung open the glass exit door and walked outside into the parking lot. “Sebastian, when we’re here, this is business. I was asked to be your tutor and I take that responsibility very seriously.”

  “As do I.”

  She stopped walking and faced him. “Good, then I hope you’ll understand why I need to keep ‘Sebastian the student’ separate from ‘Sebastian the boyfriend,’” she said under her breath, afraid of drawing any more attention to herself.

  “Why do you have to compartmentalize everything? Why can’t
I be both at the same time?” He was eager to know. This always confused him about her.

  Tess resumed walking, not answering his question. She stopped again when she reached her car, putting her key in the door keyhole to unlock it. “If you want this relationship, this is how it has to be.” She sat in the car and put the key in the ignition in an attempt to end the conversation for good.

  “Fine,” he surrendered. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Sebastian turned on his heel and walked to his car. He couldn’t understand her reasoning and was angry that he had no choice in the matter if he wanted to keep her in his life. How long would he be asked to keep their relationship a secret? Maybe if he kept this relationship all business he could wear her down. If he played hard to get, she might just change her mind about going public. Anything was worth a try. Sebastian’s mind was reeling. He drove home without even remembering the journey.

  For the next two weeks, he studied diligently with Tess in the library and did not accept invitations to her house to study, nor did they go to Edgewood. Sebastian was all business: he didn’t hold her hand, attempt to kiss her, or see her socially on the weekend. It must have been working because Tess was becoming noticeably antsy as their exams wound down.

  Sebastian spent Saturday morning eating breakfast in the kitchen with Henry, Alice, and Nanny. Alice had whipped up a feast of buttermilk pancakes served with maple syrup, scrambled eggs, and crispy bacon. He enjoyed these casual meals in the kitchen. It was nice to have everyone together. It made him feel like he was a part of a normal family.

  “How were your exams?” Nanny asked, taking a sip of her tea.

  “I believe I did well.”

  “I haven’t seen Tess in a while. Is everything all right with you two?”

  “She’s been stressing over exams. I reckon if I just let her be, she’ll come around when she’s ready.”

  Henry smiled. “In other words, you’re playing hard to get?”

  “Exactly.” Sebastian took a bite of his pancake. “Can either of you ladies explain why she insists on keeping our school relationship separate from our romantic relationship?”

  “Did you ask Tess?” Nanny inquired.

  “Yes.” He reached for the basket of homemade biscuits. “She didn’t have an acceptable answer.”

  Henry chuckled. “Women are mysterious creatures, Sebastian. Sometimes you just have to hold on and go along for the ride.” He looked at Alice out of the corner of his eye then took a deep swallow of coffee, trying to hide his grin.

  Alice nudged Henry in the ribs. “Henry, don’t depress the poor boy!” She turned to Sebastian and said, “She’ll come around when she’s ready, and when she does you won’t have a moment’s peace.”

  “I can’t wait,” Sebastian admitted.

  A week later, report cards were issued. “Did you see the board?” he asked as Tess neared.

  “You got honors again, congrats!”

  “Thanks,” he replied, keeping his distance from her.

  “What are you doing tonight?”

  “I don’t know yet,” he said, acting cool and aloof. They hadn’t seen each other outside of school since New Year’s. Sebastian was playing by her rules now and he guessed she was about to break.

  “Do you want to go out tonight?” Tess leaned in closer, and in a soft, barely audible voice said, “I miss you.”

  He felt a pang of triumph swell in his chest. Staying away from her might just have made her heart grow fonder. He knew he certainly longed to have her in his arms again and kiss those soft lovely lips. “It’s supposed to snow tonight. Maybe we should wait,” he suggested. Her face showed her disappointment. Damn, she was irresistible. “What did you have in mind?”

  “You could come over to my house. We can get a pizza and rent a movie.”

  “I’ll be there at seven,” he said, not caring what they did—only that they were together.

  Sebastian pulled up in front of the Hamiltons’ house promptly at seven o’clock. The snow had already begun to fall in soft swirls. It was creating an effervescent white coating on the bushes and trees but it wasn’t yet sticking to the streets or sidewalks. He rushed to the front door holding the steaming pizza box and a few VHS tapes—The Breakfast Club and St. Elmo’s Fire, which he’d picked up at the video store. Tess opened the front door. Sebastian handed the pizza to her and shook his head, allowing the wet snowflakes to fly off his hair.

  He followed her into the kitchen and took off his jacket, hanging it on the back of a chair. Tess took plates from the cabinet and placed them next to the pizza box on the kitchen table. Sebastian got two Diet Cokes from the refrigerator and snatched the glasses she had filled with ice. She balanced the plates on the pizza box and they went into the living room. Tess put a video in the VCR and they sat back on the sofa.

  An hour into the The Breakfast Club, the phone rang. Tess stood to answer the call. Sebastian pushed the pause button, leaving the image of Molly Ringwald frozen on the screen. A few minutes later, Tess was back on the sofa, sitting next to Sebastian. “That was my mom. Since the weather is supposed to get pretty bad, the hospital asked her to pull a double shift. She’s not coming home tonight. She also said you should stay. She doesn’t want you driving in the snow.”

  “Are you okay with that?” he asked, a little shocked.

  “You’re sleeping on the sofa,” she smirked, resuming the movie.

  They finished watching in silence, sitting close to one another but not touching. The video automatically rewound when it reached the end. The TV defaulted to the cable channel and MTV appeared on the screen. “Ready for the next movie?”

  “No, not just yet,” Tess replied as she moved closer to Sebastian. “Tell me, why haven’t you tried to kiss me tonight?”

  “I thought you invited me over to watch a movie.”

  “You haven’t kissed me in weeks. Is there someone else?” she asked, peeking up at him through her thick eyelashes.

  “You have me on such a tight study schedule, there isn’t time for anyone else,” Sebastian gently reminded her. He figured she was about to break and desperately wanted Tess to make the first move.

  She slowly leaned into him until her lips finally touched his. Tess was kissing Sebastian and he was so overjoyed he took her in his arms and pulled her closer. Eventually, Sebastian found the strength to pull away, although it was the last thing he wanted to do.

  “Don’t give me that look,” she pleaded.

  “What look?”

  “The desperate ‘let me sleep with you’ look.”

  He ran his hand through his hair. Sebastian didn’t want to have this conversation again. “I should go home now.”

  “You can’t. Look at it out there!” she said, pointing toward the winter weather blowing outside the window. “The snow is already sticking to the roads and visibility is practically zero.”

  “Fine.” He sat there for a long moment thinking, his foot nervously tapping on the floor. “Tell me something. Did you really mean it when you said you missed me?”

  “Of course. What kind of question is that?”

  “I just don’t understand. If you miss me, then why can’t I kiss you?”

  “Because you want more. You’re not satisfied with just kissing,” she tried to explain.

  “I’m a guy. I haven’t had sex in months. There’s only so much masturbation one can do,” he blurted out.

  “Oh, God.” Tess put her hands over her ears, not wanting to hear any more details.

  Sebastian let out a groan of frustration. “Tess, I’m just being honest. I love you. I’m incredibly attracted to you.” He stood and paced the floor with nervous energy. “I’ve played by your rules and I haven’t pressured you to have sex. I’m keeping ‘student Sebastian’ separate from ‘boyfriend Sebastian’—and you just made me refer to myself in the third person!”

  He was in such a state, it made her laugh. At first it was just a small chuckle and then it turned into full-blown laug
hter.

  “You think this is amusing?”

  “Yes,” she said almost in tears. Tess was laughing so hard that she could barely breathe. “You’re so cute when you’re all riled up and speaking in an English accent.”

  “I’m happy you’re finding humor in my misery,” he muttered, sitting back on the sofa with a thud.

  “I’m sorry,” she apologized, finally ceasing her laughter.

  “I think I’ll go to sleep now.”

  “Yeah, okay,” she agreed.

  Sebastian watched as she made her way up the stairs to her bedroom. A few minutes later, the light from her bedroom was extinguished and he heard her bed creak as she climbed into it. He wasn’t sleepy. He just wanted to be alone. She’d laughed at him. Maybe he was a little hysterical with his outburst, but did she really have to laugh? Having a bruised ego was a new experience for him.

  Sebastian made a quick call to Henry to let him know that he would be staying at the Hamiltons’ overnight. Then he turned his attention back to the glow of the television. Turning the volume of MTV a little softer so it wouldn’t bother Tess, he stretched out on the sofa. Kevin Rowland from Dexy’s Midnight Runners was walking down the street, dressed in denim overalls, one strap hanging loose over his left shoulder. He was wearing a red bandana around his neck and his black hair was big and curly. He was singing a desperate plea for his girlfriend to take off her dress and have sex with him. Sebastian wondered if she ever said yes. Did she ever give in? The video seemed to parallel his own life, only he wore designer suits instead of denim. The video ended and VJ Mark Goodman appeared on the screen. Sebastian hit the mute button. The snow seemed to blanket the earth with silence. He gazed out the window at the falling snow which glowed in the light of the street lamps. It was beautiful but he was not in the state of mind to enjoy it.

  Tess crept down the darkened stairs keeping time with Neil Finn as he walked down the steps in the Split Enz video for One Step Ahead. The flickering light of the TV was the only thing that illuminated the room. Tess joined Sebastian on the couch. She was wearing pink plaid flannel pajamas and had fuzzy slippers on her feet. He had stripped down to his boxers and T-shirt under the warm cotton comforter he’d placed over his lap.