REMEMBER JAMIE BAKER

by Kelly Oram

  Ryan flashed me a cocky smile. “I had the guys put my bag in here.”

  “You did not.”

  I glanced at Johnny G and Smut. Their grins said it all. When I glared at Ryan, he smiled shamelessly and slid his arm back around my waist. “I tried to bet all the guys twenty bucks that you’d let me stay tonight.”

  Smut smirked at me. “None of us were stupid enough to take that bet.”

  My mouth fell open and they all cracked up at the look on my face. Even Major Wilks chuckled. “Morons,” I muttered.

  Deprived of my dignity, I left them to have their laugh and headed for the bathroom. As I shut myself in, looking forward to a long, hot soak in the really nice bathtub, I yelled out to Ryan. “The couch, Loverboy! And I am not joking! If you try to climb into my bed tonight, I will roast you!”

  Their laughter doubled in volume, so I slammed the door.

  . . . . .

  I stayed in the bath for a long time. I was tired, but my mind was racing and with all the anticipation of the coming day I couldn’t relax enough to sleep. The bed in the master suite was huge and looked really comfortable, but I just couldn’t bring myself to crawl into it. My mind was stuck on the guy in the living room.

  Sighing, I accepted my attraction to him and gave in to what I wanted. My heart thumped when I went out there. Ryan was lying on the couch under a thin blanket, fast asleep with the TV playing in the background. He seemed so peaceful.

  Not having the heart to wake him up, I clicked off the television and was going to go back to bed when his soft, sleepy voice called out to me. “Jamie?” He sat up and my pulse spiked. He wasn’t wearing a shirt again. “Is something wrong?” he asked.

  Blinking, I tried to remember why I’d come out here. It couldn’t have been just to lust over his amazing body. “No, sorry. Go back to sleep.”

  If he realized I was distracted by his appearance, he didn’t show it. He simply patted the couch next to him. If there had been any hint of arrogance in the gesture, I’d have gone back to bed, but his smile was one hundred percent understanding.

  I sat down next to him, surprising myself when I didn’t bother to leave any space between us. Ryan tucked me against him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. And really, it was the most natural thing in the world. Teddy always wanted to cuddle, and I’d occasionally done so to humor him, but it had never been this easy.

  The moment I leaned against Ryan, my entire body relaxed. Holding me firmly against him, Ryan laid us back, pulled my back against his chest, and draped his arm over my waist. It was so easy to let him hold me.

  Ryan picked up the remote, turned the volume of the TV to the lowest setting, and clicked through the channels until he found a cartoon. I smiled, though he couldn’t see it. “I love Kim Possible.”

  Ryan’s chest shook with a soft laugh. “Me too. She reminds me a lot of you.”

  I didn’t respond to that other than to smile to myself.

  Within minutes, Ryan’s grip on me loosened and his breathing evened out. The steady motion of his chest rising and falling behind me as he slept was soothing, and eventually my eyelids drooped.

  Not quite brave enough to spend the night in his arms, I tried to slip out of his grip so I could retreat to the safety of my own bed. The moment I moved, Ryan’s arm clamped tightly around me, the motion almost panicked. “Don’t go yet, babe.” He nuzzled his face in the back of my neck as he whispered, “You feel so real this time.”

  My stomach lurched as understanding hit me. In his half-asleep state, he thought he was dreaming my presence. And with his guard fully down, I heard all of his longing, and his fear that I might leave him. I heard his true need for me for the first time. His vulnerability killed me.

  I couldn’t bear to disappoint him, so I leaned back again and relaxed. Ryan let out a huge sigh of relief and clung to me as if he couldn’t hold me tight enough. Once he relaxed, his mouth found my neck, making me shiver. He mirrored the action with his own shudder. “I love you so much, Jamie. More than you’ll ever know. Please don’t leave me again.”

  Gasping, I shot off the couch before I electrocuted him. He blinked himself out of a daze and looked up at me, startled. His face paled as he realized he hadn’t been dreaming. “Jamie, I’m so sorry. I—”

  “Do you have dreams like that—about me—often?”

  Ryan gulped. “Often enough.”

  There was a long, awkward pause where neither of us knew what to do or say next. Ryan was the first to move. He rubbed his eyes and let out a long breath before meeting my gaze again. “I’m sorry. I’ve been trying so hard not to pressure you. I know you don’t feel the same as me right now, and that’s okay. I mean it, I really understand. But when you’re close like that…” He blew out another breath and raked his hand through his short hair. “You’re right. I can’t separate myself from my feelings.”

  As much as I’d already known that, his confession startled me. Still, I was grateful for the honesty. After so long of living with Teddy and having him refuse to see what was really happening between us, knowing that Ryan could admit the truth was a relief.

  When Ryan grimaced up at me and apologized again, I sat back down. I left a little space between us, and this time Ryan didn’t try to close the gap. “Don’t apologize,” I said. My eyes brimmed over with sudden tears. “You’re all smiles, but I know this can’t be easy for you. I’m sorry I’m not what you expected.”

  Ryan’s lips fell slightly open. “Are you kidding?”

  He thumbed away the tears on my cheeks and let his fingers run the length of my hair. His beautiful face softened as he smiled into my eyes. “Jamie, I found you. You’re here, you’re safe, and you’re back in my life. How could I be sad about anything? These have been the happiest two days of my life.”

  This was such a complete opposite reaction from Teddy that I had no idea how to respond. “But—but—aren’t you disappointed that we’re not together? That things aren’t how they used to be? I mean, yeah, you found me, but you don’t exactly have me back—not the way you want me.”

  “Minor details.” Ryan gracefully brushed off my concerns with a wave of his hand. “Besides, this little setback is only temporary.”

  “Little setback?” I barked out a single laugh. “I promise this situation isn’t temporary. All those memories you have of us are gone forever for me.”

  Ryan smiled even wider. “So we’ll make new memories. Better ones. And I was referring to the not-having-you-the-way-I-want-you part when I said temporary. I’ll win your heart again, Sunshine. I have no doubt about that. So you just relax about my feelings, because I promise you I am not suffering. Not even a little. The only thing that hurts me about all of this is how much you’re struggling with it. I’m sorry I haven’t been doing a very good job of capping my feelings for you. But to be fair, I’ve never been able to do that.”

  Sighing, I sank back into the couch and glanced at the ceiling. “I’m not upset by your feelings, Ryan. I’m just…” I struggled to find a good word. But I needed to try to explain, because he deserved the truth, too. “It’s just all so overwhelming and intense. To be honest, I’m scared of your feelings for me.”

  “Especially because you respond to them,” Ryan said. When I gasped at the outrageous statement, Ryan grinned and added, “A lot.” I narrowed my eyes. He met my skepticism with egotism. “You know you do.”

  Ugh. I hated that he was right. I hated that he knew he was right. “Fine. Yes, all right? I’m attracted to you. I physically respond to your advances. But that just makes everything scarier.”

  Grinning that self-assured smile I’ve come to both adore and hate—mostly adore—Ryan leaned toward me, not eliminating the space between us completely, but almost, and said, “It’s a good kind of scary, though. Isn’t it?”

  It was an exhilarating kind of scary, but I knew better than to admit as much. Not with him sitting so close to me, looking at me the way he was. “Scary is scary,” I mutt
ered.

  He was so good at causing friction. I needed to break the tension before I found myself making out with him again. Because if that happened right now, with him half dressed and us alone in this hotel suite… I wasn’t ready for that, but I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop myself, either. “It’s a little less scary now, though,” I said.

  Ryan cocked his head to the side. “How’s that?” He gave me a heart-melting smile. “I need to know what I did right so I can repeat it a lot and break your will even faster.”

  I wasn’t in the mood to joke with him. In a rare moment of openness, I took his hand and gave him the sincerest thank-you I was capable of. “Ryan…I…” My voice clouded over with emotion. “Thank you for tonight. You were right before. I’m terrified of tomorrow, but with everything you’ve told me about my past, I feel like I can face it.”

  His grin vanished. “You can face it, Jamie. You’re tough. A lot tougher than you think you are. You’ll be fine.”

  I believed him. It was impossible not to. He’d said his stepdad was some kind of motivational speaker. He’d obviously picked up on a few tricks.

  He took advantage of my hand-holding and knitted our fingers together in an inescapable hold. “And you won’t be alone. I’ll be right by your side the entire time.”

  That comforted me more than it probably should have. He’d done so much for me today—given me something I’d desperately needed. I wanted to give him something in return. I looked down at our hands, linked together, and remembered the words he’d whispered to me. It was pretty obvious what Ryan needed. Bracing myself and praying I wouldn’t blush, I closed my eyes and said, “Ryan, would you like to stay with me tonight? In my room, I mean.”

  Ryan’s body stiffened, and his eyes flew to my face. My prayers about the not-blushing thing went unanswered. “Just to sleep,” I said quickly. “I’m not ready for anything else, but I could handle that much. If you need it…”

  Ryan looked long and deep into my eyes, and then his gaze fell to our hands. He swirled his thumb in small circles on the back of my hand as he thought over my offer. Finally, he wet his lips and said, “I’d better not.”

  I was shocked by the rejection. Not offended, just surprised.

  He brought his eyes up to mine and forced a smile. It looked pained, as if it were killing him to say this. “I have a great many awesome personality traits. But if I had a notebook like yours, the word restraint would not be in it. Not unless it was preceded by the word no.” He brought my hand to his lips and gave it a soft kiss. “Thank you for the offer, Sunshine. I’ll take you up on it eventually, but for now, I think you’d better go to bed alone.” He let go of my hand and the twinkle returned to his eyes. “And maybe lock the door to your room.”

  He was kidding. I think. I laughed anyway, because my heart suddenly felt a lot lighter. “Thank you for everything, Ryan. I’ll see you in the morning.” Unable to resist his charm, I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere just yet.”

  I stood up, and Ryan tugged me back down. After smashing his lips to mine in a desperate kiss that stole my breath and rattled my senses, he squeezed my hand again and gave me another smile. “Good night, Jamie.”

  Even though I woke up early—I’d set my alarm to give me plenty of time to make myself presentable before having to face the world—I felt completely rested, and thankfully, the last of my killer headache was gone. Sleep, lovely sleep, the miracle cure for concussions.

  Still, feeling good or not, I grumbled at the bright light shining in through my large east-facing window. Weren’t hotels supposed to have blackout curtains? Sunsets might have been my thing, but sunrises usually put me in the mood to fry something.

  I smiled, remembering the time not too long after the explosion that Teddy had taken my notebook from me and written “definitely not a morning person” in it. My smile left my face almost immediately. I was confused about him. I hated him. I was so angry with him, and yet I was still worried about him. I had to save him. With that thought in mind, I hurried and got dressed. Thanks to Ryan, I was feeling confident, powerful, and ready to face my problems. Evil super-villain butt-kicking was definitely on the agenda for the day.

  I was practically strutting, or perhaps storming, from my room, fueled by determination as I went to find Ryan. But all of my ambition came crashing to a sudden halt—mission completely forgotten—when I walked into the living room and found Ryan on the floor beside the couch doing push-ups in his underwear.

  (I’d like to take this moment to thank all the wonderful people at Jockey for producing and distributing to the world the wonder that is boxer briefs.)

  His head was facing away from me, so I had a great view of his toned legs, perfect behind, flawless back, and those glorious shoulders and arms. The sight was, in a word, delicious. He was so tempting that I had half a mind to accuse him of hearing me get up and rolling out of bed to pretend he was in the middle of an impressive workout. But his heart rate was accelerated and there was a dense sheen of sweat covering him, so I knew he’d really been at it for a while.

  Still, a moment like this couldn’t be left alone. “Let me guess,” I said, finally finding the ability to move my arms and legs again, “4,000,867…4,000,868…,”

  Startled by the sound of my voice, Ryan lost his concentration and fell flat on his stomach with a hilarious thud. He scrambled to his feet and reached to pull the blanket he’d slept with in front of him.

  His discomfort—for once—made me find my inner confidence. Hands on my hips, I let my eyes trail his body. The front view was just as impressive as the back. Even the scar on his arm begged to be touched. A wide grin stretched over my face. “Please don’t stop on my account.”

  I couldn’t believe it because he’d seemed so unfailingly confident, but the tips of his ears burned pink from embarrassment. It wouldn’t last long, though. His cocky smile was already starting to break through, as if he found the situation amusing. “I didn’t think you’d be up so early. You were pretty wiped out last night, and you’re hardly a morning person.”

  I was always surprised when he knew things about me, but it absolutely thrilled me every time. My grin doubled. Ryan smiled to match it. Wrapping the blanket around his waist as he would a towel after getting out of the shower, he sat on the couch and patted the spot next to him. It seemed an innocent enough invitation, but considering the amount of nakedness, I left a good foot of space between us when I joined him.

  “How’d you sleep?” Ryan asked.

  “Surprisingly well.”

  Ryan’s smile turned dangerous. “Were your dreams as pleasant as mine last night?”

  I dared to imagine the kind of dreams he’d had last night, and felt a stab of envy. If only I could be so lucky. “I can’t dream, remember? I haven’t ever since the explosion, anyway, and you’d think that after experiencing something like that, it would come out subconsciously in nightmares.”

  Ryan’s brows drew together in concern. “That’s not right. Did you ask your doctor about it?”

  “He couldn’t say for sure. Just assumed it was another side effect of my brain damage.”

  “Side effect?” He took my hand in his and bit his bottom lip. “Are there others? More? Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” I didn’t want to talk about my stupid brain damage or my amnesia. I was enjoying the light atmosphere too much to get into such depressing topics, so I tried to bring the mood back. I tugged at the blanket draped over his lap. “Why the cover? I assume this”—I waved a hand at his half-naked body—“is nothing I haven’t seen before.”

  Though obviously surprised, Ryan definitely appreciated the random subject change. He arched a brow and gave me a look that made my heart rate spike, his smile alpha-male confident again. “There’s a difference between stripping down to your underwear for someone and being caught with your pants down.”

  “I suppose that’s true.” I conceded the point with a nod of my head and let my
gaze enjoy the sight of him one more time. “It’s still a shame, though. I was rather enjoying the view.”

  Here I thought I was winning whatever game we were playing, but when I said that, Ryan’s face lit up as if I’d just stepped into some kind of trap. Locking his beautiful sky blue eyes on mine, he slowly stood up, leaving the blanket behind, and turned to face me with his arms spread wide. “If you want to look, Sunshine, you only have to say so. I’m here for your viewing pleasure at anytime.”

  My eyes stretched to an uncomfortable size as I willed them not to break from his stare. I tried not to look. I swear on all the stars in the Arizona sky, I tried not to let my gaze fall below his face. But it did.

  I looked, and looked, and, oh my holy lightning bolts, did I enjoy the sight. I stared way too long, and I may or may not have licked my lips. I’m going to say not, because that would be highly embarrassing if I did. But my mouth was completely dry.

  I didn’t look at his face again until he cleared his throat. There was laughter behind the gesture, and when my eyes snapped up he was grinning at me with a crooked smile that, if possible, I was already starting to fall for. “Want to make out for a while before Major Wilks gets here?” he asked.

  Yes. “No.” I popped my jaw shut—when had it fallen open?—and scrambled off the couch, moving a safe distance away from him.

  Ryan stalked toward me, closing the gap between us in seconds. “Are you sure about that?”

  “Yup.” Another audible swallow. Curse that blasted twinkle in his eyes! “Definitely sure.”

  He laughed and brushed my cheek with his fingertips. If I didn’t do something, I was going to lose this battle. Actually, I already was losing this battle, because I couldn’t remember why I was even fighting him. All I knew at this point was that some inner stubborn part of me was determined not to give in to him—probably because he was being so cocky.

  I scrambled for excuses that would save me from certain…who even knows what. “We have more important things to do right now.”