by Beth Maria
“I look sexy?”
“Oh yeah.” The blush intensifies, and butterflies take flight in my stomach. “This tight little dress shows off your tanned legs. I can just imagine them wrapped around my waist.” I gasp. Phoenix has never spoken to me this way before. We’ve always been strictly best friends; well, on his part anyway. I dressed like this to get him to notice me. “If anybody is going to have you tonight, it’s going to be me, understood?”
I look into his icy blues, which are clouded with lust, and quickly nod my head. He’s rendered me speechless.
He was the person to have me that night. It was the night that I had my first kiss with him, a kiss I will never forget because it’s the day Phoenix James finally noticed me as more than his best friend.
****
I shake myself out of the flashback and touch my lips, still feeling his lips that were once upon a time pressed against mine. I shake that thought too. Of course I can’t feel his lips still on mine. That was six years ago! I’m so stupid, pining over somebody who chose this life over me.
I finally take in the room before me – my office. I’m officially a business woman, even if it is in the business that I wanted no part in. What choice do I have though?
I sweep my hand along the dark varnished wood of my desk, admiring the beauty of something so simple. A laptop rests on top with a lamp next to it, illuminating the expensive piece of technology. I move the cursor, finding the screen being separated into four different screens, showing the club floor, the bar, the entrance, and near the toilets. What about the other floors? It doesn’t take me long to figure out how to change what floor to look on. I put it back to the main floor and spot Phoenix, and he’s not alone. I lean toward the screen, my face practically squashed against it to see who’s with him. I know straight away who it is. It’s the woman from earlier, and she’s dressed in next to nothing. At least I’m dressed classy, unlike her with her bright red dress that’s short enough to be a t-shirt and silver heels. I really don’t see what Phoenix sees in her. She’s not even pretty with her dull blonde hair and blue eyes. It must be her fake breasts then. Why do you care? He left you, remember? He chose this lifestyle over you. You need to move on, and tonight is the perfect place to do it.
That’s settled then. I know exactly what I’m going to do tonight. I’m going to forget about Phoenix James once and for all.
Chapter Three
Rick had to stop letting people into the club by eleven, as we were already full to capacity. My father was right; everybody and anybody have shown up - from the people needing to let loose from their lives or jobs to the rich and elite. This club tends to cater to both types of social status it seems.
I’ve been in my office since I arrived, but now that it’s pretty busy, I’m going to go and mingle, find out what people think of the club.
I make my way straight to the bar and order a gin and tonic, then sit at the bar sipping my drink while watching the partygoers. By the looks of it, some are already pretty drunk, grinding on each other and near enough fucking on the dance floor, while others are sitting at booths and looking like deer caught in headlights, like they were dragged here by a friend.
I do a quick sweep of the grounds, paying closer attention to where I last saw Phoenix through the CCTV before moving on to another part of the club, but I don’t see him anywhere. He’s most probably with his newest skank. My blood runs cold with jealousy.
“Can I buy you a drink?” a voice shouts in my ear to be heard over the music.
I turn on my stool, coming face to face with a guy that looks to be in his mid twenties. I’ve got to admit, he’s quite good looking in his clean kept way, sporting blonde buzzed hair and a clean shaven face. I can’t tell the color of his eyes because it’s dark in here, but judging by the light, I’m guessing they are either blue or green. They look welcoming too, and I find myself smiling at him before replying yes to his question.
David Guetta’s ‘Play Hard’ starts playing, the beat thumping loudly in my chest. I put my empty glass down onto the bar before being handed another. I tap my foot along to the beat, gently swaying on the stool.
“Can I ask your name?” he asks in my ear before leaning back and giving me a friendly smile. His hot breath on my neck has no effect on my body at all, and deep down, I feel sad about that. He’s ruined me for everybody.
“It’s Emilia, and yours?”
“Jeremy.”
“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Jeremy.”
The smile that takes over his face is like a breath of fresh air. He’s completely different to Phoenix, all clean shaven where Phoenix is a little rough and ready – the bad boy that every girl fantasizes about.
We spend a little while talking and getting to know each other. I dodge most of his questions that I find too personal. This is nothing more than a means to forget a lost cause.
I find out that Jeremy works in a bank just around the corner and shares an apartment with his best friend. I told him that I live with my best friend a few blocks from here and work as a waitress in a restaurant called Cosy Joe’s; all lies of course, but I don’t want any ties to me. I’m making sure that he won’t be able to find me next week if he chooses to.
Three drinks later, and I feel a little lightheaded. I don’t usually drink, so that must be why, and it doesn’t help that it’s hot and stuffy in here. My neck is beaded with sweat, and I’ve only been sitting on this stool for most of the evening.
Jason Derulo’s ‘Talk Dirty’ starts playing, and I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face.
“I take it by the look on your face that you like this song?” Jeremy asks, a hint of laughter in his voice.
“Oh yes,” I reply, nodding my head.
“Well, would you like to dance?” He holds his hand out for me to take. I stare at it for a few seconds, but then the beat of the music starts trying to take over my body. Oh, what the hell. I need to loosen up, and sitting here is not going to help with that.
“Why not.” I take his hand and let him drag me onto the dance floor.
We find a little bit of space in the middle of the floor, the lights flashing in my eyes spurring me on. Smoke fires off from a smoke machine hanging from the ceiling, making it hard to see anybody near me. Hands settle on my hips, spinning me around so that my back is pressed against a hard chest. This chest doesn’t feel familiar. I start moving my hips, grinding onto him, and putting my hands in the air. His fingers dig into my hips, and I hiss from the pain. That’s going to bruise tomorrow, I can feel it. I swat his hand away, letting him know to loosen up, but he doesn’t listen. His fingers just dig in tighter, pulling me closer to him so that I’m practically standing on his feet and my body is squashed tight against his. What was I thinking, deciding to dance with a complete stranger? I’ve only ever danced with Phoenix, and that was so long ago. Because you were trying to get Phoenix off your mind, that’s why.
My anger, which started off as a simmer, is near boiling point.
I spin around, making him drop his hands to his side. I run my hands up his chest, locking them behind his neck. Putting my mouth next to his ear, I growl, “Don’t ever touch me like that again, understood?”
I lean back to get a look at his face. It’s turned a little pale, but he nods his understanding.
We carry on dancing, and I can feel icy eyes on me the whole time, though I can’t pinpoint where those icy eyes are staring at me from. It only fuels me to carry on dancing, making it more provocative too.
Jeremy seems to like it, judging by the bulge digging into my stomach. It doesn’t arouse me at all, no matter how hard I will it too. I mean, Jeremy’s a good-looking guy, but he’s just too clean-shaven for me - more of a pretty boy. I like rough and ready, just like Phoenix. You’re supposed to be trying to get over him, remember?” I shake those thoughts and try to get back into the mood.
We dance for a few more songs then decide to get a drink. Jeremy orders me a gin and tonic w
hile I go to the restroom.
I’m just about to walk through the door when a hand grabs my arm, halting my movement.
“What do you think you’re doing?” that deep baritone voice asks quietly in my ear, causing a shiver to run through my body.
I get mad. I rip my arm from his deathly grip and spin to face him, my face looking like thunder and his mirroring mine.
“I’m enjoying myself is what I’m doing.” My tone is acidic.
“You’re embarrassing yourself. That’s what you’re doing. Where’s your self-respect gone, and why are you drunk? You’re supposed to be managing this place with me, Emilia, not trying to hook up with a stranger.” His tone is angry. I can tell that he’s ashamed of me, but why? Doesn’t he like girls like that?
“I can do what I want, Phoenix. I’m not your concern.”
He doesn’t reply. We both stare at each other, my heart beating faster as his icy blues probe me, trying to figure me out. He won’t be able to. I put up that wall years ago, and he will never get through.
We stare for a few more seconds before I’m done. I need to pee. I break eye contact and turn on my heel, then let the door shut in his face.
How does he do it? How does he make my mood go from high to low as soon as he opens his mouth? I know that I’m acting out of character, but what right does he have to tell me what I can and can’t do?
I emerge from the toilet, my bladder feeling ten times better now that it’s been emptied, and look at my reflection in the mirror. I’m all sweaty and my cheeks rosy. I’m going to go out there and enjoy myself. Who gives a fuck what Phoenix thinks? With that being said, I square my shoulders, giving myself one last final look in the mirror before walking out of the restrooms, only to find Jeremy standing in the hallway right outside of the door.
“You okay?” Jeremy asks.
I don’t reply. I grab hold of his t-shirt and smash my lips against his wet ones. This feels all wrong. I realize my mistake straight away. Jeremy’s hand clamps down on the back of my head, holding me in place. No, no, this is all wrong. I can’t do this. Phoenix was right. This isn’t me. I try to pull back, but Jeremy proves to be much stronger than me. His free hand starts sliding up my bare thigh, his hand stinging the path on my skin. I try to push his hand off of my leg, though it just causes him to tighten his hold on my skin, his fingers biting, pinching.
“Get off of me!” I scream into his mouth.
Jeremy doesn’t listen. His hand carries on its course up my leg, starting to go under my playsuit. I pinch his skin. I punch his stomach. Neither is deterring him though.
I feel sick to my stomach. Why did I kiss him in the first place?
I kick him in the shin, and he screams out in pain, pulling back to cup his leg. I see my chance and take it, pushing off from the wall, freedom so close I can taste it. However, God has other plans for me. Before I can take a step, my hair is snagged and I’m being pulled back into Jeremy’s arms. I scream, and the next thing I know, I’m falling to the floor.
I turn around, my eyes wet from the sting on my scalp.
Phoenix has Jeremy smashed flat against the opposite wall, his body rigid and his shirt straining against the hard muscles on his back. People who are walking in the hallway have stopped what they were doing and are now looking at the scene unfolding in front of them. This isn’t going to be good for business, especially not on the first night of its opening. I’ve royally messed up and am no doubt going to pay the consequences when my father gets wind of this. I shiver involuntarily, already picturing what will wait for me.
“PHOENIX,” I shout to be heard over the music. I need to get him to calm down. I know what fate Jeremy is in for if he deals with this, and I don’t want that to happen. This part of his life is one of the reasons I’m not close to him anymore. He will kill someone and not think twice about it.
“PHOENIX!” I shout again. This time he hears me, turning his icy blues to me, looking cold. I’ve never seen them look as cold as they are right now, and it scares me. He must realize this because his eyes soften from rage to worry. “Just chuck him out and leave it at that, please. I don’t want you to do anything stupid,” I beg.
He shakes his head adamantly. “Stay out of this, Emilia.” Every time he uses my full name, it’s like a slap to the face. He’s only ever called me that when he’s angry with me, and now seems to be one of those times.
I get up off the floor and move to put my hand on top of Phoenix’s, trying to calm him down. It takes everything in me to touch him, but I have to if I want him to leave Jeremy alone. It’s not his fault. I led the guy on, and he’s just too drunk to understand any different.
“Please, Phoenix. It doesn’t need to be this way.” I stare into his eyes and beg with mine. He holds mine, and I can see that he’s torn. I just need to break in to that barrier.
“Em, you know I have to. If your father catches wind of this, and he finds out that I’ve not dealt with it, then he will have my head on a platter and you know that.”
My back goes ramrod straight at being reminded that he works for my father. He’s my father’s lapdog, in other words. My calm, collected mood goes right out the window, and my face hardens.
“Phoenix, you’re your own person, though you wouldn’t remember that since you signed your soul over to the devil. Do whatever you want. I know you’re going to anyway. You never listen to me.”
I see his face break for a second before I turn around and make my way through the now still crowd to my office upstairs, where I stay for the rest of the night watching CCTV and keeping an eye on Phoenix, though I haven’t seen him since I saw the bouncers drag Jeremy out earlier.
It’s going to be a long few hours.
****
“What part of managing the club do you not understand, Emilia?” My father asks, his voice giving absolutely nothing away.
I know that I’m in trouble. I was stupid to think that he wouldn’t find out about this.
“ANSWER ME!” he shouts in my face, spit flying everywhere. I try my hardest not to gag, as that will only infuriate him more.
“I don’t know why I did what I did. I’m sorry,” I reply in a monotone voice.
“You’re always sorry. Are my punishments not enough? Do I need to teach you some other way?” His eyes are piercing me with a death stare, anger radiating through his whole body and causing it to shake. I’ve not seen him react this way for years.
“No.” I hang my head down, dejected.
I’m a grown woman, yet I’m being treated like a teenager. Yes, I didn’t exactly act like an adult, but it was a moment of weakness. I was stupid and not acting like myself. Phoenix makes me act like a child whenever he’s near.
I need to find a way to get out of this hellhole, but how? He will find me, and then it will just be worse for me. I know that.
“Get on your knees, Emilia.”
I know by now not to argue and to just do as I’m told.
My knees meet the hard carpet in his office, the material digging into my skin.
I hear the sound of his belt being taken off, and I brace myself for the blow. I know it will be any second now. And I’m correct. Roughly ten seconds later, the first blow lands on my back, causing me to scream out in pain. Tears sting my eyes, but I won’t allow myself to cry. I made that vow near enough ten years ago, when my mother died and his consequences got worse.
Even though I have clothes on, the belt still bites through the thin material, burning my skin.
After the first five blows, I learn to keep the screams at bay and just hiss through my teeth. I also learned that if I show pain, he would do it for longer as some sort of sick entertainment.
It’s in this moment that I hate Phoenix for leaving me. He promised to take me away from this, and he didn’t.
I don’t know how much longer I stay kneeling on the carpet, but my legs have gone numb along with the rest of me.
“Get up,” my father orders, and I do so robotically, my
back hissing in disagreement when I try to stand up. I turn to face him, coming face to face with a bright red, sweaty face. This is like a workout for him. “Don’t embarrass me again, Emilia. Learn from these consequences. Now go.”
I don’t need to be told twice. I leave his office, only to come face to face with him.
His icy blues look apologetic, and it angers me. This is his fault.
He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off before he can. “Don’t. Save it, Phoenix. I’m not interested.” I start limping down the hallway, my hand holding my bruising back.
“Em, I’m sorry,” Phoenix says quietly, his voice full of regret.
I stop and turn around to face him, fixing him with a cold look. “You should have thought about that four years ago when you broke your promise. I don’t need your apologies.”
He hangs his head, defeated, and it breaks my heart to see him like that. The pain reminds me that he left me, and that changes everything. I don’t turn back to look at him as I make my way to my bedroom for some Advil and a warm shower before getting into my bed.
Every position I lie in stings like hell, but after years of practice, I make do.
As I give in to the slumber of sleep, I vow to try harder to keep my distance from Phoenix.
Chapter Four
Imagine Dragons’ ‘It’s Time’ blasts through my headphones, my feet hitting the treadmill in time to the beat. It’s the perfect running song, especially for how I’m feeling today. I’m not in the mood for upbeat and happy songs, just deep and meaningful ones, which seems to be the story of my life so far.
The song comes to a finish, as does my run, and I lean over panting, trying to catch my breath. I take my headphones out and let them dangle from my neck. I pushed myself harder today to try and rid myself of the emotional pain that I’m feeling. I wanted to feel numb, and I do now. Running is my coping mechanism. Without running, I’m nothing, and nobody will take that away from me.