Unrequited (Chosen #3)

by Alisa Mullen

  I pushed him away. “Did you just call me Lizzie?” I asked, fuming. What the hell was I thinking letting him touch me like that? He shrugged his shoulders and pulled me back to him. He wanted me for a warm body. He wanted to have sex to me but not with me. It was for her absence. I pushed him further away and looked at him. I didn’t know this man. He was someone that my father and I had put on a pedestal for years and now, disgust poured out of me. I didn’t want this man anymore. I didn’t care who wanted me to fight for him, I never would. I deserved much better than this man. Even I knew that.

  Like a light switch, it was off. I didn’t care enough about this whole Nick situation anymore to be anyone’s pawn. I knew what had to be done. Nick would never agree to marry me, like Daddy wanted. He never loved me in that way and honestly, he was a piece of shit in my eyes right now, too. My father would just have to deal with it. Nick was a drunk and a male whore. Conner had never treated me with any disrespect. Nick? This was twice now. I don’t care how drunk a man is, calling someone by another name during foreplay was low. How could he use another woman like that? I quickly pulled my bra and shirt back on and walked across to the coffee maker.

  “You need to sober up because I need to talk to you. I know why Lizzie left, but I will not be your sexual pawn and you will not be drunk for this conversation. Do you understand me, Nicholas?” His eyes widened.

  “You… you know why she left?” His eyes looked sober but the rest of him was trembling.

  “Yes,” I whispered. “I made her go.”

  The color in his face turned an alarmingly bright red. I never knew such a tan guy could turn that shade. I think he was about to have a seizure. “You what?” he boomed. It looked like he wanted to rip my throat out, but I knew Nick. He would never hurt a woman physically. I tried to stay calm because I didn’t know what drunk Nick would do, especially when it came to the love of his life.

  “My father sent me here to get you to marry me, not her,” I said as casually as I could. “I won’t say anymore until you are sober.” I walked around the apartment as Nick started to scream at me. Every time he got too close, I would move to a different room and remind him that I would only tell him what he wanted to know if he was sober. I told him to sleep it off. I told him to take a shower. I gave him a cup of coffee. He didn’t listen to me; he relentlessly begged me to tell him where Lizzie was. Continually giving him a consoling look, I shook my head and my mantra became “Not until you are sober.”

  After Nick ranted for an hour, he relented and there was no more noise. The screaming ended. He walked into his bedroom and slammed the door. I immediately started to pick up his apartment. God, guys can be so frigging messy. When I was finished, I sat down on the couch and threw my head back. I thought about Lizzie and wondered where she went. I thought about the night Conner and I fought. He was so angry when I told him I wouldn’t be able to marry him. I thought about the last words he said to me before he pulled on the steering wheel.

  I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes, it was nighttime. There was no sound coming from Nick’s room. I quietly opened it to see him sprawled out on his bed with a photo frame tucked underneath his arm. Knowing it was a photo of Lizzie; I walked to the table in the living room and looked at the photos of Nick and Lizzie. Lizzie and Niall. Lizzie and her parents… and Conner.

  I picked up the photo and stared down at it in shock. It was a recent photo. He looked so happy, with his arm over Lizzie. He was staring down at her with love. You could see the pride he had for her. I put the photo down and noticed another one of Conner with Niall. I started to cry. I wanted him back. I wanted to live in Boston with Conner and raise our family together. I finally realized why I disliked Lizzie so much. I was jealous. She had everything and I had nothing.

  I wanted to feel carefree again. I wanted to be in love again. I wanted to go back and change that fateful night. I would do it all differently because I didn’t belong with Nick. I didn’t belong in Boston. I didn’t belong anywhere. Lizzie did. I took the photo to the couch and turned on the television. Nick wouldn’t wake up until the morning and I remain awake all night to face the consequences of what I had done.

  SIXTEEN - NICK

  I awoke to the sound of dishes clamoring. Was that bacon I smelled? I covered my head with my pillow to block out the noise and the smell. Both were making my hangover even worse. I wanted to hurl. I wanted a new head. I wanted Lizzie. I pulled her pillow towards me and inhaled deeply. Then it hit me. Sam made Lizzie leave. I scrambled out of the bed, ignoring the throbbing pain to the left side of my head and swung my door open. Sam was sitting on the couch sans smile. She looked numb, just like I remembered her after Conner died.

  “I thought my making breakfast would wake you up,” she stated.

  “You made her leave?” I questioned, holding back my anger for fear I would cause my hangover to take over completely.

  She nodded her head and motioned for me to sit down on the chair opposite her. I followed her lead and slowly settled into the chair. I didn’t understand anything. She clasped her hands together and a resigned look came over her face.

  “The night that Conner died, I told him I was pregnant. He was excited,” she smiled as she paused, recalling that memory. “I wasn’t as excited. I was scared. I mean, really fucking petrified. My father has always wanted me to marry the great and wealthy Nicholas Sawyer.” She raised her hands like she is preaching to the heavens. I rolled my eyes.

  “Sam, you know the whole childhood romance facade our parents set up was bull shit. Everyone does that when they have kids the same age. My parents got over that when I was a teenager. They knew we were just friends. There was never anything romantic between us,” I stated firmly. “I mean, Lizzie thinks that Niall is going to marry a girl from his playgroup. It’s ridiculous. We live in the twenty first century. We marry people we are in love with, no matter their backgrounds or their current social status. At least I would have.” I looked out the window and saw the rain pouring down. Would Lizzie ever come home again?

  “Yeah, well, Daddy didn’t get that memo. He sent me here when he realized your philandering was coming to an end. He basically had a coronary when he found out you were engaged to Lizzie,” she continued. Sam blew out a deep breath and closed her eyes. She was clearly distraught about talking about Conner. She still loved him. She wasn’t over his death.

  “But anyway, I couldn’t have a baby with Conner. I would have been disowned by my family, Nick. He proposed to me that very night. He said he would take care of me and when I told him about Daddy’s plan, he yelled at me to pull the car over. He was so upset. He was crying and yelling and Jeremy was basically telling him to chill but he was so drunk. I don’t think he even knew what we were arguing about. He knew you were in love with Lizzie and well, he was madly in love with me. But I couldn’t choose him and I started to cry right along with him. When I wouldn’t pull the car over, he grabbed the steering wheel. I tried to correct the wheel but I swung it back too hard and that’s when we went over the median.” I tear fell over her cheek and she continue to twist her hands.

  I looked at her stunned. “The baby?”

  She shook her head. “I lost the baby that night. I wasn’t far along so it wasn’t very painful, but it was heart wrenching. I would do anything to be carrying Conner’s baby right now.”

  “So, you will continue to live your life based on what your father tells you to do. You will sacrifice the lives of people for one man’s wishes? How pathetic is that? When did you become a dog that waits for their next command?”

  She shrugged. “I have always been his pawn. I don’t know what he would do to me if I went against his wishes but he was not very happy when I didn’t secure your love last time I was here.” She looked down at the floor like she was ashamed.

  “He wants you to move back to Texas and he wants you to invest in a software company. If I don’t get you to marry me, then I will be an outcast. He has told me from a y
oung age that you are to be my husband. When he sent me here, I had to make Lizzie leave. So I did. Except last night, when you kissed me and you called out Lizzie’s name, it was horrible. I don’t ever want your hands on me again. I want Conner back. I want to take everything back,” she whimpered. “But I can’t. So I needed to tell you the truth.” The words rushed out of her mouth but it took me a long time to process what she said. I sat back in the chair and stared at her for a long time. “I kissed you?” I asked horrified. She nodded. “Oh fuck,” I muttered as I put my head into my hands. She started to cry. I didn’t care. She started to sob. Good, let her.

  “I don’t know how to tell you how sorry I am,” she cried.

  “How? How did you make her leave?” I asked angrily.

  “I told her that losing her job the way she did would cause your career to deteriorate. I told her that she wasn’t wife material to a successful man like you. I told her that having a baby out of wedlock was a disgrace to your mother.”

  “What about my mother?” I screamed.

  My voice was loud but it felt so good to let it out. “My mother already loved Niall. She adores him. She is going to be fucking devastated when she finds out that they left me. I feel so ashamed, I haven’t even called them. Do you know what that fucking feels like?”

  “Well, Lizzie was pretty devastated, too. She packed right away. She doesn’t feel comfortable about the money, does she?” she asked. “I could tell she wasn’t with you for the money. She probably hates this lifestyle. She feels like she doesn’t belong so all it took was one person to tell her what she was already thinking and she ran.” Her sympathetic smile made me want to puke.

  “She never even knew about my money until the night of Conner’s funeral,” I defended. “She wouldn’t even use the credit card I got for her until…until she bought the dress for the party.” I got up and went to our bedroom. I threw open the closet and immediately tore the garment bag from the rack. I very gently unzipped it and gasped. It was so fucking beautiful.

  It was a dark green evening dress with black stitching that was… Oh my god, the stitching was made to look like butterflies. I hugged the dress and tears welled up in my eyes again. I had never cried this much in my entire life. She wanted to be my Butterfly Girl that night. Didn’t she know she was my Butterfly Girl every night?

  “You need to get the fuck out now,” I said loud enough for Sam to hear me. I heard rustling and I could hear her sniffling. When the elevator doors finally closed, I lay back down on my bed with the dress beside me. My brain is on fire with thoughts. They burned and crackled. I tried to compartmentalize the info I just received.

  As I started to understand what happened, my heart began to harden. I made Lizzie move into my world. I pushed her away. We were so happy in her apartment but here, we haven’t been the same couple. She wasn’t comfortable and of course she gave up when Sam pointed that out to her. Lizzie was so used to being left behind that she will never trust any man. That shit is going to change now. I needed to make a list of all of her wonderful attributes. She had to see that I needed her in my life just as much as she needed me.

  I placed the dress back in the closet. I put the photos of us back on the shelves. I took a long shower, shaved and dressed up a bit in a dark v neck sweater and gray pants. I looked outside at the sunny day while I drank a cup of coffee fresh from our maker. Lizzie used to make the coffee every morning. She was so considerate. I pulled a piece of paper out of a drawer and wrote “considerate” down. I stuffed it in my pocket and looked in our address book for the addresses I needed. This hangover was going to make it a long ass day but shit needed to get done so I could get my girl back.

  I grabbed my sunglasses now that the rain was gone and the sun was shining. I grabbed a to-go coffee cup and headed out into a beautiful Boston day. Today I would drive the Benz. Today I would get a little closer to bringing my family home forever.

  An hour later, I stood facing a gravestone in Newton.

  “Hey man. I haven’t been here in a while. I am so sorry.” I placed the flowers down on Conner’s gravestone and sat down. Lizzie always left flowers but they have long since been picked up by the groundkeeper. They did a good job here, I thought. Graveyards were always so quiet. Mitch was the only other gravestone I had ever visited but I was drunk and I yelled at him for hours. I woke up lying next to his stone that next morning.

  “Did Lizzie come to see you before she left town? I guess she needed some space. God, Conner, I love your sister. I love your nephew. This whole thing is just messed up. I can’t believe what happened to you and Sam and your baby. I know if you were still here with us, you two would be together even still. That breaks my heart because I could see it in her eyes how much she loves you.”

  I put my fingers over Conner’s name and traced the letters with my finger as I pictured him on stage singing for Sam and Sam alone. I saw the way they looked at each other. They were in love like Lizzie and I are in love.

  “You know, someone has to have their happily ever after. I know, in my heart, that if anyone deserves it the most, it should be Lizzie. She is worthy of a happy ending, brother.” I put my head down between my crossed legs and closed my eyes.

  “I am sure she misses you,” an older female voice said from behind me. I turned around to see Lizzie’s mother. I jumped up and enveloped her into a hug. She felt so small and weak. Frail.

  “Mrs. O’Malley! It is so wonderful to see you,” I said into her ear.

  She nodded her head. She took a step back and carefully turned to look at Conner’s gravestone.

  “I don’t come out here often enough. I feel like he isn’t here,” she said numbly.

  I turned my head slowly to look at her and then back to look at the grave alongside her.

  “There is so much I want to know,” she said. “I need to finally know what happened that night. Lizzie said she has no idea.”

  I closed my eyes and wished I were anywhere else but here. Damn it, out of all the places and people to run into, it had to be Mrs. O’Malley. How could I lie to her knowing what I know?

  She must have noticed that I clammed up. Maybe my silence gave it away.

  “Do you know what happened, Nicholas?” she asked with tears in her eyes.

  I slowly nodded. “Mrs. O’Malley,” I whispered. “I can’t tell you the story. It isn’t mine to tell.”

  We both didn’t speak for a few minutes. I turned to her and saw a hollow woman. She couldn’t move on. She was dead inside.

  “I promise that you will know. I will try to bring you the person that can tell you the story about that night. You just have to be patient,” I said.

  Her eyes looked up to me and something sparkled in them. There was a flash of promise and then she said, “Lizzie misses you. She told me on the phone yesterday. Before you ask, she still won’t tell us where she is, but that girl can find her way anywhere but she always comes home to the ones she loves.”

  “Will she come home soon?” I practically begged.

  “Soon,” she firmly answered. She faintly smiled and took my hand. We let the wind blow through our hair and the sun shone down on our faces for over an hour. It was the first time I felt content in a week. It was the first time I felt loved since Lizzie left.

  SEVENTEEN - SAM

  I sat down on my hotel bed and stared at the abstract piece of art on the wall. God, it was ugly. Why would anyone buy that? I looked around at the spacious suite and thought about how incredibly suffocating this room was. It smelled like funk. It smelled like disaster. It reeked of failure. I needed to find another place to stay tonight. I needed to call my father and tell him that Nick would never marry me. I needed to find out how to secretly transfer money into a different account so I can live financially while my father seethed and then eventually disowned me. I lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I couldn’t move. I just lost the last few pieces of my dignity, the purpose in my life. There was nothing left for me. I couldn’t f
eel any lower than I do now.

  The phone rang. I knew it was Daddy. I will never answer that phone again. I needed to find another place to stay. I needed to fall off the face of the earth. The phone stopped. Silence. Then the phone rang in two short shrills. Why would the front desk be calling? I leaned over and grabbed the receiver. “Yes?” I shouted.

  “Sam, it’s me. Let me come up,” Nick said. He didn’t sound mad. Why was he even here?

  “Ok,” I answered with a questioning tone. I heard him click off and I looked at the phone in disgust.

  I stayed on the bed until a few quiet knocks on the door made me sluggishly get up and answer. I pulled open the door and went back to my spot on the bed. As I looked up at the ceiling again, I heard Nick sigh as he sat in the chair next to the bed.

  “This is a nice room,” he said.

  “Yeah, it’s fucking awesome,” I smirked. “Why are you here, Nick? I think you said everything you had to say just by asking me to leave.”

  “I am mad at you, Sam but I think that you were a victim of many things. I can’t comprehend everything that was done quite yet but I realize things are different. I honestly don’t think you are a terrible person at the core. I believe you have been manipulated and groomed into being someone you really are not. I will eventually forgive you for what you did to Lizzie and my relationship.” He sat back in the chair and stared at me. “Just not quite yet.”

  “You shouldn’t forgive me for any of it. I ended Conner’s life. I ended our baby’s life. I made Lizzie go away,” I demanded. “I could go on because there are a lot more things I have fucked up.”

  He shook his head. “You didn’t make anyone do anything. You were following your father’s instructions and Conner didn’t have to pull on the wheel that night. Lizzie didn’t have to leave. In fact, she shouldn’t have left. She could have come to talk with me about what you said but she just gave up,” Nick sighed.