by Raven Scott
Understanding Beauty
The Beauty Trilogy #2
Raven Scott
Courtney Lynn Rose
Contents
Acknowledgments
Definition of Grief
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Epilogue
Note from Authors
Books by Raven:
Books by Courtney:
Understanding Beauty, The Beauty Trilogy, Book 2
Written by: Courtney Lynn Rose & Raven Scott
Copyright 2019 ©Courtney Lynn Rose
This book is a work of fiction. All characters, places, names, and events are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any likeness to any events, locations, or persons, alive or otherwise, is entirely coincidental.
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form.
This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only and remains the copyrighted property of the author. Please do not redistribute this book for either commercial or noncommercial use. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Publisher: Knox Publishing, LLC
Publishing Link: www.knoxpub.com
Editor: Rebecca Vazquez
Copyeditor: Rebecca Vazquez
Formatter: E.C. Land, Knox Publishing
Cover Design: Charli Childs, Cosmic Letterz Cover Design
Trigger Warning: This book contains adult themes and situations that are intended for readers age 18 and older. These themes and situations could include, but are not limited to, extreme violence, sexual abuse/assault, vulgar language, and explicit sexual encounters.
Created with Vellum
To anyone who has ever lost someone they love.
It doesn’t matter if it was expected or if they were taken suddenly, sometimes there are holes in our hearts that consume us in grief. And that is okay. It’s okay to hurt, to scream, and to cry.
But as the saying goes, time heals all things, and even if it takes a lifetime, one day you will be healed and everything won't hurt so bad.
So to all those struggling with grief, remember, you’re not alone and eventually it does get better.
Acknowledgments
Raven and I would like to thank everyone who has helped support our new endeavor on this co-write. We hope that you enjoy Parker & Rogen’s story as much as we enjoyed writing it. We’d also like to thank everyone at Knox Publishing: Elizabeth, E.C., Kay, Cedar, Z.Z., and Kim. You ladies are amazing and a wonderful support system.
To our families for all the support you’ve given us as we spent countless hours working out this story to bring it to our readers.
To Rebecca for her amazing editing. Thank you for polishing this story to make it shine.
To our readers, we hope you love it, and thanks for being so awesome.
And to anyone we may have missed, we’re sorry and we love you too!
Definition of Grief
According to the Kübler-Ross Model, there are five stages to grief.
Denial - because there is no way in hell this can really be happening.
Anger - because it’s complete bullshit that someone else’s stupidity took away the love of my life and left me here alone.
Depression - because I don’t know what I am doing without him and I’ve been sucked into this black hole of pain that I can’t seem to ever crawl my way out of.
Bargaining - because I would give anything to trade places with him, to feel his touch again, to have his love just one more time.
And finally…Acceptance.
Because all he ever wanted in life was for me to be happy…and at some point, I’m going to have to get there, because I can’t keep drowning in my own despair…
Prologue
Sitting on the couch watching television, my phone rings and vibrates across our coffee table making me jump. A smile crosses my face, knowing it’s probably Dalton. He left a while ago to run an errand and stop at the store. More than likely, he needs help bringing stuff in. I hit the answer button without bothering to actually check the number.
“This better be the love of my life saying he’s home with food,” I say with a chuckle.
“Ms. Helding?” an unfamiliar voice says on the other line.
An uneasy shiver runs down my spine as I sit up straighter. “This is she.”
“My name is Doctor Regal. I’m calling from Samaritan Hospital.”
“What can I do for you?” I say scooting to the edge of the couch.
“Ms. Helding, I can’t give out much information over the phone, but it’s about your fiancé, Dalton. We need you to come to the hospital, please.”
All the air whooshes out of me as if someone’s punched me in the gut. “Is he okay? What happened?”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t give out any information over the phone. When you get to the Emergency Room, just tell them you’re there to speak with me.”
“Okay, yeah. I’ll be there in a few minutes,” I say breathlessly as I end the call.
For a moment, I’m stunned to the couch, unable to move. Then everything kicks into high gear. Running around the house, I grab my purse and keys, and practically fly out the front door as if my ass is on fire. The entire drive to the hospital all I can do is try to talk myself out of a panic attack. Dalton is fine; he has to be.
There’s no way anything can be wrong. Dalton and I have our whole life planned out, and everything is going too perfect for something to come along and mess up our plans—our forever. He’s fine. He just has to be.
Within twenty minutes, I’m whipping my car into a parking space right next to the hospital entrance. I’m not even sure if I’m allowed to park here, but I don’t care. I need to see Dalton and make sure he’s okay.
Speed-walking into the emergency room, I go straight for the counter and slap my hand on the hard surface, causing the nurse staring at a computer screen to jump as she looks up at me. “Parker Helding. I was told to come in and speak with Doctor Regal. It’s about my fiancé, Dalton Conwan. Is he okay? Where is he?”
The nurse stands from her chair. “Give me a second and let me get Doctor Regal.” She turns and walks into the back of the nurse’s station while I tap my hand on the countertop as if that will make anyone hurry the hell up and tell me what is going on.
A door to my left opens and a doctor in a long white coat comes striding toward me with a grim expression on his face. “Ms. Helding, let’s step into the private waiting room so we can speak.”
He waits for me to join him and leads me into a small room just to the left of the door he came through. Once inside, I spin around toward him as he shuts the door. “Where’s Dalton? Is he okay? What’s happened?”
“Sit down, Ms. Helding,” he says softly, gesturing toward a smal
l bench against the wall. As I sink onto it, he sits on the chair opposite me. “Ms. Helding, I’m sorry to have to inform you that your fiancé was in an accident. He was brought in by ambulance but was dead on arrival.”
The whole world tilts on its axis as my head spins. I heard him wrong. “What? No. That’s not possible. He was just running an errand. You must be mistaken.” The tears well in my eyes before I can stop them, spilling down my cheeks as a sharp, red-hot pain lances through my chest.
“His car was hit by a drunk driver and he was killed on impact. Ms. Helding, I’m so sorry for your loss. Is there anyone I can call for you?”
His words reach my ears but it’s like he’s screaming through a million tons of running water. This is a nightmare. It can’t be happening. Dalton and I are young, we’re in love, we’re going to get married and start a family. We have our whole lives ahead of us. He can’t be gone.
“We need you to officially identify the body. Usually, the next-of-kin would, but we’ve been unable to reach Mr. Conwan’s sister. I’ll let you have some time and let me know when you’re ready,” the doctor says as he goes to stand from his chair.
“Now,” I blurt out in a panic. “I need to see him now.”
The doctor sighs and nods, holding his arm out for me to walk back out into the ER. He picks up the pace and gets a few steps ahead of me, leading me down the stark white hospital hallways. Before I know it, we’re standing in front of a door labeled ‘Morgue’, and I freeze.
This isn’t real. I’m going to walk in here and see a body, but I have to tell them it’s not Dalton. It’s not the love of my life. They got it wrong and they will just have to find out who this really is and go notify that person’s family instead. Then, I’m going to leave this hospital and Dalton’s going to be waiting for me at home, wondering where the hell I’ve been.
The doctor opens the door and walks in, holding it open for me as well. The dim room is only brightened by the light directly over a table in the middle of the room. A crisp white sheet covers a body from the shoulders down and my heart beats with the intensity of a war drum as I take a step into the room.
I choke on a sob as I stop a foot away from the table, my eyes blurring out the still figure lying on the table. His lips are discolored and there’s cuts and bruises sprinkled across his skin.
But it’s him.
The love of my life.
Everything and anything I’ve ever lived for is lying on a cold metal table a foot from me—and I can’t breathe.
“Your parents are upstairs with your brother. Would you like me to get them?” the doctor says, his voice barely registering.
“Wai—what? My brother?” I mutter, unable to take my eyes off Dalton’s face. “What happened to my brother?”
“He was in the accident with Mr. Conwan.”
“No,” I whisper, shaking my head back and forth as a sob erupts from my throat. Taking a step toward Dalton, I reach out to touch him but pull my hand back before I do. “No, no, no, baby, no.”
Doctor Regal speaks to me again, his lips moving but no words reaching my ears as I stare at the angelic face of my dead fiancé, right before my entire world goes black.
1
Dalton Conwan. Son. Brother. Best Friend. Fiancé
That’s what his tombstone reads as I stare at it for the second time today. I’ve stared at these words twice a day, every day, for the last year, and it hasn’t gotten easier. I’m empty without him, going through the motions of my life every day and fighting the monster of my nightmares each time I close my eyes.
“I miss you, Dalton. More than anything,” I whisper to him. “Everyone said this would get easier, but it hasn’t. Every time I think about you, it’s like someone is ripping my very soul out all over again. The nights when I don’t think I can take another moment without you, I swear I can hear your voice, feel your arms around me, even taste your kiss on my lips. I don’t know what I’m doing without you.”
I glance over my shoulder to the handsome, tattooed guy sitting on a bench just far enough away that I have privacy. It’s Rogen. His sister, Collins, is my sister-in-law, and he’s slowly become my best friend over the last year.
“Collins and Cannon got married. Their love reminds me of us, of what we had. It’s epic in every sense of the word. And it makes me sad sometimes. I just miss you so damn much, Dalton. You’re supposed to be here with me, loving and celebrating our friends. I don’t know how to do this on my own.”
Leaning forward, I rest my head against the stone and close my eyes, a few tears falling down my face.
“Parker, we have to go if we don’t want to be late.”
I sit up and look over my shoulder to Rogen standing a little ways behind me. Nodding my head, I turn back to the headstone and lightly run my fingers over Dalton’s name. “I love you, Dalton. Until my last breath, and maybe even after that.”
Slowly, I drag myself off the ground and brush off the knees and ass of my pants before turning to walk over and join Rogen. As I walk past him and head to the car, he reaches out and grabs my hand. Spinning toward him, my mouth opens, but Rogen pulls me into a hug, holding my head against his chest.
A few more tears escape my eyes as I wrap my arms around his body, digging my fingers into the firm muscles of his back. Rogen moved in with me after I lost Dalton to make sure I wasn’t alone. He’s lived with me ever since, and honestly, I don’t think I would have made it this last year without him. Even though I’m surrounded by amazing friends, people who loved Dalton too, it hasn’t been the same.
Rogen is the only real tether I’ve had to my life and my sanity.
“It’s going to get better, P,” he whispers with his lips against my hair.
“When?”
“I don’t know, but one day this isn’t going to hurt so bad. Until then, I’ll be here.”
I nod and squeeze him a little tighter. “I know you will.”
Another minute or two and Rogen lets me go, looking down into my eyes. “Now, let’s get to the bar before Collins starts blowing up my phone. The last thing I need is her on my ass for us being late.”
The roll of his eyes makes me chuckle, and I wipe the leftover tears from my face as we head to the car. Sliding in, Rogen starts the car and puts the music on low. He comes with me to visit Dalton as often as possible, and he gets me. He seems to just understand how I feel on most days and he never pushes me too much or gets angry when I feel like I’m losing it. Rogen has mastered the art of just being here, and I’ll never be able to tell him how much it means to me.
By the time we pull up outside my brother’s bar, I’ve swallowed my grief and am ready to paste on my best fake smile for the next few hours. I’ve gotten plenty of practice at faking normalcy in the last year.
Rogen and I make our way through the crowded bar and into the back room that is rented out for special events. I’m a few steps inside the door and someone wraps their arms around me from behind, scaring the living shit out of me. I jump and cuss under my breath as Rogen grabs my hand and squeezes it to calm me. When the arms let me go, Rogen drops my hand and I turn, coming face-to-face with Collins.
“Just me, Parker, sorry for scaring you,” she says with a shy smile.
Looking her up and down, I give her the best smile I can. “No worries. I’m just all nerves today.”
Collins tilts her head and gives me a sad grin in return, but everything about her is glowing. When my brother texted to demand my presence here for a big announcement, I kind of knew what they planned to tell everyone. I’ve kept my mouth shut, though, because I want to be happy for them. My brother was completely miserable in his life before Collins came along, and just because my forever was taken from me doesn’t mean I should be the dark cloud over their sunshine. That isn’t fair to them or anyone else.
Collins makes small talk about her day with Rogen and I, and I can’t help but let a little spark of genuine happiness in for my brother. Tonight, Collins is dressed in her us
ual black t-shirt and dark jeans with her hair in the natural “just fucked” look she usually has. She’s grown more beautiful every day, and she loves my brother with every fiber of her being. She and Cannon healed each other and I envy that about them. At the same time, though, I want to know peace like they have. I just don’t see it ever happening for me.
“Okay, now that you’re both here, come on. Cannon and I want to tell everyone our news at the same time,” Collins says with excitement in her voice as she loops her arm through mine and pulls me toward the group of our family and friends, Rogen trailing just behind me.
Rogen is never far from my side when we go out as a group. Sometimes I hate that he feels like he has to babysit me, but I’m thankful for his calming presence. He keeps me grounded more often than I think he realizes. We stop in front of Cannon, Rain, Rowan, Sierra, and my parents.
Collins lets go of my arm as Cannon takes a few steps closer and envelops me in a tight hug. “It’s good to see you, sis. Thanks for coming.”
I pat his back before squeezing him a little. “Of course. I’d never miss something that you swear is so important we need to make it an official gathering.”
He smiles as he lets me go and turns to the small group. “Well, now that everyone is here, Collins and I have some amazing news. First, in case you all weren’t aware, my wife is fucking gorgeous and amazing,” Cannon says with pride in his voice as he pulls Collins into his side. “And we’re expecting a baby in September.”