Her Keeper

by Rianna Campbell

  He started the coffee and let it drip directly into his mug until it was full. He swapped out the mug for the pot and took a cautious sip. It was a warm, bitter jolt to his senses and he sighed as he took a second sip.

  For a while he just sat there, thinking about everything and nothing in particular. He let his mind drift as he absorbed his caffeine. Funny thing was, it kept drifting back to Amanda. Specifically that dress she’d been wearing two nights ago. She was stunning in anything, but that dress… One zip and he could have stripped her out of it and fucked her right there in Security. It might have gotten him fired, but it might have been worth it.

  There was no doubt that it would have been highly satisfying in the moment, but the aftermath would have been a disaster, and not just for him. Even if Amanda had been willing, she would no doubt have regretted it as soon as it was over and he’d have to listen to the “it’s not you, it’s me” song and dance.

  Alexandra would have hated him forever, and that would have hurt like hell. Connor would have to stand behind his fiancé which would make things at work a nightmare if he even managed to keep his job.

  Jackson would put himself in the middle because he was selfless like that, which would probably end up biting him in the ass. There was no way Parker would do that to him.

  But… not even the thought of the catastrophic fallout could stop him from imagining what it might have been like.

  This was getting him nowhere fast. He needed to get out of his head and burn off all this angsty shit before it really did a number on his nerves.

  The gym seemed like an excellent idea, so he finished his coffee, threw on his sneakers, and grabbed his keys. Twenty minutes later he walked into the gym just a few blocks from his house and immediately swore under his breath.

  Over in the corner, lifting an ungodly amount of weight was Ian Murphy. They’d never gotten along particularly well, and it had little to do with the fact that he was built like a brick shithouse.

  Parker wasn’t sure he could trust him. The dude was cagey as hell. No one knew much about him and unlike the rest of the guys who’d managed to get hired in pairs, he was the odd man out.

  He might just be really good at keeping his personal life private, but Parker had never heard him say one word about what he did when he wasn't working. No talk about dating or hobbies, and no stories about going out with friends for drinks on a Friday night.

  He was Navy, which didn’t earn him any brownie points with Parker, but at least he’d been a SEAL. Parker could respect that, but something about Ian had always just rubbed him the wrong way.

  He tried to shake off his sour mood as he stepped up to the treadmill. He even nodded to Ian when the guy noticed him. Ian nodded back and went back to deadlifting Cadillacs in the corner.

  That was another part of this whole Elysium deal that irked him. He was more often than not stuck with Cam and Ian. Cam was a decent guy, but he was far too talkative for Parker’s taste. He wasn’t sure he could trust more than half of what came out of his mouth. It would be just like a flyboy to be full of shit.

  He would have felt much better about the whole damn thing if he’d had Jackson with him or even Tom. Tom was dull as dishwater most of the time, but he was solid. He did his job, did it well, and went on his way.

  Parker hopped on the treadmill and started his warm-up at a fair clip, feeling the urge to push himself until all his muscles were twitchy and his bones felt like lead.

  Jackson would call this a "coping mechanism." He loved the man like a brother, but he was always trying to hit him with some psychobabble bullshit or other. Jackson was always going on and on about PTSD and therapy like he was a fucking expert.

  As far as Parker could tell, Jackson had managed to avoid the worst of it. No one came back from the things they’d seen completely untouched, but Jackson had been pretty lucky.

  Parker was glad that his friend was happy and healthy and mentally stable, present girl trouble notwithstanding. He wouldn’t wish that shit on anyone, not even Ian. Parker had issues that went back way before the Marines, but he wasn’t about to go sit on a couch and talk about all the crap he’d had to deal with in his life. It had been bad enough the first time, he didn’t need to see the replay.

  So, instead, he’d do what he’d always done, burn it off with his body. At first, it had been fighting. The pain had been cathartic, and there had always been plenty of that. He was a good fighter, and he was quick, but even the best were bound to take a few hits.

  His knuckles would be torn and his hands would ache for days. His muscles would be stiff the next morning, and for a few days, maybe a week, he’d feel better, lighter.

  It never lasted very long when he was much younger and much angrier, but he had a better handle on himself these days. Jackson had been a big help, along with his family, but there were still times when Parker felt like his skin was too tight, his muscles too charged up. If he didn’t go out and find a way to drain the battery, bad things were likely to happen.

  If he’d still been on his own, that wouldn’t have been much of a problem, but he owed Jackson too much to put him through that.

  It was strange to think that most of what he did was either for or because of Jackson. He wasn’t sure it was entirely healthy, but then again nothing in his life had ever been healthy. If Jackson was the only thing keeping him from self-destructing, then so be it. Something was better than nothing.

  Parker punched the buttons to slow the treadmill to a walk. He was breathing hard and his hands were clenched tight. He looked down as he uncurled his fists and stretched his fingers. His knuckles were scarred many times over. There were gashes and cuts that had healed poorly, leaving thick ribbons of scar tissue on his palms and the backs of his hands.

  He didn’t want to remember where they’d all come from, so instead, he examined the ink that covered his forearm. It had begun on his upper arm and gradually spread down to his wrist and over his chest like a creeping vine, one with both flowers and thorns. The tattoos documented all the best and worst moments of his life, but the latter far outweighed the former.

  “Done?”

  Parker’s head whipped around as he recognized Ian’s voice. Dude sounded like he smoked a pack a day or ate gravel for breakfast every morning.

  “Done?” Ian repeated more slowly, tilting his head toward the machine. Parker glanced around and realized all the machines were full.

  “Oh, yeah. Sure.” Parker stepped off the machine and wiped his face on the bottom of his shirt. He watched Ian get up onto the belt and pump the treadmill up until he was jogging at a steady pace.

  Parker wandered over to the weight rack and went through his routine, running on autopilot. He did the same lifts in the same order every time. It was all muscle memory at this point so his mind was free to wander.

  After half an hour he was desperately wishing he’d remembered his headphones so he could drown out what was going on in his head. When he was in this kind of mood, having too much time to think was never a good thing.

  It looked like his trip to the gym wasn’t going to be the release he was looking for. Seemed like it was getting harder and harder to get those few rare moments of peace he was always searching for. How much longer before it was just impossible? What happened then?

  ✽✽✽

  “Ready?”

  “As I’ll ever be,” Amanda replied with a smirk.

  She and Alexandra were on their way to shop for bridesmaid dresses, and her sister was more excited than a kid on Christmas.

  The wedding was in just a couple weeks, and Alexandra was practically vibrating with nervous energy.

  “I told Janie we’d pick out a few solid options and then consult with her and Angel via text to see which one everyone liked. With her still stuck in Mississippi, I wanted to take as much as possible off her plate,” Alexandra said as she wove her way through the traffic.

  “How is she?”

  Amanda and Janie had become pretty good f
riends during this whole wedding planning frenzy. When Alexandra had asked Amanda if she wanted to be Maid of Honor, Amanda had been thrilled, of course, but also reluctant.

  With her unpredictable schedule, it would be really hard for her to get away for cake tastings, meetings with caterers, dress shopping, and all the other things that needed to be done.

  Not to mention that her work schedule was almost opposite Alexandra’s. Amanda’s job was not of the Monday through Friday, nine to five variety. She worked nights, weekends, and holidays and her schedule could be different from one week to the next.

  Alexandra had understood and had asked Janie to be Maid of Honor instead. Amanda hated that she couldn’t be there for her sister the way she wanted to, but she and Janie were good friends and she knew Janie was the right choice.

  After all, Janie had been keeping Alexandra’s schedule and handling her life for years at this point. And Janie did not disappoint. She’d handled everything beautifully until all that had been left was the dresses.

  “She’s good. Better, I think. Her father is recovering pretty well. She sounded cautiously optimistic,” Alexandra replied thoughtfully.

  “Good.” Amanda was genuinely pleased that she was doing alright. “You sure she’s going to make it to the wedding?”

  “She insists she will, but I told her that if she feels like she needs to stay that I’ll understand.”

  “Still, that would suck.”

  “Yeah, it would.” Alexandra sighed. “But family is important and this might be her chance to finally get some closure and maybe even have the kind of family that she never had growing up.”

  “Man, I just can’t imagine how shitty that must have been.”

  Amanda had heard most of the story from Alexandra about Janie’s crazy stepmother and she had no idea what Janie must have gone through.

  They sat in silence for a moment before Alexandra sighed and perked up. Amanda could tell her smile was a little forced, but she assumed it was only worrying for Janie that was harshing her buzz, so she let it slide.

  “Anyway, what’s new with you?” Alexandra asked, focusing on the road.

  “Nothing. Same shit, different day.” Amanda shrugged, looking out the window.

  “What, no awesome raves lately?” Alexandra laughed and looked at her sideways.

  “Oh, come on. One time. One time and I was nineteen.” Amanda rolled her eyes.

  Her sister had never let her live down the brief emo-girl phase she’d gone through. Of course, Alexandra was only teasing, but it was just another reminder of how few mistakes her older sister had made growing up. In comparison, Alexandra was definitely the wild child of the family. Not that the bar was very high since Amanda had been such an angel.

  She figured most people went through a rebellious phase where they went a little stupid and did things they weren’t supposed to. Apparently, everyone but Alexandra.

  Some people might have resented having a perfect older sibling who never did anything to embarrass themselves, but Amanda never had. Alexandra had never played the perfect child card, and her parents had never compared them or tried to tell Amanda to be more like her sister.

  That still didn’t keep her from feeling like the black sheep of the family at times. Her parents never said they were disappointed in her or nagged her about getting a “real job.” They never expected her to be a doctor or a lawyer, but she sometimes wondered what they thought about the choices she’d made.

  Shaking herself out of her uncharacteristic brooding, Amanda looked out the window at the people passing by on the sidewalk. People watching was a fun way to pass time. She’d had a hell of a time at Elysium the other night just watching all the fancy pants members strolling around and chatting.

  She’d played a game with herself trying to decide what everyone’s kinks were just based on what they looked like. Fair? Probably not. But she wasn’t judging so she figured it was harmless enough.

  Thinking about Elysium was a mistake, though, because inevitably her mind turned back to Parker. He’d definitely come off as more than a little judgy. He’d seemed really surprised and upset to find her there. She couldn’t think of any reason for his reaction except that he must have a pretty low opinion of the patrons.

  That was a shame because she certainly wouldn’t have minded trying out a few things with him. He clearly wasn’t into that sort of thing based on his reaction, but she wondered what his kink would be if he had one.

  Before she could even take a moment to think seriously about it, she already knew. He’d definitely be a Dom. As self-contained and quiet as he always seemed to be, there was no doubt that those still waters had to run deep.

  He may not be into whips and chains, but he’d be way into calling the shots.

  “Amanda?”

  “Sorry, what?”

  “I asked if you’d been out with anyone lately,” Alexandra asked again, raising an eyebrow.

  “Me? No. Too busy with work. You know how it is. Well, you used to know,” Amanda teased.

  Alexandra’s answering smile was blinding and Amanda’s chest got all warm. She was so glad her sister was finally, truly happy. She couldn’t think of anyone who deserved it more.

  Connor had been a literal lifesaver for Alexandra. He’d come along and given her a safe place to heal and in the process, he’d completely shaken up her life and gotten her out of the rut she’d been living in for so long. Now, Alexandra was finally living for something other than her clients and the billable hours.

  “Yeah, which is why I know you should make some time. Take a lesson from me and don’t waste too much time.”

  “But if you hadn’t, you wouldn’t have met Connor,” Amanda pointed out.

  “Please, do not tell me my horoscope again,” Alexandra replied with a roll of her eyes.

  “I’m just saying, would you really rather have ended up married to some accountant three or four years ago versus marrying Connor now?”

  Alexandra frowned and then smiled a secretive smile.

  “No way.”

  “See? I’m not going to say everything happens for a reason, but sometimes it’s about the timing.”

  “Yeah, but it’s been… what, two years since you broke up with Derick?” Alexandra asked.

  “Something like that.”

  “So, don’t you want to date again?”

  “Listen, Mom, I’m not interested in getting married and popping out a couple of kids just yet, alright? Jesus. I’m only twenty-seven, you know. I’m focusing on my career right now.”

  “Okay. God, you don’t have to get all pissy about it. I was just asking.”

  Amanda sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. It wasn’t really that she didn’t want to date, she just didn’t want to explain the embarrassing truth of it.

  “Look, I’m just still waiting for someone who gives me that… Phil Collins moment, you know?’

  When Alexandra didn’t respond, Amanda looked over at her. Her sister was staring at her, mouth open, stunned silent. There was a honk behind them and Alexandra shook her head and hit the gas, pulling through the light that was now green.

  “What?”

  “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to unpack that one for me,” Alexandra replied, shaking her head.

  “That Phil Collins song. You know the one.”

  “What song?”

  Amanda sang a few bars but Alexandra was still looking at her like she’d ripped off a mask and revealed she was a creature from the black lagoon or something.

  “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “Come on, you know what I’m talking about. The song starts all slow and sultry and then it gets to a certain part and the drum hits and you feel it through your whole body.

  “Yeah…” Alexandra still sounded uncertain.

  “Don’t tell me you never had that fantasy about having amazing, passionate sex to that song.”

  “I can tell you that I certainly have not,” Alexandra
said with a bewildered laugh.

  “Oh, my God. How are we even related? Look, to my teenage brain, it was the perfect sex song and it’s always stuck with me. I mean, it really builds.”

  Alexandra’s shocked laugh turned into a full-on snorting giggle. Amanda wasn’t sure if she should be offended or laugh too. She decided to do both.

  “You are so weird. That’s the song? You couldn’t have picked, oh, I don’t know, literally anything else?”

  “I’m pretty sure it’s not as weird as you think. There’s no way I’m the only one who thinks that song is sexy.”

  “You are an odd little creature,” Alexandra said, still laughing.

  “But, you love me.”

  “But, I love you,” she added with a grin. Amanda smiled back at her as they pulled into a parking spot down the street from the bridal shop.

  “You realize that song is about going through a divorce right?” Alexandra pointed out as she climbed out of the car.

  “I thought it was about a guy drowning.”

  “Because that’s so much sexier,” Alexandra replied, rolling her eyes.

  “Shut up,” Amanda laughed. “Let’s just go find my dress, shall we?”

  As Amanda followed her sister into the bridal shop she wondered if maybe she really was broken. Apparently, even her fantasies were weird. Maybe whatever it was she was chasing just didn’t exist.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Parker’s week had been a slice of hell. After working Friday and Saturday night at Elysium, he’d had a couple days off, but rather than feeling rested and relaxed when he went back to work on Tuesday morning, he was more keyed up than ever.

  For the rest of the week, his skin itched and he hadn’t slept well. He’d thought about it in all the hours he’d spent staring at the ceiling in his bedroom when he should have been sleeping, and there was only one conclusion. It was Amanda’s fault.

  Seeing her at the club had gotten him all bent out of shape. It wasn’t like she’d been far from his thoughts in the past few months, but it had been a sort of background image, like on a computer screen.