Hard To Love

by Ross, Sabrina

  “Okay then.” I nodded. I looked at her, then at Nick, who was staring out at the street. “Do I stay here with you or—”

  “I’ll give you the key to my place. Nick can show you where I live.” She said turning to face him.

  “Oh, I don’t feel comfortable with that,” I declined.

  “It’s fine—”

  I interjected, “I wanted to check out the city a bit, take some photos.” It was odd that she trusted me enough to stay in her apartment alone.

  “Well, then, I should be done with work around seven. If you want to meet me here around that time, we can go to my place together,” she suggested. I nodded, and then shook her hand, thanking her again.

  “Any suggestions on what I should see here?” I asked.

  “If you want to take some fantastic photographs, I would go to the reserve,” she said. “It’s about an hour northwest of here.”

  “Okay.” I nodded.

  “I’ll draw you up a map. You’ll take the ferry, and then drive the rest of the way.” Claudia turned to go inside, when Nick stopped her.

  “I’ll take her,” he replied. I turned in surprise. “We’ll drop her car off at your place then—then I’ll take to the reserve.” He wouldn’t look at me as he agreed to do it.

  “You don’t have to do that.” I said, trying to look him in the eye. “I don’t want to waste your time.”

  “You’re not wasting my time,” he scoffed. I scanned his face, trying to figure out what he was feeling. A minute ago he had seemed unhappy to see me; now he wanted to spend the day with me.

  “Are you sure?” I asked. “Because you seem—annoyed with my presence.” His eyes narrowed as he finally turned to look at me.

  “I’m.not.annoyed,” he said, clearing his throat.

  “If you say so,” I sighed, remembering how stubborn he was. “I’ll see you at your place later.”

  “Around seven.” She said with a nod. Then I waved at Claudia as she went back in the gallery.

  I followed Nic k to Claudia’s apartment and parked in the back. He parked in front of me and waited. I got in his new car, which was a black Aston Martin. He looked so uncomfortable. I really didn’t understand why he offered to do this.

  “Don’t you work today?” I asked. He just shook his head. I rolled my eyes and folded my hands in my lap. “Well, thanks for doing this.” Again he just nodded.

  Claudia was right about the reserve; it was incredible. I just wished Nick would lighten up a little. The silent car ride was torture enough. I didn’t need him as a bodyguard, trailing behind me or walking far away from me. But it did help with my inspiration because when Nick wasn’t paying attention, I snapped a few pictures of him. He had been a big part of my work lately, so I figured I’d keep him as my inspiration.

  “Are you planning on talking at all today?” I asked. Nick just continued to walk ahead of me. Then my phone buzzed. Claudia was texting me.

  5:30 p.m. ClaudiaPorter: How are things going? I shook my head, realizing she had probably set this up on purpose.

  5:35 p.m. Me: Kind of boring. Nick doesn’t talk much anymore. However, the sights are incredible. Thanks for the suggestion. I had stopped walking to text her back. When I looked up again Nick was standing on a bridge by the pond, another perfect shot. As I waited for her to text me back, I snapped a few more pictures of him. I hated the sad expression he had on his face. When he turned, he caught me taking pictures of him. I tried to hide my grin.

  “Please don’t use that in your collection,” he joked. “Why not? You’re the perfect muse,” I replied. He turned his head hiding his smirk but I caught it. I shook my head, and sighed.

  “I’m sorry if m y being here is making you uncomfortable.” “What makes you think that I’m uncomfortable?” he scoffed. I

  rolled my eyes at him, and he turned away.

  “Oh come on, Nick. I can tell.” I sighed.

  My phone buzzed again.

  5:45 p.m. ClaudiaPorter: Good to hear you like the spot. Sorry to hear that Nick is such a bore.

  5:50 p.m. Me: It’s fine. I should see you soon.

  “Who are you talking to?” Nick asked , walking closer. “Why do you care?” I tried to joke, but he frowned at me. I grabbed his arm stopping him. “I’m just kidding. It’s Claudia. She asked how I like the reserve.”

  “My sister, the nosy parker,” he said and walked past me. I caught up with him.

  “What does that mean?” I asked.

  “She knows about our past,” he said.

  “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “I’m sure—once she realized who you were . . .” He gave me a quick side glance.

  “Oh, I see what you mean.” I screwed my lips to the side. Nick continued to walk a few paces ahead of me.

  Then something strange happened.

  As we walked back to the car through the beautiful sculptured Zen garden, a cluster of blue butterflies swirled around us. “Don’t move,” I said, slowly lifting my camera. A few landed on Nick as he stood still. “That is neat.”

  “Not really. It’s freaking me out a little.” He winced as most of the butterflies landed on him. I laughed, taking as many shots as I could. As I walked towards him, the butterflies swirled around us again, dangling like they were on strings.

  “This is beautiful. I wonder how many times this happens in a day.” I turned around holding my hand up.

  “I’ve never seen it,” Nick said. When I turned around, he was standing in the middle of the swarm, hands in his pockets and eyes locked on mine.

  “You come here often?”

  “Yeah,” he replied. “It’s peaceful.”

  “Does Claudia know that?” I asked, walking towards him, and the butterflies scattered.

  He nodded. “We should get going,” he said and turned away from me. I sighed, crossed my arms and put some distance between us.

  “You know, they say that seeing a blue butterfly is supposed to be healing,” I said, catching up to him.

  “Who needs healing?” he scoffed, quickening his pace. I shook my head, and kept his pace.

  “You maybe?” I replied.

  “What do I need healing for?”

  “I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?” I replied. He stopped and glanced over at me, shaking his head.

  When we got back to his car, I confronted him. “Nick,” I said and glanced over the roof of the car at him. “What?” he replied but didn’t look over at me. “Is this too weird for you?” I asked.

  “What?” He turned, looked at me, squinting.

  “Come on, Nick. Since you saw me, you’ve been acting all

  weird.” I crossed my arms.

  “I’m fine,” he said and got in the car, but I backed up and

  walked away stopping to the edge of the grass.

  He wasn’t okay. I could feel it.

  In my peripheral vision, I watched him walk up and stand next

  to me.

  “I’ve heard that one before,” I scoffed.

  “What do you want from me, Lauren?” Nick asked. I gulped a little caught off guard by his harsh tone. “Whatever

  happened to the old Nick?” I asked.

  “He changed,” he whispered.

  “Why?” I asked and turned to face him.

  He craned his neck and stared me down. “We should go,” he

  said then turned away.

  He pulled up to Claudia’s building and parked out front. I got out of the car and didn’t look back as I walked to the doors. I scanned the names on the board, looking for Claudia’s number and dialled it. I could see in the windows reflection that he was standing by the car.

  Claudia answered a moment later, buzzing me in. I couldn’t look back to see if Nick was still there. If he wanted to remain at a distance from me, then I would respect that. I really appreciated Claudia’s help with selling my work. It was a dream of mine, and if Robert was the reason behind this opportunity, I wasn’t going to s
quander it.

  “Hey,” she said when she answered the door, peering out. “Where’s Nick?”

  I shrugged and replied, “Downstairs.”

  “I’ll show you to your room,” she said, holding out her arm. “I can’t wait for tomorrow. I think your work will be a hit.”

  “You’d think that with Seattle being on the water, people would be sick of all things nautical.”

  “The complete opposite.” she smiled. “This is your room. We can go through clothes later if you like.”

  “Thanks again,” I said and walked in the room.

  “I’ll give you a minute to get situated,” she said and walked away.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  I called my mother to fill her in. She was excited to hear things were going well. I also told her how I ran into Nick and asked her if she had planned this. She insisted that wasn’t her plan, but I didn’t believe her.

  When I was done talking to my mother, I joined Claudia in the living room. She offered me some wine, and then sat in the armchair next to me, with her feet tucked under her bottom.

  “This is an amazing place,” I said.

  “Thanks,” she replied and smiled proudly. “I love it here. It’s quiet and the fireplace is cozy.”

  “Is there someone special in your life to share it with?” I asked.

  “Oh no,” she scoffed. “After what my parents went through and then Nick’s heartbreak”—she paused, screwed her lips down then added—“I figured it was safer to be single.” She sipped her wine.

  “Really?” I replied, surprised. “Doesn’t it get boring—not to say that you’re boring.” I blushed.

  She laughed. “My life is so busy I don’t have time for boring.” She looked over at the flickering flame in the fireplace. I spoke out of line and felt terrible.

  “You don’t sound too certain.” I put my glass down and curled up in the corner of the sofa. “I’m sure you are being asked out all the time. You’re gorgeous.”

  “Thanks, but you’re too kind.” She looked away. “I can see why my brothers loved you.” She smiled. I gulped, looking away, uncomfortable. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make that sound terrible.”

  “It’s fine.” I shrugged it off. “I’m guessing Mason and Nick told you all about me.” I felt my cheeks burn, embarrassed. It sounded horrible admitting dating brothers. What was I thinking?

  “Nick did, yes.” She nodded. “Mason doesn’t really talk to me much. He doesn’t like my honesty.”

  “I bet.” I shook my head.

  The room fell silent, other than the crackling of the fire. The flames were mesmerising. I found myself lost in it.

  “Why did you choose Mason?” she said, filling the silence. My heart skipped and I felt at a loss for words.

  “W—well, I—I was so upset with Nick for lying to me—”

  “But you told him that you kissed Mason,” she questioned. I nervously wrung my hands in my lap.

  “I did—” I glared at her the sob building in me. She hummed, looking over at the fire, sipping her wine. I watched her. My mouth slightly parted. “Does Nick hate me?” I asked.

  “I don’t know.” She shook her head looking at me. “Why?”

  “It just feels weird. I never used to feel that way around him,” I replied, then stood. “I’m going to bed.” I looked up at the clock. It was only nine. This was going to be a long night.

  “Night.” She swirled the wine in her glass. “Oh, by the way, Nick bought those sketches.” I stopped dead in my tracks, gulped then felt my body cover in goosebumps. Did she invite me here to throw things in my face? I spun around. She looked up at me, smiling.

  “Can I show you something?” I asked. She nodded. I gestured for her to follow. I sat on the bed, pulling out my digital camera. I skipped through most of the pictures of the reserve until I got to the ones of Nick. “I took these today. Tell me what you think.” I watched her.

  She took the camera and started flipping through them. “I need to get a better look. Can we hook this up to my laptop?” she asked, and I nodded. I followed her back out to the living room and pulled up a chair next to her. She plugged my camera in to her computer. While it loaded, I caught her staring at me. When it was done loading, it made a sound and a window popped up. Claudia clicked on the file, and it opened. She double-clicked on a picture of Nick surrounded by butterflies.

  “I really like this one,” she said.

  “It was so weird. We were walking back to the car, and then all these butterflies just started fluttering around us.” I smiled.

  “I like how he is looking at you,” she said, looking at me.

  “Huh?” My brow furrowed. She placed the pointer next to his face, blowing up the picture. Then she flipped to the next one and then the next. His face was the same in every picture. “But—he acted so annoyed—”

  “He is far from annoyed.” She sighed, sitting back, flipping through the rest of the pictures. “I think you should add a few of these to the show tomorrow.” She started putting a few pictures in a folder. “Think you can get these ready for tomorrow night?”

  “Yes. I just need to know where I can grab some supplies.” I smiled.

  “I’ll show you tomorrow.” She got up from the computer. “Night.” She sauntered down the hall.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  The next morning I got up and walked out to the hall. I could hear the water running in the bathroom, so I walked to the kitchen and took a seat at the table. A few minutes later Claudia came walking down the hall.

  “Morning ,” she said and smiled, walking over to the counter. “Coffee?” she asked, grabbing the cupboard handle.

  “Yes, please,” I replied.

  She pulled down two mugs and poured coffee in them. We chatted a little before she left the room to get dressed. I took a shower and found some clothes on the bed when I returned.

  “I chose this dress for you for later,” she said, holding up a short black dress. “It’s simple enough not to take the attention off your work, but you will still look ravishing.” She smiled. I blushed. “What’s your shoe size?”

  “Seven.”

  “We might have to get you some shoes to match.” She hemmed and hawed a moment. “We’ll stop at my favourite place before I show you where the art store is,” she said, grabbing a hanger for the dress, and wrapped it in plastic. “I’ll keep this at the gallery.”

  “Okay.” I was nervous already, and the day had only just begun. I think most of my jitters were because I wasn’t sure if I would run into Nick again.

  “I’ll be waiting in the living room for you.” She said and exited the room with the dress. I quickly slipped on my jeans and a black short sleeve off-shoulder t-shirt blouse, and my black knee high boots. I followed Claudia to the shoe store where she picked out a pair of red pumps for me to try on.

  Then we drove to the art shop, and she introduced me to the owner. Everything was at my disposal. I thanked Claudia and went about my business. The owner helped me with the laminating of the photographs on the backgrounds I chose. I grabbed a new sketchbook and pencils; I had an idea I wanted to display before the show later. I checked the time, and then drove around until I found the perfect place to sit and sketch. I found a park not far from where Claudia had left me and took a seat on a bench. I looked at the field of lush green grass, people scattered around playing Frisbee or having a picnic. It was like something out of a movie. I pulled my knees up with the sketchpad on my lap and closed my eyes.

  When I was done drawing, I closed the pad and put it in my bag, then started back to my car. I had an hour to set up and get dressed.

  Claudia was excited to see what I was going to add to the collection. She took me around back, and we carried in each piece carefully.

  “This is great stuff , Lauren. You are really talented.” She looked them, over as she displayed them.

  “You’re not just saying that because of who I am . . . are you?” I asked.
/>   “No,” she said. “Okay, let’s get these up and get you dressed. I have another artist to put on display as well,” she said then held one of my pieces up. “What does this represent?” she asked. I smiled, standing next to her.

  “Heartbreak,” I replied.

  “Wow.” She couldn’t take her eyes off it. Then as the other artist arrived, she introduced me. We chatted briefly until she scooted me away to get changed.

  “Claudia, I’m here. What’s the big rush?” Nick said, coming around the corner as I disappeared down the hall. I glanced over my shoulder hearing his voice but he didn’t see me so I kept walking.

  It was time to open the doors and there was a line up already.

  Nervously I stood near my work as the place began to fill up. I scanned the room for Nick, knowing he had come in earlier but I didn’t see him anywhere. And I have to admit I was disappointed.

  I watched as Claudia schmoozed with the crowd, pointing out pieces and talking about them. Then I saw Robert come around the corner. I smiled and walked over to him.

  “Mr. Porter.” I held up my arms and hugged him.

  “Hey, sweetheart,” He kissed my cheek. “How’s it going?” he asked.

  “Great, thanks to you and my mother,” I replied walking alongside him.

  “It was my pleasure,” he said, holding out his arm for me to take it. “Claudia has been raving about your work since last night, so I thought I would come see it for myself.”

  “I’m grateful for her enthusiasm,” I replied, looking over at her. Nick walked through the crowd, and I stopped short, my heart picking up speed fast. He stood in front of the table where my sketchpad was on display. I watched as he hovered over the sketch. His fingers strummed the table.

  “Excuse me,” I said, looking up at Robert. He nodded, then followed me with his eyes as I made my way over to Nick. I ran my hand across his back as I came in close.

  “Hey.” I look at him. “Do you like it?” He didn’t say anything. His fingers stopped strumming and were turning white from pressing down on the table.

  “How do you do it?” He whispered so low that I almost didn’t hear him.