I love you, I love you, I love you. You always know how to make me feel better. I know you won’t let anything happen to me. I wish you could be here right now. There are so many things I'd do to you...
Em
I was surprising myself with how well I'd adapted to sexy, flirty Em. In typical Simon fashion, a reply popped up on my phone.
Well now I am intrigued. It would almost be worth risking seeing you, just to find out what it is you'd do to me. And here I was thinking you were a nice innocent girl I could take home to dinner with my mom.
Temptress Emma took over inside of me. I'd clicked send before I'd even realised it. I re-read my message and gasped. I felt my face redden. What a dirty little girl I'd become.
You could take me home to dinner with your mom, and she'd love me. But only because they wouldn't see what my foot was doing under the dinner table, or on the drive over. If you were here, right now, I'd blow your mind, among other things. Em xx
“Hi baby.” I said sweetly. My phone had rung almost immediately.
“Don't you ‘baby’ me.” He growled. “Do you have any idea how hard I am right now, how much I want you?” I giggled. I loved this control I had over him. I glanced at Tom again, still glued to the movie.
“Hold on.” Easing myself out of the chair, I ducked out of the room. In my bedroom, I laid down on the bed. “That's better. Now where were we?”
“You were turning me on, Miss Mancelli.” I closed my eyes and imagine him lying there next to me. I could almost smell his aftershave. His dark hair would be unruly and everywhere, framing his lovely deep blue eyes. His lips would be so soft, so gentle to kiss.
“I wish you were here.”
“And what would you do to me if I was there?” His voice was husky now, and low.
Almost hushed. I wondered for a moment if he was still at work. The thought of him calling me whilst still there was incredibly sexy.
“I'd kiss you. I'd be straddling you. Every now and then I'd accidentally grind myself against you, to feel your hardness.” I could hear the sound of his zipper, I found my own hands wandering underneath my skirt. My finger slipped past my panties and into my entrance. I gently tickled myself as I continued. “Then I would undo your fly. Your penis would spring out, as if he was so excited to see me.”
“Oh he would be.” I could hear muffled sounds on his end.
“I'd lick the tip of your penis, before taking you completely in my mouth. Your tip would be pressing against the back of my throat.” I whispered. “And then I'd-”
“Hey what the hell? What is this then?”
I jumped, trying to pull my skirt down and sit up on the bed at the same time. Tom stood at the edge of my bed, an accusing look on his face.
“You were having phone sex!” He shrieked, laughing hysterically. Oh shit. In the distance I could hear Simon calling my name. I must have dropped the phone during the interruption. “Don't let me stop you.” Smirked Tom, obviously very pleased to have discovered this. I'm sure he was thinking how long he could hold this over me for. I knew Cass would know, probably within the hour.
“Simon, I have to go.” I said tightly
“What exactly did he catch you doing?” Simon asked, amused.
“Same thing you were doing at work, I'm sure.” I shot back. I hung up on him laughing loudly. I suppose that counted as a happy ending. I turned my attention to Tom.
“Thanks mate.” I slapped Tom on the back. “Nice work.”
Tom laughed, ignoring my obvious sexual frustration. “Hey if you'd told me I wouldn't have barged in.” He protested. “If you need a hand...”
“Piss off.” I growled.
Tom eventually left. He had wanted to sleep over, apparently under orders from Simon, but I refused. It was still pretty early, only 9pm. I switched on the news with a bucket of Ben and Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream. My current obsession. If I couldn’t have sex with Simon I would eat ice cream, dammit. I spooned down mouthfuls of half melted ice cream. How the hell was I supposed to get through two weeks without him? I barely coped with two days.
And what if his boss decided he needed to stay away from me longer. Or worse, permanently? Feeling sick from an overdose of ice cream, I trudged off to bed.
“So any idea how much longer?” It was the fifth day Simon and I had spent apart. I was getting desperate.
“Hopefully not much longer. I miss you so much.” The stress was beginning to show in his voice. I had no idea how much shit he was taking at work from his colleagues about our relationship.
“And Derek?” I asked nervously. Simon would tell me of any movements in the case, I knew that, but I struggled to hold the fear at bay. Every gap in the curtain, I wondered if he was looking in. Which was utterly ridiculous, considering he’d need a hell of a ladder.
“Still with his mother.” He paused for a moment. “Listen Em, I’m going to come over tonight. I need to see you. This being away from you is tearing me apart.” Part of me wanted to scream how bad an idea that was. The other part of me wanted so desperately to see him.
“That’s a bad idea.”
“No, Em. It’s a great idea.” He hung up before I could argue. Staring at the phone, I smiled. I’d be seeing him tonight.
“Em?”
Yawning, I waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. I struggled to sit up. Why was I on the couch? Then I remembered I had been waiting for Simon to arrive. Brushing the wrinkles out of my strapless silk dress, I stumbled to the door.
“Hey baby.” He smiled at me, reaching out his hand to touch my hair. “You are so adorable, even with sleep hair.” Tuning toward the mirror, I gasped and tried to fix my wayward hair. Simon reached out, intercepting my hands. “Don’t. I like it.” He kept hold of my hands as we moved inside. He trailed his fingers up my arm, until his hand rested on my neck. He pulled me in, kissing me, his tongue circling mine. Both hands wandered up to my hair, his grasp pulling me close, his lips still firmly on mine.
“Fuck I’ve missed you so much Emma.” He mumbled into my neck. He pulled down my dress, exposing my breasts. He knelt down, pulling the dress down with him until I stood before him in only my panties. He kissed my stomach, massaging my breasts with one hand, the other hand tugging at my panties. “These need to go.” He growled. I laughed as he ripped the flimsy material off me.
“You owe me a new pair.” I giggled, as he hoisted me up onto the kitchen bench. The coldness of the marble against my rear made me gasp.
“I’ll buy you a hundred pairs if it means I can rip another 99 pairs from you.” He forced me back onto the bench. He struggled to undo his pants with his large erection. I laughed as he fumbled with the zip. He looked up, amused.
“Something funny?” He asked dryly, which made me laugh even harder. He shook his head as he wiggled out of his pants. “Maybe you need to be taught a lesson.” He pulled my legs into him, hard, sending me sprawling backward on the bench, still giggling. My giggles soon turned into moans as his pushed his way inside me. I clutched onto the edge of the bench.
“I love you so much Emma. It’s been hell being away from you.” He panted, his thrusts getting faster and deeper. Finally, he reached his climax. I pulled myself up, hugging him while he was still inside me. We kissed deeply, both so hungry for each other.
“I love you too, Simon.” My hands gripped his head as I planted another kiss on his lips. “More than you’ll ever know.”
My midnight rendezvous with Simon had been great, but now I just missed him even more. He’d stayed until four in the morning, and after sex in the kitchen, the lounge, on the balcony, and in the bed, he had finally left. With all my assignments finished for the semester, I had nothing to do but mope. Not even Dr Phil could help me. I continually checked my phone for emails and texts from Simon. Nothing yet. I threw myself on the couch in disgust.
It was only 10am. I’d already dealt with a call from mum, and Cass, both calling to check on me. In both conversations I’d left out the details of Simon’s
visit. I checked my email again.
Shit! I struggled to sit up. Another reply from Maria.
She had told me all about her life in New Zealand, and her family. Her two daughters, her husband, their dog, Ziggy, and their two pet cats. The last thing in her email was a phone number. I stared at the number, trying to work up the courage to call. Hell, I didn’t even know what time it was in New Zealand. Fuck it, I decided. Before I could change my mind, I dialled the number. If I didn’t do this now, I’d come up with a hundred reasons as to why I shouldn’t. Each ring made the nerves inside me triple. Just as I was about to slam the phone shut, someone answered.
“Hello?” The tired voice sounded half asleep. Oh shit.
“Maria?” Suddenly this didn’t seem like such a good idea.
“Who is this?” Her voice was clearer now. I suppose a call in the middle of the night would do that to you.
“It’s Emma. Your niece.” I waited impatiently for the silence to pass. Say something. Anything! Finally, she spoke.
“Emma.” Her voice now held wonder. “I can’t believe it’s you.”
“Is this a bad time? I feel like I woke you up.”
“No. Well, yes you woke me up, but this is great. I’m so glad you rang.”
“Sorry. I should have checked time differences and stuff. What time is it there?”
“It’s 4am.” I gasped. Fuck, had I really just called her at 4am? “Emma, it’s okay. It’s so good to hear from you.”
We spoke for over an hour. It felt awkward in the beginning, but it didn’t take long for me to relax into the conversation. Hearing about her life halfway across the world was fascinating.
“Why did you leave?” It had been something I’d been wondering for a while. What possessed someone so young to pack up and move so far from home?
“It’s complicated, Emma. I had major issues with mom. And your father. It became too hard to stay. Then I met Phillip. He was over there on a business trip. I felt nothing was stopping me from leaving.” Her voice broke, as if opening up these old wounds was too much for her.
“Have you thought about fixing things? With dad I mean?”
“Some things can’t be fixed, Emma.” Maria responded sadly. “Sometimes there is too much hurt, and betrayal.” She stopped, taking a breath. “I’m sorry Emma. Laying all this on you is not fair.”
“I’m sorry you were hurt, Maria. I hope we can fix our relationship.”
“I’d like that Emma. I’d like that a lot.” We said goodbye, promising to talk to each other again soon.
“So I spoke to Maria this morning.” Mom froze. She gripped the spoon in her hand tighter. Eventually she looked up at me.
“Maria?” Her voice was quiet. There was something odd in her expression, something I couldn’t put my finger on.
“Yes. I tracked her down. It felt strange for me that I have relatives I don’t even know.”
“How is she?” Mom asked, paying more attention to stirring her coffee than necessary. “Is she still with Phillip?” I nodded.
“She’s married with two girls. 14 and 15.” I paused, considering what to say next. “What happened mom? For her to leave home. Why wouldn’t dad want to know his nieces? His sister?” Mom shook her head and slammed her cup down hard. She turned to me, her eyes full of anger and anxiety.
“Do not mention her to me or your father again. Do you hear me?” I stared at mom, shocked by her aggressive outburst. Never had I seen her react like this. Not even following my attack.
“You can’t stop me from getting to know my aunt.” I replied. “Or my cousins.” Mom shook her head and laughed bitterly.
“You do what you like Emma. You always do.” Her words shocked me. Did she resent me? It sure sounded like it. What had I done to make her so angry with me? Since I was young, I’d always felt nothing was ever good enough. Following the attack, things got worse, quickly. Maybe that was just her way of coping with things, but it seemed more than that.
“What are you saying? You’re not making sense, mom.” Running my hands through my knotted hair, I pulled it through a hair tie as I tried to figure out what the hell was going on. Was she having some kind of breakdown?
“Everything is about you.” Mom tried to keep her voice even. “What about us? When was the last time you asked how I was going and meant it? You are such a selfish child. Everything is about you and the attack, and how hard things are for you.” There was venom in mom’s words. I stared at her in disbelief. This seriously could not be happening. Wasn’t the point of having a child to look after them and make everything about them?
“Where is this coming from, mom?” I ignored the tears, and the feeling of abandonment. “What the hell kind of mother says that to their daughter?” The anger was now coming through with force. “You call yourself a mother? A mother is supposed to support their child through everything. You haven’t supported me though anything! Everything is about you. No wonder I’m so messed up.” Mom sighed. She rested her head in her hands, defeated.
“You’re right. I failed you as a mother.” I crossed my arms over my chest, not ready to console her just yet. The anger I felt was still so raw. “Emma. Things happened. Things I regret. You deserve to know the truth.” She motioned to the couch. The pit in my stomach deepened. What the hell could she be about to tell me? I sat down.
“When you were born, Maria was sixteen,” Mom began. “She wasn’t ready to be a mother. She was young, no job, and no way of caring for a child. She also had a drug problem. Your grandmother put her in a facility to keep her off the drugs during her pregnancy. Right after your birth, she was straight back on them.” I listened in shock. Maria was my mother. Moments of my childhood began clicking into place.
“Your father and I had been trying to have a child for three years. We saw how much Maria was struggling, and all we could think of was how much better a life we could offer you.” Mom ignored my muffled laugh. “So your father offered Maria money. To give you up to us to raise as our own.” My eyes widened. She sold me? My own mother sold me, no doubt to buy drugs.
“Holy shit.” Mom continued, ignoring my language.
“So Maria took the money and disappeared. When you were six, she turned up, wanting you back. She had turned her life around.” Mom shook her head violently. “She thought she could just turn up and take you back. My daughter.”
“So she just left?”
“To New Zealand. Your father told her if she contacted us or you again, he’d have her arrested. He had evidence of fraud she’d committed when she was younger. Evidence that would have landed her in jail.” Leaning forward on my chair, I rubbed my neck. This was all too much to digest. Standing up, I told mom to let herself out and made my way down the hall. How could this be real? There wasn’t enough drama in my life? The comfort of my bed made me feel slightly better. I wanted to call her. I needed to know why. How could she have sold me? That’s basically what it was. Money was worth more to her than I was. I opened my email and began to write.
Pressing send, I felt the weight lift off my shoulders. I had managed to cram all my feelings into a one page email. There were so many questions I needed answers to, but for now, it was enough.
“Hey.” Simon picked up on the first ring.
“Hey, I was just about to call. How are you?” His voice was so warm, I could feel how much he loved me in just his words.
“Maria is my mother.” I’d meant to ease that into the conversation. Instead, I’d just blurted it out. I filled him in on the whole story.
“Wow.” He breathed. “Your life has more drama than a Jerry Springer episode. How are you? That’s a lot for you to take in.” He added.
“It actually explains a lot to me. I called her this morning. Before I knew.”
“How did that go?”
“Well. Apart from the fact that it was 4am when I called.” I chuckled. “I don’t know, Simon. I’m so angry. At everyone.” Stretching out on the bed, I flipped over onto my stomach.<
br />
“That’s fair enough. It’s a lot to process.” He said. “Try not to be too hard on Maria, Em. Or your parents. As messed up as all this is, they were all just trying to do what was best for you.”
“Like selling me?” I laughed harshly.
“Come on Em. You know that’s not what it was about. Imagine being sixteen with a drug addiction. Alone. Would you think that was the best situation for a baby?” I hated it when he made sense. “Giving you up was probably the hardest decision of her life. That would be something you’d never get over. And she did try to get you back. That has to say something.”
I remembered that night, listening at the top of the stairs to the yelling and screaming. I hadn’t for a moment thought all that was about me.
“I have to go, Em. I love you. Call me if you need me.”
My mother had gone when I emerged from my room, hours later. I eyed a note on the bench, addressed to me. It was from her.
Emma,
I am sorry you found out this way. I need you to know that with all the mistakes I’ve made, I do love you. I love you more than anything on this earth. I love you like a daughter. My anger and resentment is not directed at you. I feel I failed you as a mother. I took you from your own mother because I thought I could offer you more. Instead, I failed you.
I hope one day you can forgive me.
Mom
Curling up on the couch, I reread the letter. Mom was my aunt. My aunt was my mom. My father was my uncle. My cousins were my half-sisters. Wow this was messed up. Simon was right. My life was like a talk show.
Something on the news caught my eye. Holy shit did I hear that right? I grabbed the remote and stabbed the volume button a few times.
“. ..Was last seen leaving school yesterday. Mandy's disappearance is described as out of character for the young girl by her friends and family. Police hold grave fears for her safety after recently released child rapist Derek Moosly was seen on CCTV footage following the girl. Moosly served ten years for the rape and torture of a thirteen year old girl in 2001.” The newsreader moved onto the next story.
So Many Reasons Why Page 15