by Dale Mayer
Why would she want to spend more time with somebody like him, after spending so much time caring for her brother and watching him deteriorate?
She needed to be free of that. The best Nash could do would be to get as healthy as he could be, then to see if they had something. He also knew the pitfalls of trying to get healthy for somebody else. He had heard horror stories of guys who had done everything they could for their wives or their girlfriends, only to have their marriages or their relationships fall apart when they returned home anyway. Nash knew a lot of other layers were involved, other psychological levels that went into a relationship and the returning of a wounded hero.
The bottom line was, he had to do what he needed to do for himself, for his own reasons, for his own benefit, and that work would then benefit everybody else around him. But the reasons couldn’t solely be for another person because, if that reason fell through, Nash would have nothing left.
As he sat here, the empty bowl in front of him, Dennis returned, sat down, and said, “Still looking pretty heavy in your thoughts.”
“Yeah, you could say that,” he said with a crooked smile.
“Can’t be that hard to work up the spirit to talk to her, … to see how she feels about you now.”
“She walked away from the relationship back then,” he said to Dennis. “I can’t see that I have anything to offer her now that she’d want.” He was not trying to be the victim, to spout that poor me attitude. He was trying to be open and realistic.
“And that’s because you’re thinking on a physical level,” Dennis said. “I don’t know how far you can go in this healing climb of yours. I know I’ve seen some pretty amazing things in my years here. But you’re forgetting that the inside of who you are is really the core essence of any relationship. The same as how you don’t look at her and see a woman who wasted her life in sacrifice to her brother. You see somebody who did what she felt she needed to do, and she followed through on it. Don’t you?”
“Absolutely,” he said. “And all the more power to her, knowing how that time would get even more difficult and more painful. But, at the same time, the gift was whatever time she had with him.”
“Exactly. So you see the inner her without looking at the outer her, and she needs to see the inner you without looking at the outer you. The problem is, you’re looking at the outer you, and you’re not seeing the inner you.”
It was a little convoluted, but he did get it. He smiled at Dennis. “You sure you don’t have a shrink degree in there somewhere?”
Dennis laughed. “I’m an observer of people and a lover of life,” he said. “And, when you think about that, it’s really all the life lessons that we need.”
“I guess,” he said. “I hadn’t really considered it in that light. But I guess I need to do yet more work on myself.”
“No,” Dennis said. “You need to let things just happen.”
“Maybe, but it seems very much like I need to do more.”
“Just make sure that the need to do more isn’t coming out of desperation or fear. Because it’s the fear that will get you. It always wins out, if you don’t do the inner work to deal with it.”
Chapter 8
The next few days passed in a blur of heavy work. By the time the following Friday rolled around, Alicia stood out on the deck, early in the morning, stretching.
Dennis came up beside her and said, “Maybe you should do yoga or something.”
She turned with a smile. “Maybe. I certainly need to do something. It’s been a couple stressful days.”
“When we get shorthanded like that,” he said, “it can be.”
“Well, we have lots of people coming, lots of people going,” she said. “And that always seems to add to it.”
“Yep, I can see that,” he said. “Are you okay?”
She gave him a bright smile. “I am. I’m here for one of your cinnamon buns and saw that they weren’t out yet, so I stepped outside to relax and to get a little bit more fresh air.”
“Good,” he said. “I’ll see if I can find you a cinnamon bun. Hang tight.” He disappeared inside.
She walked toward the coffee service and poured herself a big mug of fresh brew, loving the fact that everybody had such a great relationship here. And, of course, that just brought her back to the fact that Nash was here too. She had done a lot of thinking about him and the odd synchronicity of him being here. Coincidence maybe, although she knew that wasn’t exactly something that she had too much experience with. But it was great to see him. He had a lot to offer people, and he was doing so well. She was really proud of him.
She had thought long and hard about the conversation they had had days ago. And she felt a certain amount of nervousness over it. What she had not told him was something that she kept close to her chest for the last few years. She knew she needed to bring it up, unless he did first. So far, he hadn’t shown any inclination. Maybe that was a good thing. At the same time, she was also a little disappointed.
“Here,” Dennis said. “This is for you.”
She caught the aroma before she turned, and there, in front of her, was a still-hot cinnamon bun. “Oh, my God,” she said, salivating. “Every morning I smell the aftereffects, and I’m not usually here early enough to get a taste,” she said. “I came in early, knowing I was leaving early today, but wow!”
“Just for you,” he said, and he handed her the plate with a ginormous four-inch cinnamon bun, at least two inches tall.
“That looks delicious. Thank you,” she said, and she carried her coffee and her treat carefully to her office.
As she sat down, Dani poked her head in. “Hey, you’re in early today.”
“I am,” she said. “I wanted to snag a cinnamon bun for the first time ever,” she said, as she ripped off a piece, “and I have to leave early for a dentist appointment.”
“Good enough,” Dani said. “And I didn’t even know that they came out this early,” she added with an envious look.
“Honestly, Dani, Dennis went into the back and brought one out for me, so I’m not sure if they’re coming out now or later.”
“It means that they’re not quite cool yet,” she said, staring at Alicia. “You know something? I need to get one myself.”
“Well, before you do,” she said, “did I see a miniature horse in your office last week? I’ve been meaning to ask you about it.”
Dani’s face split into a huge beautiful grin. “You did, indeed,” she said. “I don’t want to become a petting zoo around here, but, boy, oh boy, there’s no way I’ll let that little girl head off into an uncertain future. Not when I’ve got other horses around.”
“But she’s awfully small, isn’t she?”
“She’s a miniature. Apparently her sister’s around somewhere locally too,” she said. “I put out a feeler to see if she needs a home as well.”
“For both of them?” Alicia said with a grin.
“Well, they would be better off together. Just so neither are all alone.”
“Sure,” she said. “Whatever you tell yourself to keep you happy.”
Dani shot her a knowing look and said with a smirk, “Isn’t that the truth?” She headed off down the hallway to get her own cinnamon bun.
The thing was, everybody was happier in twos. That was just the way of the world. Whether it was friends or relationships or special relationships, the world was built for two. And Alicia herself had been single for a very long time. She wasn’t even sure how to get back into that world. Or if she was even ready. But, as soon as she thought about that, Nash’s face slipped through her mind. She realized that, if she had not been ready before, now that he was around again, she really wanted to get to know him more. She felt that sense of already knowing him. And that sense of him being completely new, completely different. That rush of excitement of an exploration, of finding out who each other was now—the changes, the similarities, the differences—and that, in itself, was scary and exciting.
S
he hadn’t mentioned anything about it to him, and she probably should, but, at the same time, she was old-fashioned enough to want him to say something first. Would he though, given his physical condition? Would that bother her? She knew instinctively it wouldn’t because she had already spent so many years with her brother. It just was not part of her DNA to make his physical condition any barrier to building their potential relationship. But he did not know that. Alicia still pondered that, as Dani returned with a big cinnamon bun.
“My God, are they all that size?” Alicia asked, studying the bun in Dani’s hand. “I might just come in early more often to get one.”
With that, Dani giggled and disappeared around the corner to her office, leaving Alicia chuckling and digging into her own cinnamon bun. She wondered if Nash was awake and if he knew that being the early bird was the secret to getting these buns. They were always in short supply, even though the kitchen help seemed to make dozens and dozens of them. As she looked down at the size of hers, she wondered. … And, not giving herself a chance to argue the issue in her mind, she used the plastic knife that came on the plate with her treat, cut it in half, finished off her half, and then got up and walked quickly to his room. At his door she stopped and knocked. When he called out, “Come in,” she opened the door and stepped inside.
He sat on his bed, his hair tussled, just wearing his pajama bottoms, his chest bare. She walked forward with a big smile on her face, which fell off when she saw the scars on his body. She stopped and swallowed. “Oh my,” she said. “What you’ve been through.”
He looked at her and nodded. “But I’m alive, and I’m okay to focus on that,” he said gently. “I’m sorry.” He reached for a T-shirt, pulling it over his head. “It’s hardly the prettiest sight.”
She stopped him. “Don’t,” she said. “Don’t ever minimize what you’ve been through, what you … the trauma and the pain. I know we don’t want to focus on it, but, when you’ve been through something like this, those aren’t just war wounds. They are also medals of valor.” She added, “Don’t ever be ashamed of them. Don’t ever apologize for them.”
He looked at her, smiled gently, and said, “Thank you.” Then he pointed at what was in her hand. “Did you have a reason for bringing that?”
She looked down, smiled, and said, “I almost forgot. Dennis got one of these from the kitchen for me, and I wondered if you wanted half. They are the best cinnamon buns ever.”
“You know what? I’ve tried to get them,” he said, “but they’re always gone.”
“And this one’s not only fresh,” she said, “it’s still warm.”
“In that case,” he said, holding out his hand, “I’ll say, Thank you very much.” He accepted it from her with a big grin.
She checked her watch and said, “And I have to go. The day has started.” With that, she booked it.
Nash stared down at the treat and smiled. It wasn’t the treat itself that made him so happy—because it wasn’t gluten-free, which she probably hadn’t considered, and it would most likely not sit well with his stomach. But it was the fact that she had thought of him. That was worth everything. And it also showed progress. He didn’t know what to do with the cinnamon bun, but, when Shane walked in a little later to reschedule their morning session, Nash handed it to him and said, “I think you could probably use this. I’m pretty sure it would upset my system.”
“Wow,” he said. “They were all gone. Did you eat half already?”
“No,” he said. “Dennis got it for Alicia, and then she brought me half.”
“Nice you’ve got an insider line here. Good for you,” he said. “You’ve just got to remind her about your food issues.”
“I was more thrilled that she thought of me,” he said with a wry smile.
“With good reason.”
After they had reorganized their schedules, Shane snagged the cinnamon bun. “I, on the other hand, have no gluten issues at all,” he said. “So thanks.” And he walked out.
At that, Nash followed him a little bit slower and headed for the dining room. When he got there, the place was bustling and busy. He didn’t have a heavy workout this morning, so he could eat a bigger breakfast. He filled up his tray with protein, and then he sat outside in the sunshine, watching. Off to the side of the lawn below him, he noted Dani and the little miniature horse, going for a walk. Stan was with her, and the three of them were just slowly strolling down the path, to meet the bigger horses.
Nash wondered about that, like seeing his own situation but through a completely different species. Would the horses recognize each other? He didn’t know. They were a little too far away, but, as the trio got closer, the little horse seemed to get excited. And Midnight, the big black one of Dani’s—that somebody had told Nash about—came over to the fence. Dani gave him a good nose rubbing and an under-the-chin scrub. Then Midnight dropped his head over the fence to sniff the little miniature. They needed an adorable name for her, but Nash had no clue what. Midnight seemed to nuzzle the little filly in the nose, but Nash was too far away to see clearly, and, for that, he was sorry.
When Dennis walked over to collect his dishes, he saw Nash staring down there and said, “Doesn’t it do your heart good to see that?”
“It does,” he said. “Dani’s heart’s huge.”
“If she had her choice, she’d run a huge animal rescue here.”
Nash looked at him, smiled, and said, “She already is. That’s what we are. Rescues.” He started to laugh.
Dennis looked at him, smiled, and said, “At least most of you guys get adopted out again.” And, with that, he picked up the dirty dishes and left.
Chapter 9
Alicia was busy working away at noon when she got a text. She looked down at her phone to see it was Dani.
Come outside, it said, and that was it.
Where outside? she asked herself. She grabbed her coffee and walked through the building to the front entrance, but she saw no sign of Dani. Alicia walked through the building, into the dining room, and out to the back deck, where everybody was almost done with lunch. She had eaten earlier and now stood on the deck, where she could look out on the grounds, and there on the side was Dani and Stan.
“Oh, my God,” Alicia cried out in delight at the miniature horse. She raced down the stairs and headed down the pathway. As she got there, Dani, Stan, and the miniature were visiting a little filly, a llama, and a couple other horses. Her black horse, Midnight, was off on the other side, contentedly eating grass.
As Alicia walked up, Dani turned and smiled and said, “I thought you’d like to see this little one.”
“She’s gorgeous,” she said, nodding her greeting to Stan. “I just can’t believe how tiny she is.” She bent down and let the miniature horse sniff her hand. “What’s her name?”
“Eggie,” Dani said with a laugh.
Alicia looked at her and asked, “Why Eggie?”
“Because of her back foot, she doesn’t walk in a straight line. She eggies around.”
At that, Alicia had to laugh. “That’s hardly a beautiful name for such a beautiful little girl. … Maybe Fabergé instead, like the fancy eggs.”
“Well, we might change it. But, at the same time, it suits her.”
The little horse was happy, almost like a puppy, but she seemed to be really thrilled with the llama that, as Alicia had come to know, was called Lovely. “I wonder if the two of them can be left alone.”
“That’s what Stan and I are testing,” she said. “We also have the little filly here.” And she moved them off to the side of a small pasture. With just Alicia, Stan, and Dani in the small pasture, Dani took the halters off the llama and the filly, and then Stan unbuckled the miniature horse’s lead. Now the three of them could walk around easily. They seemed to be quite happy, running, jumping, before walking about, butting each other gently on the nose. Of course the little one struggled to keep up just because she was much smaller. Plus her leg hindered her.
; “Does she need surgery?” Alicia asked Stan.
“I’m not sure surgery will help,” he said. “That might be a specialist’s job, but I’m not certain anything can really be done for it. She’s solid. A lot of good solid bone growth is in there, but leg injuries on a horse are particularly delicate.”
“She seems to be content as is too,” Dani said.
The three of them watched as the trio of animals moved around, in complete joy.
“Do you think it’s safe to leave her out here?” Alicia asked.
“I’m not sure the fence will hold her, for one,” Dani said. “Also, she’s small enough that I don’t know about predators, and I don’t think I could leave her out here alone right now.”
“I think we need something closer to the vet clinic,” Stan said. “We do have barns, but we need something else, something smaller, just for her.” He studied the area.
“She’s also used to being inside a fair bit, and she’d need a covered place. I’m also worried about her being lonely,” Dani said.
“What about putting her in with Hoppers?” Stan asked, turning to look at her. “At least overnight.”
“The rabbit and the miniature horse? I bet the rabbit weighs more,” Alicia said, laughing.
“You know what? Hoppers probably does,” Stan agreed with a big grin.
They gave the horses another twenty minutes, and then they slowly collected the three animals and took them back to their respective pastures. With the miniature Eggie at their side, they walked toward the clinic.
“Thank you,” Alicia said to Dani. “I was really hoping to see her.”
“Well, you’d mentioned it,” Dani said comfortably. “I hope I wasn’t taking you away from work.”
“Well, you were,” she said, “but I was happy to be here.”
With that, Dani laughed. “Not to mention it’s a Friday afternoon, on a beautiful day.”
“Exactly.”
As they approached the clinic, Dani asked Stan, “What do you think?”