by Dale Mayer
He stared at her, his expression getting a little colder.
She realized that she was making a mess of it. “When I said that I didn’t want to pick up where we left off,” she said in a rush, “I meant it. Because back then we were young, idealistic, and we weren’t grounded in reality. So, no, I don’t want to go back to that point in time, where we didn’t care enough about each other to stay together. At that time we wanted to move on to our own lives, instead of waiting for a while for something that was potentially worth the wait. That’s what I don’t want to go back to. But I would really like to get to know you more and to spend time with who you are now.”
He looked at her in surprise. “Ah.” He stared at the floor, as if thinking hard, but all it did was make her more nervous.
She said, “Can you say something please?”
He looked up, smiled, and cautiously said, “Well, it’s nice that you explained that because I was a little confused. I would love to spend time with you, get to know you. I was thinking it would be nice to go on a date, but that is something I’m fairly limited on while here. I have some mobility, but I’m certainly not gonna get in a vehicle and drive to town and sit through an uncomfortable couple hours on a hard chair, watching a movie or a game or whatever.”
She chuckled. “You know what? I don’t think it needs to be quite like that. I just had to ensure you understood me. … I mean, I have had a lot of male friends in the last few years but nobody close, nobody I cared about. So I meant it when I said I hadn’t had a serious relationship since I was with you, but that’s not a problem. It’s not something I’m trying to avoid or something.” Then she stopped and said, “I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”
He grinned at her. “Well, it’s getting interesting, if you want to keep stumbling along.”
She groaned and said, “No. After I said that comment earlier today, I could hardly work, once I realized you misunderstood my flip partial answer. I couldn’t think of anything else, and I’ve been really distracted, so I wanted to make it clear before I left, otherwise I wouldn’t sleep tonight.”
“And I appreciate that,” he said. “So thank you for clearing the air. And, yes, we will get to know each other and will spend some time together.”
She grinned and said, “Good. Maybe I’ll sleep tonight after all.” She gave him a quick wave and dashed out the door.
“What’s the rush?” he called out.
She stopped, looked at him, and said, “Nothing, just my day’s over.”
“You’re not staying for dinner today?”
“I haven’t in the last couple days,” she said and frowned.
He said, “Well, you could today. It’s not much of a date, but it would be spending personal time together, not part of the workday together.”
She laughed and said, “You know what? That’s not a bad idea.” And she felt something easing inside, just a release of tension that she hadn’t realized had coiled inside her. “It’s a really good idea,” she said. “I hadn’t realized how upset and tightly wound I was over this whole miscommunication thing.”
“And you didn’t need to be,” he said. “We used to communicate well. It’s one of the reasons that we managed to part on good terms. So let’s keep that part of our life still the same, please.”
“I can get behind that,” she said, considering him for a moment. “Are you even ready to eat, or do you want to maybe sit outside in the grass for a bit?”
“I would really like that,” he said with a slow dawning smile. “I would also love to see that miniature horse, if that’s possible.”
“Perfect,” she said. She put her purse on his bed and said, “Is it okay if I leave that here?”
“Absolutely,” he said. “We can pick it up after our dinner.” He held out his elbow and said, “Ma’am, would you care to visit with the horses?” And together the two of them, laughing and chortling, headed down to see Eggie, who they found in the field with one of the vet assistants. As they got closer, Nash told her, “I think that’s Robin, Keith’s sister.”
“I didn’t realize his sister was here,” she said in surprise.
“She’s the vet tech.”
“Good for her,” she said. “I would love to work with animals like this.”
“Both good parts and bad though,” he said. “Besides, you’re working with people. Surely that’s also rewarding.”
“It is. Absolutely it is,” she said. “But, at the same time, it’s … it’s different. Animals are special.”
He laughed. “I’d like to think I’m special too.”
She smiled and said, “Definitely.”
They spent a wonderful hour with the horses, and then he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and said, “I’m getting hungry.”
“Dinner?”
“Dinner.” He nodded, and together they slowly walked back toward the complex. “Dani’s done a fantastic job at this place,” he murmured, as he stared at it. “Who’d have thought.”
“I don’t think she even thought about all this evolving from her initial idea when she started it,” Alicia said. “I don’t think we go into a passion project like that with the idea that it’ll get to be as big or as important as it is. But sometimes it turns out that way.”
“Very profound.”
“Not,” she said, laughing. Together they walked up the stairs and headed into the dining room. “We’re early,” she said.
“Perfect,” he said. “We don’t have to wait in line for food.”
As it was, Dennis took one look at the two of them. and his face split in a big grin. “Now that’s what I like to see.”
Alicia smiled and stepped forward slightly to get a tray and to get into line.
Dennis said to Nash, “Obviously things are healing between the two of you.”
“I’m not sure that they were ever not healed,” Nash said. “But let’s say, things are growing.”
“I’d take it,” Dennis said. “Now what can I get you?”
When it was Nash’s turn to receive his meal, Dennis gave him a big cheeky wink, and Nash smiled, shook his head, and muttered, “We’re not anywhere close yet.”
“You’re on the right path,” he said. “Everything else is incidental. If you care enough to get onto the path, then hopefully you care enough to work your way down the path.”
Nash smiled at that analogy. “You’re just full of good cheer, aren’t you?”
“Life’s too short,” Dennis said. “Make the most of it each and every day.”
And that reminded Nash of the little plaque that Alicia had bought him. And wasn’t it such a typical thing for her to do? It sat right beside him on his night table, so he saw it last thing as he went to bed and the first thing when he woke up in the morning.
Now, if only she were lying beside him. Still, she would be the last thing he thought about and the first image he had in his mind in the morning. But, for the first time in a long time, he had hope that maybe, just maybe, his life wouldn’t be so empty and so lonely as he’d originally thought.
And that something special was from his past, one of the reasons that drew him here to Hathaway House in Dallas, and was something that he would enjoy and keep. But it had to be good for both of them. And he didn’t want to push Alicia. She’d been to Hades and back herself. She needed to figure out just what she wanted, and, if he were lucky, very lucky, he might be part of that answer.
Chapter 11
The weeks passed by at warp speed. Alicia watched Nash’s progress with amazement. It seemed like every day he got better and better. One day, after lunch, they remained outside on the deck, in a corner, where they could talk more privately.
When she mentioned his obvious results to him, he smiled and said, “Sometimes, when you feel hope,” he said, “you can see something in front of you, and it’s so clear that you can almost taste it. It’s like, every day I’m just getting better and stronger and healthier.”
“Well, now what?�
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“Now what is still a bit of a mystery,” he said. “I do get some money, so I’m looking to retrain. I’ve checked some courses offered in town here, and they’ve got a really good horticulture program.”
“Gardening?” she asked him in surprise.
“Well,” he said, “I was looking at the arborist course.”
“For trees.” She frowned at that. “That’s interesting. I didn’t even know that whole career path existed.”
“Obviously it does,” he said. “Some of the work is seasonal. Some of it’s not. But I think I would enjoy it.”
“Good,” she said simply. “If you feel like getting back to Mother Nature, then I’m all for it.”
“It would also keep me local,” he said with a grin.
She smiled gently and said, “But don’t do it only for that reason.”
“No,” he said. “I’m very aware that I need to do things for myself because it’s the right thing to do for me. Doing that can be a challenge in itself, but I don’t want to make major decisions and not have them be something I’m willing to put the time and effort into over a long-term period.”
“No,” she said. “That would be terrible. But I think that this plan is wonderful.”
“Well, I’m definitely emboldened by it,” he said. “I’m not sure I’m physically capable yet. I was looking into it and talking to Shane about some of the movements that I might have to do.”
“Oh, yes,” she said. “You’ll have to climb trees?”
“Possibly,” he said. “But hopefully this PT program can help build me up, so I’m strong enough to handle what’ll be required.”
“That would be lovely,” she said. “How long is the program?”
“This one is fairly intense. I think it may be nine months to a year.”
“That’s not that bad though.”
“It’s not that bad as long as I’m physically capable,” he said with a lopsided grin. “It’ll seem very long if it’s very painful on a day-to-day basis.”
“Well, I don’t know when the program starts,” she said, “but hopefully you have enough time to continue to improve first.”
“Absolutely,” he said. “I don’t think the next program starts for four to five months.”
“Good,” she said. “By then you could be a whole new person.”
“Without a doubt,” he said. “When you look at how far I’ve come so far, I’m already a whole new person. That’ll just be even more of a change. And, now that I have something that I’m interested in doing that’s potentially an avenue for my next career, I’m pretty excited about it.”
“So, what else is missing then?” she said. “You’ll get your health back, then go to school. Have you thought about contacting any of your other friends?”
He smiled, nodded, and said, “I have. I’ve told two of them where I am and that my life is moving forward and how I’m expecting to get out of here in another couple months. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the responses.”
She smiled at him and said, “So your life is moving forward at a rapid pace.”
“Well, it’s moving forward,” he said cautiously. “I still have a few things to fit into place.”
“Yeah, like what?”
He smiled, reached across the table, laced his fingers with hers, and said, “You.”
Nash knew he’d surprised Alicia by the flush of warm color on her cheeks and the pleased smile on her lips. “I mean it, you know?”
She squeezed his fingers back. “I’m glad to hear that. Still, you need time to finish your therapy and to get back on your feet, so you can leave and live independently.”
“And will it bother you if I have a setback?”
“Of course not,” she murmured in surprise, her gaze wide. “How would you feel if I was in a bad accident and ended up at a place like this myself?”
He chuckled. “I’d say I was in a perfect position to support your recovery, having been here myself.’
“See? So there are no guarantees in life. Now get the rest of your world in order, and don’t shortchange yourself,” she warned. “This is your one big chance, with time set aside just for you. For your healing. You have the financial support, which not everyone has, but also the emotional and mental support and one of the best teams in the country helping you do you. Make the most of it.”
He sat back in his chair and nodded. “You’re right. It’s too easy to want to push myself out of here and not get the full benefit. I have to remember that.”
It’s something he hadn’t considered before. Given his physical state, this stage of his life, his time here was a gift. And he needed was to accept it and to utilize it to the fullest extent that he could.
Chapter 12
It was amazing how the relationship between Alicia and Nash had moved forward. Since their heart-to-heart talk, everything had changed. She was completely in shock about this good news. Just like his physical progress.
When an old friend she hadn’t talked to in a long time called her up one evening and asked her how her life was, Alicia shared her renewed relationship with Nash.
“But why would you want to?”
“What do you mean?” Alicia asked.
“Not only is he an ex-love but why the heck do you want to go back to something like that?” she asked. “Besides, if you met him at work, surely he’s broken. And I get you can’t talk about him and his condition but still… there are more men… better whole men out there.”
“He’s not broken,” Alicia said instantly.
“Well, he is as good as,” she said. “Even if he heals and comes through this situation much improved, you know that the minute anything else is going on in his life, all of this is coming right back up again.”
Alicia took a long slow deep breath. “Well, I’m not really prepared to look at it that way.”
“Sure, because you’re emotionally involved,” she said. “Why would you even do that?”
“Okay,” she said. “That’s pretty odd that you would even say that.”
“Not really,” she said. “I’m not trying to be mean, but I do want you to consider it.”
“Consider what?”
“Consider how different your life would be. I mean, in his good days, it would probably be just wonderful,” she said. “But when he has bad days, how bad will those bad days be?”
“I have no idea at all,” she said.
“Exactly, so why would you even go there?”
“That’s pretty upsetting to even hear at the moment,” she said.
“Again I’m not trying to be so pessimistic. Also I guess I probably overstepped my bounds, but you do need to consider what I said. He’s not physically healthy, and, for all you know, it could even get progressively worse. You’d be his caregiver not for a few years but for the rest of his life. Are you sure that’s what you want? Again?”
“What could be even worse?”
“He’ll need more surgery. He will need assistance. What if his body fails as you get older?”
“We all fail to a certain extent as we age,” she said immediately.
“Yes, we are all aging. But you have to consider that he’s already halfway there.”
“Ouch,” she said.
“I am just trying to say, please, just consider all possible sides to this relationship.”
“I will,” she said. “Thanks for bringing that to my attention.”
She had only said that because she didn’t have any idea what else to say. The way her friend was thinking seemed so incredibly harsh, and yet Alicia knew a lot of people would think the same way. Of course Alicia’s training and her work with patients every day seemed foreign to all her friends. None of them were in the caregiver field. It took a very special person to fill these roles—somebody empathetic, yet who didn’t cry when facing some of these heartbreaking issues. Somebody who cared, who wanted to ease the life of a sick or injured person. Somebody steady, who didn’t take it personally
when a patient was having a bad day.
Yep, her friends couldn’t handle that. Alicia faced it every day.
He’s broken.
That was pretty disturbing too. Nash deserved more than to be considered a has-been, broken, or handicapped. Yet her friend had said nothing that wasn’t possible, harsh as it may have been. And that made Alicia feel even worse.
Nash did have physical problems, and he was likely to always have physical challenges. At some point in time he would face some challenge that he would have to surmount. That didn’t make him any less of a person and that didn’t make him any less desirable as a partner. But it did make him somebody that she’d have to walk into the relationship with open eyes.
Was she doing that? Or was she overlapping the old with the new? Thinking that potentially it would be completely different this time around because they were different? Were they really that different, or was he not all that different, and they would revert to being in the same relationship as before anyway? Then what if it was? So what if they tried, and it didn’t work out? Was she any worse off? At least she’d have reached for something she wanted. If it didn’t work out again, she would grieve and move on.
But long after the friend’s phone call, Alicia sat here, wondering if she was cheating Nash with her attitude. More disturbed than she thought she should be, she headed into work the next morning, grateful that it was her day to meet with the shrink.
As she walked into Dr. Simmons’s office, he looked up and said, “Oh, it doesn’t look like you had a good night.”
She gave him a tired smile. “No, some unpleasant truths may have come up overnight,” she said.
“Good, tell me more,” he said. “I always like the juicy bits.”
She laughed. “I don’t know about how juicy they are, but they seem sad to me.”
“Speak then,” he said. “Give me all the details.”
She told him about the phone call and about her confused feelings, wondering if she was cheating Nash because she was hoping that maybe this would be the right time for them.