‘You both lied to me?’ she gasped, looking out of the window.
‘Don’t get mad, sweetie, we’re worried sick about you.’
‘Don’t get mad? Don’t get fucking mad?! I told you there’s nothing wrong with me, I told you I didn’t want to go, and now you’re ganging up on me?’ she bit, snapping her head around to fix us both with her fiercest pissed-off glare.
‘Sweetie, please,’ Molly pleaded.
‘Don’t sweetie me, Molly. How would you like it if I forced you to do something you didn’t want to do?’ she scowled, raising her voice a few octaves. Molly gave me a shake of her head, with a look of despair on her face as tears flowed down her cheeks again.
‘Don’t shout at her, Brooke. She loves you and she’s been worried sick about you for ages. I only found out last night and I couldn't sleep for worrying either. Enough is enough. Just go and see the doctor, please.’
‘It’s my life and my decision. I’m fine, it’s just that I’m tired, that’s all. I’m not going to be forced into something I don’t want to do,’ Brooke muttered, her tone full of her usual stubbornness.
‘I get that you’re scared, Brooke, that maybe you think not knowing what’s wrong is better than having to face reality, but you’re being selfish. It’s not just about you, it’s about Molly and all the people who love you, too. How do you think we’re going to feel if there’s something seriously wrong with you and we did nothing to try and help? Why are you so frightened of dealing with this?’
‘I’m not frightened,’ she yelled, giving me her best attempt at another scowl, but I could see through all of her bravado. It was a complete front.
‘Well I am, Brooke!’ yelled Molly back, raising her voice uncharacteristically. I’d never seen her lose her temper. ‘I can’t go through any more sleepless nights, looking up your symptoms and being scared to death when bladder cancer keeps popping up. I’m bloody terrified of losing you. If you’re scared of facing a diagnosis because you think I’ll walk away from you, you don’t know me very well. I’m your wife, I’m in this relationship for life. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, that’s what I promised you on our wedding day and I meant it. If you’re sick, we’ll face it together. I’m not going anywhere.’
‘Neither am I,’ I interjected, as Brooke’s bottom lip started to wobble. ‘We both love you, Brooke. You need to think about how your actions are affecting us. Your appointment’s in five minutes and I’ll be damned if you’re not going to it.’
‘I’ll carry you in kicking and screaming if needs be, Mrs. Hanson,’ came James’s voice from outside of the limo, showing his support and fondness for her, too.
‘What if I have cancer and it’s too late,’ Brooke whispered, her eyes filling with tears as the fear on her face suddenly became easy to read. ‘I’m not stupid, I’ve looked up my symptoms and saw the same information. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to be told when I’m going to die. How am I supposed to live on a countdown, knowing I only have months, weeks, or days left with you both? That I’ll miss seeing Oliver, Jonas, and Eva grow up?’ I swallowed hard. Molly was in tears, Brooke was now in tears, and someone, other than James, had to stay in control here.
‘If it was the worst news, we’d make it the best countdown of your life, Brooke. We’d get drunk whenever you wanted, eat junk food every day, visit all the countries and places you’ve never been and want to. You and Molly would pack in work and come and live with Dan and I, so we could spend every moment together and we’d laugh every single day. But it’s not going to come to that. If it is cancer and we’ve caught it in time, you’ll see the best specialist and get the best treatment and care, and Molly and I are going to be with you every single step of the way. And once you’re better, we’re going to live like you were on a countdown, because life is too damn short!’ I broke off my impassioned speech as I heard the tremor in my voice. I was so close to cracking. Life without Brooke was just unimaginable.
‘Well said, Mrs. Davenport. Now, am I carrying Mrs. Hanson in, or will she go willingly? Because otherwise she’ll miss the appointment,’ James reminded us. Molly wiped her eyes as she gave Brooke a pleading look. Brooke took a deep shaky breath and looked over at me. I gently nodded.
‘You’ll never be alone, Brooke Hanson. I may not be your wife, but you’re stuck with me, too, as well as all of my family, for life, ok? Are we going to do this together or what?’
‘What if I’m not strong enough to handle this?’ she whispered, looking completely broken.
‘Then we’ll share some of our strength with you. Brooke, please. If you miss this appointment, it’s another night’s worry and speculation for all of us. It’s better to know, then we can make a plan of action.’
‘Ellie’s right, sweetie. I can’t do this anymore, I need to know,’ Molly whimpered, blowing her nose loudly.
‘I’m sorry,’ Brooke sniffed. ‘I didn’t realise how much it was affecting you all.’
‘You really are stupid!’ I uttered with a disbelieving shake of my head. ‘Now move it, or James is going to drag you in there kicking and screaming.’
‘Ok, ok, I’ll go,’ she sighed. Molly burst into tears again and threw her arms around Brooke’s neck.
‘Thank you. Thank you.’
‘You won’t be thanking me when I’m fucking bald and puking and have bottom incontinence as well,’ Brooke stated, hugging her back tightly. I finally managed a small smile. There was my tough cookie Brooke. That was the side of her that we needed to get through this. I waited while they both got out. James offered his hand to me, which I took, needing all the help I could get, but my legs gave way under me as the realisation that Brooke really might be seriously ill hit me. If it was cancer, there was a real possibility that no matter how skilled the specialist was, we might lose her. James, ever on the ball, caught me immediately.
‘Ellie?’ Brooke queried, wiping her face.
‘I think Mrs. Davenport needs to sit down. Why don’t you both go and see the doctor and I’ll wait with her in the car?’ James suggested, as he supported me with one arm around my waist.
‘I can’t not go with them,’ I protested, but I felt lightheaded and so sick.
‘You’ve gone really pale, Ellie,’ Molly nodded. ‘You wait here, I promise I’ll go in with her and ask lots of questions. There’s nothing else that you can do now that she’s agreed to be seen.’
‘Brooke,’ I sighed, looking over at her. She nodded and stood as tall as she could with a look of determination on her face.
‘Molly’s right. Stay with James. I’ll see you soon, unless I’m given one minute to live, in which case it’s been nice knowing you.’
‘Brooke,’ I scolded, slapping her arm. Molly burst into tears again.
‘If I can’t live in denial, then I’m going to get through this with my bloody sense of humour, ok?’ She kissed Molly and offered her another tissue, then quickly hugged me. ‘Thank you,’ she whispered gratefully. I nodded and watched them walk in through the car park entrance hand in hand. As soon as they disappeared through the door, I burst into tears.
‘Now, now, Mrs. Davenport. Don’t get yourself stressed, not on my watch, or Mr. Davenport will fire me. Come and sit back down,’ James suggested, handing me a tissue. I tried to thank him, but no words were forming in my mouth. He helped me back into the limo and surprised me by climbing in next to me and shutting the door, then putting his arm around my shoulder. I smiled at him through my tears and rested my head on his shoulder, letting out a heavy sigh. We didn’t say a word as we waited, there wasn’t much we could say. The outcome of this appointment could change all of our lives forever and I just needed to know. I ran through my checklist of last minute to-do items before we left for the hospital making sure I hadn’t forgotten anything. I already knew I hadn’t, but it was all I could think of to distract me from the very real possibility of losing her. It felt like we’d been waiting forever when I felt James stir.
‘
They’re coming back,’ he said quietly, his eyes trained out of the window.
‘How does she look?’ I asked, quickly sitting up and trying to see for myself.
‘Pissed off,’ he stated factually.
‘No,’ I groaned, dread flooding my system and making my stomach twist in agonising knots.
‘Don’t jump to conclusions. That’s her face when food’s not served on time as well,’ he reminded me with a smile.
‘Thank you, James, for everything,’ I stated sincerely, squeezing his hand.
‘Mr. Davenport told me to look after you as if I were him.’
‘Does that include getting me pregnant again?’ I winked. James spluttered and went bright red, then quickly leapt out of the limo and held open the back door for Molly to get in, followed closely by Brooke. He shut the door, leaving us to talk in private. I took a deep breath and looked up at Brooke’s face. ‘So?’
‘My life’s over,’ she sighed, shaking her head.
‘You really have cancer?’ I choked. My heart sank as my battle to maintain my strong front totally disintegrated and I started sobbing.
‘O, shit, no! Sorry, Ellie,’ Brooke uttered, scooting down next to me and pulling me into a hug. ‘They think I’m diabetic. It just means I’m going to have to cut way back on alcohol and sugary and carbified treats. I might need to take tablets, too.’
‘Brooke,’ I moaned, smacking her arm. ‘I really thought you were dying.’
‘It feels like it, if I can’t have my bloody champagne. You know how much I love it,’ she pouted.
‘Are you sure it’s not cancer?’ I asked, looking over at Molly for confirmation.
‘Nothing’s certain until she has more tests, but she had a blood sugar one done and it was too high. She has to go back for a fasting blood test in the morning and when those results are in, they’ll know for sure if it’s diabetes. If it is, she’ll have to see a specialist to discuss diet and lifestyle.’
‘But how can they be sure it’s not cancer?’ I asked, still not convinced.
‘I’ve had no blood in my urine, the urine and blood prick test showed high levels of glucose, and he did a vaginal and rectal exam and found no lumps,’ Brooke advised, rubbing my arm as she tried to reassure me. ‘Honestly, the first time I get touched up by a guy in years and I barely even felt the prick,’ she giggled as she shoulder-bumped me, finally making me crack a smile.
‘Well, if it is diabetes, we’ll get you the best specialist and if you need a nutritionist to work with you to sort out a healthy diet, we’ll do that. You don’t need to worry about anything, ok?’ I squeezed her hand, feeling a little better given what I’d just heard. I wasn’t going to feel one-hundred percent happy until she’d had that blood test tomorrow, though.
‘Thank you.’
‘You seem to be taking it quite well,’ I observed, trying to dry my eyes with my soggy tissue.
‘Hey, an hour ago I thought I was dying, anything else is a bonus, even if it means cutting back on my favourite treats. Being around to have time with my family is more important.’ She squeezed my hand and I nodded and took a deep breath to fully compose myself. ‘Are you ok? You looked about to pass out earlier.’
‘I thought my best friend was dying, Brooke. It was all a bit much.’
‘So, if I had been given a sentence, what funeral songs would you have chosen?’
‘Sweetie,’ sighed Molly, shaking her head. Brooke winked at me, she was just trying to cheer us up.
‘Well, as the guest of honour of this occasion, I’d like to have Katy Perry, Roar. It reminds me of both of you, especially our hen night. What about you, Ellie.’
‘I think Pink, Get The Party Started,’ I suggested.
‘You’ve just lost your best friend and you’re partying?’
‘You’re roaring! I was going to go with The Wizard of Oz, Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead, but I thought Pink was a less risky choice,’ I giggled, making her gasp in mock horror.
‘Be serious,’ she pouted.
‘Ok, if we’re being serious, it would be Queen, You’re My Best Friend.’ I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
‘Ahhhh, babe, that’s so sweet, I love that song. Come on, Molly, what would be yours?’
‘Michelle Branch, It’s You,’ she whispered, her tears starting all over again.
‘O babe, that’s a beautiful song,’ Brooke whispered, clutching her chest.
‘I don’t want to play this game, Brooke!’ Molly howled. ‘I really thought I was losing you and I even tried to pick the perfect song to sum up my feelings for you last week. I never want to hear it now, because if I do, it means it’s real and you’ve left me.’
‘Babe. I had no idea you were so worried,’ Brooke sighed, turning to gather Molly in her arms.
‘You really are stupid,’ Molly moaned, clinging tightly to her. ‘You’re my wife, the thought of losing you makes me sick. I’ve been having nightmares about it.’
‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’
‘Never do that to me again,’ she sobbed.
‘Or me,’ I added, trying my hardest not to cry as well. Poor Molly. I felt so bad that I hadn’t been there for her to share the burden.
‘I promise, as long as you both do, too,’ she nodded, her face full of remorse.
Day Five
Wednesday 9th October
Ellie
I let out a contented sigh when I woke up, feeling Dan tucked up behind me, his palm placed protectively on my stomach. I’d slept like a log last night. Just knowing that Brooke might have a diagnosis and it was all out in the open and being dealt with was such a relief. I really felt for poor Molly. If that had been Dan, I’d have been beside myself. I’d also slept better knowing that I only had one more night of being pregnant. I was so impatient now, I just wanted to meet my little girl.
‘Morning,’ his husky rasp greeted me.
‘Morning. What time is it?’
‘Early. I need to get up soon.’ He kissed my shoulder and rubbed the tip of his nose along it.
‘Do you have to go in, today of all days? Your mum and Magda are coming to collect the boys this morning, and John and Edward are coming over for lunch to see us all.’
‘I’m sorry, I’d much rather stay, but if I’m going to have a few weeks off when Eva arrives, I need to finish off some work. I’ll try and get back for lunch, but no promises.’
‘Ok,’ I sighed, trying not to sound too disappointed. It was unrealistic of me to expect a man with a global company like Dan’s to be home all of the time. I was spoiled with him working from home so often as it was.
‘What can I do to make it up to you?’ he whispered, kissing the crook of my neck and making my skin goose up. I felt a familiar longing blossoming between my thighs. He had a direct hotline to my libido.
‘Make love to me, I’m so horny right now.’
‘I guess I’ll have to man up then,’ he chuckled. ‘All in the name of keeping my pregnant wife happy.’
‘Of course. Nothing to do with that morning erection you woke up with.’ I gave him a teasing smile over my shoulder and he brushed his lips across mine, then teased me in return with gentle kisses from one side of my mouth to the other. I melted in his arms. What power did he have over me to make me so ravenous for his touch?
‘That old thing? No, I’m really not that fussed about sex. I could take it or leave it, to be honest.’
‘Right,’ I giggled. He was the most sexual man I’d ever met. How he’d resisted for so long that first winter we met was beyond me, especially after years without sex.
‘I’d better warm you up first,’ he murmured between more forceful kisses.
‘Trust me, I never need warming up when you’re around. Get down to business.’
‘Well, maybe I enjoy the warming up parts, and who’s in charge here anyway?’
‘If you wanted some easy, meek, and compliant woman to boss around, Davenport, you picked the wrong woman.’
‘I picked the right woman,’ he advised with a tender kiss this time. ‘You’ve never looked more beautiful than you do right now. Pregnancy suits you.’
‘Thank you,’ I replied, feeling touched and squeezing his hand tightly. He always made me feel so special and loved, even when I felt at my least sexy. ‘But if you think I’m having anymore, think again.’
‘Christ no,’ he laughed. ‘I’m not sure how I survived your caesarean with Jonas, and I’m worried sick about our daughter’s, I can’t do it again.’
‘I’m sorry to put you through this one more time. Just try and remember that it all went ok last time,’ I reminded him. I’d agreed to have a caesarean again, even though I wanted another natural birth, because the doctor said it was less risky given my previous caesarean, and I also thought it would be less stressful for Dan.
‘That was it going ok? Jesus,’ he groaned. He was starting to stress out again, I could feel his earlier relaxed body tensing up behind me.
‘Until my appointment, you can’t do anything, Dan. But I’d love for you to do something to me right now, before our boys wake up and interrupt us.’ I picked up his hand that was resting on my naked stomach and raised it to my mouth, kissing the pads of each of his fingers ‘Make love to me,’ I pleaded.
‘Mission accepted, Mrs. Davenport. Move your right knee up as far as you can,’ he instructed, nudging it with his own. I did as he asked, suddenly feeling a rush of euphoria. I felt him reposition me as I lay on my side, then his fingers trailing over my hip and down my backside. I jolted as they ploughed through my swollen flesh from behind. He gently teased me, caressing my labia, circling my clenching entrance, being careful to avoid my throbbing clit. ‘How much do you want me inside you?’ he whispered, his lips working on my neck and rendering me to liquid form.
‘More than breakfast, and you know how starving I am when I wake up lately,’ I moaned. He laughed and continued to tease me with his fingers.
‘You have a very healthy appetite, for all things. Thank God one of them is me.’
31 Days of Autumn Page 6