by Regina Darcy
“I shall write to him just as soon as I can,” she whispered to herself, as tears continued to stream from her eyes and soak into the pillow. “And my engagement shall be broken.”
Ann did not even consider the consequences of doing such a thing, knowing that there would be a good deal that would come after but finding that she cared very little for them. To have gossip and whispers trailing after her, to have her reputation dented or for the ton to even reject her seemed more palatable than having to continue on with her engagement to the Marquess. The only thing Ann wanted now was to be free of him, even if she had to go to his house and speak to him herself. Nothing would prevent her from regaining her freedom once again.
TEN
“I swear to you that I speak the truth.”
“You need not make vows to me, Penderstone,” the Duke of Sotheby replied, dryly. “For it is not I who has been hurt.”
Charles groaned and collapsed into a chair.
“I am well aware of that,” he admitted, softly. “I received Miss Winters’ letter only this morning.”
“And came around to call upon her at once,” the Duke finished, with a slight lift of his brow.
Charles looked up in desperation.
“How could I not?” he replied, urgently. “I do not wish to end my engagement to Miss Winters!”
The Duke nodded slowly, considering this statement for a few moments. “And yet you have often been seen in the company of Lady Hedley,” he said, quietly. “And it is well known that she is the sort of lady to offer her affections without hesitation to any gentlemen she considers worthy.”
Charles shook his head.
“I have never accepted them,” he replied, honestly. “The day Miss Winters saw myself and Miss Hedley speaking, I was informing the lady that our acquaintance could no longer continue. I have been a fool in continuing our friendship for as long as I have but that is only because I was fearful of what I felt with regards to Miss Winters.”
The Duke’s brows shot up in surprise.
“I care for her,” Charles finished, not holding the truth back anymore. “I have found an affection in my heart for Miss Winters that can no longer be denied.”
“And are you being truthful in all that you say, Penderstone? Matters of the heart are not to be toyed with.”
The door opened to reveal the Duchess, who had clearly heard this last declaration from Charles.
Charles got to his feet at once and bowed, whilst the Duke went to pour two brandies – one for himself and one for Charles, before ringing for tea for the Duchess.
“It is the truest thing I have ever said,” Charles replied, honestly. “If it were not so, I would have been delighted to discover that Miss Winters wished to bring an end to our engagement, would I not?”
This made the Duchess frown slightly, her sharp eyes – so like those of Miss Winters – looking from place to place before coming to rest on him again.
“If I did not care for Miss Winters in the way that I have confessed, then surely you would not expect to find me here, desperately seeking a way for our engagement to continue,” Charles finished, seeing how the Duke and the Duchess exchanged a glance. “Surely instead, you would have found me replying to Miss Winters at once, thanking her for her letter and promising to do as she asked?”
The Duchess sighed, ran one finger over her forehead as she lowered her head a little and then, eventually, nodded. “I have hoped, my lord, that what I saw in your expression the day you saw my sister at Hyde Park meant that there was something within you that might have some fondness for her.”
“It is more than fondness,” Charles replied, “I have come to find that my heart is filled with her. I cannot even think of another, for she has captured me completely. It is only now that I fear it is too late for me to both realise that truth and share it with her.”
The Duchess sighed again and sat down, just as the Duke handed Charles a snifter of brandy, which he accepted gratefully. Once the three were seated, Charles took a sip of his brandy and let the warmth fill him, chasing away some of the uneasy thoughts that had been running around his mind.
“I think that you must speak to Ann,” the Duke began, only for the Duchess to shake her head fervently. “You think not, my dear?”
The Duchess shot Charles a quick look before spreading her hands out in apparent helplessness.
“I have tried to speak to my sister but she will not listen to a word that I say. I told her that she had to rise from her bed in order to write to you, my dear Marquess, and eventually she did so. However, once the letter was written, she returned to her bed and has not removed herself from it since then. That has been almost two days now.”
Charles’ shoulders slumped. Clearly, Miss Winters was in despondency which he had sole blame for. “Then my words will do no good.”
“They will only do good if she is willing to listen to you, Penderstone,” the Duke replied. “It is a struggle to see how else she might be willing to speak to you about such things.”
Silence reigned for some minutes. Charles drank his brandy and tried to think of what he might do that would encourage Miss Winters not only to speak to him of the pain and sorrow in her heart but also, in turn, to listen to him. However, nothing came to mind, leaving him struggling as though he were standing knee-deep in clay.
Then, the Duke cleared his throat.
“Penderstone, are you still eager to marry Ann?”
Charles looked up from his almost empty brandy glass.
“I am,” he replied, honestly. “I can think of nothing I wish for more.”
“And the banns have been called?”
Charles nodded again.
“The final banns were called only yesterday.”
The Duke’s expression brightened, his eyes turning back to his wife who sat looking back at him in confusion.
“Then I know what we can do.”
“I – I do not understand,” the Duchess said, confused. “What is it that you seek to do, Sotheby?”
Slowly, Charles began to realise what the Duke was thinking. It came as something of a shock to him although, as the idea began to take hold, Charles found that his mind was not rebelling against it but rather clinging to it, drawing it in closer and closer until it had captured his heart.
“It may fail completely,” he murmured aloud, rubbing at his forehead in an attempt to think clearly. “If she appears, then she may very well reject me and I shall be left without any hope whatsoever.”
“But if you do not,” the Duke responded. “Then you shall find yourself as you are now. You have a choice to make, Penderstone. Either you take a risk and attempt to prove to my sister-in-law that your heart is full of her and only her, as you have said, or you take the letter she has written you and decide to respond.”
Charles frowned.
“I could refuse to allow our engagement to end,” he suggested, knowing that such an idea was quite within his rights but would make for a very unsatisfactory marriage.
The Duchess shook her head, a wry laugh escaping from her. “Ann would not be particularly pleased if you refused her request and forced her to wed you, my lord,” she told him. “Although you have every right to do so. I just do not believe that your marriage would then go on to find any semblance of happiness.”
“That was precisely what I was thinking,” Charles replied. “Therefore, I shall have to do as the Duke has suggested. It is an idea which will bring this matter to an end one way or the other.”
The Duchess, who clearly now understood what was to occur without it having to be explained to her, nodded.
“I think that is wise, my dear Marquess,” she said, gently. “However, consider carefully what you are to say to her. Ann feels as though she cannot trust you and believes that what she witnessed was a breaking of your promises to her. Therefore, your words must be sincere.”
Charles considered this carefully, feeling a weight of responsibility landing on his shoulders. If he f
ailed, then it could bring an end to his engagement and that would leave him in utter torment. All he wanted was to wed Miss Winters, to share with her the affection and the love that was growing within his heart. It was astonishing to him that he felt such a way and yet he was grateful for it and for all the changes it had brought.
“I shall write to Miss Winters at this very moment, if I may?” he asked, finishing the rest of his brandy and setting the glass down. “Thereafter, I shall have some time to prepare.”
The Duke smiled and gestured to the writing table in the corner. “Please, do so,” he replied, quickly. “And know that both the Duchess and I are with you in this endeavour. I believe that you will make Ann very happy, now that you have discovered what your heart truly feels.”
“Thank you,” Charles replied, humbly, seeing the way the Duchess smiled at him and feeling as though he did not deserve it. “I must pray that she will give me the second chance I seek. It is my only hope.”
ELEVEN
“This is the most ridiculous demand I have ever received.”
Ann reread the short note from the Marquess of Penderstone, hardly able to believe what he was saying. After everything he had done, after all the way he had broken not only her trust but her heart, he had no right to demand anything from her!
“I think he is being quite reasonable, Ann,” Theodora murmured, sitting back in her chair and giving Ann a small smile. “After all, it is not as though he is demanding that you do anything other than call upon him to discuss matters.”
Ann shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. She wanted to be angry, wanted to let herself feel nothing but fury, but instead the only emotion that clouded her was fear.
Fear that she would have to see him again face to face and that her heart would betray her all over again. It had been near five days since she had been carried from the park to the carriage in his arms, even though she did not recall it. Her thoughts had been filled with none but him. She had barely slept these last few nights, tossing and turning in an attempt to remove him from her mind and her heart, but all it had done was place him there all the more.
She had been anxious to hear his response to her letter, quite certain that he would be glad to have an end to their engagement – but instead, she had received this letter informing her that he would grant her nothing until she came to call upon him.
“You must go,” Theodora said, leaning forward in her chair and fixing Ann with a stern gaze. “You will finally have the opportunity to speak your mind to the Marquess, and is that not what you wish to do?”
Ann’s heart quailed. No, she wanted to say, she did not want to speak openly to the Marquess about all that she thought and felt. That was precisely why she had written to him, so that she would not have to go and see him again. And yet, that was what he was demanding.
“If you wish to be free of him, then you must find your courage and do as he has asked,” Theodora continued, as Ann bit her lip, struggling to know what to say. “I shall go with you, of course.”
“I can see that I have very little choice,” Ann replied, aware that her stomach was tightening with tension. “When might we call upon him?”
“Now.”
Ann blinked, going hot all over which was then followed with a shiver of cold that ran up her spine. “I do not think that –”
“I shall send a note around whilst you prepare yourself,” Theodora stated, interrupting Ann. “Do be quick. I should like to bring this matter to an end one way or the other, Ann, for it shall be a relief to see you no longer confined to your bedchamber and lost in sadness.”
She gave Ann a quick smile and then hurried to the door, eager to remove herself from the room before Ann could protest or even say anything more. Ann was left to stand alone, looking about her in a hopeless fashion, feeling uncertain about what she was meant to do next.
Prepare herself? Did that mean that her gown should be changed into something a little brighter? Did her hair need to be adjusted? Closing her eyes tightly, Ann fought against the lurching fear that washed over her. She did not want to lose herself to the Marquess again. Fearing that if she saw him, she would find herself willing to forgive, desperate for his affection all over again, Ann told herself that she had to find the strength within her to ignore that urge. The love within her heart for the Marquess had not diminished, despite the pain but she would have to be strong and pretend that such feelings did not linger in her heart any longer.
Sitting down heavily at her dressing table, Ann looked at her reflection and saw the sadness in her eyes. What would the Marquess say when she saw him? Would he mock her? Tease her? Ridicule her for her trust, a hardness in his eyes as he spoke to her?
“Can I bear it?”
The whisper left her as she battled a sudden rush of tears. She would have to do it one more time. She would have to look into his eyes and feel her heart break all over again. And then, finally, she would be free of him. The engagement would be at an end and, in time, the love she had for the Marquess of Penderstone would fade. This was what she had to do in order to bring this part of her life to an end.
“Miss Winters.”
Ann’s heart was beating so furiously that she was certain that the Marquess could hear it. Her embarrassment was so great that she could not look at him, keeping her eyes low as she curtsied.
“I would have this conversation be over as quickly as possible,” she said, hating that her voice was shaking as she tried to be as strong as she needed to be. “I believe you have received my note, my lord.”
The Marquess cleared his throat and, finally, Ann forced her eyes to his. He was looking at her with something in his eyes that she could not quite understand.
“I received your note, Ann.”
The way he spoke her Christian name sent a shiver all through her. She only just managed to quench the gasp that leaped to her lips. Glancing back to see if Theodora was about to chide him, she was astonished to see that her sister had quit the room, leaving her to speak to the Marquess alone. Her heart tore again, wondering why her sister had done such a thing when she knew full well that Ann needed her more than ever before.
“I am not inclined to grant you the dissolvement of our engagement but I shall leave the decision with you and shall agree to whatever it is you wish.”
“You already know what I want,” Ann replied, a trifle unsteadily. “I wish to be free from our engagement.”
She stopped as the Marquess held up one hand, his eyes fixed upon hers whilst a small, gentle smile crept across his face.
“Will you allow me to speak to you for a moment or two before you make your decision?” he asked, taking a small step closer to her. “There is a matter of great importance which I simply must be allowed to speak to you of.”
Ann let out her breath slowly, telling herself that she had no need to be anxious. This was to be her final conversation with the Marquess and even if he tried to explain his actions or to make an excuse for what he had done, she need only listen and then dismiss it.
“Please speak,” she murmured, clasping her hands in front of her. “Say what you will, my lord.”
“I thank you,” he murmured, looking more relieved than she had ever seen him. “It is but a few words, Ann, but I would have you know them.” Slowly, he came closer to her, his footsteps deliberate. His gaze locked onto hers with such strength that she could not look away.
“I wish to tell you, Ann, that I find myself to be deeply in love with you.”
Ann stared at him, her blood freezing in her veins whilst her heart began to race like a galloping steed. Heat slowly began to rise in her cheeks as she looked at him.
Was he mocking her?
Teasing her?
Trying to use this in order to persuade her that he was not the rogue she knew him to be?
But why?
“You have entirely misconstrued the situation with Lady Hedley,” the Marquess continued, softly. “I know that you are
inclined to believe that I am a rogue and you have every reason to believe me to be so, for that is what I was, right up until the moment we first became engaged.”
“And you expect me to believe that you are no longer an unprincipled scoundrel now?” she asked, breathlessly, finding herself not at all inclined to believe him despite the words of love that had come from his mouth.
The Marquess’ smile was a wistful one.
“I would not expect you to believe me, no,” he stated. “But I would ask you this, Ann. If I am still a rake, as you believe me to be, and if I am pursuing Lady Hedley, then why is it my greatest wish that our engagement remains unbroken?”
He took another step closer and Ann caught her breath, her heart pounding furiously.
“Why does my heart tell me that I want to marry you and make you my wife?” he continued, his voice velvet smooth now as he drew near. “If I did not love you as I proclaim, then I should be glad that this engagement has come to an end. Would I not welcome the freedom that is offered me?”
Ann’s mouth went dry.
What he said did make sense, for surely if he was still inclined towards Lady Hedley, then he would be glad to be free of their engagement?
“I have searched my heart and discovered such wealth of feelings within that I have no idea of what to do with them,” the Marquess continued, his eyes darting away for a moment as he ran one hand through his hair. He appeared a little uncomfortable, evidently unused to sharing matters of the heart and yet, still, Ann was not sure whether she could trust him.
“You say you wish to marry me,” she began, seeing his face lift to hers again, an eager hope beginning to burn in his eyes. “You say that you love me and yet I find that I cannot bring myself to believe you.” She swallowed the hard lump in her throat, recalling how he had stood so close to Lady Hedley, his hands over hers. “The day I saw you with Lady Hedley…..” She closed her eyes, taking in a shaking breath as she fought to keep control of her emotions.