First Thing I See

by Vi Keeland

  Chapter 20

  I was nervous about seeing Kennedy Friday night. He wasn’t the kind of man that took the easy way out, so I knew he would break up with me to my face and not over the phone. I dreaded him coming almost as much as I couldn’t wait to see him. I watched out the window until I saw Charles pull up outside and then I went to the door. Kennedy climbed out of the back seat and pulled his duffle bag onto his shoulder. He had come straight from the office and still had on slacks, a dress shirt, and jacket, although the tie had been replaced with a few open buttons of his crisp light blue shirt. I drank him in. My eyes couldn’t help but slide all over him. He looked every inch the powerful businessman. I shuddered at the thought of losing him.

  He came toward me, long fast strides dropping his bag at his feet as he stood in front of me. “Hope, is everything okay?” I nodded and I watched him search my face. His arm wrapped around my waist and he pulled me against him tightly. His focus on me was intense. A slight frown between his brows. “Hope, remember our deal.”

  Damn him. He didn’t even have to say the word lie, and now my face would give me away if I even tried. My Dad had the same effect on me when I was fifteen and Shauna and I would come home late with excuses ready for his interrogation.

  “Let’s go inside.” I couldn’t lie, but at least I could stall or try to change the subject.

  I watched as he shrugged off his jacket and sat at the table. He took my hand and pulled me onto his lap. “I’ve missed you.” One hand reached under my skirt to rub the outside of my thigh while he spoke. “Now tell me what’s bothering you.”

  I watched his hand through the fabric of my skirt, avoiding his eyes. “It’s just been a long week.” Which wasn’t a lie, the days felt like months as I waited for the moment of reckoning to come.

  His other hand lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him. “All right.” But he didn’t look convinced. His fingertips glided across my face, his eyes searching for more. The way he looked so concerned made my chest hurt. His blue eyes were warm and caring.

  “Let me make you forget your week then.” His hand under my skirt shifted from running up and down my outer thigh to lightly tracing the sensitive skin on my inner thigh. Kennedy could make me forget the week. He could make me forget everything that happened before he walked into my life. His thumb grazed the sensitive skin between my legs and I was instantly aroused.

  I closed my eyes but could feel him watching me. My face was so close to his, I could feel his warm breath. He adjusted me in his lap to allow my legs to open wider. I reached for his shirt and he grabbed my hand and pulled it to his mouth, kissing each finger tenderly. “No touching, I’m making you forget your week angel.” I let my head fall against his chest and relaxed into him.

  His thumb rubbed my clit in small gentle circles. I felt the tension build inside me and my nipples hardened against the lace of my bra. My pulse quickened as his thumb pressure became stronger and the circles grew faster. A small moan escaped. He pulled my panties aside and pushed one finger into me, stroking slow and steady until I grew wetter. He slid a second finger in and I arched into his hand as he increased the rhythm. His thumb rubbed against my clit as he pushed his fingers in and out of me until I was close. He plunged a third finger into me and I was on the edge. His voice was deep and raspy, “Cum for me angel.” And it was all I needed to tumble over the wall. I came with a whimper. “Look at my baby. I want to watch you cum.” I opened my eyes and my eyes locked with his. I was unable to look away and he watched as the tears streamed down my face. “Fuck Hope.”

  I was still breathless as he pulled me close to him and held me tight. I sobbed into his shirt and he didn’t let go until I’d let it all out. I pulled back from his embrace and looked at him. I didn’t think about what I was going to say, it just came out. “I’m in love with you Kennedy. If you came here to break up with me, please just do it and get it over with.”

  He looked at me for a moment. He lifted me up and carried me to the bed without saying a word. Then he made love to me until we fell asleep exhausted tangled in each other.

  ***

  My eyes fluttered open the next morning to find him watching me. “You’re staring at me.”

  He brushed the backs of his fingers over my cheeks and kissed my lips gently. “Move in with me. Come to Chicago and move in with me.” His eyes never left mine.

  “What?” Not exactly what I was expecting.

  “I can’t handle you being so far away. I need you close to me.” His face was serious.

  “But, I just moved to New York and I have my job here and a lease on my apartment.”

  “I own a hotel in Chicago. You can be the event planner there if you want to work. And my attorneys will get you out of the lease here, or I’ll buy it out if they can’t.”

  I leaned up on my elbows. “You own a hotel in Chicago?”

  “And one in Atlanta and one in Los Angeles.”

  I was excited to hear Kennedy tell me that he wanted me to move in with him, but something was missing. I’d told him I was in love with him last night, but he didn’t say it back. Did he feel bad that he couldn’t so this was his answer?

  “Why do you want me to move to Chicago?” I really needed to know.

  “I just told you Hope, I can’t handle being so far away from you.”

  My head was spinning; of course I wanted to move to Chicago to be with Kennedy. I’d move anywhere he wanted me to go, but I needed to know that he wanted me to move for more reasons than he just didn’t like me so far away.

  “I need to think about it Kennedy. It’s such a big change and I just want to make sure it’s right for me.”

  “You love me right?” He stroked my cheek.

  “I told you I did last night.”

  “Then what else is there to think about?” His fingers stroking my cheek stopped in their place. He looked silently at me, waiting for an answer.

  I looked up at him. “A lot Kennedy. Yesterday I thought that you were coming here to break up with me. Sometimes I feel like I’m on a roller coaster. When we are together it all feels so perfect, yet when we are apart, I feel like I’m going to lose you.”

  He kissed my neck and whispered in my ear. “Then if we are together all the time, you won’t feel that way anymore.”

  Although I loved his logic, I wasn’t quite sure that it was the answer. I smiled up at him. “Give me a little while to think about it anyway, okay?”

  His face grew pouty and I could tell that he didn’t often not get his way. I put both hands around his neck and pulled his face close to mine. “Maybe you should spend the morning trying to convince me?” I arched one eyebrow provocatively and pulled the sheet out from between us so that our naked bodies were touching.

  “Oh yeah? You keep looking at me like that and I’ll convince you so good you won’t be able to walk into The Monet on Monday to give your notice.”

  ***

  When Charles came to pick him up on Sunday evening, I wasn’t ready to let him go. I wanted to tell him that I would move to Chicago, but something was holding me back. Instead, we said goodbye and I told him that I would come up to Chicago the following weekend. Maybe when I was there it would all fall into place?

  Chapter 21

  Thursday night was a “friends and family night” for Shauna’s team and I had promised her that I would come to watch the game. All of the players and cheerleaders were given tickets and their guests were all seated in the luxury boxes and the team hosted a big party after the game. I’d gone last year and it had turned into a wild party by half time. At the end of the game, after all the fans left, all the players and cheerleaders joined in the party and it continued on the court floor. Shauna had made plans for me to go with a few of the guests of her friends on the squad, some of them I had met before and liked.

  When I had told Kennedy about the night, I could tell from his voice that he wasn’t thrilled, but he didn’t try to tell me not to go. But I’d agreed to have Charl
es drive me home when it was over, and promised I’d call him when I got in.

  There was about ten minutes left in the game when I decided to try to find a bathroom outside of the luxury box. I’d had a few beers and my bladder didn’t have patience for whatever was going on inside the luxury box bathroom between the couple that I saw slip in a few minutes before. I was about to walk into the bathroom when I was abruptly stopped in my tracks by a long arm hooking around my waist.

  “Where’s your boyfriend tonight you bitch.” Spoken with a drunken slur.

  Startled, I looked up to find the guy that Kennedy had threatened after he grabbed my arm outside of Salt. He was drunk and angry.

  “Let go of me.” He laughed at my request and tightened his grip.

  Then all of a sudden I was free and the guy was flying through the air. A very large scary looking bald guy, that looked like he was either a professional wrestler or just escaped from prison, had drunk guy by his throat up against the wall. My rescuer looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t place why. “I’m sorry that happened Miss.” I didn’t have time to say thank you as I watched as large scary guy twisted drunk guys arm behind his back and escorted him down the hall.

  The rest of the night was uneventful and I managed to relax a bit by the time Shauna arrived for the after game party on the court. We danced and drank and I almost forgot it was a weeknight when I looked at my watch and saw it was after 2am. I called Charles and he was outside waiting when we stumbled to the car laughing. He drove Shauna home and then I was back at my apartment.

  My phone rang as I was undressing and I nearly fell over trying to climb out of my pants while running for the phone. “Hello”

  “Your were supposed to call me when you got in.” I could tell he was annoyed.

  “I just got in and was going to call you after I changed.” I did my best to hide my slur.

  “Tell me about your night.”

  The alcohol loosened my verbal filter and I found myself blabbering, telling him more than was necessary. I told him about the fight that broke out in the luxury booth when two women realized they were both invited by the same player they were sleeping with. I described how two of the players did backflips in the air while dancing and admitted that some jerk bothered me and a stranger stepped in and took care of it. I hadn’t realized that I was doing all the talking and he wasn’t as amused at my stories as I was.

  “I should have taught that asshole a lesson the first time.”

  I started to say it wasn’t a big deal when I realized I hadn’t told him that the guy who bothered me was the same guy from the restaurant a few months back.

  “How did you know who bothered me?” I was suddenly alert and sober.

  Quiet for a moment. “I need to make sure you are safe Hope.” There was no apology in his voice.

  Holy shit! He has people following me? “What does that mean?”

  “It means exactly what I said.”

  “You are having me followed?” My voice was suddenly loud and I was mad as hell. “You don’t trust me?”

  “It’s not you that I don’t trust Hope.” His tone was stern. I felt like a child being scolded. How dare he?

  “Is that why you want me to move to Chicago? So that you can keep a better watch on me?”

  “Why don’t we talk about it tomorrow when you get to Chicago, when you’re sober and calm.” His voice was patronizing.

  “Because I won’t be in Chicago tomorrow!” I was so angry I was panting. I had fought back all of my own insecurities and jealousy for this man and how did he repay my efforts?

  “Don’t do this Hope.” He sounded as if I was the one that was insane.

  My voice broke and cracked. “You have no idea how hard it is for me to trust people, and I gave you my trust. I thought I had yours in return. Without trust, we have nothing.” I sucked in air and took a deep breath. “I need some time to think Kennedy.”

  I waited for a response from the other end of the phone, but nothing came.

  “Good night Kennedy.”

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you Hope.”

  I disconnected the phone and sobbed uncontrollably. I didn’t understand what I had done to make him question my trust. Forgetting that it was 2am, I picked up the phone and called Shauna. She heard my voice and was at my apartment in less than a half an hour.

  ***

  Shauna walked in and took one look at my tear-streaked face and was instantly ignited. “What did he do to you?”

  I was rambling uncontrollably “Oh Shauna, I told him I loved him!” My hands were trembling.

  “Oh sweetie, did he tell you he didn’t love you?”

  “No, he didn’t say that. He asked me to move to Chicago.”

  “What? When? I don’t understand. So why are you crying? Isn’t it good that he wants you to move to Chicago?”

  “No, he wants me to move because he doesn’t trust me. He had me followed!”

  “He said that?” Fury laced her words.

  “Remember the guy who bothered me outside the restaurant a few months back that Kennedy threatened? Well, he grabbed me tonight and some guy stepped in.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me that someone bothered you tonight?”

  “I don’t know, I didn’t think it was a big deal. The guy was drunk and grabbed me and some guy I didn’t know took care of it. It happened so quickly. But the guy I didn’t know wasn’t a stranger who stepped in. He works for Kennedy and he was following me because Kennedy doesn’t trust me.”

  “How do you know that Kennedy doesn’t trust you?”

  “Why else would he have people following me? And whose side are you on? Are you sticking up for him?”

  “I’m always on your side Hope, you know that. But maybe there is more to it than you think.”

  “It all makes sense now. Everything seems perfect when we are together, but then when we are apart things change. He asks me to move to Chicago, yet he doesn’t love me. The puzzle didn’t make sense until now. He doesn’t trust me, it’s why he is so different when we are apart.” My voice cracked.

  “Oh Hope.” She pulled me into a tight hug until I calmed down. “If that’s true, then he is a god damn idiot and doesn’t deserve you.”

  ***

  I looked like death the next morning when I arrived at work barely on time. It made it easy for me to pretend I was sick and take the afternoon off. Dad was going to be in Connecticut for the weekend, and I had decided to get out of town and spend some time with him. An early start to a weekend with Dad was just what I needed. He was thrilled to hear I was going to spend the weekend with him, but I could hear the concern in his voice when I told him that I needed to get out of town to do some thinking.

  Kennedy’s picture popped up on my cell phone when it rang. I sent the call directly to voicemail. He didn’t call back for the rest of the day and I didn’t listen to his voicemail.

  Dad and I had dinner in the hotel restaurant and then went for a walk. He hadn’t mentioned Kennedy during dinner and neither did I. We stuck to safe topics and I told him all about my job and he caught me up on some of friends from the service.

  We walked the first few blocks in silence. “So what’s going on baby girl?”

  I didn’t even pretend to not know what he was talking about. I just told Dad what had happened with Kennedy and he listened. “Being in love isn’t always easy princess.”

  “I know Dad, it’s just that, you know, if he doesn’t trust me now, where does it go from here?” I was choosing my words carefully, not wanting to hurt his feelings.

  He took a deep breath. “It’s difficult to have a relationship without trust, but sometimes when you love someone enough, you can work it out. You can give trust time to grow and develop. I’m not saying it’s easy, but there are harder things to overcome.”

  I thought about his words, but didn’t understand. “What is harder to overcome than a relationship with no trust Dad?”

  He stopped and looked at m
e. “Losing the person all together, baby girl.”

  I was so deeply saddened by his words. “I’m sorry Dad, I know you loved Mom a lot.”

  “I still do sweetheart. And I don’t know what you and Kennedy have together, but my guess is that man doesn’t want to hurt you or not trust you. Sometimes people act because of their past and it has nothing to do with the person that is in their present. Maybe you should find out what makes the man who he is today.”

  Growing up, my dad didn’t give me lectures or push his beliefs on me. Yet I always knew he was there for me with advice if I needed it. His advice was never the answer to my problem. Instead, he somehow always managed to guide me to the path to find the answer I was looking for myself.

  I looked at him as we walked hand in hand. I held back the tears for his sake, but I couldn’t get my voice louder than a whisper “Thanks Daddy.”

  A hesitant smile on his face. “I hope it works out the way your heart wants it to princess.”

  ***

  The next morning when my phone rang during breakfast with Dad, he watched me as I glimpsed at Kennedy’s picture on the screen and then swallowed hard and answered. “Hi”

  “Where are you? Are you okay?” It wasn’t anger in his voice, it was something else.

  “Yes, I’m fine. I’m having breakfast with my dad in Connecticut. I decided to get out of the city and come spend the weekend with him. I’m driving back in the morning.”

  “We need to talk.”

  I let out a deep breath. “I know. Why don’t I call you when I get home tomorrow night, when I am back in the city.”

  “I’ll be waiting.”

  After I put my cell phone away, I looked at Dad. He gave me a pensive smile and a quick nod of approval. I wasn’t sure if he approved of Kennedy, but he was glad I was going to find out what was right for myself.