Dead Men Talking

by Christopher Berry-Dee

  During the time that things were good he always gave me good advice. In 2006, I had a violent ex that just went to jail for various things he did to me. I told Keith what happened. I tried to defend my love at the time saying, ‘He [my ex] is not a bad person, he just has mental problems.’ I will never forget Keith’s reply to what I said. In my opinion it will go down as one of the best quotes ever from a serial killer. He told me: ‘You said it yourself, he is not a bad person he just has some mental issues. The same could be said about me, but will they let me go after a couple years for each murder? Hell no. Why? Because they believe that I cannot be cured of my head problems.’

  A couple years later, what he said is still in my head because it makes so much sense. In the same letter he told me: ‘I have done eleven years in prison so far and I can say ten years tells me how much my actions have hurt everyone around me. And I am just a murderer. Not a rapist or a kidnapper or worse. My victims died never to feel a long drawn out pain of surviving and living with the questions of why and how and did I do something wrong. Guilt for not knowing who they were messing with. I admit my guilt and I’ll get seven life sentences in a row to think of what I have done.’

  In a strange way this made sense to me to. Keith was always there for me, to listen to me and give me good advice. On a few occasions, I asked him for advice or help with assignments I had from college and he always gave it to me.

  My romantic relationship with Keith started in January 2008. I was married at the time but going through a messy divorce. I told Keith about it and his response to me was, ‘If you had married me then you would not be in this mess. You know that I have always loved you.’ He has told me things like this for almost six years. He would tell me that I represent his ideal woman because I am so independent and I don’t need a man to make me happy. I thought, ‘Why not, this guy has been pursuing me for years now. He is a good friend and I like him. The fact that he killed people is a huge turn on for me, so why not, I will give him chance.’ I asked Keith what he would expect from me as his girlfriend. He told me he would expect me to love him for whom he is, and he hoped that I would help him out with things. He wanted me to sell his art work, and he said he would even help me financially if his art work would sell. So, there it was. I was the Happy Face Killer’s steady girlfriend.

  When we became a couple we would write sexually explicit letters to each other, and I won’t lie, that was fun. It was not long after that we became engaged. He asked me on the phone to marry him and I said yes. Things went downhill after that. He got very moody and mouthy with me. Something that I don’t tolerate from any man. He told me to write him often and when I did he griped that I was writing too much. I stopped writing him. When he called he asked why he had not got any mail from me, I told him, ‘You told me not to write so much,’ and he yells at me, ‘You better start writing me more.’ Geez, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

  The point is I felt like I was damned if I do and damned if I don’t with him. There was no earthly way to please him. He also started to get jealous of my friends. I don’t know why, they were only friends. On the phone he would make comments about me staying out too late or goofing off at work. He never had a problem with that stuff until we got engaged. While we were engaged he told me about a woman, ‘a serial killer groupie’, as he described her was coming to visit him but he didn’t know if he wanted to see her. He saw her and then told me about it. I got the feeling he was testing me to see if I would get upset or jealous. I just told him, ‘Oh! Glad you had a good time, hope you get to see her again.’

  Sorry Keith, no jealousy here. When we were together, I asked him if he was ok with me telling my closest friends about us, and he said he did not mind. The only people that ever knew of my relationship with Keith were a couple of my dearest friends. Keith said that he told his friends and family about us. I told him I didn’t mind for that but to never give out my information to the media. We had a few little ups and downs like that.

  I would tell Keith about my life, my friends, etc. I suggested that he get to know my best friend, John. Since Keith was going to be my husband, I felt he needed the seal of approval from my best friend first. Keith wrote John a letter in April 2008. The letter was both hilarious and a disturbing look inside his head. John called me that night to read me the letter word for word. The funny part is that Keith continues to get my best friend John confused with another friend I have named Ken. Keith wrote the letter to John, but for some reason thought he was writing to Ken.

  Ken is a different story all together. He has been in love with me since I was 14 years old and since he is such a character I would tell Keith about him. Keith wrote to John, ‘I know you love her, just tell me. I am not the enemy. I understand more than you know.’ At this point John is thinking, ‘What the hell is he talking about?’ Keith then goes on to ask things about me like he is trying to get information about me in a sneaky way. That is what made me mad. I felt like he was trying to spy on me or something. Of course, John was shocked and outraged. He told me, ‘Who the hell does he think he is? Does he really think I would betray an 11-year friendship for him, I don’t even know him. What an asshole.’ I told John to send me the letter and he did. Keith called me that Monday. Everything was all happy and rosy at first. He thanked me for the books I had sent him for his birthday. I say, ‘Keith, I want to talk to you about something. John read me the letter you wrote to him.’ Keith says in a quiet tone, ‘Oh, he did.’ I reply with ‘Yes he did and he sent it to me… I’ll have it in a couple of days. What were you thinking, oh and for the record you keep getting John and Ken mixed up.’ Keith said, ‘Oh! Ok. I’ll see you later.’ And he hung up on me!

  Can you believe the nerve of some people? That same day, I changed my telephone number. He did send me a letter that week and I sent it back to him. That was the end of me and Keith Jesperson.

  I learned a few things about him in that moment. He really is a coward. When confronted and cornered he ran away like a scared little boy. He did not like the fact that he got caught red-handed, not one bit! I believe he was in shock that John would not bow down to his serial killer status and do what he asked. The way he tried to get information behind my back tells me that he is a very deceitful and deceiving man. Not to mention being very arrogant. I learned from being with him that he is very arrogant and controlling. He wants things done his way and when they are not he will act like a child. When things don’t go according to his plan he will get angry and yell at you. I can only imagine the way he yelled at his victims. There is no way to make him happy. There is nothing you can ever to do please him. I don’t believe that he has any remorse for what he did. I think he only regrets being caught. He did tell me if he had the chance to do it all over again that he would make a run for Canada. There he goes again, running away when he gets caught in something. He has the attitude of, ‘I am an infamous serial killer so everyone should just do as I ask with no questions and no complaining.’ Well I guess he met his match with me.

  When we were together he did send me a bunch of his art work to sell for him and I still have it all. I will not make money off of him like that. I am a better person than he is in that way. I do not feel bad that we broke up, it is for the best. I am sad over the loss of our friendship. I did love and trust him as a friend. He was a wonderful friend but a horrible boyfriend. If we had just stayed friends, we would still be in touch. One of the last things I ever asked Keith was, ‘Do you think you would ever kill again?’ His answer was, ‘Will I ever kill again? I hope not. But I do know how to kill and if faced with it in here I will if I have to.’ It was one of those questions that I already knew the answer to but wanted to ask anyway just to hear it from him.

  I know there are a lot of woman out there that claim to love serial killers. I believe that it is 50/50. I believe that everyone is different so women are attracted to serial killers for different reasons. In my opinion, some are just looking for their 15 minutes of fame. Society has
turned serial killers into celebrities in a way. These women want the notoriety of it. They want to be known as the woman of a serial killer. It is very easy to achieve this. All you have to do is write a letter to a serial killer, form a relationship and there ya go. Of course to meet a celebrity in Hollywood, it is not that easy. These women know this is the easiest way for them to get their few minutes of camera time.

  I also believe that some of these women are naturally submissive and want to say that they have dominated a serial killer. If you really think about it, the woman does have all control in the relationship. She decides when she will write to him, visit him, accept his phone calls, send him money, etc. She can do anything that she wants and there is nothing the killer can do about it since he is in prison. I am sure if the role was reversed and these killers were out and about these women would be too afraid to be with them.

  Some woman have this, ‘Oh, I can save him; I want to help him attitude’. They want to save the world and think they will start by changing a serial killer from a monster to a productive member of society. I am sorry to be the one to break it to them but that is not going to happen. Once someone has crossed the line to multiple murders there is no going back. Killers are what they are and there is no rhyme or reason for what they do. I believe that even some killers themselves don’t know why they have killed over and over again. To them it is like second nature. But some women still feel that love will conquer all and they will be the one to save him.

  Some women are looking to be abused. They have had an abusive childhood or an abusive spouse so that is all they know. Some women just want the thrill of being with a killer. It is a rush to be in the room alone with someone that has killed so many times in cold blood.

  Some women want to be with a notorious killer because it is the ‘cool thing’ to be doing these days. These women are posers of the worst kind. They pretend to like these killers just because it is the cool thing to do. In reality they don’t know the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and Charles Manson. They don’t even have enough sense to educate themselves about killers before getting involved. They jump into it to be liked and accepted by their ‘gothic’ peers.

  Then there are woman like me that just get off on that type of violence. They are few and far between but they are some out there. They are sincerely sick and sadistic themselves and have no problem with the fact that their man is a killer, in fact they like it. Women like me don’t want any fame from it, they don’t care what others think of them. All that does matter is the killer they are in love with. They simply want to live in their own little world with their killer and not be bothered by anyone else. The women that are sincerely into it and love these people for who they are and for what they did are usually very strong and independent woman that don’t need anything from anyone. They are the exception to the rule. Of course everyone is different and who am I to judge. One of my favorite quotes of all time is a quote by French critic, essayist and novelist André Paul Guillaume Gide: It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.

  Laci’s first book containing hundreds of explicit letters written by scores of the most heinous serial killers alive, and since executed, is to be published in 2009.

  * * *

  This book is all about letters to and from serial killers. There are thousands of men and women who are determined to find love with those convicted of the most serious of crimes. I guess I must close now, but I shall leave you with a letter, one most recently received from a 22-year-old woman, who wrote to Keith Hunter Jesperson. I have omitted her name and Oregon SID number, but she is serving time for serious offences in Lincoln County Jail:

  I am a fan of yours. I need to know all about every detail of all your murders…Did you enjoy it all…did you get sex pleasure, cum? I want to know. I need to know everything about all of your murders. It turns me on. I am a strange woman with weird tastes. Send me a signed photo, please?

  Do I need to say any more? Write these killers letters if you will. But check out their true histories before doing just that. Indeed, if you are so inclined, ask for the person’s criminal antecedents, from the jurisdiction involved, before you ‘fall in love’ with any offender behind bars. The authorities will always send you a current ‘rap sheet’ and a photo if you ask them.

  Now check out all of the web sites concerned with prisoners seeking love and ‘personal relationships’, with criminals behind bars… and think again.

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  ePub ISBN 978 1 84358 643 2

  Mobi ISBN 978 1 84358 653 1

  PDF ISBN 978 1 84358 663 0

  First published in hardback in 2009

  Paperback edition published 2011

  ISBN: 978 1 84358 381 3

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or in any form or by any means, without the prior permission in writing of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent publisher.

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