by Casey Ford
Me? I go by my gut and my reaction time. It takes about one second for the ball to get to the net after leaving the kickers foot, that leaves me with exactly half a second to decide where the ball is going and move in that direction. I miss more than I hit, but I do enjoy the thrill of it all. Now if only the game didn’t come down to either me saving the ball or total defeat. That would be great.
Plus, she’s not here yet and that’s really starting to play with my nerves.
Each side picks their best five kickers. When the first one for their side gets ready to take his shot, we’ve already gone and got a goal. I take a wild guess and jump in the complete opposite direction, there’s one for them. Our turn again, one more goal for us. I’m able to block one and let two more go through as the tiebreaker continues. Their keeper has the same luck and so it comes down to the final guy for each team. Our best player places the ball in the upper V of the goal securing our lead.
My turn to be the hero.
We’re now up by one, I save this goal and we win. Miss and we keep going. Basically, it’s all down to me to win the game for us.
No pressure.
I have to be careful about this one. Guesswork or reaction alone won’t get it. I need to be smart.
“Yo, Al, you got this!” There she is in all her Samness. Sam is standing behind the goal behind me acting like she’s been there all day. I turn slightly and glare at her for being late. She smiles sheepishly and shrugs her shoulders like she knows what I’m thinking. I turn back as the ref starts to shoo Sam away.
“You can’t stand back there, Miss.” Sam laughs at the ‘miss’ part, but moves over to the sidelines. I focus on the ball — the kicker can try to trick you all he wants, but he can’t change where the ball goes once it leaves his foot. I give a quick glance to the sidelines and see Sam bouncing up and down in anticipation.
The kicker makes his move, running straight at the ball hoping that I’ll have a difficult time figuring out where he’s going based on his running trajectory. Good trick, but he didn’t think that I’d be watching the ball not him. I know where he was going as soon as his pivot foot is planted. I’m airborne before the ball even leaves the ground.
The ball doesn’t move an inch as it slams squarely into my waiting hands.
I just look at the ball in my hands as the world explodes around me. I’m on the ground in seconds as Sam tackles me. She’s laughing and celebrating as she holds me tightly. I’m screaming in excitement and my teammates pounce on us on the ground in a celebration dog-pile. I’m still holding the ball, but Sam somehow works her way to my chest. We’re now face-to-face in a sea of bodies and yelling.
The crowd gradually disperses; my parents and sister congratulate me. The awards ceremony takes place not long after and we all get medals for winning. The coach of the other team asks me if I want to play for them next year and tell him I’ll think about it. All too quickly, the day winds down and starts to get dark. I go behind the concession stand to change my shirt and clean up a bit before we head home.
“Hey, Al, everyone is wa—” Sam stops in her tracks when she sees me with my shirt over my head. She stops breathing and nibbles her bottom lips slightly as a small rouge colors her cheeks. I squeeze my ab muscles a little tighter and flex my biceps more than I need to as I finish taking off my shirt. Sam slowly makes her way closer to me as if in a trance. Her breathing has returned since I can hear it labored and heavy. She stops in front of me and gently rests one of her hands on my stomach, caressing my torso slowly. The lingering effect of her fingers on my skin sends shivers down my spine.
“Where did these come from?” She asks me barely a whisper.
She seems both amazed and confused at the same time. I imagine I had the same look on my face the day I noticed that Sam was out of a training bra and filling out high C’s. It was an eye-opening revelation to say the least, though not entirely an unwelcome one.
“Where do you think?” I ask her back. “I run every day. I have to stay in shape for soccer.” I’m still very much aware that her hand has yet to leave my chest and now it’s been joined by the other one.
Sam’s breathing starts to level out, but her face is still flushed. She looks up at me and our eyes lock. Suddenly I can’t breathe; her gaze has sucked the air from my lungs. Her eyes show longing, need, and seduction, my heart starts pounding at the prospect. My emotions growing to match hers. Her face flushes more and she chews her bottom lip again as she looks at my mouth. A small smile plays on her mouth.
My body reacts before I can talk myself out of it.
One minute we’re looking at each other and the next, I have her in a tight embrace against the concession stand wall. Our mouths work against each other as she claws at my head and shoulders trying to pull me closer. My mind starts to go blank as all I can think about is Sam and how incredible she tastes. She opens her mouth to take a breath and I take the opportunity to try something.
I’ve often imagined what it would taste like when I finally kissed Sam and I’m very happy to report that all fantasies are totally wrong. The real thing is so much sweeter tasting. Her lip gloss is a chocolate strawberry which makes her lips taste like dessert after a long day. Delicious.
I push harder against her and start exploring her mouth with my tongue.
Sam moans against me and I can’t help but moan with her. The need of us both is making us almost desperate. I can’t seem to get close enough to her. She starts to slip down the wall a little and I reach down to stop her. She groans in pleasure as my hands grasp her thighs and ass, my biceps take most of her weight as I lift her up and pin her between the wall and my body. I grip her ass tighter, she lets out another moan into my mouth, and her eyes roll into the back of her head slightly.
Finally, Sam needs air, breaking the kiss and throwing her head back to take a big breath. I smile a small wicked smile and start gently kissing and licking down her neck and across her collarbone. Sam sucks in a gasp and her hands grab my head with such power that I nearly break my nose on her collarbone, but keep caressing her with my mouth.
“Oh my god,” she manages in between breaths, as she continues to caress the back of my head. I have to smile at that. Everywhere she touches sends shock waves of pleasure through my very being. I’ve wanted this for so long, wanted her for so long, it’s almost a dream right now. Both of our lips are getting swollen, but I like the gentle pain of it.
“I love you,” I whisper into her mouth and Sam goes rigid.
Oh shit!
Did I just say that out loud?
“Wow!” Wow is right. I can’t believe I said that to her. Out loud!
But I process the voice before I process the blunder and we both look over. Jennifer, my little sister, is standing there utterly amazed at the sight of Sam and me making out against the wall.
We jump apart almost instantly.
“What are you doing here, Jenn?” I ask a little pissed about being interrupted. Before she can answer, I hear a small sob from Sam next to me. I turn and see the look on her face, something I wasn’t expecting.
Horror.
Was it really that repulsive to hear me speak those three words?
“That never should have happened.” Sam looks scared and lost in thought. All my feelings of euphoria are blasted away.
“What do you mean?” Sam looks up at me and two completely different emotions pass through her eyes; longing and fear. She stands up and pushes my hand away when I try to help.
“Sam?” I take a step closer and she steps back. She looks away again back into her trance. She’s shaking slightly, but won’t let me get closer to help her.
“This is all wrong… We can’t… I don’t want…” And then she starts running before I can get any explanation out of her. I take a step to follow her but she flashes me a sorrowful gaze as she rounds the corner and I freeze in my tracks.
What the hell just happened?
“I’m sorry, Alan,” Jennifer apologizes, “I di
dn’t want to scare her away. I was just happy for you.”
“I know how long you’ve been wanting that,” she ends.
“I have a feeling that was about me not you, Squirt.” I rub her head to comfort her, though I feel like I’m the one that needs it most right now.
I hope I didn’t come on too strong and completely ruin everything, including our friendship.
Chapter Thirteen
Present Day
Ethan and I sleep way longer than I wanted.
I blame Ethan and his stories for keeping me up all night.
As the nurse rolls in the wheelchair, I slowly start to get out of bed. The pain is still there, but I'm able to move, which is a major plus. I had them stop giving me painkillers early last night to see what it'll be like when I leave the hospital. So far so good. Maybe I'll be able to leave this place sooner than I was told.
Time — and the doctor — will tell.
I ease myself into the chair and we're off to see Sam. I try to start a conversation with Ethan as we go, but nerves and anticipation are conversation killers. Everything that could have happened to Sam is playing over and over again in my head causing me to feel even more anxious.
We enter the elevator and go down three floors — my head didn't like that — but it was a bearable pain compared to recent memory. The elevator doors open to a new hallway, one that is slightly more inviting than the one we just left. The walls are lined with pictures and glossy rosewood paneling. There are also potted plants and trees to add a friendly, homey feeling.
I already dislike it.
It's too comfortable. It makes me think they want people to stay here forever.
We turn the corner and immediately I notice the couple sitting on a bench — the Cohn's. I haven't seen them since the day they told me Sam was in a coma. While I understood that they would rather be with their daughter than me, I’m still a little disappointed. Alex isn’t with them, so me coming to visit must be important enough to keep him at home. As we arrive, Mary gives me a small smile and hugs me across the shoulders.
"We're here when you need us, Son." Nate wraps his arm around me and whispers into my ear. All I can manage is a nod. He said “when” not “if.” That's a clear indication of how bad it really is in there. Nate doesn't beat around the bush. He knows how much I can handle and how much I can't.
He just told me I can't handle it.
It's only when Mary pulls away from me that I notice she's seen better days. Her face is sunken and her eyes are swollen red. She's always been the biggest advocate of make-up — moderate, barely there, but still a necessity — and I notice she isn’t wearing any. She's a far cry away from the well put together young lady that Nate introduced us to that day nine years ago.
9 Years Ago (Age 11): January
I'm still thinking about Arianna when I walk up to Sam's house. She's a definite character. I know she'll fit right into the group – especially if she and Quentin can ever get along.
A loud crash pulls me from my thoughts and I run into the house.
"I can't believe you brought that whore into the house!" I hear Sam shout and another crash against the far wall. I have no idea what's going on and decide that I'll stay in the background until I can figure out what’s happening.
“Samantha Irene Cohn!” Nate scolds and I know Sam flinches — she hates when her dad uses her full name. “I don’t remember raising you to swear like that!”
“I refuse to apologize to the home wrecker,” Sam stubbornly announces. I think I understand a bit of it now.
Nate brought his secret girlfriend home.
I was suspicious for a while with how often he’s been gone at night. Sam seemed completely oblivious to it. I don’t know if I should be surprised or amazed at how unobservant she is. It’s borderline super human.
I mean she still has no idea about my feelings after three years.
“I had no idea you were even dating again!” Completely unobservant.
“Please, calm down, Sam,” Nate sounds desperate as he pleads with her. There’s a long spot of heavy silence.
“What about mom?” I hear Sam’s small voice and rocking sobs. It’s time for me to make my entrance. Sam is going to need a minute before they solve anything. She’s already too lost in her ‘dad’s betrayal’ mentality to have a coherent conversation about anything. I step around the corner and take in the scene.
Sam is crying into her hands and doesn’t see me right away. Nate looks as lost as he sounded. He has his hand partially extend, almost as if he decided at the last minute not to comfort Sam. The biggest surprise is the woman nearly cowering behind Nate. The shattered plates and the chipped wall behind her are more than enough evidence to know that Sam was throwing them at her. Nate must have been helping her dodge since this woman doesn’t look like she could have done it herself. She’s too proper.
She’s staring at me like I’m a ghost. I have no idea how to respond to that, so I place my finger across my lips and silently shh her. She looks at me curiously — she obviously doesn’t know who I am or why I’m here.
”Hey, Tomboy, what’s happening here?” I ask loudly to make sure I’m heard. Sam peeks through her fingers and leaps into my arms.
"Alan!" she shouts. I wrap my arms around her waist and she buries her face into the crook of my neck. I can't say I don't like it, I like it a lot more than I probably should, given the situation. I turn slightly to Nate.
"I think we need a cool down." Nate nods his head in agreement, and then pulls the woman into a hug. I guide Sam out of the kitchen as Nate tries to soothe his girlfriend. We sit on the couch in the living room and Sam sobs into my shoulder.
“How can he do this?!” She’s seriously mad at him. Personally, I don’t see the problem. It’s been two years since Emily died. A man can’t be expected to be single forever after the love of his life is gone, especially when that love tells him to get someone else. Unfortunately, Sam doesn’t know about that part. I never really got around to telling her.
“Do you really expect him to live his entire life alone, Sam?” She glares at me.
“You’re supposed to be on my side,” she informs me. I smile at her.
“I’m always on your side,” I tell her. She rolls her eyes at me and “humphs” at my statement.
“Doesn’t look like it.” I smile a little wider. I guess I should just come clean and tell her what I heard in that hospital room. I sigh loudly as I build the courage to tell her.
“Sam,” I begin, “your mother told your dad to forget her.” Sam’s head shoots up to look at me, wide-eyed in surprise. “She wanted him to find a new love when she was gone.” Sam starts shaking her head in a stubborn attempt at denial. I continue.
“She made him promise that he would not hold back.” She’s vocally denying my statements now. “She didn’t want him to be trapped by her ghost for the rest of his life.” Sam is still shaking her head. I decide to jump in with both feet now.
“If I was about to die I would tell the one I love the same thing.” I stare at her as I speak. She, of course, is oblivious to my obvious meaning, but I’m fine with that. I can take things slow, for now. The statement at least gets her to stop denying herself. She knows as well as I do that her mom would have done that. Something tells me that she already had that possibility pass through her head more than once.
“You know I thought of that,” she admits.
Bingo, I love it when I’m right.
“I really didn’t want to think like that,” she continues, “I mean, it’s like I’m forgetting my mother.”
“How can anyone forget someone that important to them?” I didn’t have an answer to my own question. I’ve never had to deal with this situation myself.
“Why do you have to forget her?” I’m not even sure if it’s the right thing to ask.
“I don’t, really, but it would be easier.” I just nod because I understand that. Forgetting is easier than moving on with your life. I place m
y arm on her shoulders and she leans into me, her head on my chest. We stay like that for a few minutes.
“It feels all too fast though,” she finally breaks the silence. “It’s only been two years. Is that really long enough to get over someone as important to my dad as my mom was?” I shake my head at her and gently stroke her hair.
“Do you honestly think your dad has gotten over Emily?” I gesture at all the pictures scattered around the room. A picture of the three of them on Christmas is hanging on the wall. The four of us at the zoo, on the coffee table. A portrait of Emily front and center on the wall, biggest picture in the room.
“Someone who has gotten over someone else doesn’t have their pictures all over the place,” I tell her. “Especially if they’re bringing their girlfriend over.” I chuckle when she chuckles, then she hits me in mock anger.
“Don’t ever call her that. I still have to get used to the idea of my dad and someone else not my mom.” She wipes a tear from her eye as she props herself up from me.
“I guess I could at least hear them out,” she concedes getting up from the couch.
“I mean it’s not like they’re going to get married or anything.” We both laugh at the prospect as we go back to the kitchen to hear what Nate and the new girl have to say.
Present Day
“We’ll wait out here for you,” Nate tells me. “We thought you might like a minute alone with her.” I nod my head and take the wheel of the chair. The nurse props the door open for me and I let myself into the room.
There is a partition wall blocking my view of the room and it makes an impromptu hallway. I slowly wheel the chair through the hallway. My breath is loud. It’s hard to breathe through the anticipation. I have no idea what to expect when I turn the corner and fear actually stops me from making that final turn. Stopping at the edge, unable to continue, I try desperately to still my nerves. My legs and hands shake.