When Your Eyes Close

by Tanya Farrelly

  She didn’t tell him the rest. Didn’t mention how she’d been glad Daniel was gone, that it was just the three of them again. Well, the three of them and Uncle Brendan. If it hadn’t been for him, everything would have been fine. She’d thought about that many times over the years. She sometimes thought that if her father hadn’t killed him, she’d have vowed to do it herself. He deserved it after all. He was the one who’d ruined everything.

  ‘What happened to you afterwards? Michelle told me you were adopted, but that the couple split up?’

  She nodded. ‘They lost a little girl, and they thought taking me in would be a way to replace her. The man didn’t like me, but the woman, Violet, she did what she could – she had her own problems.’

  Nick took her hand, awkwardly, and she let him. ‘I’m so sorry, Caitie. So sorry for doing that to you. I had no right, it doesn’t matter what they did, nothing can justify leaving you alone. What I did … there’s no way back from that. That’s why I want to help you now, to help you to find David.’

  ‘I don’t think you can, Nick. The guards tried everything. All they found were dead ends. There’s nothing you can do that they haven’t tried already.’

  ‘But what was it you told us before? That somebody had set up a profile in your husband’s name? That was the reason you came here tonight, because you thought that we were the ones.’

  Christ, with everything he’d told her, she’d stopped thinking about that. There was too much to take in, too much about the past. But if Nick had nothing to do with the Twitter profile, then who was it?

  ‘A few weeks ago, I went on Twitter and saw that I had a new follower: David A – my husband’s name was David Anthony Casey. He was a musician and whoever set up the account uploaded a photo of a violin as his profile picture. They even put his place of work as St Gabriel’s, the school where he taught.’

  ‘And obviously you suspected Michelle and me because we’d come on the scene out of nowhere.’

  ‘I didn’t, not at the start, but then Andy reckoned it might have been you. And I began to see his point. Before that I’d had a phone call, about a month ago, on the evening of the anniversary of David’s disappearance. The phone rang, and a man told me that David was alive, but that I wasn’t to try to find him. He said it would be dangerous for me and for David if I did.’

  ‘What did you do? I assume you told the guards.’

  ‘They said it was probably a crank call, someone who’d seen David mentioned in the papers. It turned out they were right, at least I thought so, because a few days before there’d been a supplement in the paper about missing people and David had been featured in it.’

  ‘So you still have no idea who might be doing this? Or why?’

  Caitlin shook her head. ‘Not the slightest. Whoever it is, they’re trying to freak me out. Scare me.’

  ‘And the pictures, you said there were photos of you posted on this site?’

  ‘On David A’s Twitter feed.’

  She took out her phone, logged in to Twitter and clicked onto David A’s profile. She showed Nick the photo – the latest one of her in the wine bar. He looked at it and nodded. ‘So, he was there that night. No wonder you thought it was me.’

  She nodded. ‘I didn’t know what to think.’

  Nick was silent as he thumbed the screen and scrolled back through David A’s last few tweets.

  ‘How long have you known Andy Quinn?’

  ‘Andy? Oh, years. He and David were at college together. I met them both at the same time; they were rarely apart. It didn’t bother me, in fact the three of us hung out together all the time. Andy was constantly in our place when David and I moved in together. In fact, he’s still there a lot. He’s the only friend who’s stood by me since the whole thing happened. He adored David.’

  ‘And he adores you too by the sounds of things.’

  ‘It makes me feel guilty to be honest. I’ve been a bit of a bitch to him lately. I know he means well but he’s been getting under my skin. He worries about me, you know? But sometimes it’s too much. He’s overprotective.’

  ‘What does he think about the call, the Twitter thing, all of it? Apart from thinking it was me, that is?’

  ‘I suppose that’s what’s made him so full on. I mean, he’s been great. He stayed over one night when I was feeling a bit freaked out by it all. And then I thanked him by taking the head off him the next morning.’

  ‘You don’t think he could be the one behind it?’

  ‘What, Andy? No, he was David’s best friend – and mine. What would he have to gain?’

  ‘Maybe it’s a way of getting closer to you. You said he’s the one who’s come to the rescue. If something happens, if you’re scared, he’s the first person you call, isn’t he?’

  Her mind was a maelstrom. Could there be any substance to Nick’s suggestion? Maybe that was the reason Andy had tried to make her believe it was Nick, to take the heat off himself. But was he capable of something so underhand, so despicable, just to get close to her? Or did he have another agenda? She would have to be careful.

  ‘Jesus, I don’t know, Nick. I don’t know what to think. I need time to absorb everything … my head is beginning to ache with it all.’

  Nick nodded. ‘Of course, I can imagine. Why don’t I drive you home? Give you an opportunity to think about all that we’ve talked about. We can talk tomorrow … or whenever you want. I’m here for you, Caitlin. I want you to know that.’

  When Nick drove her home, she noticed Andy’s white van following at a discreet distance. Of course, she’d sent him Nick’s address, and he wanted to make sure she was safe. But was that all? She ignored the van and sat in the passenger seat of Nick’s car, relieved to buy some time to decide how she was going to handle Andy.

  They were both quiet on the drive to her house.

  Nick turned to her when he’d stopped the car outside. ‘Are you okay?’ he asked. ‘I can imagine how this must be; your head must be spinning with it all.’

  She gave a short laugh. ‘You could say that. I’ll call you when I’ve had a chance to think about what you’ve told me. I’ll need time …’ Nick nodded as she trailed off.

  She got out of the car, waved to Nick as he pulled away from the kerb. The night was eerily calm as Andy’s white van drew up in front of her. She’d have to play it normal, not lose her head like she had done when she’d gone to Nick’s. She didn’t know what it was that Andy wanted or what he knew. One thing she did know was that she wouldn’t be confiding in him about what Nick had just told her – she needed to get her head around it, and she needed to do that alone.

  ‘Hey, is everything okay?’ he asked, slamming the van door shut and coming towards her.

  ‘Yeah.’ She forced a smile. ‘You coming in?’

  He followed her into the house. She threw her bag down on the table and took off her coat.

  ‘Thanks for looking out for me, Andy.’

  ‘It’s what David would want me to do.’

  David. Is this what it was all about? Did it have nothing to do with her at all? She thought of Nick’s suggestion. It made sense. Andy knew that if she was scared, she would turn to him; the person who had stood by her through everything. But now she worried his agenda was different from what she’d thought.

  ‘So, what happened? Did you talk to him? I’m assuming he had nothing to do with the phone call or the Twitter profile seeing as you let him drive you home?’

  She shook her head, cautious. ‘He didn’t know anything about it,’ she said. ‘Like you said, all he wants to do is help.’

  ‘And do you think he can?’

  She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I don’t want to get my hopes up … not after everything. There’s nothing new for him to go on, nothing that the police don’t already know.’

  She didn’t like the way Andy was looking at her. ‘Caitie, there might be something …’ he said.

  ‘What do you mean? What could there possibly be? We’ve been over t
his, I don’t think I can do it again.’

  ‘There’s something I haven’t told you. I didn’t want to hurt you …’

  She stood up, moving away from him, suddenly sure she knew what he was about to say. ‘I don’t want to hear it, Andy.’

  He continued as if she’d said nothing. ‘There’s this girl who worked …’

  ‘I said I don’t want to know.’ She shouted it, trying to kill his words.

  ‘There may have been something …’

  She rushed out of the room, expecting Andy to follow her, but he didn’t. He knew, he damn well knew. She’d often wondered. What had David told him about her, about that slut, Louise? She couldn’t let Andy see she’d already known about it. He’d insist on telling her, she knew that. And she couldn’t stop him. She’d have to feign shock, horror at what he was saying. She’d deny it the way she’d denied it before she’d seen those text messages on David’s phone, the way David had failed to deny it when she’d accused him.

  ‘He was seeing someone else, Caitie.’

  His voice behind her, there was no blocking it out now. She felt the tears rising in her throat. No harm to let him see that. She turned towards him. ‘That’s a lie,’ she said.

  Andy shook his head. He was standing in the doorway, blocking her exit. ‘I’m really sorry, I couldn’t tell you before …’

  ‘It’s a damn lie! Where would he have met someone? When he wasn’t at school, he was at home or practising …’

  ‘She’s a teacher,’ he told her. ‘At Gabe’s.’

  She didn’t answer. Should she accept it, act the scorned wife and allow him to comfort her, go along with his plan? She sat on the edge of the bed, trying to work out what he knew.

  ‘You didn’t suspect anything?’ he asked.

  She shook her head. It was true. Until she’d borrowed David’s phone to make a call, she hadn’t suspected a thing. The message had pinged as she was dialling the number, popped up on the screen, unbidden. Louise. Who the hell was Louise? She’d read the message, hands shaking as she’d scrolled back and read through the chain. It had started over a month before … flirtatious double-meaning messages to which he’d answered in kind. He’d hung his head when she’d demanded an explanation – too pathetic to even defend himself.

  ‘Did he tell you?’ she asked.

  ‘Not in so many words.’

  ‘So … how do you know for sure? How do I know that what you’re saying is even true, Andy?’

  She stood up and moved away from him towards the window. Anger, he’d expect anger. She wasn’t the type of woman to fall apart.

  ‘Why would I invent something like this, Caitie? The reason I didn’t tell you in the first place was because I couldn’t stand to hurt you. You were so cut up; how could I add to that?’

  ‘Well, what if it was important?’ she said. ‘A lead for the guards? Have you talked to this … this person … found out what she knows?’

  Andy looked away. ‘I told Nick about her.’

  ‘Nick?’

  ‘Yeah, when he said he wanted to help – I told him about the girl. That’s why I’m telling you now, Caitie, I figured he might tell you and I didn’t want you to hear something like that from a virtual stranger. It’s the only reason …’

  ‘Who is she?’

  ‘Just some girl – a stupid ego-boost.’

  ‘But they were seeing each other, you know this for a fact, do you?’ She didn’t have to pretend to be annoyed; she was. The fact that Andy had known all along and hadn’t told her made her feel betrayed. Some friend. But whatever happened she couldn’t let him know that she already knew about the girl. Feigned ignorance was the only thing that could save her.

  ‘I saw them together.’

  ‘Where?’

  ‘In a park near the school.’

  ‘And what does that prove exactly?’

  ‘I saw her kiss him. And he didn’t push her away.’

  ‘Jesus. Near the school, anyone could have seen.’

  She knew David had lied to her when he’d said that nothing had happened. He hadn’t slept with her, he’d said. Even if that was true, the texts had already sent her over the edge; she didn’t need to hear the details.

  Andy was staring at her, assessing her reaction. ‘You really didn’t know?’ he said.

  She shook her head. ‘How would I? It’s not like I had a friend who thought to set me straight.’

  ‘Caitie …’

  ‘What did you tell Nick?’ she asked.

  He shrugged. ‘There wasn’t a whole lot I could tell him. I mentioned the girl, said she and Nick were close. I didn’t tell him I’d seen them together.’ He paused. ‘Is there anything else you can tell him? Something I’m not aware of, maybe?’

  Her skin went hot, then cold. ‘No,’ she said. ‘I’ve already told you everything I know.’

  She didn’t like how he was looking at her. She thought of the crank phone call again, the Twitter account, and the message she’d received. Could that really have been Andy? Was he doing it because he wanted her, wanted to be the hero? Or because he thought she had killed David and by freaking her out he would drive her over the edge to tell the truth? Whatever the reason, she needed to keep her head, had to get him on side. Otherwise, who knew where he’d take this?

  ‘I’m sorry I snapped. It’s just … what you’re telling me … I feel like a fool. David’s made a complete fool out of me.’

  ‘I’m sure he never meant to,’ he said, quietly.

  She stood up and put her hand on his arm. ‘I understand why you didn’t tell me, you wanted to save me from this, from feeling so stupid.’ She reached up to kiss his cheek. ‘You’ve only ever looked out for me.’

  When she pulled away he looked awkward, her warmth had clearly blindsided him. Just what she’d intended. She thought of Nick Drake, he was smart – of course he was, he’d been her father. He knew what it was like to be backed into a corner and to lash out. And what’s more, he believed he owed her. Suddenly a plan started forming in her head. If she could just keep Andy off the scent, maybe, just maybe, Nick could help her.

  CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

  Michelle

  Michelle had waited until she knew everything was okay before she left the room. She thought Caitlin had been about to get angry again when she’d said that Johnny Davis had killed her mother, but she hadn’t. It didn’t make sense. In Caitlin’s shoes, she’d have lost it. If anyone had done anything to hurt her mother, she’d have made sure they paid the price, no matter what the circumstances.

  After getting up and slipping from the room as discreetly as she could, she had gone out to the utility room, taken Rowdy’s lead, clipped it on and slipped out the back door with the dog gambolling round her feet. She expected it would be some time before Caitlin and Nick finished talking.

  The temperature had dropped, and she zipped her fleece up to the neck. Instinctively, she thought of the people sleeping in the street that night. Then she thought of the volunteers doing the rounds. She hadn’t heard anything back from the workers in the Capuchin Centre. Clearly no one had any information to add about the man who looked like Caitlin’s husband.

  She walked on, trying to still her thoughts, to slow them down and think clearly about everything that had happened since Nick told her about his illness. He hadn’t been feeling well for a while, she knew that. She used to hear him get up in the middle of the night – was sure she’d heard him vomit in the toilet, but he never said anything. She’d gone and stood outside the bathroom door one night and asked if he was okay. He’d assured her that he was fine, but he didn’t look fine. He’d used mouthwash to disguise the fact that he’d been sick, which had only made it more obvious.

  When she reached the end of the street she turned left to round the block. The house was in sight again now, the light burning in the front window. She wondered if Caitlin was still there or if she’d left by now – what would she have told Nick about his past? As she drew nearer, she no
ticed a white van parked on the other side of the road. It was dark, but she could make out the outline of a man sitting in the driver’s seat. He wasn’t parked outside one house in particular, but along the kerb where a small green square separated two blocks of houses.

  Michelle quickened her step, but Rowdy stopped to smell at something in the grass, forcing her to a halt. She glanced at the van again; she could still make nothing out but a silhouette in the darkness. She pulled Rowdy’s lead, clucking her tongue to call him to her. She wasn’t usually nervous walking at night, particularly in the estate, but tonight she felt jumpy. She stooped and unclipped the lead from the dog’s collar and watched as he raced ahead and in through the garden gate. She walked round to the side entrance, where she might slip again, unseen, into the house.

  She eased open the back door. Rowdy ran straight for his water bowl, and she tiptoed out to the hall. There were voices in the front room, Caitlin hadn’t left yet. Not wanting to interrupt, she climbed the stairs, went into the bedroom and crossed to the window to pull the blind down. The white van was still parked across the street. She couldn’t say why, but something about it made her uneasy. She sat on the edge of the bed, turned on the light and picked up a book. She read distractedly, her mind on what was happening downstairs.

  A short time later she heard the living room door opening, and she put her book down and made her way into the landing. She heard Nick call her name.

  ‘Up here,’ she said, making her way downstairs.

  ‘I’m just going to run Caitlin home,’ he told her.

  ‘I’ll be back soon okay?’ Nick took his keys, kissed Michelle’s cheek and the two of them left.

  She sat on the sofa, which was still warm from Nick’s body, and turned the television on in time for the news. It would take him at least half an hour to drop Caitlin home and return. A reporter was standing on the shore of a lake. She turned up the volume and realized he was talking about a French tourist whose remains had been found the month before. Apparently, the shattered pieces of a small boat had surfaced. A woman whose house overlooked the lake had come forward to say that she’d seen a couple out in the boat, and now the Garda were preparing a diving team to see if they could locate a second body. Michelle changed the channel. She’d had enough scares, all she wanted now was to watch something mindless – at least until Nick came back.