Savasana at Sea

by Ava Dunne

  “That’s something we have to negotiate.”

  “We’re not leaving Slime Alley until we have an agreement. Like I said, sealed with a kiss. We’ll get into more intricate negotiations later.”

  Yuck. “What’s your definition of a full partnership?” I challenged.

  “Fair split of the profits. We’ll deal with the personal on a case-by-case basis. There will be times when one or the other of us will have to be physically unfaithful, in order to reel in a mark. Like you’re doing with Cooke. Like you’ll do with the Chief in the future. But no emotional infidelity.”

  “Sophie! Something bad’s going on. I’m worried about you. Kiki said —” Harmonia raced into the room. She skidded to a stop when saw Andrew and me. Then she spotted Gary’s body on the floor, and screamed.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  “DAMN IT!” ANDREW DROPPED MY arm to grab Harmonia. “Now we’re going to have to get rid of her, too.”

  “Don’t be silly.” I forced myself to sound more confident than I felt. “Harmonia’s the third element. We’re not a duo. We’re a trio.” Had anyone heard Harmonia scream, or was there too much noise? Would anyone come to help us? I doubted it. When I found Geri and screamed at the bottom of the stairs, we were closer to other people. Here, in this room, there was too much noise for anyone passing in the hall to hear what was going on inside the room.

  “W-what?” Andrew looked from one to the other.

  I gave Harmonia a cool stare, willing her to play along. “He figured out our scheme, partner. He’s done a lot for us, so we’ve got to cut him in.” I turned back to Andrew. “It makes sense, doesn’t it? People confide in me at the yoga classes. They tell you their medical mysteries. Harmonia’s a psychic. She pulls out of them what’s hidden.”

  “She’s not a for-real psychic?” Andrew sounded uncertain for the first time. “Is she?”

  “I’m good at getting information out of people,” Harmonia spat out, shaking Andrew free.

  Andrew grinned at her, without humor. “I always knew there was no such thing as a psychic.”

  “I studied the cards, yeah, I can read them.” Harmonia stared at him, defiance in every line of her body. “But I’ve studied human nature even more.”

  “Human nature.” Andrew bobbed his head, looking from one of us to the other. “That’s what we all deal in. Human nature.”

  “That’s where the profit lies.” The words almost made me gag, but I knew Harmonia and I had to pull this off. Make Andrew believe. “Wrap Gary up better and put him back in the cupboard, until we have a clear shot at getting rid of him.”

  “ECO Wen is going to have a cow,” Harmonia added.

  “Wen will never know he was here.” Andrew reached down to shove Gary back in the bag. “Rigor’s come and gone,” he said, “so we’ve got some flexibility.” He looked up at us. “Aren’t you going to help?”

  Harmonia made a wounded noise, which she covered with a cough. “You’re more experienced with the dead,” I said.

  Andrew nodded, shoved Gary further into the oversized garbage bag. “Get me a twist tie,” he ordered.

  I saw the dispenser fastened to the edge of one of the cabinets, pulled out an oversized twist tie and handed it to him. I wondered if I should grab a handful, if they’d make good weapons, but dismissed the idea. I’d have to think of something else. There was no way I was going to let Harmonia get hurt. Or let Andrew go after Roz and Sebastian.

  Andrew fastened the twist tie, shoved the bag holding Gary’s remains into the closet, and leaned against the door to get it shut. “Three of us? That’s only 33% of each profit. Pretty slim pickings.”

  “Thirty-three and a third,” I corrected. “Those thirds add up.”

  “We up the ante,” said Harmonia. “Up the take. Not so hard, when you put it all together.” She gave me a sideways glance. “There’s still time to get cash from Kristina. Threaten to go to the tabloids with what you know.”

  Had Kristina gone to Harmonia for a reading?

  “That’s why I told you about her miscarriage in the first place,” Andrew interjected.

  As if picking up on the thought, Harmonia added, “You could suggest she book a session with me. I bet we could get enough on her for life. All celebrities have stuff they want to hide.”

  “We’ve got some big names joining the ship in the next few months,” Andrew nodded. “Special appearances. Specialty cruise bookings. We can get some high returns.”

  “That’s what we’ll do, then,” I said, hoping I sounded like a CEO. I tried channeling some of Jack’s colleagues I’d least liked. “We’ll take a few days and plan. Lay low for the rest of this cruise. We can let all the fuss over Geri and Wendy die down on next week’s trip, and use the time to craft a solid way forward. A lucrative one. No more going after crew or staff. There’s not enough yield in it. It makes more mess to clean up, like Gary and Wendy. I don’t like mess. Geri generated too much mess.”

  “So you understand why I killed her?” Andrew’s eyes lit up.

  “Sure I do.” I hope I sounded reassuring. “Good call on that.” Saying the words made me sick, but I knew our lives depended on this role. “How did you manage it? You’d argued with her earlier that day, hadn’t you?” I wanted to have Harmonia here as a witness for his confession.

  Andrew’s eyes narrowed. “Who told you?”

  “Geri told me she was meeting you.” I was surprised by the ease of the lie. “She said you had a lot to sort out, and I might have to take the rest of the day’s classes.”

  Andrew flushed. “Stupid bitch.”

  “How did you manage to kill her? You didn’t argue again at the top of the stairs, did you?”

  “Drugged her. Slipped a little something-something in her soda when we met.”

  “Like you did with Roz.” I felt Harmonia’s surprise, and hoped she hadn’t given too much away.

  “I hid Geri in an empty cabin. One of those vacated by those dancers who quit. When there was a break in the action that evening, the right moment, I ‘helped’ her to the top of the staircase. All I had to do was let go,” he gestured. “And step back. Thumpity-thump, aaaalll the way down.”

  Don’t be sick. “You wanted me to find her?”

  Andrew shrugged. “Like I said. Proving myself.”

  “What’s the deal with Kiki? How much does she know?”

  “She’s a dalliance,” Andrew shrugged. “A distraction.”

  “The ‘physical infidelity’ you mentioned? That we both have to perform? We don’t have to worry about pillow talk?”

  “No!” Andrew’s scorn angered me on Kiki’s behalf. “She’s not bright enough to talk to about any of this.”

  “Might be useful, though,” said Harmonia. “Having a massage therapist on the team. People confide in massage therapists, too.”

  “I’m not cutting this four ways.” Andrew looked at me. “You think Kiki’s a problem?”

  I didn’t want Andrew to kill her. “Not at all. Just because you don’t spill your guts to Kiki in bed doesn’t mean you can’t get information out of her. She can be an asset. That’s your job, now, Andrew. Managing Kiki as an asset.”

  He nodded. “Can do.”

  “Let’s get out of here into the air,” I said. “I can’t think down here.” When it looked like Andrew would argue, I said, “I can’t think in this stench, the noise, and with the threat of discovery hanging over us. We’ll go somewhere private and then seal the deal any way that makes you comfortable.”

  He grinned. “Any way?”

  I licked my lips, hoping the gesture looked provocative and not as silly as it felt. “Any way, every way.”

  Andrew stood by the door and bowed. “After you, my ladies.”

  I didn’t like having Andrew behind me, and, from the uneasy glance Harmonia sent me, neither did she. Could we overpower him together? I gave Andrew what I hoped was a confident smile and walked past him. I felt him close behind. I wished I could urge Harmonia
to run, but that wouldn’t work. Our best bet was to get somewhere public. Get help.

  We passed a fire extinguisher mounted on the wall. I turned my ankle, pretending I had a misstep, letting Andrew get ahead of me. I grabbed the extinguisher off the wall and heaved it at him, hoping to catch him off-guard.

  He turned, caught the fire extinguisher with an oath, and flung it back at me. I hit the wall, the extinguisher pounding against my ribs. I gave a cry of pain and slid towards the floor. I gulped in as much air as I could. “Run, Harmonia!” I screamed. “Get help!”

  Harmonia hesitated for an instant.

  “Go!” I urged.

  Harmonia turned and fled.

  Andrew grabbed me, threw me onto the floor, and straddled me. He squeezed his hands around my throat, cutting off my air supply. He might kill me, but I’d bought Harmonia time.

  I forced myself to relax. Andrew instinctively loosened his grip, so I bucked upwards, tried to roll. I surprised Andrew, who slid sideways. I freed one foot and kicked him in the knee, which made him howl and drop his hands from my throat. I kicked him again, hoping it was the groin, and crawled away from him, coughing and gasping.

  I struggled to my feet and grabbed the fire extinguisher. I turned it on him, full force. He snarled and danced away. I tried to keep the foam streaming on him, but he was so insane with rage that he pushed through the frothy bicarbonate. He ripped the extinguisher out of my hands, grabbed me and flung me against the wall. My head, my shoulders, my back cracked against it, knocking the wind out of me. He grabbed me, pulled me towards him, and then battered me again. He was going to beat me to death against the wall. I struggled, trying to knee him in the groin again, but he slammed me against the wall a third time. I couldn’t catch my breath, everything hurt, my vision blurred.

  A hand closed over Andrew’s shoulder and yanked him away. Murali, the beefy Indian security guard, hurtled down the hallway, Dhruv right behind him. Behind them ran Roz, brandishing a broom like a spear, shouting at the top of her lungs, and Merhati, the diminutive woman in charge of the laundry, waving an iron. I saw Sebastian’s fist slam into Andrew’s face and Andrew stagger back. I slid down the wall, welcoming the blackness.

  …

  “She’s coming out of it, doc.”

  I heard the voice, and knew I should recognize it. I tried to open my eyes, but it hurt too much, and I moaned.

  “Water. She needs water.” A strong arm supported me, and I felt a few drops of cool bliss against my lips. I managed to open them, fill my mouth with liquid, and swallowed, although that hurt.

  I tried to open my eyes again. This time, it worked.

  I was in a bed, with Sebastian perched on the side, one arm underneath me, holding me up. Harmonia was on the other side.

  “I’m here, sweetie,” said Harmonia.

  “You okay?” I croaked.

  Harmonia smiled. “I think that’s what we should ask you.”

  “I feel like crap.”

  A round, dark-haired Asian face swam into view. “That is not unusual, Miss Batchelder,” said Dr. Zhao, the ship’s doctor. “You have some broken ribs, a good deal of bruising on your shoulders, back, legs, and throat. Nothing else broken.”

  “Good.” I reached out for the water, and Sebastian placed it into my hand. “Andrew?”

  “In custody,” said Sebastian. “Under guard.” A glimmer of amusement crossed his face. “Dhruv had a go at him. And Detective Cooke got in a few punches when we were done. Anna Vallejo had to pull him off.”

  “Did Andrew confess?”

  “Admitted everything except the jewel thefts,” said Sebastian. “Swears he knows nothing about them. If they stop, we’ll know he’s lying. If they continue, we’ve got someone else on the ship to track down.”

  I decided not to give Stella and Bartholomew away. They wouldn’t be on the next cruise; the thefts would stop. I hated to keep a secret like that from Sebastian. I might pay for it down the road, but right now, I would keep Stella and Bartholomew’s confidence.

  “How did it all end?” I asked.

  “Harmonia came tearing in to the laundry room, screaming that Andrew was trying to kill you,” said Sebastian. “Ernie and I were in there, and came running. So did Roz, Murali, Dhruv, and Merhati.” He grinned. “That little woman and her iron are terrifying. She threatened to burn off Andrew’s family jewels. Pun intended.”

  “Andrew pushed Geri down the stairs. I thought I heard her arguing with Viktor, but it was Andrew,” I said. “He smothered Gary. Gary’s in a garbage bag. Oh, good, it’s so awful. Gary’s in a garbage bag.” Tears welled in my eyes.

  “It’s okay,” said Sebastian.

  “It’s not okay,” I insisted. “Gary didn’t deserve it. “

  “His body’s been retrieved,” Sebastian assured. “It’s being treated with proper respect.”

  “Andrew switched Wendy’s medications so she’d take an overdose. And he said something about killing patients at a previous job.”

  “Anna and her partner confirmed that,” said Sebastian. “Andrew’s been under suspicion for a long time, for deaths at elder facilities under suspicious circumstances, but he always managed to slip off on a technicality. Then he slipped out of sight by joining the ship.”

  “I pretended to go along with it,” I said. “I was afraid he’d kill Harmonia. Or me.” I looked at these two people, so dear to me. “He wanted to kill you, Sebastian. And Roz.”

  “I knew something was wrong, but acted on impulse instead of following the premonition through first,” Harmonia admitted. “I got the ‘wrongness’ vibe. I kept getting images of Detective Cooke and Sebastian and Dhruv, but I couldn’t imagine why I’d be sensitive to them.” She looked at Sebastian. “No offense.”

  “I was practicing my non-existent telepathy skills,” I said. “I was trying to let Sebastian or Duncan or Dhruv know where I was. Of course, I thought my life was in danger from Viktor, not Andrew.”

  Harmonia continued. “I remembered the voice I’d heard when I first heard the rumor. It came to me in meditation. It was Andrew’s. Then I ran into Kiki. She was freaked out and admitted she lied to you that Viktor wanted to meet you, when it was really Andrew. She thought Andrew was acting weird and didn’t know what to do about it. She wanted me to do a reading about it, but I took off for Zero Deck.”

  “Poor Kiki,” I said. “Andrew used her. Is she okay?”

  “Won’t come out of her cabin,” said Harmonia.

  “How could I not have seen it in his eyes?” I mused. “Eyes are one of the first things I notice about people. The soul shines through. How could I not have seen what he lacked in his soul?”

  “I didn’t intuit he was psycho, either,” Harmonia admitted. “He always came across as cute and charming.”

  “Sociopaths are convincing,” said Sebastian. “Andrew believed whatever he needed to believe in the moment to embody it. That’s what came through.”

  I still felt like a fool. I looked at Harmonia. “I wasn’t sure you’d understand what I was doing and play along.”

  “Andrew may have gotten so far on the crazy train he couldn’t tell, but I could.”

  “You were convincing,” I agreed. “I don’t think I could have persuaded him on my own.”

  “When I first started learning how to read, I saw ghosts,” Harmonia revealed. “Sometimes, I still do. I chose the tarot road instead of the ghost road, so I ignore ghosts whenever possible. But one of those early ghosts I worked with was a gangster’s moll from the Prohibition Era. I asked myself, ‘how would Susie behave in this situation?’ and took it from there.”

  “We need to give thanks to Susie,” I said. “She may have saved our lives.” I looked at my friend. “Would you help me learn about cards and intuition and what Gamma Batchelder does by instinct? If I understood more, maybe I wouldn’t have gotten myself in such a mess.”

  “Yes.” Harmonia nodded.

  “You did exactly what you needed to do to get out of t
here,” said Sebastian.

  “Until Andrew figured out I wanted to bean him with the fire extinguisher.”

  “He survived this long by being exceptionally suspicious,” said Sebastian. He took a deep breath, and rubbed the back of his neck. “Speaking of suspicious, I haven’t been entirely honest with you.”

  “How so?” I struggled up. It hurt, but I wanted to be upright to hear this.

  “I studied engineering in school, and I’m really one of the ship’s engineering crew. But before? The work I lost myself in? I used to be a cop. A detective.”

  “So you knew the investigators before the cruise.” I nodded.

  “Anna was a cop before she joined the FBI. Anna and I were in the Academy together. I haven’t worked with Cooke, but we knew each other by reputation. Rowena Callahan’s ex-husband and I were in the same precinct, and he helped me get this job.”

  “Wait, Rowena used to be married to a cop?”

  “A detective. A good one.”

  “She’s married to a math teacher now.” I tried to take it in.

  “She wanted a quiet life. It’s hard being a cop’s wife,” Sebastian paused, then took up his story again. “Anna hadn’t been in touch for awhile, but when Geri died, and Anna and her partner were assigned, she asked if I’d keep my eyes and ears open.” He grimaced. “I didn’t do a very good job.” He smiled at me. “I was a little distracted.”

  “But Andrew’s in custody, and the murders of Geri, Gary, and Wendy won’t be in vain,” said Harmonia. “I think the good guys won.”

  “We didn’t recover the jewels.” Sebastian frowned.

  “We don’t know how many of those were real thefts,” I countered.

  “Yeah,” said Harmonia. “Kristina Murray made noise and the damn brooch was behind a piece of furniture. False accusations much?”

  “Speaking of distracted,” I said, “what time is it? I have to work the tea dance with Matt this afternoon.”

  “You stay here,” Dr. Zhao stated. “No dance. No yoga. You rest.”