Healing Our Hearts

by Grace Roberts

  “Don’t.” She raised a hand in front of my face to stop me from saying a word. “Don’t try to convince me I dreamed it all, Colin, because I didn’t. Declan was here, he healed me and I can prove it to you.”

  I looked at her with raised eyebrows, and she moved out of my arms and pushed herself off the bed. I instinctively went for her, ready to grab her before she fell—but I stopped and my jaw dropped when I saw she was standing.

  Alone.

  On her feet.

  How. Was. That. Even. Possible?

  She took one hesitant step then another, looking like a toddler. She leaned against the nightstand, and when she turned back she was beaming.

  She was walking.

  I’d left her on my bed half an hour before and now she was standing on her feet. After spending weeks and months trying to make her walk again, now that we’d given up she was healed? I couldn’t wrap my head around it. She was walking. It was… no, there was no way I was going to say it was a miracle. I was a doctor; there had to be another explanation.

  “Declan healed me,” she said, when she saw me looking open-mouthed at her. “He was with me all the time. The night of the fire in New York he helped me get out of bed. You’ve got to believe me, Colin. Declan’s an angel—he’s my angel, and he saved me.”

  I looked at her, scratching the back of my neck. Now, wait a minute. What was she saying? Okay, she was walking but how could I believe an angel, her dead brother had healed her? Anyone would think she’d gone crazy.

  “Colin?” I looked up at her, shaking the thoughts away. “Can you help me, please? I’m afraid I’m not strong enough to stand for so long.”

  I sprang off the mattress and scooped her up, carrying her back to bed. I knew she was expecting me to say something, but I just couldn’t think right now. I hugged her, and when she wrapped her arms around my waist I relaxed and rested my chin on the top of her head.

  “Do you think I’m crazy?” she asked after a moment, interrupting my train of thought. I squeezed her a little more before releasing my hug and pulling away to look into her eyes. She frowned and her lips were pursed in a thin line, trying to interpret my expression and gather what I thought of all this.

  I didn’t want to hurt her, but I needed her to come back from wherever she had gone. I knew I needed to be blunt and make her see how impossible this all sounded.

  “No, I don’t; but how can you expect me to believe you’ve been speaking to your dead brother? I understand you wish you could and I know you still want him around, but at some point you’ll have to accept he’s dead.”

  She winced as if I’d slapped her hard, and my heart ached—but she had to snap out of it.

  “Colin, if you really love me, please trust me on this. It’s really important.” I looked at her. Her eyes were pleading, begging me to have faith in her. “I have a message for you, but you’ve got to believe, first.”

  “A message?” I asked, bewildered and even more confused than before. “I didn’t even know him; what could he possibly want to say to me?”

  Her face softened into a smile, and she looked at me with glistening eyes. “It’s not from Declan. It’s… from your parents.”

  “Don’t!” I snapped, and jumped to my feet as if I’d been scalded, moving away from her. Suddenly, I felt disgusted by the way she was acting and I wondered why she was doing this to me. “Don’t bring my parents into this just so I’ll believe your silly theory about angels healing you.”

  My tone had taken up a rough edge and I could see I was hurting her, but I wouldn’t let her use my parents to fool me into believing. Yes, she had been standing on her feet only a moment ago. She’d taken a couple of steps, but who said it had nothing to do with the therapy? Maybe Dr. Pearson’s sessions, combined with her being back on home soil, had managed to remove that psychological block, and now she could walk. This I could believe; visits by her dead brother, I couldn’t.

  “Colin, please,” she begged, reaching out for me. I took a step back, further away from her, and I felt a real bastard, but I couldn’t let her pretty eyes work their spell on me like they always did.

  “Leave them out of this, Kathleen,” I said in a harsh tone, pacing the room with quick steps, almost stomping my feet in distress. I shoved my hand through my hair in frustration, wanting to pull it all out. I couldn’t take this. I couldn’t hear her speak about my parents as if she’d known them all her life and now was telepathically talking to them.

  “Kathleen, please. How can I believe you’ve been talking to my parents?”

  Her shoulders drooped and she blinked to fight back the tears.

  “I didn’t speak to your parents, Colin. Declan did, and they asked him to deliver a message.” She tried to stand up and reach for me again, but I pulled away, so she plopped back down on the bed. “I’m not trying to hurt you, Colin. I only want to help you.”

  She looked like she meant every word she was saying, as if the fact I didn’t believe her was crushing her heart.

  I wished I could think differently. I really wished I could but… this was just too much to take. I stood with my back to her, my hands on the chest of drawers, supporting my weight.

  “Little spring bud?” she asked in a bewildered tone after a moment.

  My heart did a somersault in my chest, picking up speed. I froze in place. I didn’t dare turn back and look at her.

  “What did you just say?” I asked through gritted teeth. My tone was harsh, but I couldn’t help it.

  “I… I don’t know,” she said, her tone apologetic. “I thought I heard Declan say it, but I don’t know why.”

  She sounded as if she was about to start crying so I turned back, and when I saw the utter sadness in her eyes I couldn’t bring myself to be mad at her anymore. I loved her and the last thing I wanted was to hurt her, but the wound was still open, and hearing her talk about my parents had been like having salt poured into it.

  Our eyes met and my heart broke at the pain in them. I moved closer but I didn’t dare touch or sit next to her. I needed to keep my distance. I needed to think straight. I couldn’t let old emotions crawl back and overwhelm me.

  “Does it mean anything to you?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

  I hung my head and fought back the tears, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. “My mom used to call me that when I was a kid,” I said, and she gasped, giving me confirmation she had no idea what those words had meant. “Because I was born on March twenty-first, the first day of spring, she used to say I was her little spring bud.”

  I swallowed hard and waited for my heart to slow, but it didn’t. There was no other way she could’ve known about it.

  “I suppose your parents wanted you to believe I’m not lying.”

  Tears stung my eyes and I blinked to fight them back. Had she really been talking to her brother, then? It was next to impossible but she was walking, and she knew the nickname my mom used—how would she ever have known otherwise?

  It was hard but I finally decided to try and give her the chance to explain, to deliver the message she kept saying she had for me. I didn’t have to believe, I just had to listen. She’d be happy and that was all that mattered.

  “What did he say, then?” I asked. The line that creased her brow disappeared. She took a deep breath and waited a moment before she spoke.

  “They’re not mad at you, and they don’t want you to worry about them, because they’re fine where they are now.” She stopped for a moment to scrutinize my face before she went on. I tried to look indifferent and totally cool but my heart was beating so hard in my chest I was afraid it would break my ribs. “They’re really proud of the man you’ve become, and they love you very much.”

  At that, my cool façade crumbled and my vision blurred as those tears I’d been holding back for fourteen years filled my eyes in front of the one person I’d never wanted to see me cry. Her smile was sweet, and her eyes held the sort of tenderness I’d only seen in my grandmother�
��s before. When she took my hands in hers and squeezed them gently, I lost it completely. A second later I was wrapped in her arms, sobbing like a baby, her hand stroking my back and hair soothingly.

  I hadn’t let go like that in years, ever since the time I’d cried in Gran’s arms thirteen years ago. It felt so good it made me wonder why I had insisted on hiding it all inside.

  I had no idea how long I’d been crying for, but when I eventually managed to pull myself together I felt an awful lot better than I had in a long time. The burden of grief that had been sitting on my heart for fourteen years had finally dissolved, and I felt a hundred pounds lighter.

  I pulled back and Kathleen released me from her hug, but I refused to look her in the eye, ashamed for crying like that.

  “Forgive me for doubting you, Kathleen. It was just too much to take in.” She took my hands and I interlocked my fingers with hers. “First I see you walk, then you tell me your brother healed you and, well, when you mentioned my parents I just couldn’t take it any longer.”

  She didn’t say a word and it made me uneasy. When she took our hands to her lips and kissed my knuckles, I finally looked at her. She was smiling, and her gorgeous blue eyes told me everything I needed to hear.

  “I love you,” I whispered, sliding close to her across the bed. “And I really want to know every little detail about what happened in the past couple of months, if you’re still willing to share them with me.”

  She smiled. Her eyes had taken on a new glow, as the veil of sorrow finally lifted from them.

  I let go of her hands and took her face, staring at her for a moment before pressing my lips on hers, gently. When I pulled back she took a deep breath, then leaned back against the headboard of the bed and motioned for me to sit next to her. I moved closer and she rested her head on my chest. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, enjoying the moment.

  Eventually, after taking another long breath, she started to tell me the whole story from the very beginning and I listened to her without interrupting.

  After she was done telling me everything about what had happened from the moment her brother had first shown up in her hospital room, we remained silent for a while, my arm around her shoulders and her head on my chest, neither of us wanting to break the pleasant, romantic atmosphere.

  When I eventually started to nod off, knowing it must be past midnight, I looked at her and noticed she had fallen asleep.

  As I tried to remove my arm so she could lie down, she opened her eyes for a moment and took fistfuls of my T-shirt, pulling me weakly toward her.

  “Please stay with me tonight, Colin,” she mumbled, still half-asleep, “Declan’s gone for good; don’t leave me alone.”

  “I’m not going anywhere, love,” I whispered in her ear while I gently eased her down. She nodded, closing her eyes again. After everything she’d told me about how her brother had come to visit her in the past six months I realized how hard it would be for her, knowing she’d never be able to see him again. She would have to accept his death now, and she would need my help more than ever.

  “Good night, Colin,” she whispered, yawning immediately afterward. “Thank you for believing.”

  I tucked a strand of her silky hair behind her ear, and placed a soft kiss on her brow.

  “Goodnight, Kathleen,” I said, then, although I knew she was fully asleep, “and thank you for healing me.”

  Chapter 37

  Kathleen

  June 24

  I woke up with two strong arms wrapped around my waist, hugging me from behind. I flinched, but when the familiar scent of his cologne hit my nostrils it all came back. Feeling his legs tangled with mine and moving my toes were confirmation it hadn’t been a dream.

  I turned so I could face him, and when I moved he stirred and blinked a couple of times before smiling at me.

  “Morning Icy,” he said, his voice still thick with sleep.

  “Good morning,” I said, smiling and nuzzling his neck while his arms tightened a little more around me. Waking up next to him felt too good to be true, and I couldn’t wait to start my new life in Dublin so we could spend more time together. I was probably running a little too fast, my imagination conjuring up images of lazy Sunday mornings snuggled up in bed, making plans for trips to exotic locations to get away from the rainy weather for a few days, and just enjoying each other’s company. I had no doubt our relationship could only get stronger. We were meant to be, Declan had told me that, and I was sure nothing would ever come between us.

  Colin’s lips on mine brought me back to the present. I knew I should take one day at the time, but I couldn’t help myself. I just couldn’t imagine a future without him in it.

  “You should consider staying a little longer, or at least coming back sooner than you’d planned,” he whispered, against my mouth. “We need to start an exercise program to strengthen your muscles. We could work together during my lunch breaks and get you back in shape in no time.”

  I nodded. It wasn’t such a crazy idea, after all. Especially not now that I wasn’t confined to that wheelchair anymore.

  “I’ll call Annie. If she doesn’t want me back, I can look for a small apartment I could rent.”

  He tilted his head to the side. “I was hoping you’d want to stay here, with me.”

  My eyebrows shot up. “Colin, although I love the idea of being with you twenty-four seven, I don’t want to rush things.”

  “Okay,” he said, his bottom lip jutting out in a cute pout. “If that’s what you want.”

  “I’ll be here more often than you think. You’ll get sick of seeing me.” I smiled and stroked his cheek, the morning stubble pricking the tips of my fingers. I wanted to be with him every minute of my life, but I also wanted to do things properly. There was still so much we didn’t know about each other, habits and quirks that I couldn’t wait to discover day after day.

  “I’ll never get sick of you, babe.” He pecked me on the forehead, then gave me one of his adorable dimpled smiles. “But I’ll respect your decision. Just know that my house is always open.”

  I nodded and rested my head on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat comforting and mesmerizing. I must have dozed off because when Colin’s lips brushed mine and I opened my eyes, the sun was coming in through the open curtains and Colin was already dressed.

  “What time is it?”

  “Time to get up, sleeping beauty.” He smiled and my heart skipped a beat at the sight of his beautiful face. He scooped me up and twirled, making me laugh. I stared at the wheelchair in the corner of the room and a rush of happiness coursed through me at the realization I was never going to need it again. Though it would take time for me to go back to how I was before the accident, I had no doubt Declan would always be around, helping me, even though I wouldn’t be able to see him.

  We went into the kitchen to make breakfast and I had to hold onto the counter when my legs felt weak and nearly gave out. Although Colin said I should still use the wheelchair, just until my muscles were strong enough to support me, I refused to spend another minute in it. I definitely preferred walking around holding onto Colin’s strong biceps, or with his arm wrapped around my shoulder.

  Now that I could stand next to him I realized how tall he really was. I was used to being around tall people, with Declan and David being five foot ten and five foot nine respectively, but as I stood next to him, my arm wrapped around his waist while he was cooking, his six foot build was intimidating but reassuring at the same time.

  As if he could read my thoughts, he turned back and wrapped his free arm around me.

  “You’re quite cute, you know?” he said with a lovely smile on his face. “You’re so petite I’m afraid I’d crush you if I squeezed you too hard.”

  I laughed. “David and Declan always made fun of me, saying I was a pixie because I’m barely five foot three,” I said, shaking my head in resignation. “And since I’m the shortest in my family, they always said Mum and Dad found me in the woo
ds, and that one day my real family would come and take me back to their realm.” I smiled remembering how, when I was younger, I’d always believed the fairy tale my brothers had made up. I’d dreamed about ruling a kingdom full of pixies.

  “I love pixies; I think they’re quite cute,” he said, kissing the tip of my nose. “And they can be very sexy, too.” I stood up on my tiptoes to kiss him and he laughed, turning his attention back to the pan. My legs were starting to feel weak but I didn’t want to let go; I wanted to enjoy this cozy everyday moment a little longer.

  A minute later he placed the eggs onto two plates and picked them up, staring down at me with a smirk. “Are you ever going to let go of me and eat breakfast, or am I supposed to feed you standing here?”

  I blushed, immediately releasing him from my hug. My legs gave in just then and I was lucky the table was behind me, otherwise I would have landed on my butt.

  He gave me a scolding glance and put the plates on the table before asking me if I was okay. I nodded and sat down on the closest chair.

  “Don’t go overboard, babe,” he said, pouring hot water into my mug and bending down to kiss my cheek. “Take it one step at a time. We’ll get there little by little, but I need you to understand your limitations.”

  I nodded, knowing he was right. I couldn’t wait to go back to my normal life, but I was going to have to learn to take things slowly and follow Colin’s advice. I needed to understand the meaning of the word patience. Easier said than done.

  Chapter 38

  Colin

  June 24

  After spending most of the day snuggled on my couch, kissing and cuddling, the moment I dreaded the most finally arrived. When Kathleen picked up her duffel bag and walked unsteadily out of my bedroom, my heart broke. Although I knew this wasn’t goodbye, a part of me still feared she’d change her mind and decide to stay in Galway with her family. Though, if that ever happened, I was willing to quit my job and move to the other coast of the country to be with her.