David Lannarck, Midget

by George S. Harney

  15

  The great Burns warehouse in Adot was built back in the impulsive daysfollowing the construction of the Union Pacific Railroad.Notwithstanding the fact that the young nation was engaged in a civilwar that challenged its existence, there was faith that right wouldprevail, hope in the future of national expansion, and charity assumedher wonted place. In 1862 Congress incorporated the road, borrowed thefunds to build, and bonused the enterprise with grants ofland--greater in area than the State of Pennsylvania.

  And there was need for national expansion and the development of thevast empire west of the Mississippi. At the close of the Civil War,more than a million soldiers were discharged to seek new homes in anuncongested area. A million immigrants came from impoverished Europein the four succeeding years, begging for freedom and a place to live.These millions too were given bonuses of grants of land, and soon theuninhabited West was dotted with primitive homesteads and scatteredranches that must be served. Food, in all its varieties, is a primalnecessity. Warehouses, clumsy predecessors of modern stores, must beconstructed at advantageous points to shelter foods and makedistribution to remote sections. Some called them trading posts.

  And so, back in the colorful days of the building of the fast-growingWest, young Isaac Burns constructed his warehouse. It was high andwide, if not handsome. It had a driveway through it--handy for thefour or six teams that came to unload flour, sugar, salt, spices,bolts of fabrics, farm implements, or what-have you. Handy, too, forthe rancher or miner that came to buy at retail (but in wholesalequantities) a full year's supply of merchandise and food.

  But in the changing economies of a fast-growing republic, thewarehouse plan was to take its place with the ox yoke, the spinningwheel, the mustache cup, and the Prince Albert coat. Hard roads andbridges took the place of ill-defined trails, and gasoline brought therancher to trading marts daily, instead of once a year.

  Young Jethro Burns added a corral to the now useless warehouse andtraded in livestock. Joe Burns, of the next generation, closed off oneside of the driveway to make a storage room. But notwithstanding itsfavorable location in the center of town, the room remained idle.Except as a repository for a few odds and ends and its occasional useson election days, the old warehouse rested in its past glories. It wasan easy conquest for the persuasive, zealous Paul Curtis, the newlyarrived Nazarene minister, to gain permission for its use for churchpurposes. Seemingly easy it was to commandeer many of the community'sextra chairs, benches, settees, and kegs to accommodate the limitedbut growing congregation. A small platform was built at one end,lights were added. And now, exhortations and songs of praise filledthe air that was once vibrant with the bawling of restless calves andthe bleating of timid lambs.

  In the week preceding the event, a great muslin banner hung across thewarehouse front proclaiming:

  UNIQUE ENTERTAINMENT! Saturday Eve, 7:30

  CIRCUS-SHOW MIDGET WILL RELATE EXPERIENCES

  Songs and Music Admission--Free Will Offering.

  COME!

  David Lannarck was up bright and early Saturday morning. After feedingand brushing Peaches, he dressed himself in his best clothes. Landy,too, sensing the importance of coming events, improved his appearanceby buttoning up his shirt-front. The ride to the B-line wasunimportant. Adine Lough was ready with the roadster. By ten or eleveno'clock the party was in Adot.

  At the bridge they stopped to lay back the top. Adine drove slowly upMain Street; Davy stood in the middle with his hand on Landy'sshoulder. There were but few persons on the street as the car passedbut on its return, everybody in the stores was out on the sidewalk.

  "Take off that old barn-door hat, Landy, so we can see what ye got,"called someone from the walk. Landy complied with the request. Davywaved his greetings to the curious. The party halted at Jode's hoteland restaurant. A woman came out.

  Presently a young fellow, coatless and hatless, came running from theold warehouse. "We should have had a band to head the parade," heexclaimed apologetically, "but you are surely welcome. I have beenadding more camp chairs to our seating capacity. We'll need them all."It was the young preacher. Adine made the introductions.

  "Do you want another parade this afternoon?" asked Davy. "Getting outthe Standing Room Only sign is always an asset for futureentertainments."

  "And will you be with us again?" asked the young minister quickly.

  "No, this is my last public appearance," said Davy firmly. "In thismatter, I am fulfilling an agreement. I want to give all I've got;because I got just what I wanted. But if Adine is willing, we'llparade this afternoon."

  And parade they did, at three o'clock. Davy insisted that Landyparticipate. The aged Nestor--a perfect representative of otherdays--held grimly to his seat as the car, driven by a very handsomeand smiling young lady, moved slowly up and down the thoroughfare,packed with people who had come to see--a midget!

  Adine, Davy, and Landy were joined in the evening meal by Mr. and Mrs.Charles Gillis and Welborn, who had come in Jim's car, via the Carterfilling station. The Silver Falls project was well represented. On theway over, Welborn figured he could have taken fully an ounce of dustfrom the company holdings, but he was loyal to his friend--andpromise.

  The audience that assembled for the entertainment at the Burnswarehouse exceeded the young minister's estimates. The standingaudience was greater than the number that found seats. A fewventuresome lads who had never seen a midget climbed up to the bracesthat held sill to pillar to get a better view. But withal it was aquiet, orderly gathering of the men, women, and children of thelittle city and its far-reaching suburbs.

  While the crowd was assembling young Paul Curtis, the preacher, actedas usher. He seated Adine Lough and her party of five on the platform.Occasionally he consulted with Brother Peyton, the doorkeeper. Andfinally, as capacity was reached, he came to the rostrum.

  "Friends and neighbors," he said, "it's too bad that our program mustbe preceded by an apology. As a stranger in your midst, I did notproperly estimate your interest and enthusiasm. I accept the blame fornot providing a larger auditorium and I want, at this time, to givecredit to Miss Adine Lough, of the B-line ranch, for her zeal inproviding the feature of the entertainment and giving it the widepublicity it deserves. Make yourselves as comfortable as you can andwe will proceed with our offerings."

  The young minister was a real artist with an accordion. He playedseveral popular numbers, interspersed with old-time classics such as"The Flower Song," "The Blue Danube," and others. It was good music,well played, and received generous applause. These were followed by asolo and encore by the minister's wife and then a quartette of younggirls sang a couple of popular selections.

  Paul Curtis had preceded each number by a brief statement as to whatit was to be. Now he came to the rostrum. "We are now at the featurenumber of our program," he announced. "I understand it had itsbeginnings in a horse trade. Back in other days, a horse trade wasoften tinged with fraud and chicanery. This one has ended in a greatgood; really, it's the most fortuitous happening in my brief career asa minister of the Gospel. It has given me a quick and hearty contactwith all the people where I am to work. It goes to show that a greatgood can spring from lowly origins. The Saviour of men, you know, wasfrom lowly Nazareth and born in a manger.

  "But we will let the next speaker tell of the hoss trade, although heis scheduled to talk about midgets and tell us something about lifewith a circus-show. Both of these topics interest me deeply, as I knownothing about either, and am anxious to learn about them.

  "Folks, neighbors, and friends of Adot and community, allow me tointroduce my new-found young friend and our near-neighbor, MisterDavid Lannarck, lately a feature with the Great International Circus,and now a resident of the Silver Falls neighborhood. Mister Lannarck."

  Davy slid down from an uncomfortable chair and climbed up on thelittle platform that had been placed at the side
of the pulpit proper.

  "Howdy, folks, and thank you, Brother Curtis, for the kindlyintroduction. Calling me your young friend is a compliment I hardlydeserve. Yet it's a form of praise encountered by midgets. I recallthat a white-haired, gray-whiskered employee of the hotel inPhiladelphia, where we were quartered, persistently called AdmiralBlair, our leading midget, 'Sonny Boy.' When comparisons were made,the Admiral was ten years the older. I am not very adept in guessingthe ages of either grown persons or midgets, but I suspect, BrotherCurtis, that I was in the fourth grade in school about the time youwere born; and that when you arrived at the fourth grade, I was doinga man's job on the Keith vaudeville circuit. Such things occur tomidgets.

  "But let's get the Side-Show out of the way before we start theperformance in the Big Top--let's clear up the hoss trade first. Inthat transaction I was simply the innocent bystander. The principalsin that event are with us tonight. Acting as Master of Ceremonies ofthis Floor Show, let me introduce them." Turning to his guests of theevening, the speaker cautioned: "Stand up, folks, and take your bow asyour name is called.

  "First, I want to present the party who contributed the Hoss, who madeall the plans, and who through the untiring labors of this youngminister is largely, if not wholly responsible for this splendidgathering, Miss Adine Lough."

  The applause was generous and lasting. Blushing, smiling, andembarrassed, Adine took her bow and resumed her seat.

  "And the next principal in the transaction--the man who discovered thehoss and led me to it--my friend, mentor, guide, and boon companion,Mister Landy Spencer." The applause was generous but more boisterous.It was evident that Mister Spencer had many boon companions in theaudience. Landy's bow was a mixture of bends at the waist, neck, andknees.

  "And the next two, while not direct parties to the hoss trade, areresponsible for my upkeep, who shelter and feed me--and the hoss,Mister and Mistress James Gillis." Again the applause was generous andhearty.

  "And last, but not least, is the man who came to me in my greatesthour of distress--of disgust with the mob and a fixed determination toget away from it all; the man who came to me when the circus was aboutto fold up, and I was yearning for quiet and peace but didn't knowwhere to find it, and he found it for me. Right where I wanted to be,the place I had dreamed of, but never could find, the man who as mypodner does the easy manual labor, while I do the hard thinking, theman who owned it all and staked me out a half interest, Mister SamWelborn." Again the applause was generous.

  "And that completes the hoss trade episode, my friends. I got the bestlittle horse west of the Mississippi River, and Miss Lough got nothingbut the satisfaction of having planned and promoted a worthyenterprise in which all of you are participants. Now, let's get on tothe main event in the Big Top; let's talk about midgets and circuses."

  Earlier, Davy had asked Paul Curtis to find if his voice was reachingthe remote fringes of the audience. Being assured by a friendly nodthat he was making himself heard, he placed his elbows on the pulpitand rested his chin in his cupped hands to gaze at the curious.

  "I wish I knew something of my subject other than my own personalexperiences," he said in a slow, lowered voice. "General literature issilent on the classification and accomplishments of midgets. Exceptfor Dean Swift's recitals of the Lilliputians--which is pure fictionand the limited paragraphs in the encyclopedias on dwarfs--which isthe wrong name for the subject--in literature the midget is theforgotten man.

  "Even the Bible, in its wide comprehension of all classes of man, toinclude the race of giants, before the flood, the stalwart sons ofAnak, and the giant adversary of little David, makes no mention of thelittle people except in the third book of Mosaic writings, the'Crookbackt' or dwarfs are warned not to come nigh the altar-fireswhere sacrifices are offered. A severe banishment, truly, but as agood Presbyterian, I attribute the severity of such a decree to thegrudging envy of the jealous old 'kettle-tender' who maybe scorchedthe stew; and I get my solace in the comforting words of the Masterwho pledges that 'the meek, the merciful, the pure in heart and thepeacemakers--large or small--shall be called the children of God.'

  "Yes, there's confusion in literature--even in dictionaries--as to theproper classification of midgets. Their status is better establishedby elimination--by stating what they are not. Midgets are neitherdwarfs, runts, pygmies, nor Lilliputians. Dwarfs may have normalbodies but with either short legs or arms, or both; a runt is a smallspecimen in a litter or drove; pygmies were a mythical creation of theGreeks, but the name was later given to a tribe in South Africa, whosestature was considerably less than their neighbors; and Lilliputianswere the creation of a mind that was later to go haywire--but not overmidgets, mind you--it was that other enigma in human life: thebeckoning lure of two women, and the great creator of 'Gulliver andHis Travels' went nuts in trying to decide which way to go."

  A wave of stillness blanketed the audience that had come to see--andmaybe laugh at--the antics of a midget. Up to now, the address wasnot in the expected pitch. It was far afield from the anticipatedhumor of frivolous incidents. Dissertations on literature, science,and philosophy came as an unexpected jolt. Davy Lannarck, who hadspent his adult life in facing the public, now knew that he had 'emmesmerized.

  "Who, then, composes this exclusive class in the human family? Who aremidgets?" Davy gave the question its full emphasis to include thedramatic pause. "Well, I've lived the life of one for more than aquarter of a century. If literature, dictionaries, encyclopedias, andHoly Writ fail to sort us into the proper herd, why, I'll heat my ownrunnin' iron and brand the ones I think are eligible.

  "Midgets are people. Out of a million or more of babies born one, atleast, is destined not to reach adult stature. Normal in every way andperfectly proportioned, this millionth babe stops growing, while yet ababe, and thereafter not an inch is added to his stature and verylittle to his Weight. 'Arrested development' the scientist terms it;'a malfunctioning of the pituitary gland' is the doctor's diagnosis ofthe disaster.

  "So, one out of a million or more babies born is destined to gothrough life bumping his head against other people's knees. If it's aboy, he can never bust one over the fence for a home run, never looksquarely into the face of the receiving teller at the bank or of theroom clerk at the hotel. He is never to referee a prize fight or runfor president. If he wants a drink at the public fountain, he must asksomeone to get it for him. If he goes to school, church, or a publicmeeting he must either get a front seat or he'll get a back view. Ontrains, busses, and Pullmans he pays the same adult fare as thetwo-hundred-pounder across the aisle.

  "In the meager information about midgets, one writer, in an excellentarticle, estimates one midget to every million of population. He musthave lived in New York City, as the little people flock to thatmetropolis, seeking employment in theaters and museums. My personalestimate of the ratio is that not one babe in two million is destinedto go through life looking through the wrong end of opera glasses. Inmy brief career I have never seen more than twenty-two midgets in onegroup, and that only after Baron Singer had combed the civilized worldin an effort to get 'em all in one assemblage.

  "I have said that literature is almost silent concerning midgets andtheir activities. Yet, if one would compile all the scatteredparagraphs of the ages past, it might be a sizeable volume. Back inthe days when chivalry ran parallel with human bondage, midgets wererated as personal property. Kings and emperors called them to courtfor amusement purposes; offered them as gifts to appease the powerfulor seduce the weak. And at courtly banquets, when the liquor waspotent enough to inspire adventuresome bravery, midgets were tossedlike medicine balls, from guest to guest, to provide entertainment forthe ladies and gallants there present. However, the meager paragraphsfailed to reveal if the ball was dribbled or if free throws wereallowed in the event of fouls being made on the brave participants.

  "Midgets marry same as other people, and strange to relate, fully halfof them wed full grown adults. Just why this is I do not know. While Ihave acted
the part of Dan Cupid in several stage productions, I'vehad no actual experience with the attachments and jealousies ofhumans--big or little. Midgets do have love-longings and jealousies,and love-making is carried on with all the zeal of modern warfare.Also, it has some of the elements of modern international diplomacy inits double-talk and duplicity. I witnessed one of these incidents asan innocent bystander.

  "Andre, a very competent juggler, had come to America with the SingerMidgets. He was a Frenchman and spoke not a word of English. InAmerica, the Singer Company was rallying to its organization all thelittle people it could induce to join up in a tour of the big circuit.Among the new arrivals was Lorette Sanford, a beautiful little trickof a girl. Andre was much impressed with her beauty and vivacity.Here was his soulmate! But he just couldn't tell her of his undyingaffection on account of the language handicap. Lorette knew not a wordof French.

  "But love laughs at locksmiths and Cupid has many assistants. Andresought out Jimmy Quick, who had toured France and could make himselfunderstood. Jimmy was commissioned to anglicize a proper proposal andAndre spent hours in repeating the verbiage as taught. At the propermoment, he met the object of his adoration back of the scenes andfired his volley of transposed endearments. It had a tremendous effectall right, but it was in reverse gear. Lorette screamed and ran, butquickly returned to slap Andre's face, kick his shins, and push himsprawling into a mess of paint cans and brushes. Surely a disastrousending for a well meant intention.

  "Of course it turned out that Jimmy Quick, who secretly had notions ofhis own as to the beauty and desirability of the object of Andre'saffections, had composed a proposal of all the vile and abusive wordsin the English language. Jimmy was too big for Andre to chastise, butas the rumor of the incident spread and the comedians began to quotefreely some of the indecent phrases of the hoax, Andre fled the sceneof torment. He left the company at Buffalo and went to Quebec whereEnglish was in limited use, and the story unknown.

  "But Andre's juggling act was invaluable among so many amateurs. Themanager went to Canada to urge his return. But by the time hesucceeded, Jimmy Quick had eloped with the fair Lorette and had joinedup with Cairstair's Congress of Living Wonders. And to give the mattera modern and adult finish, it turned out that Andre already had a wifeand child in France.

  "Yes, midgets--small in size and few in number--marry and raisefamilies in about the same proportions as 'the big ones.' It is amatter of record that Mrs. Judith Skinner, herself a midget, gavebirth to fourteen children. They were all of normal size. In fact, themystery of midget existence is further complicated by the added truththat no midget ever gave birth to a midget.

  "Midgets never grow bald and are usually vain in the matter of dress,probably due to the fact that in the past they were attaches ofroyalty. A midget is usually suave in manners and not easilyembarrassed in public. Several instances are related that midgets,back in the conspiring and deceitful days of royalty, gave theirpatrons much information of enemy intrigues and adverse plottingsagainst the crown.

  "This story is told of a midget's participation in imperial intrigue.Richebourg, only twenty-three inches tall, was an attache of the royalfamily of Orleans, deeply involved in the French Revolution. Swaddledin baby garments, he was allowed to be carried through enemy lines byan ignorant maid, bearing vital messages to friends of imprisonedroyalty.

  "But notwithstanding their limitations in size and number, midgetshave made material contributions in science, art, and invention. Manyof the present day comforts and much of our current beauty in art camefrom these Lilliputians. And set this down to the credit of the midgetpopulace: few midgets, or maybe none at all, are ever convicted of themajor crimes of murder, mayhem, arson, or theft. If the 'big ones'were as law-abiding as the 'little ones' there would be little needfor criminal courts and jails.

  "It was the establishment of democracies that gave midgets a status asa citizen. In the dark ages of the past, he had been a creature ofderision, a thing to be bandied about in trade or gift. And it was inour own blessed United States of America that he began taking hisproper place as a communal asset. Our own Tom Thumb and his genialwife, Lavinna Warren, traveled extensively over the world to provethat midgets were intelligent and companionable people. Later cameAdmiral Dot, Commodore Nutt, and others of the fraternity, to travelwidely over the country, and by contact prove the worth of midgets.

  "But it was Baron Leopold von Singer, an Austrian citizen and a man ofgreat wealth, who lifted midgets out of the mental mire of beingregarded as children and gave them their rightful place. The story istold that the baron became interested in little people through thepleadings of an invalid daughter. He invited several midgets to hishome. Finding them agreeable and companionable, he founded a midgetcity with all the conveniences and accessories of a municipality toinclude a theater where much talent was revealed.

  "In the midst of these activities Austria became a center of strife inthe World War. The baron hastily moved his theatrical activities toLondon, and later to the United States where he toured all the largercities to exhibit his little troupers and their talents.

  "Really, the baron never planned this tour of the Singer Midgets as amoney making venture. He had learned to love the little people andtook keen pleasure and joy in the development of their genius toentertain the public. He paid good salaries with no thought ofcommercialism. But the enterprise did make money. It was a major meansof revealing to the public that midgets have talents. And best of all,it furnished a wide field of employment to little people. The publicwants to see midgets and fully fifty percent of these are now engagedin some form of show business.

  "My personal contact with show business was made through the SingerMidgets. As a youngster I had planned to study architecture, as I haddeveloped some talent at the drawing board. But the death of myparents interrupted my home life. I sought diversion. I visited theSinger Show at St. Louis. I had no specialty--no act--that would amusethe public, but the manager signed me up, hoping to develop somethinguseful. And I did develop. On account of my voice being in the rightpitch, I expanded into a spieler, a front man, the person who makesthe announcements in front of the curtain, that does the ballyhoo forthe side show or bawls out, from the center ring, the features of theconcert 'that will immediately fallaawftah this pawfo'mance.'

  "And for twelve years, winter and summer, night and day, I havetraveled about to see our dear America at its best and its worst. Inthat time, I have looked into the faces of half the people of thenation and, as a corollary, I was the object of their scrutiny andcomment. I got tired of the job. I wanted to get out where I couldmeet them, one at a time, to tell jokes, hear the news, complain aboutthe depression, cuss Congress, and sympathize with those in distress.

  "But please do not think that my aversion of the public extends to ameeting such as we have here tonight. Here, I feel happy in beingpermitted to meet my neighbors and grateful for the opportunity togive such publicity as I can to the accomplishments of the littlepeople who for centuries were held in a bondage of ridicule andderision, but who now, by industry and mental accomplishments, standside by side with all who seek to make this a better world.

  "And now let's go to the circus where--"

  Davy's further remarks were interrupted by applause. Led by the youngminister, the seated audience rose to cheer his simple, earnest storyof midget life and accomplishments.

  "Now, I am doubly paid," said the little speaker, showing his firstsigns of embarrassment. "Maybe the double pay is for overtime; maybeyou are glad that I am nearing the end of the story. At any rate,let's go out to the circus lot, even if we do not get inside the BigTop. That will shorten the program.

  "I love the circus. Inside the ring of its glamorous pageantry is acircle of closely knit friendships and sociability not found in anyother organization. From management to roustabout there are commonties of interest. And because a destination must be reached on thehour, and a pageant presented, there is teamwork such as I have neverseen elsewhere. Personal
ly, I think circuses, in their precision ofmovement and volume of property handled, have been used as models forour great United States' Armies in their muster of men and equipmentand in the accuracy of transportation.

  "Think of it! A big circus, in property and personnel, is the equal ofa small city. On Monday, this city sets up shop in a Des Moines suburbto give two exhibitions. Tuesday it shows in Omaha; Wednesday, inKansas City. It sets up and tears down, the same day. It changeslocation while you sleep. All details, from elephants to tent stakes,from kid-show banners to the great arena that shelters and seats tenthousand patrons, all must be torn down, transported, and set upbetween sunset and sunrise. I know of no other private enterprise thatso truly represents the skill, aptitude, and energy of Americangenius.

  "But pshaw! All of you have been to circuses! Yet there are erroneousimpressions abroad that should be corrected. Circuses are, for themost part, privately owned and have grown up from small beginnings.The owners are business men such as you meet in other industries. Theyemploy the best talent available in each department. They try to getyoung bank employees to handle bookkeeping and finances. Surely theman on the ticket wagon must be a wizard to handle the volume ofbusiness done within the limited time; and the boss canvasman, to layout and erect a circus city in two hours, must know his men andproperty in every detail.

  "But the important part of the circus business is transacted in thewinter months and in remote and strange places. What are we to exhibitin the coming season? The entire world is scouted to find new andsensational features and spectacles. Not only are the jungles combedfor the little known and strange creatures of earth, but the highlycivilized quarters of the world should yield new accomplishments inthe acrobatic field and in the latest achievements of science andart. And in these later years, all history is carefully explored forthe dramatic incident that can be portrayed in glamorous pageantry forthe amusement and education of those who come to the circus.

  "And then comes the gravest problem of all. Where will we exhibit thisplanned program? Routing a circus is a technical matter. Every featureof the locale must be studied. Stock markets and boards of trade mustbe consulted as to the financial outlook. Crop estimates, factoryproduction, and foreign markets are big factors in the planning.Droughts, floods, crop failures, labor troubles, and great fires aresome of the many things to be avoided in the routings. All this mustbe planned before a pitch is made.

  "Aside from the management the personnel of a circus naturally dividesitself into three groups: the ring performers, the animal trainers,and the roustabouts. The first named, consisting of acrobats,tumblers, jugglers, aerial artists, and equestrians, are an exclusiveclass that eat at the same table and use the same Pullmans. They arenot 'snooty,' just reserved. There are many foreigners among them. Insome acts the entire family takes part. They are a sober lot. Hardliquor has no place on the refreshment list of a class whose life isdependent on a clear brain and a sure hand and foot. Many of them aregood church folk. We could always tell when Sunday morning came by thebustle and stir to attend early Mass.

  "Roustabouts, the labor battalion of the circus army, join up out ofcuriosity and quit when satiated. A wise boss never fixes a specificpayday or else, on the day following, not enough of 'em would be leftto light the cook's fire. They are the first to be rousted out in themorning and never go to bed. They are supposed to catch naps duringthe afternoon performance and of evenings before the menagerie is torndown for another move. However, these naps are canceled if they cancontact the public for a 'touch' or gain an audience for their weird,fantastic tales of personal heroism in their life with the circus.

  "And because Mister John Q. Public contacts these ne'er-do-wells andromancers, he forms wrong estimates of the business. Mister Public isfurther deceived in believing that the 'con man' who has a pitchnearby is connected with the enterprise. Circuses are widelyadvertised to appear at a certain place on a fixed date. The skin-gameartists and shilabers, cheaters, flimflammers, and medicine men flockto these gatherings as flies to a picnic. They are as barnacles on afast-moving ship, flies in the ointment of circus management. Happilymuch of this odium has been erased. By close cooperation with localauthorities, the con man and shilaber is moved out before he starts.Unhappily the stigma of past incidents still persists.

  "And now, you are happy that I am approaching the end of the chapter,and I am happy to say a final word in behalf of my favorites among thecircus folks, the animal trainers. To me, these patient, hard workersare the cream of the crop. Whenever I had time to spare I was avisitor in their schools. We marvel that we can communicate bytelephone and radio, but animal trainers not only make themselvesunderstood, but they must first teach their subjects the language inwhich they speak. At these training schools I've seen horses, dogs,elephants, seals, and birds told in pantomime what certain words mean;they are then told to execute the exact meaning of the word. Those whoteach young humans have an easy task as compared with these patientteachers of dumb, but brainy brutes.

  "Animal trainers are born with the 'gift.' None, so far as I know,would shine in educational circles and none are dilettanti in the artsand sciences, yet they have that mysterious 'it' of influence andcommand. I've seen a great herd of elephants move in unison at awhispered word, and a dog will venture to death's door if a little,old ragged master bids him to do so. A queer relationship this! It hasalways fascinated me.

  "But, I want you to understand, my admiration for the game does notextend to the cat family. I always turn my back and walk away when Isee Beatty walk into a cage of tigers, leopards, lions, or cougars. Iadmire his pluck but condemn his judgment. I cannot join the generalpublic in admiring the sinuous majesty of the cats. I was always gladto hear the final slam of the gate and to wonder if the latch caughtas Clyde backed out.

  "But with the rest of the trainees I am in good standing. I love toramble around in the menagerie and hear the big talk of the gang incharge. Elephants like children and midgets. Old Mom always had afriendly greeting for me and knew in which pocket I had parked thepeanuts. Seals know a lot more than they let on. However, they are ajealous set. They sulk and pout, worse than humans, if one act winsmore applause than another.

  "As a sort of a summary of my happy hours spent with animal trainers,I offer the opinion that dogs, because of their centuries of contactwith man, are the most faithful creatures of the animal kingdom; thathorses are the most useful, for this great western empire would stillbe a desert or a roaring wilderness had it not been for the horse.Elephants are smarter than many of the other creatures. They canreason from cause to effect. This I know, for one dark, rainy nightwhen we were stuck in the mud trying to get off the lot at Columbus,old Canhead Fortney was using two of the smaller Asiatics to shove thebig cages out of the mire. Jerry Quiggle had six horses on a chain andwas surging away to get the wagons out to the pavement. Canhead movedthe little elephants around back of the big rhinoceros cage and fixedthe head-pads for the big shove. But they didn't shove. Canhead bawledand fussed around in the dark and thought he had a mutiny on hishands. Presently he heard Jerry, up in front, hooking on the chain andclucking to the horses. Then the little Asiatics, without furtherorders, bent to their task and the big cage rolled out to the hardsurface. Canhead apologized for his error. He stopped at a hydrant andwashed the mud off the elephants' legs and gave 'em an extra feed.

  "But of all the animals under training, I think seals are thesmartest. They are uncanny in their reasoning. They do unexpectedthings. When seals are associated with human beings as long as dogsthey will speak our language and do it correctly. I think seals liketo tour the country in the hope that some day they can go back to theocean, to the rocks and cliffs and slides, to tell the other sealsjust how dumb we humans are.

  "And that's about all, my friends. I realize that my rambling remarksare poor pay for the splendid little horse I got. Really, if my timeand talk is the value of exchange, I would be here for a week, tellingof the tragedies and comedies I've seen in this vast, fast-mo
vingbusiness. I could tell of the big blow-down we had in Texas; of thetrain wreck in the Carolinas; of the near elephant stampede we hadwhen the woman raised her parasol as the parade was forming inFrankfort. And to show how closely tragedy and comedy are interwoven,I'll ring down the final curtain by telling this incident.

  "At Toledo, the Grand Entry was forming for the night performance. Inthe menagerie tent the animals, chariots, Roman soldiers, andattendants were being lined up for the Grand March. In the lineup weretwo hippopotamuses. It was a new feature, having these big brutes freeand unrestrained in a parade. Just as the march started, old FisheyeGleason, a seasoned old retainer who cleaned out cages, fed theanimals, and who claimed he was with Noah when he landed his animalcollection on Mount Ararat; old Fisheye was climbing down from the topof a cage when he stumbled and fell right on the back of a hippo. Nowa hippo isn't classed with the smart animals. He makes up in bulk whathe lacks in brains. He is billed as being the 'Blood-Sweating Behemothof Holy Writ.'

  "But it was Fisheye that did the sweating. He didn't want to fall offto be run over by the chariots and it was hard to stick on the round,fat hippo. And the poor, scared hippo ran through the band,scattering musicians and horns, ran round the arena with Fisheyeaboard, and finally scrambled up about four tiers in the reservedseats to an entangling stop. So far as I know, this was the onlyparade that Fisheye ever headed, and Toledo was the only city towitness such a Grand Entry.

  "Thank you, one and all, for your kindly indulgence."

  Again the young minister headed the prolonged applause, but hemotioned for the audience to remain seated for a final word.

  "This is one of the happy events of my life," he saidenthusiastically. "I have been well entertained, and have gained muchvaluable information on two subjects that I knew little about. And nowthat I am to add a further paragraph as to our material gains, I hopeour guest and entertainer will understand our deep appreciation of hispresence with us and his thoughtful remarks.

  "Brother Peyton informs me that the receipts of the evening amount tofour hundred and seventy-one dollars. This is a giant sum to becollected voluntarily, in a small community, in a time of depressionand for an entertainment that was wholly home talent and given atlittle expense.

  "Our parent church provides for loans to be made, to match sumsdonated for building purposes. I am making application for such aloan. I have contracted for the purchase of the old Hartman home atthe corner of Laramie Street. It needs a new roof and new paint. If apartition is torn out it will be ample for our church needs just now.Tomorrow I will canvass the community for volunteers to do this work.I have already made some inquiry on this matter and feel sure that wecan get donations of three hundred manpower hours for this task.

  "So what you two have accomplished this night," said the youthfulpreacher in closing, "will be shown in our church records. It will berecorded that a handsome, enthusiastic young girl and a former circusperformer made the initial contributions that established a church ina community where it was said that such a thing was impossible. Ithank you all for your presence here, for your labors, and yourcontributions."