What She Needs

by Danyiel Nicole

  I think about it for a little bit then I answer him. “No . . . not really . . . at least not in a long time.” As horrible as that sounds, it’s the truth. When we made our relationship official and during the newlywed stages of our marriage, David and I had sex all the time . . . any and everywhere. Towards the end he made it seem like a job, we only had sex for the purposes of attempting to get me pregnant. Our trip to Martha’s Vineyard was our first sexual escapade in a long time, and that was only in attempts to get me to forgive him for royally fucking up by cheating on me and breaking my heart. Aside from it all, sex with David is nothing compared to the sex Heath and I have. Heath makes me come in ways I never thought possible. He makes me feel like a woman with a man who loves her deeply should feel. He lets me be myself. He loves the fact that I’m a young corporate powerhouse. Sex with Heath isn’t the only difference in this relationship, life all together is different. In this moment I’m realizing that I not only love Heath St. James. I am in love with him, wholeheartedly and unconditionally; he is what I need. He’s what I’ve needed all along.

  “Alicia did you hear me?” Heath asks getting my attention.

  “Oh . . . uh . . . no,” I say embarrassed because I’m lost in thought.

  “You feel so good. You have the power to bring a man to his knees, and he passed that up. Is something wrong with him?”

  “I don’t know,” I say in an attempt to end this conversation. I think he catches on because he changes the subject.

  “So, where are we sleeping at tonight?” He asks patting me on my behind.

  “I need to stay at home because I know I’m going to do an outfit change at least three times out of nervousness.”

  “Then we’ll sleep at your house. I won’t bother you tonight because you have a big day tomorrow and you need your rest.”

  I let out a sigh, but it wasn’t from relief. It was more from disappointment. I’ve learned that I sleep better when he makes love to me before bed.

  We pull up to the gate of the underground garage at The Vue. Heath opens it with a remote control and then we pull Benjamin’s truck through. Today was great, no paparazzi taking pictures, no one staring at Heath like he is the Holy Grail, and no one asking for autographs. Just a quiet peaceful day with the man I’ve fallen in love with.

  “What the fuck?” I hear Heath mutter under his breath.

  I sit up in my seat only to see what appears to be Albert making out with a girl on the hood of Heath’s Jaguar. She has on a dress, but it’s bunched up around her waist and one of her legs is wrapped around Albert. We get out of the truck and Heath slams his door rather than simply shutting it to get the attention of the two people making out on the hood of his vehicle. They both jump at the sound.

  Is that Nadia?

  Heath walks over to them. “Of all the places in the world that you could try to fuck my ex-fiancé, why would you choose the hood of my car?”

  “I’m sorry chap; we were leaving and kind of got carried away,” Albert says, but the look on his face says that he’s accomplished whatever he has set out to do.

  “Heath, I’m so sorry.” Nadia says. She sounds drunk.

  Heath lets out a deep sigh and runs a hand down his face in exasperation. “There is no reason for you to apologize. I don’t care what you two do. Just please . . . don’t do it on the hood of my fucking car.” He’s calm. Far too calm for a man who just caught the woman he was once going to marry and his best friend having foreplay on the hood of his very expensive car. “Alicia, darling,” he says, still staring at the two of them. “We’ve had a long day and I think it’s time to turn in for the night.” He turns, grabs my hand, and then we both walk to the elevator.

  As we approach the elevator, Albert says, “We’re in love. We’ve always been in love.”

  Heath stops dead in his tracks and turns around. “You idiot! She doesn’t love you. If it is love, why are you making out with her at my house? You have your own place, why here? She’s clearly trying to make me jealous.” He turns to face Nadia. “And you . . . of all the people in the world you could try to pull a stunt like this with, you choose my best friend? If you are trying to make me jealous, it’ll never work, because I’m more in love with Alicia than I ever was with you. If it really is love between you two, I wish you all the best. No hard feelings really. Just get off my car.”

  We get into the elevator not saying anything. I’ve never seen Heath so upset. I mean, there was last night’s altercation with his mother, but even then he didn’t get this mad.

  “Are you okay?” I ask breaking this uncomfortable silence.

  He pins me against the wall of the elevator and starts to kiss me. Hard, passionately forcing his tongue into my mouth and groping my behind simultaneously. He doesn’t break away until the elevator door opens on my floor. “Hey, uh, I need to go grab some things from my place. Can you please go run us a bath? I’ll be back down shortly.” He looks bewildered, like he’s seen death happen before his eyes. I know it’s because of what just happened downstairs.

  I sigh, “I will see you in a few.” I step off the elevator and walk into my place to start our bath as Heath requested.

  ***

  The water for our bath has been sitting so long that it’s gotten cold and I’ve picked out three possible first-day- of work ensembles. Heath hasn’t come back yet and I’m starting to wonder if the little situation we just encountered has him more upset than he wants to admit. I go into the living room and turn on the TV, flipping through the channels trying to find something that will take my mind off of him. After going through all of the channels this British cable system has to offer, nothing catches my eye so I turn off the TV and walk out of my house.

  After only a couple of knocks Benjamin opens the door and tells me that Heath is in his gym. I climb up the stairs and walk to the doorway of the room to find Heath on this treadmill running full speed. He has on a pair of jogging pants and no shirt. I stand in the doorway and watch the sweat glisten over his muscular chest and his tight abs. He’s in full workout mode but he looks mad as hell. When he notices me, he holds up one finger asking me to give him a moment. I nod then go into his room and have a seat on his sofa waiting on him.

  Heath is upset but he doesn’t want me to know. There is no way I could have seen David and Tamia making out like that and not been at least a little affected. If we are going to be in a relationship, he’s going to have to talk to me about these things even if they hurt. I never had those moments with David unless we were talking about his pain of not having children. Sometimes I think that if we did, our marriage wouldn’t have gone sour so fast.

  I’m checking my email on my phone when Heath walks in and sits down next to me on the floor. He grabs my hand and kisses it.

  “I’m sorry I took so long. I was coming back down,” he says apologetically.

  “It’s okay,” I say touching his still sweaty shoulder. “But you’re going to have to talk to me about what’s going on with you.

  “There’s nothing going on, I’m fine for a man who has seen and heard all the things that I have in the past hour.”

  “Heath, are you serious? You just saw your ex-fiancé and your best friend making out, and you’re saying that you’re ok?”

  “Well, Nadia is my ex-fiancé so she’s free to date whomever she pleases, even if it is my childhood best friend. I’m more upset because my current girlfriend failed to tell me about a certain visit from her ex-husband while I was away in Switzerland.”

  I can’t see my face but I can only imagine that I look like I’ve seen a ghost. Benjamin promised me that he wouldn’t say anything. Maybe he did it to clear Albert’s name since he doesn’t want Heath to fire him. Why me . . . Benjamin . . . Why throw me under the bus?

  “Georgette from the front desk saw us together the other day and decided to warn me about you possibly dating another man. She pulled some security footage and I had someone do a little digging to see who the mystery man was only to find o
ut he wasn’t a mystery man at all. I know about him, but I’d never seen his face. Tonight I put a face with that name. So Alicia, do please tell me all about your ex-husband’s visit.” He looks just as mad as he was on the treadmill fifteen minutes ago.

  For the first time in a long time I’m speechless.

  “Just as I thought, you didn’t think I’d find out so you decided to sweep that little piece of information under the rug.”

  “That’s not what happened,” I say when I finally find my voice.

  “Then tell me what it is Alicia? I’ve allowed myself to fall hopelessly and undefinably in love with you in less than a week and you’re playing these kinds of games. Why didn’t you tell me you were still with him?” His tone is a combination of hurt and anger.

  “Heath, that’s not what happened. You have to believe me,” I’m pleading for him to just understand me right now.

  He looks up at me. “Then tell me.”

  I open my mouth and start to tell him everything. It was almost as if I am pleading for my life. Heath is my new love and I don’t want to lose him. I put extra emphasis on David and my arguments and I finally tell him how I sent him off with no intentions of talking to him ever again. I even show him the email Lauren sent me and my response to it. I’m doing everything in my power to get him to understand that I don’t want any parts of David.

  When I’m finished explaining, I’m almost out of breath. “Heath, you have to believe me. I don’t want anything to do with David. He broke my heart, and besides, I’ve fallen in love with you, too. He doesn’t care about my career like you do, I don’t enjoy his presence like I do yours, and he doesn’t make me feel as good as you do when we make love. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, I just didn’t feel like it was important enough to share.”

  He gets down on his knees so that we are eye to eye. “Did you have sex with him?”

  “Um . . . uh.” I’m stumbling for words.

  “Did you have sex with him?” Heath asks again.

  “He . . . uh . . . went down on me, but that was it, I promise. I got caught up in the moment. It had been a while.”

  “Is that everything?”

  “Yes.” I say nodding, hoping this isn’t the end of our relationship.

  “No more secrets,” he says grabbing my hand and kissing my knuckles.

  “No,” I say shaking my head and my tears start to fall down my face.

  “Good,” he says wiping up my tears. He stands up and reaches his arms out for me. “Come on, let’s go to your place and take a bath. I need to be inside you as long as I can be.”

  “So you’re not mad at me?” I ask as we walk out of his house onto the elevator.

  “Darling, I love you too much to be mad at you,” he says kissing the top of my head, his tone telling me that he is going to screw me senseless tonight.

  ***

  I’m in the middle of a phone call with London City Bank when I hear a knock on my office door. I look up to see Mr. Stansbury standing in the doorway. I signal him to come in and he takes the seat in front of my desk.

  “Yes sir. I’ll have my assistant get that information over to you by the end of day tomorrow . . . It’s been a pleasure speaking with you, too . . . Okay I’ll talk to you soon . . . Good day sir.”

  I hang up the phone and greet Stansbury.

  “I came here to help you out with some possible leads, but it seems that all of the financials I’ve contacted have already spoken to you. That in itself lets me know I didn’t make a mistake.” Mr. Stansbury says proudly.

  “Thank you sir, I’m doing the best I can,” I reply.

  He looks around my office. “This space is bigger than mine. Raymond and Heath did a fantastic job with this building.”

  Wait? Heath’s company built this building, too?

  “Yes, they sure did. I love my office,” I say trying my best to sound like I know what he’s talking about.

  “So, tell me what we have so far.”

  I tell him about the research that I’ve done and all of the contacts that I’ve made. He commends me on the success that I’ve had so far and then he gets up to leave. When he makes it to the doorway he turns around to face me. “I’ll be here until next week if you need anything. Seeing you in this element lets me know I can rest easy and enjoy the rest of my vacation.”

  I nod and smile.

  “Oh, and McAllister, for what it’s worth, I think you’re the perfect woman for my nephew. I’m glad you two ran into one another. I told Himaya how wonderful you are so she should back off,” he says with a wink.

  The already present smile grows across my face. “Thank you.” It’s great to have someone’s approval.

  chapter 11

  “So, Heath St. James is the reason that you’ve fallen out of love with me.” An old familiar voice says on the other end of the phone.

  It’s Friday afternoon and I’ve given Carolina the last half of her day off since she’s doing such a wonderful job keeping up with me and my growing list of demands. The downside to this is that I have to take my own calls for the remainder of the day, and it’s just my luck that I answer the phone to hear the voice of my ever-annoying ex-husband. I haven’t spoken to him since the day he called after Lauren sent that email, and that was over two months ago. I changed my phone number so that he couldn’t call my cell anymore but every once in a while he’d call the office and poor Carolina will have to let him down gently because I’ve explained to her in great detail that he is to never be transferred to me.

  “Ugh, what do you want David?” I ask letting every bit of annoyance I feel toward him show through my voice.

  “I just wanted to congratulate you on your new relationship, that’s all,” he says with that Barfield arrogance that I don’t miss.

  “I don’t need your well wishes David. Is this what you’ve been calling me for? Because if it is, you’ve been wasting your time.”

  “How could you just move on to another man like that? I leave London and three days later I see you all over the tabloids with him.”

  Ugh, Carolina, why did you leave me?

  I’ve had a great week, not to mention I’ve been living the best part of my life since I moved here and started dating Heath. The very last thing I need is this asshole coming along and raining on my happiness parade.

  “Why is it that you have a problem with me moving on to someone else after our divorce, but you wanted me to accept the consequences of an affair? You didn’t have a problem with moving on while we were married, so why can’t I have a life now?” It’s so quiet on the other end I can’t even hear him breathe. “What do you want David?” I ask again, exasperated.

  “I was calling to tell you I am going to be in town in a couple of weeks and I wanted to know if you wanted to meet up for lunch” he responds.

  “No, I don’t want to meet you for lunch. I don’t want to see you at all.”

  “Come on Alicia, after all we’ve been through together, you should at least want to be friends.”

  “David, the chapters of my life that involved you are over. I’ve moved on and I wish that you would follow suit. I’ve asked you, now I’m telling you . . . don’t contact me again. Good-bye David.”

  I almost hang up the phone but I hear him yell, “Alicia wait!”

  I put the phone back to my ear and as annoyed as I could sound, I say, “What David?”

  “Did you tell him that you’re infertile?”

  Now it’s my turn to be silent on the other end of the phone. No, I haven’t told Heath that I’m infertile. The conversation hasn’t come up yet. I don’t know if he has any plans for children in the near future and I don’t want to scare him away with all the talk of things that I can’t give him. My marriage with David got screwed up because ultimately I couldn’t give him a family. I don’t want that for Heath and me, and yes, eventually, I’m going to tell him but I haven’t found the right time. Besides, I’m having fun not having to worry about getting pregnant to pro
ve my love for a person.

  “Licia,” the asshole on the other end of the phone calls out breaking the silence. “Did you tell him about your infertility?”

  “That’s none of your business,” I snap.

  “I was just wondering because I read an interview he did with one of the tabloids where he was saying that he wishes to someday marry you and have children. When I read that I immediately thought ‘Alicia can’t have children. Does Mr. St. James know that?’ Now, I’m going to ask you one more time; does Heath know about your infertility?”

  My initial reaction to hearing about the tabloid interview is a smile. I don’t follow the tabloids and Heath doesn’t share his interviews with me because he knows how much I really don’t care for gossip magazines. “No David, he doesn’t know. I haven’t told him yet. I haven’t had an opportunity.”

  “Alicia, you can’t toy with that man’s emotions like that. What are you going to do when he finds out and possibly leaves you for keeping a secret from him?”

  “Look, none of this is your business, so why are you so concerned with it?” I really need to end this call before he ruins my entire weekend.

  “If you don’t tell him about it, I will. I’ll be there in a couple of weeks and I’m almost positive that I will see Heath while I’m there. We’ll see how your little boyfriend reacts when he finds out his precious little girlfriend is withholding information, that may be detrimental to their relationship, from him.” His voice is menacing. Why would he stoop so low?

  “You wouldn’t,” I say almost breathless.

  “Oh yes I would. Then once he breaks up with you, you’re bound to come running back to me.”

  “I wouldn’t get back with you if we were the last two people on Earth and God asked me to do him a favor. If you feel your petty antics are going to win me back then you, sir, have another thing coming. Good-bye David and stop calling me.” I hang up the phone and gather my wits as quickly as I can. A few seconds later my office phone rings again. “Alicia McAllister,” I snap.