by Amy Andrews
‘That was the night of the movies,’ Gabe said.
Beth shot him a surprised look. He remembered the date? ‘Yes.’
More and more things were making sense. It had been obvious something had been up that night. Obvious that she wasn’t someone who usually slept with a man after such brief acquaintance. ‘So it wasn’t my pure animal magnetism?’
Beth laughed at his faux crestfallen look, grateful for the lighter mood. ‘I’m afraid not. Although it was very good.’
Gabe pulled her towards him and snuggled her against him spoon fashion. He kissed her shoulder. ‘Actually, I was pretty shocked when you agreed to come with me. I was certain you were going to knock me back. I’d taken you for a straight chick after about two minutes in your company.’
Beth smiled, loving the feel of his contours surrounding hers. ‘Why did you even ask, then?’
Good question. Something had appealed to him despite what his instincts had been telling him. ‘Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And I was feeling kind of sad myself that night and you seemed like a kindred spirit.’
Beth kissed his arm. ‘Your dad?’
He nuzzled her neck. ‘My dad.’
They were silent for a few moments and Beth trailed her fingers up and down his firm biceps. She laced her fingers through his. ‘You were exceedingly lucky that you got me on that day,’ she mused.
‘So if it had been the day before or the day after?’
‘You wouldn’t have stood a chance,’ she confirmed.
‘Well, I don’t know.’ Gabe grinned, kissing the curve of her neck, ‘I can be very persuasive.’
‘So I’ve discovered.’
Gabe grinned as he trailed a hand down her side, following the dip of her waist and the rise of her hip, and settled it low on her belly. He nuzzled his face into her neck, inhaling her unique Beth scent. Her hair smelled like citrus and her skin like soap and sated female.
He became aware of a slight stirring beneath his fingers. He stopped nuzzling, his head stilling as he realised he was feeling foetal movements. His baby’s movements. ‘Is that what I think it is?’ he asked.
Beth felt goose-bumps feather her neck as his breath fanned her skin. She moved her hand down to cover his so their fingers interlocked. ‘Yes,’ she said huskily.
Gabe felt incredibly connected with her as they lay sharing the wonder of the moment. He felt truly torn. How could he not want this? It was his child. What kind of a father could be part of such a moment and feel so conflicted? Shouldn’t it be clear cut?
‘I wish I knew what to do about this,’ Gabe whispered, feeling completely out of his depth.
‘It’s OK, Gabe,’ Beth whispered, removing her hand and reaching behind her to stroke his cheek. ‘This wasn’t exactly on your agenda. You came here on a seven month contract to separate conjoined twins. Not to have a baby with a woman you hardly know. It’s OK to not have the answers.’
Her words made him feel even worse. ‘I know you,’ he protested.
She removed her hand. ‘Yes, but not like people who usually make babies together do.’ Although, given their short acquaintance, he knew her better than most people she’d worked with for years did. ‘There’s no commitment. You don’t love me, Gabe.’
Beth stalled, amazed at how the realisation hurt. She hadn’t expected or needed his love but lying here, cradled against him, the L-word between them, she knew she wanted it. Knew as surely as the sun would rise in the morning that she wanted it as much as the baby growing inside her.
‘Neither do I want you to be,’ she said automatically, while her brain grappled with the mind-blowing revelation.
This was bad. Really bad. Not only had she gone and got herself pregnant by him, she’d done something even more stupid. She’d gone and fallen for him. A hotshot, didn’t-even-live-in-the-same-hemisphere neurosurgeon whose skills did not include relationships, particularly fatherhood.
‘You’ve still got a few months on your contract and we can use that time to figure out how we’re going to work this.’
Gabe was touched by her generosity. He wished he could lay out a plan for her but things were still a big jumble inside him. His entire focus until now had been on the separation. But feeling the tiny movements beneath his hand had highlighted his biggest responsibility yet and how out of his depth he felt.
‘You’re being very understanding about this.’
Beth felt like a fraud. If only he knew—discovering she loved him had completely blown her mind. She was on total autopilot. ‘A lot’s happened in the last few months,’ she dismissed. ‘In this last weekend. The separation. Bridie.’ And I love you. That had happened too.
Lying here with him, his hand over her womb, she wondered how she’d been so blind for so long. Especially as now she could pinpoint the exact moment she’d fallen. That first night as he’d rocked her while she’d sobbed her heart out—that had been the moment. She’d been so miserable that day and his gentleness and consideration had touched her more deeply than she’d known.
‘You can play whatever part you want in this baby’s life, Gabe. There’s no pressure. You’ve still got a few months in the country and now the separation’s done, you’re freer to think about it.’
Gabe dropped a kiss on her shoulder. ‘Thank you, Beth. For everything. For being so understanding and for everything you did for the Fisher case.’
Beth smiled and snuggled in closer. ‘I would like to tell my family…if that’s OK. I’m not going to be able to hide it for too many more weeks anyway.’
‘Of course,’ Gabe assured her, not feeling so assured himself. Was he ready for this to go public? But what right did he have to put the brakes on her joy? She’d been more than sensitive to his struggles. ‘Stay?’ he murmured.
Beth’s heart banged crazily in her chest as her love for him swelled to excrutiatingly painful proportions. She should go. But he’d asked her to stay. And lying snuggled in the arms of the man she loved while their child lay inside her was too tempting.
She turned in his arms. ‘Yes.’ Just a few more hours.
Their love-making was different this time. Light. Flirty. After the intenseness of the previous time and the seriousness of the last forty-eight hours, laughing and rejoicing in each other’s bodies was just what the doctor ordered. They drifted to sleep an hour later totally sated, completed exhausted, smiles on their faces.
Beth called in to the PICU to visit Brooke on her way to work on Tuesday morning. Memories of last night, telling the Winters clan about the baby, curved the corners of her mouth. They had all been so thrilled and she almost skipped into the unit.
Scott was sitting in a recliner at the bedside, an alert-looking Brooke, her head still bandaged, snuggled into his chest. June gave Beth a long hug.
‘I’m so sorry about Bridie’ Beth murmured.
‘We know.’ June smiled, her eyes shining with tears. ‘We know everyone did all that they could.’
Beth squeezed June’s hand as she squatted beside the chair. Brooke was looking pinker and less puffy than when she’d last seen her. Her chest was criss-crossed with a jumble of tubes and wires, her cheeks and nose largely obscured by brown tape where the nasal prongs and feeding tube were secured.
‘Look at you,’ Beth crooned. ‘No breathing tube. You’re so clever.’
Beth held out her hand and watched as Brooke’s gaze followed and then fixed on her proffered finger. The little girl reached out a tiny hand and grasped it, smiling a toothless grin.
‘Nothing wrong with her.’
Gabe’s voice was deep and sexy, his accent giving her goose-bumps as it oozed across the distance between them.
‘G-Gabe,’ she said, looking over her shoulder. Gabe shot her a smile and it went straight to her internal muscles, lancing them with the heat of erotic memories.
‘Beth.’
‘What do you think of our girl?’ Beth asked turning her attention back to the surviving Fisher twin as her pulse rate tripped. I
f only it wasn’t just lust she saw in his gaze.
‘I’m cautiously optimistic.’
Beth laughed. ‘Do you hear that, sweetie? High praise indeed.’
Scott and June laughed and Gabe joined them. It had been twenty-four hours since he’d kissed her goodbye at his hotel door and he realised he’d missed her. His sleep had been haunted by her face all night. Disjointed snippets of him pushing her on a swing. Them laughing. Her belly swollen with his child.
Beth stood. ‘I’d better go. I’ll call in later,’ she said, addressing June.
‘We’d like that,’ June said.
The bed area was crowded with four adults and Gabe stood aside so she could get past him. ‘See you later,’ he murmured as she brushed by.
Beth faltered, his accent and unique scent seducing her to stay longer. Maybe rub her face into his shirt. She barely acknowledged his comment as she fled on trembling legs.
A few hours later Beth sat in her office with David, trying to concentrate on his first evaluation. He’d come in on a day off. As NUM it was her responsibility to appraise all the students. They looked at his written objectives before commencement and assessed his progress.
She went over his scrub sheet and they talked about the different procedures he’d been involved in and mapped out some more objectives for the remaining months.
‘You’re going really well,’ Beth said, wrapping it up. ‘You’ve put in a lot of extra hours. I’ve given you top marks here, as you can see. I only wish there was a column for ability to catch fainting NUMs. I would have scored you top there as well.’
Beth laughed and David gave her a nervous smile.
‘Oh, come on, David, relax.’ Beth grinned. ‘That was a joke. You’re supposed to laugh.’
‘Sorry.’ David cleared his throat.
Beth looked into the student’s face. ‘You don’t seem yourself today. Everything OK?’she asked, shutting his file.
He gave her another nervous smile and she raised her eyebrows at him, encouraging him to say whatever it was that was obviously still on his mind. They sat for a few moments looking at each other.
‘David, was there something else you wanted to discuss?’ she prompted.
‘Actually, yes…there was.’
Beth watched him shift uncomfortably in his chair. He looked very uneasy. What the hell could he want? Had someone been bullying him? Had he witnessed something sensitive? She gave him an encouraging smile. ‘So…’
‘Oh, dear,’ he said at last. ‘I’ve thought of this moment for such a long time and now it’s here I feel all tongue-tied.’
Beth gave him a puzzled look. What on earth was he talking about? ‘It’s OK,’ she said. ‘Just spit it out.’
He nodded. ‘OK. I think…actually, no, I know. I’m…your son.’
CHAPTER NINE
BETH heard the words come out of his mouth but couldn’t actually believe she’d heard them. It was as if everything outside her office had ceased to exist and she and David were sitting in a little bubble, the only two people on the planet.
Could it be true? She desperately wanted to believe it. Had her son finally made contact?
‘If this is a joke…’ Beth said, finally finding her voice.
‘No,’ David said, giving his head an emphatic shake. ‘The agency gave me the details that you left on record and I have these.’ He reached down, dug through his backpack and handed her a small bundle.
She took it, her heart pounding in her chest. Her own strong, neat handwriting stared back at her. They were letters. She didn’t have to open them to know they were the ones she’d written him over the years.
‘You got these?’she whispered, her eyes filling with tears.
‘Yes. Mum and Dad were always up front about me being adopted.’
Beth drank in the sight of him. His height, his blondness, his broad strong shoulders, his long fingers. Her son. Her son had sought her out. She clutched the edge of her desk as her arms ached to embrace him.
‘I’ve imagined this moment since the day they took you from me. I’ve rehearsed what I would say. But now it’s here, I can’t think of a single word.’
‘It’s OK,’ David grimaced. ‘It’s taken me two months to work up the courage.’
‘How…how did you know where I worked?’ The details she had on record were a name, home address and phone number only.
David shrugged. ‘I knew you were a nurse from your letters. I think, actually, deep down, that was my impetus to become one. When I got your details last year—’
‘You only got them last year?’ Beth interrupted, trying not to feel too hurt. She’d always hoped that her son would have been so eager to know her that he’d contact the agency straight away. But he hadn’t.
David nodded and continued. ‘It wasn’t difficult to track you down after that. When we got to choose our practical electives, I put the General’s operating theatres as my top choice.’
‘Why didn’t you contact me at the number the agency gave you?’
He shrugged. ‘I guess I wanted an opportunity to get to know you first.’
Beth frantically tried to think back over the last months. What kind of an impression had she made? She knew she’d developed a good rapport with him but it had been painstakingly collegial. Especially after Gabe’s teasing comments. Had she been too distant? Heaven only knew what he thought of her.
Beth’s head spun. People bustled by in the corridors either side of her office. She could hear the clatter of instruments as someone walked by with a tray and a trolley being pushed past. She couldn’t believe she was sitting in her office with her long-lost son and the world hadn’t ground to a halt.
‘I suppose you want to know why I did it? Why I gave you up?’
David stood. ‘No. I don’t. Really.’
What? Surely he must want to now? Surely he’d be curious? Beth opened her mouth to protest. She needed to tell him. She had to explain.
‘Look, you obviously had your reasons,’ David said. ‘You must have been very young. Whatever they were doesn’t matter to me. Sure, I went through a long period in my teens when I wondered about you. A lot. Wished you were around. Felt kind of disconnected and rootless. But I always knew deep down you did what you did out of love for me.’
Beth nodded, a lump in her throat making words impossible. Her heart ached, knowing that he’d thought of her. Knowing that he longed for her as much as she’d longed for him. She wanted to weep for his troubled years. It didn’t matter that many teenagers went through the same thing. She’d given him up so his teens would be less troubled than hers.
‘I’m sorry you went through that. Sorrier than you’ll ever know.’
‘It’s OK,’ he dismissed. ‘I’ve matured. I can look back and say I’ve had a pretty good life.’
Part of Beth was relieved to hear him validate her painful decision. To hear that her sacrifice had been worth it. But part of her wanted to say, I could have given you a good life too.
‘So do you mind me asking why it took you so long to contact me?’ Beth asked.
‘I travelled for a few years after I finished school. I think I was trying to find myself. It was good for me. I went to a lot of poorer countries. It put my own petty troubles into perspective. I guess I came away with a bit of a what-will-be-will-be attitude. That things happen if they’re meant to happen. After that I started nursing and I don’t know if I ever would have sought you out except then I met Andrea.’
Well, thank you, Andrea. Beth didn’t know who she was but if she ever got to meet her, she was going to kiss her feet. The thought that this moment might never have arrived was too awful to contemplate. ‘Your girlfriend?’
David nodded.
‘So Andrea thought you should seek me out?’
He shook his head. ‘We’ve both started to talk long term. I mean, I love her. I know I want to be with her for ever. You know…wedding bells and the pitter-patter of tiny feet.’
Beth blinked. H
e seemed so young to be so responsible and mature.
‘Andrea had a brother who died ten years ago from cystic fibrosis. She carries the gene. And I realised that I don’t know anything about my genetic history. I mean, not just about whether there’s CF in my genetic make-up. Nothing at all.’
David has sought her out for medical reasons? Beth felt winded as she clenched her hands into fists beneath the desk. She wouldn’t have thought such practicality would hurt so much. But it did. It wasn’t how she’d pictured this day at all.
A question about his genes was natural, she supposed, but she’d been hoping for something along the lines of—reconnecting with the woman who had given him life. His practicality was like salt being rubbed into wounds that had never fully healed.
‘Er, right…’ she said, grappling for some perspective, trying to see this from his side. Grateful for anything he was giving her but wanting more. Wanting it all. This was all new to both of them. There wasn’t a guide book. She had to let him lead the way. After all, he didn’t owe her anything. She’d given up any claim on him and his life when she’d signed the adoption papers.
‘Well, there’s no CF in my family or in any of the extended family, as far as I know. In fact, I’m pretty sure there are no major genetic illnesses at all.’
‘What about my father?’
Beth swallowed. ‘I don’t know…I’m sorry. I only knew him very briefly.’ Someone who had offered her comfort and solace in a world that had been full of uncertainty and conflict. ‘I can give you a name if that helps.’ She cringed. What must he think of her? Was he judging her?
David shook his head. ‘It doesn’t matter.’
Would he ever give her a chance to explain the circumstances surrounding his conception and the terrible years that had led up to it? Or the pain of her decision that had left a permanent bruise on her soul?
‘I really have to get going,’ David said, checking his watch. ‘I’ve got a class starting in half an hour.’
Beth stood. So soon? She didn’t want him to go. ‘Oh…all right, then.’ Let him lead. She came out from behind her desk. ‘Do you think we could…get together away from work some time? I’d like to talk a little more…maybe get to know you?’