by Dara Nelson
“Well, at first she started getting mad at me because… well… because I’m a flirt. I can’t help it, I just am. You know that and you’re fine with it, but she wasn’t. I just love a beautiful woman. It doesn’t mean that I love Maria any less. But I can’t change who I am. I tried… and I was miserable” he said.
“And then?” I said.
“And then… well… and then we started traveling. We had to. She started noticing that I was always, ummm, tense, when I was around you. She began watching me like a hawk. She could tell that there was something between us,” he said.
Hell, I thought, had everybody noticed?
I ignored that thought and said, “What’s so bad about traveling?”
He looked at me for a second. He really didn’t want to answer. I gave him a look that told him he didn’t have a choice.
“Well… it’s just that… well… you know,” he said.
“What, Carlos? What do I know?” I said.
“Well, I’ve been around a long time. And I’ve been with a lot of women. A lot. And, well, we kind of kept running into them everywhere we went. And some of them weren’t shy about letting me know that they missed me. So Maria kept getting mad about that too. So we had decided to return to the fortress. We thought it would be better for us. We were focused on improving things between us, making things right again. But then the night before we left to come home, it happened,” he said.
“What? What happened, Carlos?” I said, terrified that I might already know the answer.
“I called her somebody else’s name when we were making love,” he whispered. Yep, I was afraid of that, I thought. I fought my next question as hard as I could, but it still came out.
“Whose name did you call her, Carlos?” I whispered.
“Does it matter?” he said.
I looked at him and turned his chin so he had to look at me. “Yes it does,” I said.
“Why, Sarah? Why does it matter?” he whispered.
“It matters to me, Carlos,” I whispered.
“Why? Because you don’t want it to be your name? Or because you do?” he whispered.
I couldn’t stop myself. I hauled off and slapped him across the face, regretting it the instant I made contact. “Oh shit, Carlos. I’m so sorry,” I gasped.
Carlos rubbed his cheek and adjusted his jaw. “Don’t be,” he said. “I probably deserved that.”
I stood up from the bed, stomped to the dresser and started throwing my clothes in my suitcase. “No you didn’t,” I said. I felt him behind me before he said anything. He pressed himself into my back and pinned my hands to the top of the dresser. “Yes I did. And, yes, it was your name I said,” he whispered into my neck then he kissed it, instantly sending shivers down my spine.
“Don’t, Carlos. Please, stop,” I whispered without any conviction. He didn’t. And this was going to quickly reach the ‘I cannot stop this’ stage. He was not playing fair, he knew how sensitive the back of my neck was and how much it turned me on when it was kissed. I shivered as the fire ignited in me. I closed my eyes and brought Matt’s face into my head, using it to give me strength. I spun around and pushed his shoulders, holding him away from me. “Why, Carlos? Why is this happening again? Why won’t this just go away?”
“It’s not happening again, Sarah. And you know that. It’s just that when I’m with somebody else, it’s easier for us to ignore it and pretend it doesn’t exist. But it never really goes away, does it?” he said.
“But it has to,” I sobbed. “I can’t do this again. I can’t hurt Matt again. I’m not strong enough anymore to handle that. And I’m not strong enough anymore to fight this.”
“Neither am I,” he said as he started to move closer to me. This was it, I could feel it. There was going to be no turning back now. He was going to kiss me, and we weren’t going to be able to stop this time at just a kiss. Thank God Cindy poked her head in the door.
“You guys need anything before I hit the sack?” she said, eyeing us less than a foot apart, in front of the dresser. I quickly spun around and began packing again. Carlos backed up and started walking toward the door.
“We’re fine, thanks Cindy,” I said. “The car will be here in thirty minutes.”
“I should finish packing too,” Carlos said. “Goodnight, Cindy. Thanks for having me,” he said then he kissed her cheek, took one quick glance at me, walked out the door and went to his room. Cindy came over and sat on the bed, silently watching me pack.
Finally she whispered, “It doesn’t mean that you love Matt any less, Sarah. You two can’t help what you feel.”
I stopped what I was doing and hung my head. Carlos was in my head, listening (an ability that most vampires had – and one that for some unknown reason was stronger between the two of us – we sometimes even linked in our dreams without even knowing that we were doing it), but I didn’t care. “But I love Matt so much. How can I even think about doing this to him?” I groaned.
“You’re not doing anything to him, Sarah. You’ve got too much love inside you for just one person. You couldn’t possibly love Matt any more than you already do, but you’ve still got more love to give. You can’t help that. It’s just how you are. It’s how you’ve always been. And what better person could you give that love to than Carlos?”
“I already love him, Cindy. That’s not the problem. The sex is the problem. I’d be breaking my vow to Matt. I vowed to be faithful, remember?”
“Yes, but what does that mean when you’ll live forever? Seriously? Do you really expect Matt to fulfill that unrealistic vow too? Forever is a very long time, Sarah. Heck, I couldn’t even make it until death do us part with Brian,” she said. My eyes shot up to hers. This was something she had never told me. She smiled slightly. “We both had a few affairs. And, no, that’s not what broke up the marriage. We just grew apart and didn’t have anything in common anymore. But we both knew about the affairs. It really wasn’t that big of a deal. I think monogamy is kind of overrated anyway.”
“You’re really not helping me fight this, you know,” I said.
“Maybe that’s because I don’t think you should. Fighting it is only hurting you more and really it’s probably just delaying the inevitable. Maybe you should just stop fighting and get it over with so you can move on with your life,” she said.
“But I’m afraid, Cindy,” I said.
“Afraid of what?” she said.
“I’m afraid that once I start with him, that I won’t be able to stop. I’m afraid, that as good as the sex is with Matt, with him it will be even better and I’ll keep wanting more,” I said.
“So?”
“So? What do you mean, so? I can’t have both of them.”
“Why not?”
“Excuse me?”
“Why can’t you have both of them? I’m sure Carlos would be fine sharing you. And Matt loves you enough to do anything for you,” she said.
“But it would hurt him.”
“Only for a little while. He’d get over it, Sarah. They’d both be thrilled to have whatever you give them.”
“How do you know he’ll get over it? What if he doesn’t? What if he can’t? I can’t lose him, Cindy.”
She smiled. “You’re not going to lose him, Sarah. Matt’s not going anywhere. He can’t. He loves you too much. But he understands what’s going on here. He already knows. The fact that you’re fighting it so strongly is because you still cling to your human ways because you’re so young. Older vampires don’t. They don’t have the same jealousies as humans. They understand. How do I know he’ll get over it? Because I just know… and because I talked to him,” she said.
“You talked to him? About this? When?” I gasped.
“When he was here. We were in the kitchen watching you, Carlos and Juan playing in the backyard,” she said.
“But, why would you do that? How could you bring it up?”
“I didn’t. He did.”
“Oh God,” I groaned. “What
did he say?”
She began recounting the conversation to me. “He was really quiet as we watched you guys, then he said, ‘It’s going to happen, isn’t it Cindy? Between them.’ I told him I thought it eventually would. Then he said the same thing I just did. He said he wished you two would just get it over with so you could all get on with your lives. But then he asked me, ‘Should I step aside, Cindy?’ I answered with an unequivocal ‘Hell, no.’ I told him how much you two belong together, but that you and Carlos can’t help this thing that draws you two together. But he knows, Sarah. He feels what’s going on. Right now you’re all stuck because of this tension. You’ve got tension because you’re fighting this so damn hard. Carlos is tense because he wants you so bad that he can’t see straight. And Matt’s tense because he feels your guys’ tension and because he knows it’s going to happen but he just doesn’t know when,” she said.
“But it’s not right,” I said.
“Says who? Society? A society full of humans with a life expectancy of seventy-five years or so? You’re not human Sarah. There aren’t any rules for vampires. Write your own rules,” she said.
“You’re insane,” I said.
“No. I’m realistic,” she said. “And I’m exhausted. I’m going to bed. You have a good flight. I’ll see you soon. I love you Sarah,” she said as she hugged me.
“I love you too. Thanks, Cindy, I think.”
“You can come back in here now, Carlos,” Cindy said softly, knowing that he could hear her. My breath caught. I could feel the panic in me… and it got worse when Carlos showed up in the doorway a few seconds later, leaning against it and grinning his goofy Carlos grin. As Cindy tried to walk past, he wrapped her in his arms, hugging her tight. Then he kissed her on her blushing cheek.
“Thanks, Cindy. You’re the best,” he said.
“Not quite the best,” she said then she looked towards me. She gently pushed Carlos into the room… and closed the door.
Chapter Two
Carlos took one step towards me.
“Stop,” I said.
“Sarah,” he began, but I held my hand up.
“No, Carlos. I’m not going to sleep with you because Cindy says I should. I’m not going to sleep with you because everyone says it’s inevitable. You got that? If… IF… I sleep with you it will be because I can’t help it. It’ll be because I can’t stay away from you anymore. It won’t be because people think we should. Understand?” I said. My chest was heaving. I wanted him so much it hurt, but I couldn’t tell him that. Why did this damn desire for him have to come back now? When I was alone here with him? No. I was going to fight this until I had no more fight left in me. I didn’t care that even Matt thought it was inevitable, damn it. Nothing was inevitable… not on my watch.
“Okay, Sarah. I get it. But you have to understand that I’m not going to pretend anymore. We tried it your way, remember? I left for a while, went off on my own, and that didn’t work. I fell in love with somebody, but that didn’t work. We’ve tried it your way and failed, so I’m not going to pretend that I don’t want you so much that I can’t function when you’re around. I just can’t do that anymore. Do you understand?” he said.
I nodded and sank down on the bed.
“Why Carlos? Why did this happen to us? Why couldn’t it just have stayed the way it was? The way it was before Malina kidnapped Matt. I never looked at you as anything other than a friend before then. Those thoughts never entered my mind before then. Now they won’t leave,” I groaned and dropped my head to my knees. I felt the bed move as Carlos came and sat next to me. His hand began rubbing my back.
“I don’t know why it happened, Sarah. It freaks me out too. I mean, I never thought of you in that way either before. I can’t say I didn’t notice that amazing body you’re rockin’ … hello… it’s me we’re talking about here… grade A pervert, remember? And I did peek once, okay, maybe twice,” he said.
“You peeked? When?”
“In Paris and New Orleans. When Matt was in Peru.”
“What the hell, Carlos! I was missing him and you peeked when I was asleep?”
“I couldn’t help it, Sarah. You thrash around in your sleep a lot. Both times, your shirt had worked its way up, and you rolled over and the sheet fell off of you. It’s not like I uncovered you. You uncovered yourself. I just didn’t cover you back up right away,” he said then he grinned his goofy grin.
I turned my head and smiled at him, but kept it down on my knees. I felt safer down here.
Carlos continued, “So, yes, I noticed how hot you are, but I never thought of you really in that way before either. Something happened to both of us when we were forced to be together. When Matt was kidnapped and you were alone and you needed me to take care of you. Something changed in both of us. Something that neither of us expected.”
“Or wanted,” I said.
He smiled. “Okay, or wanted. But it’s here and I’m pretty sure that we both know by now that it’s not going to go away, no matter how much we… you… want it to,” he said.
His hand brushed through my hair and continued caressing my back. God, it felt so damn good. Shit… I need something to distract me… but what? I picked my head up and looked at the clock. “We need to get downstairs; the car will be here any minute. I want to be waiting outside so they don’t knock and wake the kids.” I jumped up a little too fast and went to grab my suitcase. I zipped it up and started walking towards the door, stopping when I realized that Carlos hadn’t moved. I stared at him for a second. “Are you coming?”
“No, but I could be,” he muttered under his breath. I pretended that I didn’t hear him.
“What?” I said.
He looked at me. He knew I had heard. Of course I had heard. Finally he shrugged his shoulders. “Okay, Sarah. You win, for now. Yes, I’m coming,” he said.
I waited in the hall while he grabbed his suitcase then I headed down the stairs with him close behind me. Neither of us said a word. I held the front door open for him, but didn’t miss the sad eyes and half smile that he gave me as he stepped out onto the porch. I pulled the door shut then used my key to lock the deadbolt. As I was tucking my keys into my purse, it happened. Carlos grabbed my hand and pulled me into his arms. He began kissing me with the fervor of years of pent-up passion. And I didn’t stop him. I didn’t have any more stop in me. I wanted this. Oh boy, did I want this. But here? On the front porch of my sister’s house? Talk about wrong. But apparently even wrong wasn’t enough to stop me anymore. I groaned and pulled him closer to me. My hands moved up his back and started to pull his shirt over his head. But then I had to stop when the headlights form the limo moved across us. The car quietly pulled up to the curb. I pulled my head back and then rested my forehead on his. We were both trying to calm down and get our breathing under control.
“I can’t walk yet,” he whispered.
“Neither can I,” I groaned… which then got us both quietly laughing.
I reluctantly released my arms, reached down and grabbed my suitcase. Carlos grabbed his, but then he grabbed my hand as he started walking toward the car. The driver was waiting for us by the trunk. As he put our bags inside he said, “Good evening folks. Nice night for flying.”
“Yes, yes it is,” Carlos said as he held open the door for me. I slid in to the far side of the seat. Carlos started to climb in next to me, but I sadly looked at him and shook my head. He nodded and sat next to the other door, as far away from me as possible.
The driver got in and said over the seat, “You folks just sit back and relax. It’s about a half hour drive to the airport. As soon as we get under way, I’ll call to make sure your flight is on time.” Then he rolled up the center partition. Great, I thought. I stared out the window and started saying, “No, no, no,” over and over again in my head. Apparently it got to the point where I wasn’t just saying it in my head though.
“Sarah, you can stop saying that. I get it,” Carlos said.
I squeezed my
eyes shut. “I’m not telling you no, Carlos. I’m telling myself no,” I whispered. “I’m trying to stop myself from coming over there.”
“Ahhh, Sarah. I’m so sorry,” he groaned.
“I am too, Carlos. I’m a sorry-assed excuse for a wife,” I spat.
“Oh shut up, Sarah. You are not and you know it. Stop being such an insensitive bitch. He’s been my best friend a hell of a lot longer than he’s been your husband. You think I’m not hurting over this too?” he hissed.
I opened my mouth to yell at him, but stopped because the partition began lowering. “Sorry to interrupt folks. But your flight’s delayed. The plane’s stuck in Denver, bad snowstorm. Looks like about two hours right now. You want me to take you back to your house? Or, the car’s available. If you’d like, I can just drive around for a bit,” he said.
I stared at him. I wanted to bite his head off. I was furious. Fucking marvelous. I took a deep breath to try to calm myself. “We can’t go back to the house, it might wake everyone up. Just drive, okay?” I snapped.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said then he raised the partition.
I turned back to give Carlos a piece of my mind, but the instant I looked at him, all my anger turned into passion. I felt it yanking me towards him. It was a torrent, a flood of uncontrollable desire. And I was about to drown in it. “Oh fuck,” I groaned as I flew into his arms. My lips locked onto his. My tongue swirled around his. My legs wrapped around his waist. He groaned and pulled me closer. His hands moved my shirt up. I raised my arms so he could pull it off then I groaned as his mouth came down on my breasts. “Oh God,” I groaned as my fangs dropped. My chest was heaving and my hands were shaking as I quickly pulled his shirt over his head and threw it on the floor. The second my chest touched his I knew it was all over. “Holy shit, Sarah. Do you feel that too?” he groaned. I barely nodded my head… speaking was way beyond my realm of capabilities at the moment. He shifted on the seat and threw me down on it. He crushed his body down on mine and feverishly kissed me again, while he worked at undoing my pants with his hands. I lifted my butt off the seat so he could slide my pants and underwear off. Then his fingers moved between my legs and that was it for me. I threw my arms above my head, pressed into the door of the limo, arched my back and unleashed a torrent of pleasure that felt like it would have no end. And it didn’t end… but it subsided enough to where I could move again. I quickly sat up and grabbed the back of his neck and growled, “More,” as my lips crushed down on his.