I shook my head. Safe. Such a meaningless term when you lived the lives we did. I met her gaze, and when I saw her trust buried within, I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer. I didn’t deserve for her to look at me like that. Not anymore. Maybe not ever again.
“There was a fire.” I indicated her house with my head.
“What do you mean?”
“I thought you were in there. I thought . . .” Even the ghost of the fear I’d felt for her was enough to steal my words from me. “But you weren’t and, oh God, I’m so sorry, Evie.”
“What is it?”
“Your house, it’s . . .” Bile rose in my throat again, and I breathed as deeply as I could to push it back down. I couldn’t meet her eyes and tell her about her father. I couldn’t even tell her that the fire was at her house.
I was a coward.
I didn’t want to be the cause of her pain. I couldn’t be the one who told her how completely her life had been destroyed in one afternoon. Or that one way or another, whether I’d intended to or not, I was the one who had brought her entire world crashing down around us both.
Her hand clamped over her mouth, and it grew clear she understood what I couldn’t yet voice.
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no!” she wailed against her palm.
Her pain broke me. I closed my eyes and forced out the words that felt glued to my tongue. “Your Dad . . . he didn’t make it.”
“No.” Her voice was firm as her mind shut down the pain.
I’d seen it before in victims of attacks by nonhumans. I’d seen it with my sister more than often enough.
“He would have left.” She lifted her head and fire flashed in her eyes as her emotions moved steadily through the different stages of grief.
“How can you say that?” she wailed. “He’s okay! He’s got to be okay. He just escaped without anyone seeing him, that’s all. We’ve done it before.”
I shook my head as I was assaulted by the vision of his eyes, staring in my direction but not seeing me. All I needed to do is tell her that I’d seen him, but I still couldn’t find the words.
“We’ve done it before!” she screamed.
Her body heated, and I felt the waves of anger rolling off her. Even though it should have been a warning to back away, it made me want to hold her closer. Tears clouded my vision. I was happy to hurt, to burn, in order to ease her pain by even the smallest degree.
“No,” she whispered just before her knees gave way.
Acting as swiftly as I could, I stepped closer to her and held her against my chest so that she wouldn’t fall.
“What happened?” she asked. Her voice had no volume and her body was boneless in my arms.
“When I got there, he—”
A terrible, choking sob stole my voice. The grim sight of David’s corpse, his dead gaze staring blankly at things he could no longer see, was just behind my eyes whenever I tried to look at Evie. I’d been so concerned with finding out whether Evie was there too that I hadn’t even taken a cursory glance at him to determine how he might have died other than the obvious fact that he’d been murdered. That he’d been killed because of my return was a certainty, and that alone would rest on my conscience until the day I died.
“He was already . . .” I trailed off. Just tell her you fucking coward!
I held her as tightly as I dared while her own sobs overtook mine for violence.
“Evie, I’m so, so sorry,” I whispered.
At the last word, she pulled herself out of my arms and raced away from me. She tripped and stumbled as she raced closer to the house, but I couldn’t allow her to reach it. There was nothing for her there. The coroner and all the emergency services had left already. There was nothing but an empty shell of the home she’d shared with her father. When I reached her, she was on all fours on the ground a few houses down from her house. She’d lost the contents of her stomach and was retching over and over.
I helped her to her feet and wrapped myself around her, holding her with her back resting against my chest so that I didn’t have to meet her eyes. I crossed my arms over her stomach. Whispering what I hoped were words of comfort, I tried to guide her away, but she refused. Holding herself upright, she moved away from me again, heading toward the house.
Unable to resist her if it was what she truly wanted, I followed behind her as she covered the ground quickly.
I monitored Evie as the remaining debris of the house came into view. Watching the hope fall from her features was like watching the house burn down all over again, only in fast forward this time. The utter devastation the grief wrought over her delicate features was heartbreaking.
Keening wails rushed past her lips in haunting cries, and I worried that if there were other Rain operatives around she would be detected. I doubted Dad would have assumed that Evie would return; he would’ve expected Eth to have killed her. I also didn’t think he’d leave the house completely unattended, just in case.
Regardless, I had to get her out of there or she wouldn’t last the night. She was in no position to fight off another assault if it came and I wouldn’t be strong enough to save her. I doubted whether she’d even have the self-preservation to run again if it was necessary. We couldn’t move yet though; it was clear that she could barely stay upright, let alone walk.
“It’s my fault,” she whispered. “It’s all my fault.”
I wasn’t sure how she could believe that. She wasn’t the one who’d invited danger into her life; nor was she near her father when it happened. “I’m sorry,” I murmured.
“It’s my fault,” she said again. Then she began to ramble with a stream of words, switching rapidly between anger and sorrow. I wasn’t sure she was even fully aware of what she was saying. “It’s my fault. I’m so selfish. How could I be so selfish? I killed him. I killed my daddy. They did this. How could they do this? How could I let them? Oh god, how could this happen?”
She sobbed, and I longed to be able to do more to help her. I’d never felt so helpless.
Utterly helpless and absolutely responsible.
Evie’s tears subsided.
“It’s all my fault,” she whispered as she pressed her body against mine.
“It’s not,” I insisted as I guided her eyes back up to mine.
I couldn’t let her take the guilt onto herself when it had so little to do with her. She was being hunted for what she was, but her father had kept her safe for almost nineteen years. It was my influence in their lives that had tipped the balance in the Rain’s favor. That was what had led to his death.
My family had killed her father; it wasn’t quite my worst nightmare when I’d tried to find her, but it was close. It was exactly what I’d tried to warn her about when I’d told her to think about what being with me could bring.
It was my fault because I’d known this could be the result, and I’d pursued her anyway.
“This is your fault,” she whispered, suddenly turning on me, just like I deserved.
I released her from my arms as her words reached inside me and squeezed my heart with an icy grip. They were nothing but the unfettered truth.
“You . . . you killed him!” she screamed at me. “You took him from me!”
Unbidden tears sprung to my eyes. Hearing the blame from her mouth cemented the guilt I felt. Hardened the barriers around my heart.
“You did this to me!”
Her fists rained on my chest, and I took it all because I deserved it. I needed to feel pain for what I’d done to her. I’d inserted myself into her life without regard for the resulting damage, leaving fissures all around her. I should have known one of those small openings would crack apart eventually.
“You killed my Daddy! You stole him from me!”
Her fists warmed as her anger grew. Each punch she delivered echoed through my body and reverberated into my heart. I deserved the pain she forced onto me, and I accepted it all.
“I hate you!” she screamed.
I closed my ey
es as her words hit their target.
Her hatred, coming just hours after she’d first inadvertently revealed her love, was more painful than any of the physical blows she’d hit me with. I couldn’t stand the agony it wrought. I bit my lip to stop myself from begging her to take back the bitter words. She should hate me. It would make what I had to do next that much easier. Closing my eyes, I let my heart harden over so I could ensure she survived.
The only way we’d survive was to move away from the charred remains of her life in Charlotte before I broke down again too. I reached for her wrist, stopping her assault, and then guided her body against mine. She began to sob again as her face rested against my chest.
“We need to leave here,” I whispered against the top of her head. I wanted to take a more firm, authoritative tone, but I was beyond my ability as I dealt with the physical fallout of her hatred racing through my body and tearing me apart. “It’s not safe for you.”
I tried to guide her away from the horrific sight of the twisted and burned remnants of her life, but she stood firm. Unwilling to allow her to get herself killed on top of her father’s demise, I mustered up my strength and forced her to move.
“Just let me find you somewhere to stay for tonight. Then I’ll go.”
The truth was that I would only be endangering her life by staying any longer than necessary. I could see that clearer than I’d ever seen anything else in my life. Her father’s death had reminded me exactly how dangerous my world was to her.
As she let me led her away, Evie withdrew into her own mind. I recognized all the signs from the times Lou had done it over the years. I didn’t know whether Evie would be lost for a few hours or a few days, but regardless, she was not in any position to help herself.
I held her body close to mine as we walked through the streets, and I tried to find a motel or somewhere we could lie low for a few days.
The clerk at the check in desk of the motel looked down his nose at Evie’s appearance. I glanced over toward her and then tried to force my lips into a wry smile. The expression felt wrong on my face given everything we’d been through.
“We’ve been having one of those days today.” I forced a laugh even though it made me feel physically ill to do so. “Our car broke down, and then she tripped over and fell into the river. We’re really tired and just need to recover for a few days while the car’s in the shop.”
He looked over at her again, and as he did I slid enough cash to cover three days of accommodations to him. Nodding, he finished up the booking. As soon as I had the keycard, I guided Evie to the room and helped her through the door.
At first, I wondered whether she even realized that we were in a motel room and not still walking the darkened streets. It was clear she needed my help for a while longer, and I owed that to her. I couldn’t risk leaving her in order to return to my family yet, not while she was in such a state. I went in to the bathroom and started a shower for her, hoping that washing away the worst of the grime would at least help her a little.
I headed back to the motel bedroom and shook her shoulders lightly. “I’ve started a shower. It might make you feel better.”
Still pale and zombie-like, she nodded. As she moved toward the bathroom, she shed her clothes. I turned away from the sight of everything I’d been desperate to see for such a long time, feeling that it was an invasion of her privacy to be granted the privilege under such terrible circumstances.
Almost the instant she was in the bathroom, she started to sob again. In some ways, it was better than the silent zombie she’d become, but the sound set a renewed fire in the ashes of my heart. It confirmed I needed to go.
I walked to the door of the bathroom and rested my head and palm against it for a moment, wishing there was something more that I could do for her. If I could take it all back or swap my life for her father’s, I would’ve. I had no doubt that loss would’ve still caused her pain, but she barely knew me. Her recovery losing me would have come so much quicker.
How could she ever recover from losing her last remaining family?
After a minute, the sound of her pain grew to be too much for me to handle. I was a coward once more, and couldn’t endure facing the agony I’d forced on her.
As a means of distraction, I checked for tasks I could do to make things easier on her. She would need a fresh change of clothes when she finished her shower. She’d lost everything after all.
I left the motel room in search of a clothing store. With a little bit of cash to jog his memory, the clerk directed me to a Family Dollar store that was only a short walk from the motel. Even with the time it took to get there, I would be gone for no more than an hour. There was a risk that Evie would be finished long before then, but the risk was worth it to make her comfortable while she grieved. To give back just a small fraction of the things I’d cost her.
While I was at the store, I ran through a list of what she might need. I wasn’t used to shopping for a woman—would have preferred to have hot needles poked in my eyes than go anywhere near a clothing store with Lou. Pushing aside the thoughts and selfishness that threatened to drive me back out of the store before I’d finished my task, I grabbed a new backpack for Evie as well as a number of outfits. I had no idea what size she’d need, but I hoped I’d selected things that wouldn’t be massively too big or too small.
It was all so superficial compared to what she’d lost, but I hoped it would confirm for her that I did care. That I hadn’t wanted her or her father to get hurt, and that even though I’d known it was a possibility, the reality of it was so much worse than I’d ever imagined it could be.
By the time I returned to the motel, the room was quiet. For a moment I wondered whether Evie had redressed in her original clothes and left, but then I saw the muddy little piles on the floor. I packed everything I’d bought for her away into the backpack with the exception of a sleep shirt and underwear. It was her habit to have everything ready to leave at an instant’s notice—a habit that might have saved her father’s life if I’d followed it—and I was determined to make everything around her as familiar as I could so that she could focus on finding a way to move on from her loss to save her life.
I knocked on the bathroom door. When there was no answer, I pushed it open and walked through. My heart was in my throat as I wondered exactly what I’d find inside.
“Are you okay?” I asked the quiet room.
There was no answer besides the staggered intake of an indrawn breath taken with great effort.
“Evie?” My fingers twitched at my side as I waited for an answer, but it never came. “Evie, I’m going to open the curtain, okay?”
I didn’t want her to think I was taking any liberties, but I couldn’t have her getting sick on top of everything else.
When I drew back the shower curtain, I took in the heartbreaking sight Evie offered me. The strong girl I knew was gone, replaced by an utterly breakable innocent at the bottom of the shower.
Her legs were drawn in close to her body, and her arms were wrapped tightly around them. I pulled the towel from the rack and draped it across her body before leaning over to pick her up in my arms. She felt so light, so fragile, in my arms. As my hands brushed over the skin of her back and thighs, I was surprised to find her body was already almost dry. She must have been sitting on the floor of the shower for some time. Almost the instant she was in my arms, she nuzzled her face against my chest and began to cry again.
After carrying her to the bed, I sat with her on my lap, trying not to take advantage of her sorrow but also unable to look away from the perfection of her naked body. I brushed the hair off her face and offered her the sleep shirt I’d left out, which she mercifully slipped on.
The moment she was covered, she reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck, drawing me down to the bed with her. Knowing it was likely to be one of our last embraces, I allowed her to guide my body wherever she needed it. She folded around me, and I let her wrap herself in whatever way was
comfortable for her. My hand found the small of her back, and I rubbed small soothing circles against the skin there.
Her tears began again, and as I held her close to me, I let my grief and guilt take me too.
My bitter thoughts echoed through my mind. What a fucking pair we make.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
DURING THE NIGHT, I barely slept. Whenever I did manage to find unconsciousness, I was plagued with dreams about Evie’s body and smooth skin. Despite trying so hard to give her privacy, I’d inadvertently seen every part of her as I’d comforted her. While I’d slept, my mind wanted to relive every precious second of that vision.
In my waking moments, my stomach twisted as the knowledge of just how much of a predator I was ran through me. Evie was in mourning for her father, desperate and needful for nothing more than unwavering support, and yet I was unable to resist taking in the sight of the creamy skin I’d longed to see since we’d shared our first kiss. It wasn’t done intentionally, but the glimpses I’d had were instantly assembled into the memory banks of my libido.
When Evie woke in the morning, the first thing she did was attack me with sweet kisses. At first, I thought I was dreaming again, then, after I realized that it was real, the feel of her in my arms drove all thoughts of guilt and danger from my mind. Instead, I was filled to the brim with the visions that had been haunting me all night. In almost no time, my desire raged, and I flipped her over to take control and give her what she asked for—what she said she was desperate to take.
Once she was underneath me, I was afforded a closer, more prolonged look at her and could catalogue the ravages the day of fighting for survival and dealing with her grief had wrought over her. Her hair was knotted and wild, and her skin blotchy and red. The corners of her mouth dragged downwards as though they were now permanently weighted with grief.
Despite all those things that should have killed my desire, I was willing to push on until I met her eyes. Then I had to stop.
Besieged by Rain (Son of Rain #1) Page 11